I can't erase the image of me in their mind
Whoever I really am, I'm just what they say

I've done all that they told me to do
I've changed all the times they wanted
I've always apologized for all the pain they gave me
I've lost all my feelings and I'm still wrong for them

Another one is gone
Tomorrow there won't be anyone
I still ask myself what I've done
I still ask myself what I'm doing
And what makes them go away
I ask myself if I really need them
Cause I'm sure they don't need me at all
I don't need to be necessary
Such like all the people I ran after
I just need to exist
Cause I'm neither one of the crowd
And I still ask myself what they've done to me

He pulled me down
Then he saved me
As soon as his eyes crossed mine

He taught me how to destroy someone
Then he'll burn in the same flames
Where he killed me

He'll know
That now I know
That *everything about love is overrated

I may disappear within Silence
My faith is not enough to save me
I may say thy words pretending they're mine
I may restart another time

Tell me when I should stop
When it's right to forget and what's not

I'm fine without you
Selfishness is better than dependence

I must say thy words pretending they're mine

I must restart
another time

-

Tell me something true if your thoughts are so
You left a part of me far afield

'till the end of the show the time has been forgotten
Since you made me believe I walked with you
There's always been only my shadow
My faith is not enough to save me

-

Give me new shape
with your straight frail hands
So I’ll find a place for me
In this world denier of mess

And I’ll write peaceful songs
About sunshines and trees
To fade like every other soul
And never feel the rage

[deleted]

deleted

My whole body is trembling
And your stillness keeps beating
And the streets looks so bright
Since your voice fills the air
And now that you’re here
Every footstep makes sense

You are so brave
Burying all the grace
To get back your veins
And failure fits you so well
You look like a beautiful regret

And you host me in your tongue
Among the misty words
But words are still words
And life’s just a glimpse
whose I gave your name

And I don’t like your name
And I don’t like refrain, refrains
And the shivering bell sparkling cords boiling chest burning throat
And the void of the veil of the motionless leaps
The shift steady shift knife of your pits
And I don’t like to blame
Or to breathe any kind of shame
The shift steady shift knife leads my limbs
And I don’t want to fade

You got nothing more than your eyes
And your sharp tongue
I got so many questions and you
Got no time anymore

I’ve seen the pictures of all that you lost
Every color was screaming your name
And there’s nowhere you are
You walk with shut eyes
You run you come back
Till the end of the world

Things that never fall
Things that cannot change
You want me to laugh and
You’re making me cry

Things that never fall
Things that cannot change
You want me to laugh and
You’re making me cry

The beginning:
He needlessly noticed my hidden words.

...He noticed.

Nothing... Wonderfully.
Still alive, deprived of senses,
Fallen in stares... I felt so.

A smile, reversed clock, Number 43, black jumper, her fingers...
Short bordeaux nails, nasty mouse face, enormous glasses, a smile.

Was I feeling through what?
What was I feeling?

High five.
Disappear and appear again, up behind me and at my left...

Our stares, weird clockworks;
I knew there was happening something senseless.

...Behind again. But that's the last time,
that's seventeen-nine. I read it.

I couldn't think I'm thinking about pain,
Although something leaded me astray.
Blinding darkness... Weak, far light...
Far smile.

So I couldn't think consciously
about everything died before its wrong birth.

Moments of pure madness. Insane; escape;
no way.

The last time repeated again, for the last time.

An inexistent history.
Pleasant history pleasantly little.
Nevermore.
Again,
and again nevermore.
Forever.
Disappear.

Thinking up about a sense
to fill the emptiness of time,
'cause Emptiness is a weight,
my weight, my sorrow.

Can't see beyond all the things I know,
and all the things I know are always more oppressive,
and my choices are my chains,
my weight, my sorrow.

Beyond my days, beyond my borders,
*no one calls my name.

Everything I've waited is so frighteningly real
Everything I feel is meaningless and fake

-

I've been chased from my dreams too many times

And longing has been my only
feeling

For too much time

*And I forgot who I really am

Your eyes on me and time stands still
They won't upset the way I feel
But this repulsion tastes so sweet
It makes me fear we'll never meet

I gave up and I choosed to be blind.
I covered my eyes and I left everything shine through.

Without awareness.
Without faith.

He's nothing but a few words and a few stares fixed together.
He's nothing but some black ink on white paper.
This should be enough to throw him away from my mind.
But I keep him as closer as I can and I let him take me away.

Another successful round
Another face to forget
And your heart lose a piece
For every tear that falls
And when your heart will stop bleeding
Will become a stone

.

.

Weighing every hour that dies
Getting used to every taste
If I wear naive starry eyes
When it ends I will be safe

He will, 'cause they always do
'cause they're "different", they always say
And I hold his scraps like a pillar
Like a conjurer I let them fade
Let them feed my hate
Feed my disgust, he did

Pretending it's not enough
None is able to deceive all these ghosts
They banalize your smiles but
They banalize your tears
And I wasn't born empathic

Identifying your thoughts with strong words
But you're still incomplete
None knows this feeling, I guess

Find the way
Can anyone tell me how can it be so hard, now
The way out gets weaker
Gets extraneous
Can't be enough anymore

Can't stand still
Can't wait all the time
Can't fight it all away

-

I swore it to myself in a black room
Couldn't follow your lips, they could have led me astray
Inside a darker room
I found solace in repeating the same word
Repeating it ad nauseam
"Never"

I saw myself high
So high I could never sink to you
But you came to me, mirror that you are
And told me I was upside down

I'm getting tired of my fears
Of my wantings
Of my aims and my goals
They're always the same

I'm getting bored of everything
Of my eternal wait
Of his face
Of the thrills I'll never feel

