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R B M Jan 2020
I might come back again
Not really sure, we'll see
But this site has always helped me
I just can't use it anymore
I'm sorry
Don't worry, I know I made that sound way worse than it is, I'm just trying to disappear for a while. nothing too serious.
  Jan 2020 R B M
I know you tried
We weren't very close
But i still loved you.

I know you tried
You couldn't make it
That's okay.

I know you tried
Not sure why I haven't cried
Your note broke my heart

I know you tried
Another year would have hurt
You are happy and can breath now

I know you tried
And I know you will be by my side
The day I graduate

I know you tried
The day I graduate
I will look up and tell you I did it

I know you tried
But you will be by my side
Not in body but in heart and mind
I was never very close to you crazy old man but I still miss you. I know you tried to make it and its okay. I love you grandpa
R B M Jan 2020
You and me both know, I love a good surprise
But what you’re doing now ain’t all that surprising

If you do something enough, every time similar events occur
Then that’s just a normal occurrence

No surprise when I know what’s to come
I now just expect that it’s coming

Every time I have something that you could watch as it happens
You always back out, that’s just what I always find happening

How is it fair that my family never shows
Is this hate that their showing?

Why can’t they show up one ******* time?
Or at least tell me sooner, so I’m not waiting for their arrival, not timing

But what ****** me off the most is that even when it’s not a surprise,
I still cry, feeling broken over the fact that it’s normal now… not surprising
R B M Jan 2020
Dear Lilli, in response to your poem,

I’m sorry
Truly I am
I don’t mean to be slipping through your fingers
Drifting away slowly but surely
I’m sorry
And I’ve noticed it too.
I think I know some reasons for why it might be happening,
None of them have to do with you doing something wrong.
I’m sorry if it seems that way.
The biggest reason:
You’ve become closer with my older sister.
I don’t like it.
I’m jealous,
For good reason though.
She is the worst to me
And it seems to me
That she’s taking you
I don’t know why that makes me want to distance myself
But it does…
Plus when I was younger
She liked to steal my friends
As in, she’d deliberately get my friends to stop talking to me
Convincing people that I was just a ****** that didn’t deserve friends
And they believed her…
I don’t know…
I’m sorry
I’m sorry that this has an effect on you
I’m sorry I’ve been drifting away.
R B M Jan 2020
I’m told by my sister that I am a nerd.
Not the way I use it though.
The way I say I’m a nerd is when I think I’m being smart about a nerdy subject
I use it as a sense to describe the things I am good at
The way she uses it is different
She says it in the mean way
The way that makes me regret the things I take an interest in
She says it like it would be awful to be such a nerd…
I don’t know
Maybe I’m reading too far into it…
I don’t know what to think.
R B M Jan 2020
Sometimes I feel
As if my brain is running on a hamster wheel
And like I’m plummeting into a deep dark hole
Getting out of bed is always my highest goal
The cave I’m walking into has no end
Like all my thoughts just merge and blend
Into one big cluster of distracted sad
Like my happiness is defended by an ironclad
That I will never get through
Like I keep winding like a *****
Down through the wood getting all these splinters
And it feels like I’m stuck in long stream, cold lonely winters
I’m descending further and further into this pit
Maybe this feeling will never quit
I’m starting to think ‘sometimes’ is headed for ‘always’
To the point that I can’t get out of this mind maze
To be happy is to be lucky
But most of the time I feel quite mucky
To the ordinary eye this feeling is translucent
So I pretend to be happy just for your amusement
But it’s hard to keep up
Because it feels as if I’m about to burnup
Coming from within I feel the burning
My stomach always churning
It makes me sick to the core
Honestly I’m not sure what this is all for
But I keep fighting
But this feeling keeps striking
Knocking me to the floor once more
Beating me senseless until I’m physically sore
I don’t find this feeling fair
Because it keeps pushing me into despair
This feeling keeps me bound and chained
Leaving me drained
All I feel is this mental pain
From always feeling as if I’m as big as a grain
Compared to this feeling I’m small
As it pins me against a wall
After starting all these mental wars
It tends to lock all the doors
To the point of no escape
And the second I think I saw sign of a hero’s cape
It blinds me
And tosses me to sea
To drown in my own misery
Causing all of my mental injury
And I feel like it will never end.

Other times I'm fine and dandy
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