Brother, we knew each other.
And then it was gone, like laughter on the wind.
It faded to a gentle breeze on my skin.

Brother, we knew each other.
Though, fathers we never knew, we did what we could to become what we wanted.
Things we didn't say, if time had been kinder, you'd have been a great uncle to my kids one day.

Brother, one day I'll find your smile etched in the grass.
The wind still carrying your laugh across those green fields.
I'll carry you with me wherever I've gone, till I'm gone.

I go to work in the same shoes I wore then, the waterstains haven't faded.
The smell of rain on the dirt of my soles, my soul with the colors of rain and soil.

If I cry, will you still smell the rain?

Memories like sweet black cherry; ****, sour, soft.
Memories like the salty black sea; crashing, stranding, flowing.
Memories like plain bleached oats; vapid, flavorless,over.

To move on-

1. To leave.
"His mom told him that he should move on with his life"

2. To ignore.
"To see a beautiful flower, and not pick it. You will see it, then never see it again.  You move on."

3. To leave her alone.
"She left you alone, so you do the same, move on."

4. Beautiful, isn't it?
"To move on?"

Antonyms: to obsess, to bring up the past, to pick the flower.

Pathetic, isn't it?
You'll never move on. You're grasping at the past.
Grasping at  innocence.

What's more difficult in life,
than living with yourself.

Old poems.
Old me.

Lonely nights like these I wonder if I really still exist if I'm not so full of youth. I'm still young, but it feels like there's something missing in my heart everyday.
I miss who I once was.

That boy who was always trying to impress.
I feel I've given up in a sense. On being me, like an empty slate was the best form of self preservation. It's sad.

Like a character born from trauma, that's so colorless.

It's hard to differentiate sometimes, if I've missed you, or myself more. Or what we had, the innocence disappeared so quickly. Too quickly.

The air I breathe, gold and dreams.
You are everything I need.

Nothing else compares.

Through life and death, I know our love will be written on our graves, among many others, our love would never fade.

Kept through dirt, mold, and dust.
Come dawn, come dusk.

I'll always love you.

Your laughter,
Calming like chamomile,
Sweet like honey,
Sleep easy with your laughter in my mind,
My dream are just reality.

Wake up, honey.

Let me hear your laughter,

Again.

In denial, full of ****.
A protector of nothing.
Selfish to all ends.
Placing blame, but I didn't put her on those meds.

What is a man made of?
My father made mistakes I swore I'd never make.
But now I feel like the man I never wanted to be.

Are all men doomed from the moment they're born? Cursed to be the means of their brethren, fathers, and grandfathers?

God, am I a failure in your eyes?
I need hope for the man I wish to be, but the look in her glossy eyes tells me otherwise.
I've lied through my teeth, God.
Before you, and before her, before my own mother.
I'm lost, Father, am I ******?

You only know to appreciate things when they're dying.

The touch of her hand on mine, fingers clasped tightly.
Her arms wrapped around me, squeezing the life out of me.
Her lips, soft and light as heaven's touch, they part, and
God, you always sound like an angel when you tell me you love me.

I wish I'd remember when we argue, so I can change.
I wish I didn't only remember these things after we fight, maybe things would end differently.
I'm afraid one day it will be too late.

Please, never let it be too late.

Oh, what I wouldn't give, to love you, with innocence in my eyes.

My love, could you be the ignorant glint in my eyes? I want to forget all the sinful things I've seen.

Blind me, my sun, strip the sight from me that I cannot forsake you, that you can trust me wholly and truly.

Deja vu yesterday, I felt a weight. My thoughts don't betray.
Something was coming.
Someone in my family would be laid to rest.

I didn't know

It would be me.

I woke to find myself in a pitch black room, I can hear you faintly.
In the distance your voice and another, I leave the room to search.
The voices get louder, I can make out the other voice as I start to hear yelling. It's me..?
We're arguing, but it isn't me.. it couldn't possibly be me because I'm here.
Where am I? This place is so dark, the lights have all gone out, why won't they work?
Where are you? I can still hear you, the arguing has become more intense, I'm yelling your name, searching each room, this place seems to grow more vast. Like an abyss I can't escape.
My love, help me.. I'm trapped in my own mind. Don't listen to this imposter!
Don't leave me alone.
Break these doors down, I'm sorry.. I need you.

My friends all went around telling such happy aspirations for the new year to come.
Mine was to get used to being alone with myself, because in the end it always comes down to me.
And this New Year, I feel is going to be a lonely one.

Your mom is right to be weary of me, her intuition isn't wrong. We're one and the same. She wants to **** me for taking you away, and I'm addicted to you and everything of you.
She isn't wrong to be afraid of losing you, but she can't blame me for that, only herself, because I know you're addicted to me too.

