Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Brianna Oct 2015
With shaking hands and burning eyes I pour the last of the dark red wine into my glass.
I sit crossed legged on the floor in the middle of my empty living room contemplating what comes next.

I can get up and make dinner and maybe watch a movie like a normal person would.
Or I could continue to sit here facing the little bit of light coming through the window before the sun goes down.

I can't figure out why anyone would ever want someone like me... I guess it's a good thing no one actually does.
I can't figure out how anyone could tolerate someone like me... I guess it's a good thing no one does.

My hands shake with each sip I take and I'm pretty sure this is what they call a panic attack. My breathing begins to speed as my eyes water and I'm feeling nothing but numb and pain which doesn't make any sense.

They keep telling me I'll be okay.
They keep telling me I won't be alone forever.
But I'm terrified of being alone these days which is something new.
I'm terrified nothing will ever work out.

So until I get over my fears I'll be on my living room floor with empty bottles of wine alone.
Brianna Oct 2015
My heart wanted you long before I really understood it. It knew the moment you asked me my name in yearbook class. It knew the moment you gave me your phone number.

My heart knew you would break it before I fully understood that. It knew the moment you called me a few months after not speaking to me. It knew the moment you kissed me goodbye as I flew back home.

My heart seems to know more than my head sometimes... And yet I seem to still follow my brain a but more. My brain told me you were just confused. My brain told me I was just being over dramatic.

But... My heart knew that the mountain I was about to climb was steep and unsteady. My brain told me it was just a hill and I could easily get over it with just a little more effort.

I should have followed my heart a little more...
  Oct 2015 Brianna
Jellyfish
I will remember how you kissed me*
is just a line from a song that I've
been listening to for hours wondering
if you've been listening too I wish you
wouldn't have made me miss you like
this- it's not normal for me to want to
be wanted and looked at like I matter
to someone..
Brianna Oct 2015
This is to the wild hearts who can't be tamed. To the strong ones who will never fall due to someone else's insecurities trying to bring them down. To the beautiful ones because looks are not what makes you beautiful.

This is to the soft spoken ones, the ones who let people walk all over them because they have anxiety and hate confrontation. To the ones who hide behind books and movies, because who wouldn't want to live in a fairytale world? To the soft spoken ones who laugh under their breaths when their friends smile. The ones who hide their emotions you aren't sure if they hate you or love you!

This is to the "you're to ******* loud" ones! The ones who scream and laugh and cheer on their soft spoken friends! The ones who sometimes need a little hand in being quieter. The sarcastic ones! The *******! To the "resting ***** face" ones!

This is to the interesting ones. The artistic and weird ones. The ones who write those novels you read and paint those pictures you love. The ones who smile at funerals and cry during weddings. The metal heads and the country kids. To the Disney lovers and the kids who wear pink on Wednesdays!

Be you.
I love you all! Be weird and be free!
Be proud! Be young! Be old! Be wild!
Brianna Oct 2015
I wanted to drown in your love.
I wanted to drown in your pain.
I mostly just wanted to drown out the sound of you saying we weren't compatible anymore.

It took me a long time and a lot of rage and self loathing to get to where I am now.
To get me to a point where I can say that my self esteem issues didn't ruin "us" but that you're lack of trust in love did.

I wanted to be ignited by your love.
I wanted to be ignited by your pain.
Mostly I wanted to ignite the fire that used to burn inside you with such intensity and joy for life.

Once I realized you would never admit your faults and you would find any possible way to watch me suffer; it was time to move on.
But each time around the start of fall till the end of winter... I dream about you endlessly.

I wanted to slow down Your love.
I wanted to slow down your pain.
Mostly... I wanted to slow down time and stop us so we had time to figure out who we were together instead of damaging each other apart.

It took a lot of rage and self loathing.
It took a lot of tears and anxiety.
But I'm finally standing taller than ever and I can easily say it was not my self esteem that made us incompatible.
Brianna Oct 2015
Can I just take a minute to vent?

It's not often I think about you these days or the way your eyes drew me in every time. I don't like to think how your birthday is in 2 months and I'm going to pretend i forgot.

It's not often I think about the way you used to kiss every part of my body playfully. I don't like to think about the way your fingers felt in my hair.

Can I just take a minute to vent?

It was one of those days where I thought about how much fun and how many experiences we could have had. The day where I wondered if you're smiling at some cute girl the way you used to smile at me.

It was one of those days where I realized you didn't smile with me the same way I smiled when I was with you. That my thoughts were always more expansive and wider than yours when it came to us.

Can I just take a minute to vent?

It's not often I think about you these days... But something in the weather has me missing the Carolina's and wondering how you sleep at night.

Something has me wondering if you ever stay up a little later than usual and think about what could have happened if you had stopped wondering about the "what ifs..."

But don't worry... I just needed to vent for a minute.
Brianna Oct 2015
It's getting to be that time of the year where I sit and wait to see if you'll call me again.

The time of the year where it starts to get Colder and I find it hard to keep warm. The time of year where my heart hardens and my eyes hurt from dried tears.

It's getting to be that time of the year where I wait to hear your famous "I really miss you's" or your "I love you so much's."

The time of the year the leaves changing colors is the only thing to make me smile. The time of the year where loneliness settles in fast.

I'm hoping this year is different and you don't call me. I'm hoping this year you don't try.
I'm hoping this year I won't need to miss you or constantly need to cry.

Can this year be different ?
Next page