You are like ice but I don’t have enough fire to melt you

She asks if I want to play a game
So i give her my blade
Since it's the only game i know
Sinking my sorrow in stinging skin
See how far i can cut without
Stars striking me out of reality

before you i thought love and lost was the same

As I wake
I mistake the sirens as my name
The wail telling me to come
That I’ve got lost again and I need to follow them home
Home as in the straight jacket hospital
Home as in you belong here
Home as in basically GSA
Your mind is the only sharp thing in sight
And the rope once noose tying you down

I knew what I was getting into
My mom knew too
She didn’t ask if I was willing to go
just assumed
So here I am again
The ER room
What did I expect
A welcome home
I saw her face
She was fine
Her wrists were sealed unlike mine

These four walls don't fit my baggage
I show up to the house a trademark of my home on their porch
Hoping that this means it will be something like it
I am wrong
Instead of making the inmates feel welcome they're trapped
The woman opens her door and she is smiling
I don't know if she'd be smiling if I were black if I were a refugee
if I had my sexuality printed on my forehead ready for her to judge
But I smile back
Does this mean I'm accepting what she assumes of me
Behind her is a girl
Her mind closed off from the world her mother with the key
Homeschooled  to protect her from *** Ed and other awful things
I realize this is where I will have to sleep
We talk  until she says that God will never like gays
That you have to realize that you are a Sin before you can truly live as a person
Response with dropped jaw wide eyes knowing I can't cry
So we continue talking abortions **** victims and I don't sleep
I talked to her about these “issues” like I was not one like I was not gay like this isn't a part of me that I am not a sin for I have never experienced prejudice
I'm a white girl with all the privilege
All I know is acceptance
This girl is flipping my world with just a word
This girl is telling me I am not enough
5 days in this house and I feel like I am hiding
how can a person do this for more than 5 days
I've never understood what it's like and I won't
Dinners hands clapped  together religion the glue
Praying something so new to me that I don't even know what to do
Conversations and card games so comfortable with each other on Friday
She calls me a friend and I feel like a traitor like I Betrayed my family just with Association
I know that this is not something I should feel but I still do
The morning of we say Bye
Suitcases Packed ready to leave
I grabbed one to take with me
Forgetting we have the same suitcase
I open it up and accidentally I see her baggage
It's heavier than mine

Chastity went
Anxiety came
Undressed
Thumping heart
Innocent no more
Over and over
Now it is all to the wind

I didn't know what you'd say.
I didn't know what you'd do.
That day l asked
"Will you let me love you?"
With tears falling from your eyes
I wish I could say I was surprised
When you replied
"No"
Even though I already knew,
I had to ask why.
"Why?
Because I refuse to listen to your heart
Break as you watch me die."
My heart's already been broken.
It breaks every time
I walk out that door.
Please, you don't have to suffer alone
Anymore."
You say "it's not fair to you"
As you let your face hide
Behind a curtain of your Auburn hair.
"You're right. It's not fair to me.
Not fair to you. But that's another thing we could share. I love you."
"I love you too."
4 little words made my heart whole.
4 little words, and now she's forever a part of my mind, body, and soul.