Oh how I miss you.
You're still here, but each day I go longer without hearing from you.
And I know it's my fault.
I'm pushing on glass.
I'm pulling on barbwire.
I make myself a fool each day I wake up. I can't get over this feeling. I'm scared you'll leave me, so I lash out. I'm scared you'll know everything there is to know about me, and be steered away by it.

The woman in white visits me at night,
She knows when I'm alone, without you by my side.
She knows when I cry, and when I sleep. She knows that I make you weep.
She haunts me through the night, the bed will soon no longer smell of you.
Only me, and the woman in white.

If you found out that all the terrible things your family have to say about me are true, will you still
Choose me?
If I was fiend in disguise trying to be better for you,
Will you tell them they're right?

Time goes on, as I grow older, the fear and doubts grow with me into a chasm in my mind. You fall awake, I'm another year older and you don't know who I am. You fall away deeper and deeper into this chasm in my mind.
This abyssal feeling wakes me from sleep terrified that you aren't next to me. Only a ghost in my arms, staring into my eyes, feeding this chasm in my mind.

The nature of change is chaos, anxiety, stress, but life is change.
Love is change.
I ask for change, I want us to both be strong for the all of the change to come.

When I say I love you, do you hold your head up high? Or do you hide face.
Don't let the others see, it's a shame.
I want to be something you're proud of, not just another of the same, lost in the crowd.

Rationalizing someone lying to you, putting a bandaid on stitches. They come undone over time, and you just try cover it up.
They're lying because you would overreact, right?
Right?
They don't want you to get upset.
Right?
The pretty little lie, still sucker punches you in the gut.
It comes when you least expect it, when you cover it back up with all of the positive things you try to think about to make it disappear.
Here I am, before a shower, and the stitches have come undone once again.

I'm afraid in your search for god I'll only make the distance grow.
My mind is open to yours, the gates have been flooded.
I want you to be happy,
though, I don't know if I'm what's best for you, or your lord.
I pray for your protection because I love you, not because I'm god fearing.
I haven't been afraid to die for a long time, becoming a tortured soul for all eternity, or becoming subjugated to your lord in heaven.
What I'm afraid of is not living a full life before I go.
I'm sorry if that's selfish.

Seems I've found myself in someone else, and now that those embers have gone, my shadow goes with it.

Once again, who am I? Am I the lovelorn insecurities? Am I caring and compassionate or have I just convinced myself I am?
Am I true and trife, or am I just a masked phantom, waiting to drop the curtains with the chandelier, and say I love you again?

Like a cat, you like the attention, and when it's given, you turn your tail in disdain. I hold on tight, hurting you and hurting you. I haven't wanted to let go.
But you need someone more graceful, more patient, someone of stronger will.
I'm not that.
I'm a dog, in need of attention. We're opposites. I gnaw on your tail and you only see my teeth.

I will miss you..

Sometimes I wish I was scared of something other than losing you.
Lions, tigers, or bears.
But none of those things compare.

You have to accept the consequences. Your feelings are hurting her, you want to reject them, but you're impulsive and stupid.
Patience is a virtue, but you just aren't virtuous.
Are you, baby blue?

I've been staring at nothing for the past five minutes, I'm losing my mind, even though I'm alive. I'm just staring off into space..
I'm just a waste of space.

Get out of your head
Get out of your head
Get out of your head

Stop being such a fool, let her be happy.

Even if you want to be happy with her.

As we sat in the car, I sang a sad song.
You sat and thought about how the song had to be about you, and with my lips I sang of how terrible I was.

Are the sun and moon forever to be pushed away from one another by the space inbetween?
Or will the stars sparkle like applauds at the sight of the embrace?

The rain came down, tapping the window as if to get our attention.

The lightning flashed to the beating of our hearts, in sync, in pulse. Faster and faster.

The clouds stirred above our heads, and the darkness comes to life.

But we don't turn, though the rain birthed a mote for us to witness.
We are not blinded, though the lightning flashes the vast sky.
And we can see, though the darkness is evergrowing.
Right into our eyes.

Absolutely nothing in this world could come between.

They can say what they want,
It doesn't matter.
Two ways,
Two.
Death or Want.
If you want me to go,
If I die.

The only ways I will ever not be there.

I'm not like the others.
I think I'm lower.
I'm not like the others, I'm foolish though I love you so..

She wore a baggy sweater, on the cold colorless night. Walking down the corner of ******* boulevard and  litter lane.
Bleak as it always was, she dreamt of wearing a red dress to give color to the black and white.

But she was too afraid, and she didn't.