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536 · Jul 2014
Grief
The Black Raven Jul 2014
I went to visit a friend today
but thats obviously nothing new,
i saw her home, cold and wet
and around it, briars grew

i walked towards it hand on my mouth
the rain just started to fall,
but i didn’t cry out, not a word to spare
feeling oblivious and really quite small

i saw her in the flowers thats grew
in the sun and in the trees,
her laughter whistling through the wind
that old soft summer breeze

I imagined her smile, that warm touching voice
or the way her brain seemed cuttered,
her touching heart, her beautiful soul
the way my heart had fluttered

i didn’t want to forget, that angel face
or the way her clothes had smelled
her comforting touch, her helping hand
the secrets her eyes had withheld

As i sat next to her new home
‘Abigail-grace, with love-
devoted daughter, mother and wife’
i clenched my jaw, let out a long breath
feeing old in this half life

I talked for a while, not sure how long
telling her about my day
the flowers i left were bright and fresh
as new clouds had begun to grey

I cried hard that night alone on my bed,
but thats obviously nothing new,
my home now feeling old and wet,
and around my heart clawing briars grew.
487 · Jul 2014
Lost
The Black Raven Jul 2014
Dancing with the devil in the shadows
calm, corner of my eye, be still!
reek your havoc elsewhere,
for my warmth flickers at your touch.
I must ***** it out before it grows.
The smoke erupting is enough to put
me to sleep, with tendrils from which
I will never be free.
My heart is beating faster, like the ticking
of an old grandfather clock.
Silence is distant, but the shadows still surround me,
reek your havoc elsewhere spirit, I beg you!
no man chooses evil, the good he seeks
lies at a distance. But now my eyes are bending forward,
the moons somber rays not enough to keep me.
And here i lay, my head in the heavens, and
when i meet the catcher with his old weathered hands
i shall say 'come greet me sir’
and only then we shall both be free.
470 · Aug 2014
My flaw
The Black Raven Aug 2014
Tightening, breathing
my heart still healing
shaking and hurting
subconscious flirting
lips crushing
violent blushing
knees weak
tears leak
roller coaster ride
emotional suicide
i want you more
my fatal flaw
458 · Jul 2014
Tabula Rasa
The Black Raven Jul 2014
I walk towards the light, the darkness cutting off both sections of the house, this section as if a corridor from one life to another is obscured, it only partly touches, caresses, the orange skin folds of the chair. The smell of a faint dinner, laughing, arguing across the table hangs like a cloud in the room which only moments before was bustling with life and soft eye rolling glances. But all of that is gone now turned off with the flick of a switch. I walk towards the light which is open and safe, walking faster i can see it glistening and glowing and bursting into a million suns scattered upon the light blue walls, as though i am god seeing the beginning of creation for the first time. My ball of light flicking, touching everything that it comes into contact with, lighting up the darkness that was ever so slowly creeping in, poisoning the world with its shadows. This dream like state keeps me sane. The numbness usually encloses any spark of light that might touch my world. But some memories were so filled with clarity at times i swore they were real, and maybe they were, once. I liked to think so, that in this dark world that was so intent on constricting and confining there was once some good. I slipped back into my vidid imagination, the black pit. Intentionally switched off and entered back into my thoughts, hopes and dreams with the last crack of reality sealing itself up behind me, and i smiled.
437 · Jul 2014
Her dangerous beauty
The Black Raven Jul 2014
I resurface, breaking through the barrier of the microcosm with the reality of the above world streaming in already, filled with noises and bustle. I swim away from it, further and further i swim, far away from the humdrum colossal of human touch. I put my snorkel back on, and consume myself once more in the underwater world, its bright colours and unending life intriguing me as my head darts left and right, trying to take in as much as i can, see as much as i can. Minuets turns into hours, my skin starting to shrivel, time seeming at a stand still while my body tells me it’s time to reel it in, and slide back into reality. The wind was picking up at this point, the waves starting to crash over my exposed head as i tried desperately to dive under to avoid the currents. I told myself five more minuets, i had five minuets to enjoy the last looks at this world and then i would go back. I looked sadly at this world i could never truly be apart of, loving the feel of this noise of silence. I look around at each fish,  unconcerned by my presence they continue their search for food or shelter their colours astounding me with their brightness and for a second i am disorientated by so much beauty and perfection in one small reef. I look up as another huge wave crashes down, taking my body unwillingly with it, at this point any snorkeler knows its time to go. I flip up and dive down to the coral reefs arch as i swim through and notice a lack of life around the entire reef that moments before were bustling. I have enough breath at this point to look up and see the waves above swirling and breaking above me, the ocean looking dangerously calm from my perspective. I swam quickly through the cave-like entrance away from this utopia and suddenly my entire body is slammed down and then with the last of my breath escaping i was pulled upwards with an angry blow, forcing my entire body into the top part of this coral cave. My head exploded in pain as my flipper was ripped off my foot and panicking i tilted my head backwards into the reef which now seemed angry and bothered by my long stay as an observer. Disoriented i float, out of breath, my lungs screaming for air, the snorkel nothing now but an obstruction between myself and the surface. With my one flipper i push one powerful stroke out of the corals grasp, my head pounding, my arms aching and my one leg working hard to push me to the surface. The oceans watery tendrils pulling me, begging me to let go and stay with her in this parallel world of colour and white noise. She is so convincing, her sweet song entangled my already lifeless body, as if she needs to take away the cage, it is my soul she wants. The oceans tides crash for the last time down onto the warm sand while shadows from search parties lean forward stretching, yawning, almost touching me. But i am lost, forever confined to my watery prison, the water consumes everything in its path, before its shadows fully enclose what is.
429 · Jan 2016
Clear vision
The Black Raven Jan 2016
And she sat alone
In some filthy bar,
surrounded with smoke covered dreams,
Sweaty men
And bottomless drinks.
Aching for what she had lost,
All the time
wondering
if she was pretty enough
or smart enough-
And while she sat
she realized
That no one ever was,
and no one ever could be.
425 · Sep 2014
Intoxicate me
The Black Raven Sep 2014
Just lay with me
And let me tenderly
Squeeze out your pain.

