I...
    ...Loved...
                     ...You...

Words are meaningless
When you've been hurt before.
When lies are what you've known,
Words don't hold the same weight.

The Starman rose,
He created Changes all around,
There was Dancing in the Street,
And we all saw something new.

He became Iconic.
Rebel Rebel to the norms and stigmas we knew.
We found Golden Years in the lilt of his voice.
And we were happy.

But Heroes cannot stay forever.
Eventually they must ascend.
A final Magic Dance for all to see.
A legend we lost this day.

Now we face this question,
Where Are We Now?
We're without him
The Man Who Sold the World.

We have to go on, left on this earth,
This suspended rock holding life.
Our own little Space Oddity.
Rest easy Starman,
We'll take it from here.

"It only hurts for a while."
"It'll get better."
"It was just a relationship."
"Get over it."

They say a lot; without, but they know so much more.
They don't tell you some very important things:

How long it takes to move on.
How hard it is to let go.
How much you will miss those feelings.
And
How hard it is to accept that things change.

They say that it's easy,
but they know that it isn't easy.
They know that it's horrible to see someone change
That person you love
Turns into someone else.

Listen to what they say
But know that there is so much more to it than that.

Her eyes,
Her smile,

Her

Smiling
While inside your breaking

One major promise broken
A thousand words unspoken.
And I thought for sure you'd see
Everything that makes up me.
I thought you would always know
That I will never ever go.
But instead you left them unsaid
The words rattling in your head.
You just couldn't face that life
With all my silly stupid strife.
You just could no longer see
Yourself happily married to me.
And I thought, no I was certain
That we could pull back the curtain.
And behind would be a sunlit window
And instead the ground is sallow.
I thought you could always look past
My failing and be my last
Girlfriend, lover, and honey.
The one I would spend all my money
On. The lovely lady of my world
And now my heart has been hurled
Into nothingness
Left to wander the abyss.
And you don't seem hurt at all
Like you never had this fall.
Like you knew this would happen
You seem to have been mapping
Your way right out of my life
And it's cutting my heart like a knife.
You know I've loved you always
Through all the **** and fall aways.
And it's a terrible knot
Like being punched and shot
That you could give up so casually
And forget our love so actually.
I thought I would spend a lifetime
Showing you you were all mine.
And instead you've run and hid
Shut the door and closed the lid.
I tried so hard for you dear
And I guess I never came near
The man you needed me to be
So now I have to let you go free.
Make no mistake I will cry a lot and
Already have. Staring at my hand
And wishing my ring finger could
Bear the ring I thought that it would.
Instead it lays bear and unknown
That I had plans to go down
To my grave with your love in my
Heart every single day letting you fly
Away from me is so terribly hard.
Smashing my heart to the last shard.
God I thought it would be amazing
To marry you and give you a real ring
But I guess it's not meant to be
And my heart I must keep totally free
I always thought you would love me
I guess I was wrong.

This light
It left me
It was gone quickly.
My world stopped moving forward
And yours went on without pausing.
I got lost, looking for you to
Still love me
Even though you wouldn't.
Is something wrong with me?
Or maybe something wrong with you?
I thought you said forever
And that meant forever.
But you lied.
And darkness filled my mind.

It's easy.
Giving up is simple.
You just stop caring.

It's the lead up that's hard,
Losing friends is hard,
Losing yourself isn't hard,
Forgetting what you lived for
Is hard.

But giving up is easy.

The fear,
The darkness inside you,
It's always been there.
Always within you,
Giving into it is hard.

But giving up is easy.

Living is ******* hard,
Trying to be yourself
In a world of copycats
Is hard. Being who you
Want to truly be
Can feel impossible.  

But giving up is easy

I want to be me.
I want to continue live my life.
I want to do the things I've dreamed of;
I don't want to give up

But it's just so **** easy.

A sad song whispers from the speakers.
The sound of her voice whispers in my head.

A word,
A phrase,
Meanings lost
In the covering of years.

The snow crunches lightly under tires
Worn with miles trying to outrun her memory.
My hands shake on the wheel,
I can't forget the sound of her voice.

The speakers go silent as the song ends,
The darkness seems to be nearer now.
Headlights no longer cutting through
The black.

I drive on.
Running from it all.
Running is all I know.
Hiding in the night.

The song starts again.

I hate this feeling
Like it really doesn't matter.
I'm in love with everything
That is you.
And I'm trying so hard to be
Independent and non chalant
But I'm screaming on the inside.
Begging for you to say
"I love you more"
"I need you always"
I've got this inner turmoil.
Dread of my own being.
I want to be with you
Next to you
Touching you
Caressing and kissing you.
But I'm so far away.
God it's lonely here.
Nobody ever says that.
Love can be very lonely.
It's horrible to feel like this.
Like I'm an accessory to your life
And not the centerpiece you are
In mine.
How do I get rid of this....
This god awful feeling.
Maybe I'll never know
Just wandering through life
Hoping for an answer

My wish:

It's to be better for you

But I don't know if it will come true

Every morning I put on a brave face
But inside
I'm give up

one missed call

*one new voicemail

"This isn't working anymore. I'm sorry. Were done. Goodbye"

This approaching despair,
This feeling like everything’s out of control,
The want to run from myself.
Knowing that you’re done with me,

Feeling like I’m drifting through everyday
Like a rudderless boat in a swirling sea.
Feeling like who I am
Isn’t me.

I’ve felt this before
And I hoped I never would.