I saw him for the 100th time today and he looked a 1000 times better than he looked when I laid my eyes on him and he couldn't have looked as wonderful as he did at that moment

Honestly I thought I was over him

Yes... It's still him

And I can't seem to get my mind out of the gutter he pulled me into

He touched my hand and every form of energy went through me in that passing moment and it felt like an eternity had passed since we last said hello
But it was only this afternoon as we sat waiting for that dreaded Geo exam paper

I couldn't help but look at his smile and think that he could be the reason I take my first breath every morning

I honestly thought I was over him but nah life never works out that way hey

I need a new addiction
Because the one I have now is killing me
And I know that it is inevitable but I couldn't help it
I couldn't help becoming a ******

We could've worked out me and you
Maybe in a different time or even a different place
All I know is that we could've worked out me and you
If you didn't represent the high school ****
And I the freshman wannabe
We could've brisked off into the sunset Or at least hid away from all the drama Even only for a day
We could've had it good
Afternoon picnics on a summer's day
Late night phone calls about the nightmare I just had
Laying on the grass Looking up at the stars Smoking cigarettes and listening to our favourite band
God. Why didn't we work out me and you
It would've been such a beautiful thing to watch

Sometimes I write poetry that even I myself do not understand
And I have to read it over and over again just to figure out what is written on the page
Sometimes it helps me figure out my true feelings
But most of the time I realise that it isn't me writing on the page
It is something deep inside
Something that I have been trying to **** with every lit cigarette And every bottle of ***** I could ever ingest
But just like everything in life
Karma is a *****
And Attempted ****** is still not ******

Why are things like Death and Love immortal.
When they are the ones that cause the most pain.

Do you know?
Every dream I dream is of choking the life out of your girlfriend.
If I ever see her alone in the street I will probably slap her in the face.
Do you know?
I have visions of slashing your face leaving you with a scar so deep just so I'm the only one who tells you you're beautiful and means it.
The scar I leave on your face is not nearly as deep as the mark engraved in my soul.
Do you know?
My diary is tired of feeling your name printed permanently with my tears.
Do you know?
You're the last person I think about before I sleep. Like your name is signed on the inside of my eyelids.
Do you know?
I'd walk up a thousand hills with just the hope that I would see you.
Do you know?
When I see you or even the mention of your name gets me all excited I have to count 143 just to calm myself down.
Do you know?
The effect that you have on me.
Is that why you break me down.
Is that why you give me false hope.
Act like I'm your Queen because you know that you are my Last Pharaoh.
You whisper me sweet dreams.
You make me fairytales.
Do you know?
I am oblivious to your manipulation because...
Do you know?
My heart is broken because you left and I...I am lost
Do you know?
She is doing cartwheels to the sound of my battered heart.
She has reversed her stroke in the pool of alcohol I have provided.
She is floating on the smoke of the cigarettes that have burnt my soul.
Do you know?
The last time I felt like this I was 14 and still a ******.
Do you know?!
It's you.
It's always been you.
And you broke my heart.
So here it is.
I don't need it anymore.
If it's not beating for you then why the hell does it still work.
Baby
Do you know?!
I am in love with you

Let me inject you with a metaphor
An euphemism of my life
The reality of the real world
I spew profanity
I smoke
I drink
I ****
I am such a bad person that people think I'm joking, because no one can be so cruel right? And that's the only reason I have friends

I think about heaven every now and then
But hell is like a brewery in my stomach
I ***** negativity
And allow my demon to control my thoughts
She is my only stability, my only sanity
My walk is the footsteps you hear in a horror movie
My legs are pin needles stuck out to pierce the side of everyone who gets close to me
My arms give guidance to the slaying of wrists and popping of pills
My heartbeat is the crack of a woman's rib in a broken home
My chest is the homepage of insecurity and doubt
My lips are the poison kiss of loneliness
My tongue tastes darkness covered in sparkling lies
My eyes are the pathway to her
I am her slave and I will do anything she asks of me
So please don't look into me Because she is constantly waiting for her next victim
Don't try to save me
You have no idea as to who I am

Hi
I'm Basbee
I have trapped a demon inside of me
She is cold and lonely
She's mean, rude and quite frankly a *****
Basically she's like me
Except she torments me from the inside
She has officially burnt a hole in my heart And all that's left is barely pumping blood
I am deoxygenated Because she keeps stealing every breath of fresh air I inhale
She has me mentally and emotionally ****** up So the only good part I had left was my physicality And she had to **** that up too
I have these scars More like tattoos, to remind me that I am mortal and one day I will leave this body and She will be free

I bet you're asking by now "Why don't you let her go?"