Every beautiful thing is killing me
'Cause I'm not able to feel it

My head is full of senseless words
That fills the emptiness I'm carrying on

I don't want anything
I don't want anything

You can't hear me

I don't want
I don't

Unsaid, untold  
Stains of sunlight, stains of gold
Ebony and silver in tune, in loop
moon lies, moon son

I've found them in the same place
They've been waiting for me inside this room for all these years
And they'll never leave
Cause in my head time never flows

I'm so accustomed to wear masks
That my own eyes seems too blank
If I let you stay or if I try to erase
I'm going to hurt someone anyway

And I don't know what's wrong the most
Between accepting or repressing you
'cause people changes too speedily
And fills my days of doubts

The idea of my mistakes
Impressed in people's mind
And the feeling of fading away
Every time I let them succeed

And every time they do
And realize I have nothing more
There's no way to come back
No way to try again

I need you to take me home
They ran away in search of someone true
And they carelessly left me halfway
I deeply know the fault is yours

They smashed myself into so many pieces
That even you are getting stronger than me
You're always closer and I know
I'll never feel anything else again

I should know what happens
Every time words become my chains
Just cause I need to believe they're true
Anyway.

And I should know that
Every time I break them, I break
Something inside me
*...Anyway.

I've always been ready
Hope
Why you've made me become so numb
Faith
I've lost everything I've loved

Then I never loved in the right way
I don't understand myself
I don't understand the words

Dreams
You're just too far to be mine

I broke myself to love you
I never loved in the right way

Life
I love everything that's not mine
I never loved my choices

I never loved you
...You say
I've never loved

But I miss your voice and your smile and your fingers on my hair and the way you made me feel  yours
And I'm sorry
I thought it was love

I never loved you
You say
I am too numb for you
I've never been right
I've never loved myself
I've never loved anything

I'm thinking that in the middle of all this confusion I might find something true.

Do you remember our words
Do you remember your lies

I know what's in your head
I know what you can't see
“Don't worry come with me”

But you touch every corner
Every corner of this world
And you don't trust me

And you don't trust me
Keeping every shatter of these days
Just to feel alive

Your aura screams I don't care
But you care and you run
And you stopped for a while
Then you looked at my veil
Saw you running again
And never run back

Show me the tip of the mountain
Let me fall by mistake
I’ll keep the snakes
around my legs by mistake

I'll appear, show my spells
Use my tricks by mistake

Draw the chaos for me
Change the world with me

By mistake

You still hurt me
Even after 'our' end

[I cover my eyes every time your stare
Contaminates my thoughts

You'll never say
What you've thought
What I am
What you think
What I'm not

*And I don't really care

I've got his pictures
I've got his voice recorded, its cadence
Makes me get insane
As much as the slight wrinkles around his lips

I drew him many times
With 80s songs in the background
I traced his lip line and his tiny nose
I contemplated his pale skin

He's got dark hair and cold eyes
He shows ease and self confidence
But he needs distance
While he talks to me

He won't take a step towards me
Sagittarius guys are always absent-minded
distant and impenetrable. I can't guess
if he knows he pulls my mind like a magnet

(...)

Sometimes I'm afraid of everything

It happens when I loose my consciousness
and I can see only the hurdles on the road

It happens when I loose the trust
and I stop feeling

*Sometimes I am so weak that I think I need you

There's nothing to hope and there's nothing to say
There's no way to give this waiting a sense
To fill the empty spaces there's just what I see
Plate and blank stares in front of me

It takes me away but it takes me nowhere
There's no way to give the hollow a sense
I do all my best but there's just what I see
Clouded and fading inside my head

No reason to feel and no reason to erase
There's no way to give this sorrow a sense
Nothing to cry for and nothing to hope
There's nothing to hope and there's nothing to say

In a jar of salt
Time scratches petals
Time has no eyes

And if my ache
Could bring them back
Swear I'd never let you fade

My setting dawn
My only sound
forever gone

Sometimes I think it's all wrong
And I feel so numb that I don't care
I see my fear reflected in the mirror
And I think I go out of my home
with my thoughts written on my face
And I don't really care

I've always loved in my way
'cause I believed I could find happiness
So I threw out all the love I could give
But I just built my own cage
And I've been chased away from it
And I'm alone and still chained by limits

I can't carry on this emptiness anymore
*I just wanna stop thinking

Things happen
Things happen in breach
The breach of a line
pathway on your cheeks
The same story in a circle
A circle of winds
Same brushes same dye

Venus of soils and horizons
The warmth of the wool
and the knives on her gates
Warm ray goes back to the sun
Warm ray for dead nights
Same brushes same dye

Their empty eyes
Nothing can catch them anymore
The flow of seconds is too slow to erase
Silence is so deep, it seems that nothing's gonna change

Someone's knocking at the door
He says he hasn't got a reason why to lie
I leave the room and swear to myself
I'll never let him become one of them

He leads me far away, so far I guess I've lost the road
And hope I'll never find it again
I want him to be the one who saves me

But his words start to sound like someone else's words
His mask starts crumbling and I need to believe it never did
And I trust him till he runs away

My nameless empty boxes find me again
They always come when there's no one around but me
They say that since I let them enter
They'll never leave
They say there's nothing wrong in me
They promise me they'll make my dreams concrete
They promise they'll show who I am

There was not anything else
There was not anything fairer
He was so amazing without ---

Though everyone would have said what he did
I trust again, I believe in everything
I trust though I even betray myself

My heart has been shattered
into so many pieces
Has been trampled so many times
And if I also fall this time
I'll never get up again

Your crowd submerges me, it makes me wish
I was not here, but I am safe
you will not untie me, I should feel safe
but I am insane, your crowd shouts words
I will never get, my seven lives
my chains to the backdrop, your crowd
submerges me, It makes me wish
I was not here, but I am safe
I never meant to care