Let the feeling of my body
Cradled next to yours
**** up your hurt.

My lips pressed to yours
Make me moan slightly
Soaking up your poison.

So just lay with me.

Intoxicate me.

Draw me in.

With your darkness.
420 · May 2016
Halo cloud thoughts
The Black Raven May 2016
numbed cracked hands
stretch through achy hearts
with cherry red stains
and thickening scars

grey clouded halos
above ripening heads
cattle crowds march
with eyes that are dead

bedded warm blankets
all useless in sound
with harbouring thoughts
strategically bound

so here I curl crumbled
like rocks into sand
and time slowly runs
like tears through my hands
419 · Jun 2015
Untitled
The Black Raven Jun 2015
writers block;
sometimes pain
can’t be written.
416 · Jul 2014
Boy of War
The Black Raven Jul 2014
I grew up in a small home town
with green hills and widespread plains
a child of sorts, not yet eighteen,
country blood ran through my veins.
My sister would sit down by the creek
with jars and nets to fish
tadpoles  would scatter, i stood guard,
squander, squirm, squish.

My mother baked all day and night
her apron, greasy and worn
she made me learn her secret tricks,
to make sweet breads and corn
My granddad liked to take me out,
teach me things a man should know
the gun had clicked, my tears came out
Reload, click, blow. 

My brother on the other hand
Had fists that were fast and mean
He would lighten his step and slyly smile
his body muscular, tall and lean
When they came for us i saw the fire
blazing furiously atop my favourite hill 
the guns were loud, the screams were worse
Reload, click, ****.

Defense was key, the men had gathered
i was thrown a gun and called ‘man'
my dad had nodded, my grandfather argued
this wasn’t part of the plan.
I wasn’t ready for that first fight,
not something a boy should have known
like tadpoles everyone had scattered
cold, wet, alone. 

When i saw his face i remembered that time
my mother and taught me to cook,
my brothers fists, my sisters nets,
that small, cold, trickling brook,
my grandfathers words, his steady hands
which had wiped my tears away
i knew his job, i knew his thoughts 
Bow, sniffle, pray 

But the reload i noticed didn’t come, 
there was no deafening noise
the gun stood still, his face looked scared
like me, these were only boys.
I won’t forget the way he had starred,
or the way his gun fell down, 
this child of war, this filthy face
stare, blink, frown.

