You weren't supposed to leave
"Annie, you know I'll always be there"

You weren't supposed to leave
"Annie, you know I'll always care"

You weren't supposed to lie
"Annie, you know me best"

You weren't supposed to lie
"Annie, I love you to death"

You were my constant
You'd never left my side.
You were my constant
In that, I took much pride.
You were my constant
I'm all broken up inside.

You weren't supposed to leave
"Annie, what we have will never end"

You weren't supposed to lie
"Autumn, you're my very best friend"

Trying to escape addiction- something I think I understand
I write this with ashes on my pants and a cigarette in my hand

This man had me burning myself- feeling like a maniac
And yes there’s been a return of the panic attacks

I guess I gotta stop investing in people
And making promises- it’s too hard to keep them

His hands fit mine
As though they were made to
His heart pounds rhythmically
Making it my favorite song

His voice is a calming melody
Opening my eyes to see
Everything that we could be

His laughter heals me
As though he is medicine
His aching kills me
Bringing me to my knees

His words are a smooth chatter
Saving me right after
It seems my world has shattered

His feet I trust to guide me
When my eyes can't see
His arms always heat me
While everyone else is freezing

His eyes go wandering
Over my hands he is holding
Showing he'll always be loving

Many

Hearts

Are

Easily

Broken

When the nights wind down
I wanna **** myself

I hate it
Because the harder I try
I can’t feel myself

Sittin and sippin
Steadily losing his interest

And I wanna die
But that’s none of his business

You can’t tell them you’re falling
Just to hear your name
In their whispers

Suffer in silence
Just like I do, myself

Self-inflict
Heavy violence
Just like I do, myself

Sometimes I think of you
And my chest gets all tight
And my heart feels heavy
And my mouth gets dry
And I get the worst headache
And I miss you more than anything

But then he texts me...
And suddenly
I don't even
Remember your name.

And all the pain
Just seems to *fade away

I thought I was in love with you

Turns out I was only a fool


So I took a fall from Grace
Landed flat on my face
Left struggling to find my place

But that's okay; I can play too

It's just a game, and I'm feeling cool

I only have as much energy

As these flames will allow me

And soon all that shall remain

Will be dull ashes in my place

What are these words
Coming from my pen
Oh, right. They're honesty
I love you again

Sweet, deep breaths
Arms and legs intertwined

Laying  in awe of you

Fingertips on your chest
Hearts beating in sync

Simply amazed by you

Let’s stay here

We can be together

Let’s stay here

My life is yours forever

Prayers keep me sane
Praying calms the pain

What a blessing are you

My time is spent
watching all color drip
and drain..
Leaving only gray..

..lifeless is my everyday..

It's danger
So tempting

A stranger
Still willing

So open
Enclosing

So weak
Imposing

Just words
Life altering

Only letters
Heart-changing

Though scripted
Flow free

Never ending
Finally

Lately
I’ve been scared of what’s intimate

A little paranoid
Noticing love never seems to be infinite

I’m dodging questions
This guilt can’t answer ****

And I’m binging
Meanwhile, I’m saying I should quit

Never again
Will I taste innocence

i know you didn't mean for it to happen
i know you didn't start it
but you reacted
and really, i'm not mad
not angry at you at all
baby, i love you no matter what
we'll work through anything
but it hurts
it hurts worse than almost anything else
and i know you regret it
i know you wish you could go back in time
and change what happened
but you can't, and neither can i
and we both know she wouldn't if she could
no, you're not like my ex
you're not an adulterer
but baby, this pain that this has caused
is terribly agonizing for me
sure, there was no ***
but there was a shared intimacy
sure, there was only a short instant of it
but you reacted as though it were alright
i know you hate it more than anything you've ever done
but still, it's hard for me to open my eyes
yes, i cried myself to sleep last night
i say things are gonna stay the same
but honestly, this is harder than i thought
i don't know what to do
but i promise i'm not leaving you
and though this hurts,
i'll still believe in you
but, truthfully, my trust is slightly frayed
on god, i wish i could erase yesterday

...

I wish I could lay with you and hold you tight

.......

Then maybe things would feel alright

...

For us it wasn't chemistry
It was personality
It was our mentality
How we view what we see

We worked like a melody
A sweet silent symphony
Words no one else could see
Broken in prosperity

Thriving on the rarity
Of words said not genuinely
And smoking the same mary
But getting high differently

Living life in mystery
But all in security
Without a single worry
Maybe you were made for me

Hours* fly by in minutes
While they *drag on for days

You're standing beside me
But I know you're miles away

My head won't stop spinning
As I search for the words to say..

*..And I need you here with me
But you've already gone away..

On cloud 9
I leave my troubles far behind

I can't feel your gentle touch
I don't hear your **** voice
I can't taste your sweet kiss
I don't miss your presence

All of you
That remains
*Is the dull ache in my chest
And the confusion in my brain

I'm going to take you to another kind of place,
But, honey, you have to make sure you're ready.
I can promise highs without needing to take hits,
But you'll have to hold on tight because **** gets heavy

I know that things won't always be steady
Your shoulders may sometimes carry additional weight..
I'm unaware if you're used to that already

While I confess it has a certain type of mystique,
My story has been extreme; the loads have been hefty.
The waves of life that I get to ride are an enigma..
Will you be able to cope with it when **** gets heavy?

Those lines separating right from wrong get a bit blurry..
Will you be in over your head when things escalate?
Don't come if you're afraid of this getting messy..

You'll be given a crash-course in why I constantly stress.
The few that pass are the few that impress me.
The reward is a loyalty that has yet to fail
So don't lose your breath or fall to panic; **** gets heavy

I'm not here for your Prince Charming
I'm not here for your Romeo
I'm here for the troubled mind
Young spirit worn by an old soul
Cherish the rarity,
Respect the words as they flow

I don't want your Prince Charming
Disrespect to your Romeo
I want one with a stronger spine
Young spirit worn by an old soul
Rare Is The Type
Broken heart plated in gold

*Yes, Rare Is The Type,
Young Spirit Worn By An Old Soul

You know this is for you, but I'll allow you to remain nameless
It may not even matter; you may not even read this
You probably won't because you're selfish and you're shameless
It's upon you that I'm forced to blame this
I don't know if I care enough to even post this
You know what? This is a write that I won't even finish
You've never cared about me; you don't even deserve the effort of this diss

I felt these vibes
The special kind
Aided my high
And blew my mind
Pausing time
Evolving tribes
An uphill climb
And rocky ride

What were the words you told me
That first made me want to be with you?
You said "I know you've been hurt
But, Autumn, I've been hurt too.."

I’m tired of writing of depression
But the losses keep coming in succession

I’d love to pen the beauty I see
Yet I mostly feel misery inside me

I’m sorry I’m sad
I’m sorry I’m glad

I wish I could change

But
For now
My heart remains the same