You weren't supposed to leave
"Annie, you know I'll always be there"

You weren't supposed to leave
"Annie, you know I'll always care"

You weren't supposed to lie
"Annie, you know me best"

You weren't supposed to lie
"Annie, I love you to death"

You were my constant
You'd never left my side.
You were my constant
In that, I took much pride.
You were my constant
I'm all broken up inside.

You weren't supposed to leave
"Annie, what we have will never end"

You weren't supposed to lie
"Autumn, you're my very best friend"

Sit me down
Tell me how
Terrible I've been

Lock me down
Crowd around
Show me how to change

Call the doctors
Get the pastors
Exercise this place


*but remember to ignore the fact
That I'm not insane
Treat me like a child
Criticize my brain
Open up the flood gates
And let me be enraged
All you've done is hurt me
You know I'll never change

Sometimes I think of you
And my chest gets all tight
And my heart feels heavy
And my mouth gets dry
And I get the worst headache
And I miss you more than anything

But then he texts me...
And suddenly
I don't even
Remember your name.

And all the pain
Just seems to *fade away

sit in your corner
pout to yourself
that's all you ever do anyway

stare out the window
talk to yourself
that's all you can do anyway

write on your notepad
think to yourself
that's all you'll ever do anyway

sleep alone at night
dream by yourself
that's all you want to do anyway

I'm going to take you to another kind of place,
But, honey, you have to make sure you're ready.
I can promise highs without needing to take hits,
But you'll have to hold on tight because **** gets heavy

I know that things won't always be steady
Your shoulders may sometimes carry additional weight..
I'm unaware if you're used to that already

While I confess it has a certain type of mystique,
My story has been extreme; the loads have been hefty.
The waves of life that I get to ride are an enigma..
Will you be able to cope with it when **** gets heavy?

Those lines separating right from wrong get a bit blurry..
Will you be in over your head when things escalate?
Don't come if you're afraid of this getting messy..

You'll be given a crash-course in why I constantly stress.
The few that pass are the few that impress me.
The reward is a loyalty that has yet to fail
So don't lose your breath or fall to panic; **** gets heavy

When did dating become a game?
And get so trashed?
Now all we think about is
"Hey, look at dat ***!"

People aren't special anymore
Legs are like open doors
We go from one to another
Wonder why we haven't found the right lover?

"The evil men do lives after them"

"And heaven wept for the sins of her children"

"Hope you're heaven sent and hell proof"

I want you
I want more
I want it all
I want your everything
I want it now
I want you

Lately
I’ve been scared of what’s intimate

A little paranoid
Noticing love never seems to be infinite

I’m dodging questions
This guilt can’t answer ****

And I’m binging
Meanwhile, I’m saying I should quit

Never again
Will I taste innocence

I’m tired of writing of depression
But the losses keep coming in succession

I’d love to pen the beauty I see
Yet I mostly feel misery inside me

I’m sorry I’m sad
I’m sorry I’m glad

I wish I could change

But
For now
My heart remains the same

Eyes wide shut in a poppy seed slump
Slow motion moves my blood as it pumps
Cold and coping with pale powder bumps
I find my crutch in a poppy seed slump

Dumb and numb, opioid ****
Laying limp in a rut


*** on the run, opioid rust
Praying lips of a mut


Dumb and numb, opioid rust

Cheap opioid ****

His hands fit mine
As though they were made to
His heart pounds rhythmically
Making it my favorite song

His voice is a calming melody
Opening my eyes to see
Everything that we could be

His laughter heals me
As though he is medicine
His aching kills me
Bringing me to my knees

His words are a smooth chatter
Saving me right after
It seems my world has shattered

His feet I trust to guide me
When my eyes can't see
His arms always heat me
While everyone else is freezing

His eyes go wandering
Over my hands he is holding
Showing he'll always be loving

If I left..
I disappeared..
And I never came near..
.......
I doubt you'd even notice.

They say the pain is all mental
But I feel a sting in my temples..

Yes,
Babe,
You broke me.

Yes,
Babe,
I’m lonely.

But, no,
You can’t own me.