He had grasped my hand, and pulled me up
leaning me on his shoulder, 
had taken me to cover, saluted one hand 
He had looked a hundred years older.
Battle had raged, that night long ago,
my medals polished and won,
but i shan’t forget that man of war
brother, sister, son.
415 · Feb 2016
12am
The Black Raven Feb 2016
Midnight madness runs across his skin,
and glides deep within his veins as
twilight eyes watch from afar,
hollowing him from the inside out.
378 · Sep 2015
Breakups
The Black Raven Sep 2015
Wide-eyed girl

heart in full flight

eyes like tracers

reddened with night

then found myself

tangled in green

unable to escape

stuck in-between

weighed with longing

heart set in stone

wolf wanders closer

through grass overgrown

promising forever

begging to let go

holding my gaze

is he friend

or is he foe
The Black Raven May 2016
"see you around..."
The last words I spoke to you,
and I saw that look in your eyes
when you looked at me
A sad smile, a sad look,
like you were Tod
and I was Widow Tweed
A bonnie and clyde
dismantled by
something as simple
as a heartache.

And in that moment,
I felt our connection fray,
and I was no longer
grasping at threads,
trying to keep us together
like I said I always would.

I'm sorry I broke that promise,
but you broke a hundred of yours first.

I turned away away,
trying to keep myself together
Still, my heart resisted,
and I compromised,
glancing to where you were
only to see empty space.
353 · Jul 2014
The Catcher
The Black Raven Jul 2014
Night, At Night i sit.

She turns in the bed and sleeps all expression in her soft face gone, 
the storm brews in the distance, dream catchers rustle in the breeze.
Memories of a distant hotel bar burn in my mind.
Drinks, soft plush velvet in which feet sank, the smell of perfume.
 A silent tear falls down my cheek, the floorboards don't creek, only the dream catchers watchful hands stand protectively against the window closest to her.
The soft feathers almost brush her face, as if standing guard over the demons that often escape leaving her in a sweating nightmare.

Night, at Night i stand.

The rocking chair falls forwards and catching itself slides back into reality, the cot now takes place of the corner as fatherhood now takes mine.
The dream catchers sigh can be heard now guarding the little precious package fast asleep in a colourful world.

Night, at Night i pace,

waiting for the car lights signaling the package has returned to the sender.
My words are nothing but suddenly seem to spill over into the room in black and white, i bow my head and she still sleeps, unaware of my silent suffering.
The catcher now working it's magic.

Night, at Night i sleep.

She turns to face me and in that moment we both know.
I smile which catches her off guard.
I clasp her aged wrinkled hands and whisper words of a distant hotel bar and drinks leading us through this life.
I know the dream catchers eye watches over me now, we both lay there, contented, and as we parted from this world i saw the hands of the catcher.
His face old and weathered. He offered us his hands, and pulled us gently into the rocking lullaby of his world.
350 · Apr 2016
Untitled
The Black Raven Apr 2016
And finally
she began to breathe.
And live.
In every moment.
In every place.
Trying to find a path
where goodbyes
were hard to come by.
And suddenly,
I was in love with life,
for the first time
in a long time
everything
was inspired.
348 · Aug 2015
untitled
The Black Raven Aug 2015
I felt death wandering in my brain
Marching to a small hand drum,
As melancholy people crowd  
Beating till my mind was numb.
And in its very grip I was
A state of mindless, echoing pain
A Solitary hum of clouds
With nothing left to give or gain.
Rain was crashing in my eyes
And hope was hard to find
Hard knot ties were losing grip
And fate was dark disguise,
And within this struggle a feeling of
Being rushed towards the ground,
Without anyone to catch your fall
Or to hear you make a sound.
Love and loss come hand in hand
And Sometimes it's hard to see,
Why someone would put so much faith
In a person like me.
326 · Nov 2015
Hole
The Black Raven Nov 2015
The hole in my chest is condemned.
Not only by my hand but the hands of others who place loose bandaids over the hole they've left.  
together they all lay,
carelessly placed across this cavern of darkness,
Some placed taught, but weakened over time by none other the pitter patter of my heart beat.
I am my own worst enemy.
My thoughts wearing down the strung mesh placed over the open wound, and as I watch the bandaid wither away, I try and convince myself it'll heal better in the open air.
314 · Jul 2014
Beauty of a laugh
The Black Raven Jul 2014
The best kind of laugh is one that
is unexpected and, like love,
starts with a trickled and gains momentum.
cradle that laugh, and help it become something
more extraordinary, beyond words, just with a look
and while you can’t breathe
and yet it’s not panic you feel,
but a lovely warmth and fondness for the old friend
who has strayed from your broken heart for so long.
You’re glad he’s back, and indeed you can’t wipe the
smile from spreading across your face for the remainder
of the evening.
305 · Jul 2014
You and Me
The Black Raven Jul 2014
you were you
and I was me
we were friends
and would always be
and then I was yours
before I knew
that you would always
been mine too
300 · Aug 2014
For me
The Black Raven Aug 2014
i’m an addict because he told me so,
confined me enough so i couldn’t grow
shut out my light, my family and friends
it’s way too late for apology and amends

