the fumes ran out of me
it escaped like the morning breeze on a chilled day
i stare at the stars realizing the sun has set and i’m no longer in hiding
i smile in my head because why show emotions
why get stepped on for a sign of weakness
so i wait till the morning dew is no longer there
only the sound of crickets indicate the day is done
i breathe in the fumes and drift off
till the birds screech and the piercing light shines again

how did it feel when you saw me hit the ground
when you heard earth break under me
the coldness of your heart that infected with a touch
when you saw me get up and wobble away
out the door in the middle of school
i left i wouldn’t come back
i’d leave
leave everything behind
not having to do it again with the same stupid people and the same **** emotions
never again
you watched me as i walked out and you cursed under your breath “**** i didn’t mean it”
you didn’t ******* mean it then why was this not the first time
what was this a daily thing in your routine
but no i won’t have it cause i’m done tonight
you won’t see me again

a question i got asked today and my answer was necessary i feel:
it’s to make someone happy
feel wanted
build confidence
learn how to maintain a relationship
learn from it
then one would most likely end up loving the person
then it turns into comfort
basically a necessity
it takes over their thoughts so i think it’s just a way a person makes it through life but maybe that crazy and it’s really just for fun

it’s been a bad day
and i know what i feel
i don’t think i know what i can
feel, see, touch and smell
i get confused
which is real and which isn’t

i still think about your green eyes
and how you made me feel
i still think about all the love
we gave and received from each other
i still think about our bumpy ride
but how it always smoothed out
i still think about the times
that almost ended our story
i remember the time our story ended
i think about the times you couldn’t hold
your anger inside
i remember when i told you to let go  
i still look down and see it  
my arms with your hand print
a outline made of bruising
and eyes full of tears
and my head as you pushed me down
and the cuts from the hits
i’m glad i think about the bad things too

Along the way, I lived in fear
But with you, everything seems so clear
Like a whale to the sea
You complete me
With the steps, I take you aren't far behind
Almost as if you control my mind
Your love is contagious like a cold
And for this, I will behold
A smile on my face every day
Hopefully, it will keep you at bay
A kiss keeps me awake
All of them I can never shake
This is in my head
While you lay in bed

you were always a big part of my life
some would go as far as to say
you were my life

i was a “school friend” but you
you were my everything
my forever and always

you never ever wanted to hangout
so what did i do
i dreamt we did

it was a good couple of months
i was content
but then you left

i saw you in my dreams
the only place
you would talk to me

there was you
and
there was me

we have crossed paths many times
maybe we have
even crossed each others minds

i know i have stayed up thinking about you
and when i’m asleep
i think about you

i see you in school
in my thoughts
in my closed eyes ; dreams

i was never a big part of your life
just someone to talk to
in a room full of strangers

the lamp
is a street away

i can see it
through the pouring rain

with every droplet
opens my imagination

the smell is rich
of regrettable decisions

the screen is a safety
from the rain to me

maybe if i just took it down
the history would shine through

the lamp goes out
another shameful mistake

the lamp
is two streets away

this community that is us
so caring and thoughtful
these likes and comments
the hearts that are warming mine
not everything is about the recognization
it's to get it out to someone, anyone
but the feedback feels great
from a dark time
this is my safe place
my poetry being read by someone else's eye
it is truly an amazing feeling
of hope and peace

For random of words
For thoughts to be outspoken
For a glimpse to be caught of moon
For forgotten I Love You
For 'morrow till I rise
For a yellow dotted line
For my lovers chilled spine
For these things all wrong
For this crime scene is too far gone
For I must be going's
For a little long while

I’m sorry
This is overdue
I’m sorry
I did that to you
I’m sorry
We stayed together after I told you
I’m sorry
That note was ever needed to be wrote
I’m sorry
It was because of me
I’m sorry
The gun didn’t have bullets
I’m sorry
The window in ur room wasn’t high enough
I’m sorry
There wasnt A rope
I’m sorry
That note was left for me to find
I’m sorry
It didn’t work
Im sorry
You felt obligated to get me back
I’m sorry
My best friend volunteered
I’m sorry
You did it more times to hurt me
I’m sorry
I pushed you to putting the bruises on ur heart into my wrist
I’m sorry
I embarrassed you
I’m sorry
You made me look down the fall before I jumped
I’m sorry
I didn’t do it cause of you
I’m sorry
I wish I still could
I’m sorry
It’s been two years and my life is still all cause of you
I’m sorry
All of this is my fault
I’m sorry.