They say that it’s simple
...
But I think I’m crippled

I only have as much energy

As these flames will allow me

And soon all that shall remain

Will be dull ashes in my place

Everyday I fight the urge to burn myself
Because I know it works
I know it helps

You know this is for you, but I'll allow you to remain nameless
It may not even matter; you may not even read this
You probably won't because you're selfish and you're shameless
It's upon you that I'm forced to blame this
I don't know if I care enough to even post this
You know what? This is a write that I won't even finish
You've never cared about me; you don't even deserve the effort of this diss

I felt these vibes
The special kind
Aided my high
And blew my mind
Pausing time
Evolving tribes
An uphill climb
And rocky ride

It's danger
So tempting

A stranger
Still willing

So open
Enclosing

So weak
Imposing

Just words
Life altering

Only letters
Heart-changing

Though scripted
Flow free

Never ending
Finally

Hours* fly by in minutes
While they *drag on for days

You're standing beside me
But I know you're miles away

My head won't stop spinning
As I search for the words to say..

*..And I need you here with me
But you've already gone away..

Still.
I cannot make you feel.

Still.
I cannot make you real.

And as I sit in the silence and stare
It seems I no longer feel you there
And I know that you’ll never care

But I can’t keep lying...

Within this write, there are things I want to share.
More effectively, I want to express my ideas on things- both good and unfair.
Furthermore, this is for me; I'm not writing in hopes that you care.

It's so filled with miscommunication; if you think so, I don't believe malevolence was the aim
No ****** needed; we weren't meant to be more- this is recent knowledge I've come to gain
We were galaxies- within both of us are constellations we're given the responsibility to contain

Both of us seem electric and maybe that's why it had to be emotional warfare
Or perhaps the currents burned us out and now we're emotionally impaired

A temporary Romeo whose mind manufactures illusions of a ride to imminent fame
Met this Juliet whose spirit had aged and set goals of recognition to obtain
Each tortured artistically, with the unpleasant disposition to over-explain

Somehow, despite the floods of words, coherent expressions were rare
You felt unnecessarily taxed while I felt time with you costed me a steep fare
I'm intimately drained after all the internal details I was pressured to share

Ideas of romantic success were forced by naivety to be entertained
Unhealthily encouraged by all the tiny kisses hesitantly exchanged

Journey by my side to where lust dwells- my innocence used to live there
The angels we once were have been tainted by wasted passions we declared
Leaving us merciless, as ours were never the sensitivities to be spared

There was no shortage of moments in which I doubted any of it was sane
With this write, I hope to prevent the ride from being taken in vain
In this write, I hope at least a few of my conflicted thoughts are made plain..

...

I wish I could lay with you and hold you tight

.......

Then maybe things would feel alright

...

I'm not here for your Prince Charming
I'm not here for your Romeo
I'm here for the troubled mind
Young spirit worn by an old soul
Cherish the rarity,
Respect the words as they flow

I don't want your Prince Charming
Disrespect to your Romeo
I want one with a stronger spine
Young spirit worn by an old soul
Rare Is The Type
Broken heart plated in gold

*Yes, Rare Is The Type,
Young Spirit Worn By An Old Soul

i know you didn't mean for it to happen
i know you didn't start it
but you reacted
and really, i'm not mad
not angry at you at all
baby, i love you no matter what
we'll work through anything
but it hurts
it hurts worse than almost anything else
and i know you regret it
i know you wish you could go back in time
and change what happened
but you can't, and neither can i
and we both know she wouldn't if she could
no, you're not like my ex
you're not an adulterer
but baby, this pain that this has caused
is terribly agonizing for me
sure, there was no ***
but there was a shared intimacy
sure, there was only a short instant of it
but you reacted as though it were alright
i know you hate it more than anything you've ever done
but still, it's hard for me to open my eyes
yes, i cried myself to sleep last night
i say things are gonna stay the same
but honestly, this is harder than i thought
i don't know what to do
but i promise i'm not leaving you
and though this hurts,
i'll still believe in you
but, truthfully, my trust is slightly frayed
on god, i wish i could erase yesterday