i’m not beautiful because he told me so,
and alone i sat, because i didn’t know
that his words affected me, cut to my soul
he dug out my heart and left a giant hole.

i’m not funny because he told me so,
my quirks were stupid, he would know
and no smile cracked, no lips touched
so why to this man did i desperately clutch?

Because i am an addict, but an addict for life
slowly excavating his cavernous knife.
because i am beautiful, in my own sort of way,
he will not be the sun on my rainy day.
Because i am funny, and quirky and weird and
i love myself most and for that i am revered.

Never again will he effect me so much
i will never miss his cold hardened touch
or his blank face and cruel, ugly heart
and i swear he will never more, tare me apart.
298 · Sep 2014
Pinch
The Black Raven Sep 2014
I’m in a dream
could this be real?
close your eyes
let the darkness
seep into your lids,
now open them slowly.
Is it still the same?
yes
pinch your arm harshly
hold onto the skin
for a little longer that necessary.
Is it still the same?
yes
Then it must be real.
But i still can’t help feeling that
I’m in a dream.
286 · Jul 2014
We are
The Black Raven Jul 2014
We are running.
Hearts beating faster, sweat running down my forehead, your hand and the moon my guide.
We are strange.
Why don’t we mould patterns, movements and air with our lips and words. Together we are unpredictable and everything and anything seems possible.
We are destructive.
Lost aimlessly wandering, swept away under this drug. Drunk off your sent and the way your eyes stare into mine.
We are addicted.
Our breath is our muse, touching nature and praying for something beautiful. Two half's of a whole, cliched but true.
We are extraordinary.
And it could all end, as it began, with a metaphor and some words.
But, we are terminal.
For now at least let me stay here, and wonder if we could control waves or the moon. Take my hand, and we can.
We are running.
273 · Jul 2014
Beauty of a Laugh
The Black Raven Jul 2014
The best kind of laugh is one that
is unexpected and, like love,
starts with a trickled and gains momentum.
cradle that laugh, and help it become something
more extraordinary, beyond words, just with a look
and while you can’t breathe
and yet it’s not panic you feel,
but a lovely warmth and fondness for the old friend
who has strayed from your broken heart for so long.
You’re glad he’s back, and indeed you can’t wipe the
smile from spreading across your face for the remainder
of the evening.
Laughter Love Friendship Important Life Broken
273 · Jul 2014
Small
The Black Raven Jul 2014
Everyone feels like they don’t belong,
Sometimes.
But you do.
Even though the pain feels all too real,
You belong, and you will lean and you will heal.
251 · Aug 2014
Untitled
The Black Raven Aug 2014
The greatest gift that i can give,
is my mind and my pen.
242 · Jul 2014
It
The Black Raven Jul 2014
It
A never ending pool of life, things erupt burning into the darkness, a fireball in the black hole.
It lights up the sky, daytime.
Always wandering, searching for the other half. You feel helpless, something's missing.
Then one day, like a light had suddenly been turned on you find it. 
That light burning into the darkness, illuminated by your own imagination.
you forget meaningless experiences
You realize you have everything to loose now.
The more you gain, the harder it is to part with.
Life Love Finding Forgetting Gaining Parting

— The End —