I can't
She is a part of me
And without her I would fall apart Because right now She's the reason I'm trying to paint a picture of myself To remember who I was when I was young
Because right now She's the reason that I believe in a God
I am a dark twisted fairytale
And I know how my story ends
She will eventually break out of the haunted prison she lives in And leave me warden to my own shadow

It isn't the one night that hurt
It's the lie that you told every night after

He calls me for no reason, just to hear my voice
He likes me, a lot
He's accepted my flaws
And understands that I have no motivation whatsoever
He has this weird obsession with my ****
He's kinda too perfect for me
But that's okay, because we're compatible
We're totally meant to be

I hope

Don't tell me about bad habits
Because you're the bad habit I could've lived without
Don't act like you know me
Because after all this time I still wish I never knew you
Don't tell me about the future I could've had with you
Because our past saw no future

This toxic relationship that we had filled my body with the lava of liquid waste
Blood
And now, I feel like I am suffocated
With the fumes of your polluted mindset of us
When in reality its
Me and You
Separated by only one word
Present

Like twins or an untitled man
Our relationship was an abomination to the gods
A curse to the earth and all that was us, was doomed
My gullibility, was my downfall-like the people of Babylon
Who were selfish and wanted pride-I cut my own wounds and poured coarse salt into them
I still have to wet a cloth with burning spirits
And hide these scars and painful bruises
Because even though you never touched me(which is what i really wanted)
I feel like people can see through me

This toxic relationship that we had made the green-eyed monster real inside of me
And now
I will live my life thinking that there is nothing truthful about being a man
When in reality, it was you
Me, I didn't choose the right man

Thinking that you were my:Even in the rain I would hold the umbrella for you babe
When in reality you were my:Shut up *****, I told you I'm sorry

Like an ancient sarcophagus
You were the shape of callousness
With an outer beauty of humanity
And you showed me confidence
Built my self-esteem
But like Rudy said:When confidence hits the ground it echoes, like sin in a room full of God

But a God I did not know
You were my one true deity
I felt like I was in a paradise
A place called heaven
And to me, hell was just a rumour
But all the time you were here
I didn't realise that every night
I slept beside the devil

Would it be right to say
I miss who I thought you were
Or more accurate to state that
I never knew you

Baby
         Is it too soon to make you mine
*Forever

I vowed to love you like you were leaving, everyday.

Romeo
We met unexpectedly
On purpose
(By God's grace)
I knew it was fate
Because it started raining
Showers of blessings right?
That's what I thought
What can I say
I've become a hopeless romantic

He told me that I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen
And I believed him
Because he said it with the most honest brown eyes

He told me that he'd miss me when I'm gone
5 minutes into our conversation
And I whispered:"Too soon baby"

That day was the epitome of perfect
Because I met
The kindest, sweetest, most caring guy

He is honorable
Noble, like Elijah Mikhealson, from The Originals

**He is the man, that people spend their lives searching for
And he found me
In a boxed shape superstore
On a rainy Monday evening

You are my friend
You are a part of me
You understand me in ways other people can't
You are a part of my joy
You are so funny
You are caring
And so lovable
You are my Portugues King
You will always occupy a special place in my heart

You have this deep voice that I can't seem to get over
And I somehow don't understand you over the phone
But when you say 'yes' it drives me crazy
Just the sound of you keeps me sane

We may have our arguments and we disagree on a lot of things
But we do have one thing in common
We crazy *******!

You my *****
I know I can always count on you

You are my nightshift fetish
And I've replaced my addiction to smoking with my addiction to you
Coz you are my daily fix

I will love you till death

Whatever I did to make you hate me
I apologise
I thought that it would be ok if we were just friends
And I appreciate it when you honest with me and ****
But I live my life and I learn from my mistakes

One thing I don't do is judge people
Or badmouth them in anyway

We're all human
So don't walk around here acting like you **** glitter and **** unicorn tears...

Wake me up
If you see me fall
Don't you let me go
Coz my heart is made of gold

And I'm screaming
Can you hear me
Baby
You are the one

Created a new account because I forgot the password to my previous one.
I'm back.
Kaybelou Basbee Dow...♥