Loving an addict is like living in a haunted house
It isn't always scary, but when it is, it is terrifying
It is shake you in your bones, haunt you to your core ~ terrifying

Little things lead up to the big scares
A bump in the night
(of *******)
A spilled elixer on the floor
(of straight *****)
A crushed up relic scattered along the floor tiles
(of Oxycontin pill bottles)

And you try to pretend it isn't happening
And you tell everyone you can't see the ghosts
And you ignore the loud noises and the sudden screams in the night
After all, this is your home and he is your heart


And now your heart is haunted

You're a gift to my life
You're a rare sliver of light
You're a beacon of fresh air
And you could be the one to make me feel something

Science is hard
Chemistry is harder

Chemistry is defined as the complex, emotional or psychological interaction between two people
Our chemistry is tangible
Our chemistry moves entire cities
Chemistry is so hard because you mix all these things together and they either blend and make something fantastic or they blow up in your face
They leave you with burn marks and scars to remind you just how badly you ****** it all up
And I think what we have here is a disaster ready to burn my face to blackness
I think what we have here is a scar ready to form and last forever

What we have here is a chemistry left to remind me I still wasn’t good enough
What we have here is a chemical reaction that the whole class can laugh at

So science is hard
Chemistry is so hard
But having good chemistry and bad timing, that’s just heartbreaking

I am starting to recognize myself again
You know, the me that you tried to suffocate
The real me
The woman that laughs out loud at ***** jokes
The woman that didn't want to bite her tongue in front of your judgemental family

I am starting to look in the mirror and like myself again
You know, the me that you always insinuated needed to lose weight
The woman who likes to cook things because they taste good, not simply because "Angela, the body needs only nutrients"
The woman that didn't  want to disintegrate into broken pieces for you

I am starting to remember what my voice sounds like standing up for myself
I am beginning to recall what the tv shows and movies I love sound like
I am finally starting to love myself again

Falling in and out of love with your best friend feels a lot like getting your heart broken twice

And that isn’t poetry
It’s just sad.

Friends,
But you always want to tell me your secrets first
Friends,
But you cannot forget the way my hand felt on your thigh when we got too drunk
Friends,
But you call me at 2 AM to vent about work and how your boss was such a ***** again this week
Friends,
But you want to lay in bed with me and do nothing together not even touch
Friends,
But you know me better than I could know myself
Friends,
But you send me pictures of dogs you see on the street because it makes me smile
Friends,
But when you hear the love songs the only name that comes to mind is my own
Friends,
But always, always something more.

How does the darkness feel?
Do you miss the light that was me?
You tried to eclipse me until I was almost taken in by your black hole of misery
Space must be so lonely without any stars
It must feel so scary to be alone with all those thoughts
I’m shining freely, I’ll light up a new galaxy for someone else