sometimes I think about smoking **** but then I'm like better not
sometimes I think I can be brave but then I start to cave
some days I want to go up to you but then I think you'll reject me
I second guess every thing I do
I second guess the makeup I weir the shape of my hair
the way I look in the mirror all because of you

She looked up into the sky and smiled. "I don't want to die" She finally knew what had spoken to her, inside  her head, in her dreams, the thing that pushed her along her path. It wasn't the light in Michael. Because The ark angel wasn't her creator...he was a distant part of who she was but, he had been so far removed she didn't know him. She said it again. "I don't want to die"  And she felt the air around her ripple with heart ace, with human pain. if she could have spared her creator this pain I hoped she would have. 'But I do, I am dyeing, because my life is filled with 'its just one name they call me its nothing' but my life if I let this go will all turn into 'its nothings' I will be nothing, and I don't want to live to see the end of this journey...I don't want to see a part of me die in the end because you will, its how it would have always turned out Nanoen, it ends with your death...and mine.' The pain that her creator felt reverberated threw Nanoen's  bones....The one who had written out her life, the one who had made her into what she was ,wanted to die. in her heart Nanoen knew that she was made up of the broken peace's of her creators heart, the hidden scars and all that her creator hoped to be. "Then take my strength, I am a part of you, and you have made me for a propos.....you are my mother, my creator...if no one reads the story you have written no one will ever know me..and I might as well be dead...You wrote me up in a book for a resin..to help the kids who need a light....do not end your life...pleas do not end mine I am a character in a book ...but pleas listen to your heart because it is what is saying this...do not end your life, because you'll take me with you, the world you created.....and you will take away someone's resin to live...." I paused, this person I had made up was a part of me...and a part of me did not want to die....but was that part bigger than the on that did...

I saw your face in the clouds todays and I remembered you
I remembered your smile and how its been gone for a while
how much you loved the sunny days and the rainy ones alike
I remember how you loved us and how you cared so much
but it also made me sad because the first person I thought about telling
was so far up in the clouds I hurt my voice yelling to you

Once I had a dream that my father tried to **** me,
and everyone that was beside me was a man who had hurt me.
He had my heart inside a box and figured I was lost,
so he brought out a knife he had labeled 'Time.'
All the men in my life at some time or another,
left me at some point, in pursuit of another.
So no wonder in my dream, some men did try to protect me
but, turned around and carved their names into my heart.
All the women did not come, to heal my heart or give me another one.
So I was left on my own, with a hollow space under bone.
A cold feeling in my soul, that I now call my home....

im a loner in a world of stoners
im a conservative compared to other girls
im the one who goes to church
but I am still human and my heart still hurts
I am not the perfect child
my parents can attest to that
I am not happy with my body my scars the proof  
but I am only human a selfish creature
I am a liar by nature
if you ask me if I am all rite I will say yeah
if you ask me if im hungry now will be it
I don't have scars because I am smart enough not to let them leave a mark
but mine are deep cut in my heart

When I die I will live on.
You will find me weir I've lived for so long.
In between books seems and in poetry readings.
In brush strokes and paintings.
I am a child of literature, the daughter of written things
My skins made out of book pages, my mind out of
the words I read.
When I die yes I will live on.
I will live on in between hard and paper back book seems.

sometimes I wish I could turn back time
to those better days
when I didn't dream of death and want to slip away
I find myself thinking about you
what do you think it would be like
to look in the mirror and hate who you see
to think about your flaws not what I see
some days are better and then some are not
you think your worthless but I think your worth it
you wont hear me because your music's blaring
you draw a picture and write down the names
of every kid or person who made you feel that way
now I guess I must agree when I see you cry I feel a bit of sympathy
I wish I could turn back time
to some better day
when you would pull your ear buds out and listen to what I had to say
your hearts of gold
your mind of silver
made up of beautiful things
don't let words give you a sliver
**your not worthless now stop caring about what they think
your not worthless now stop caring about what they think

Sometimes I find myself
looking over the distance
wondering how would it be
if the words never did this
I look over and I see
the sea like glass
why would I want to end that way when
all I have would be useless
so I stand back and I laugh how selfish would it be if I had jumped into the sea

I left but I still see tem, yes they have moved on
you still call them your friends but they haven't been that way for long
your gone and everything's changing , but you have not rite to care
their not your friends anymore
but then why do I feel bare?
watch on with a simple smile as they all go on without you
say your good byes' to the life you hade because they live on without you

You thought it would be different that we would go away?
But no the monsters inside your head we are hear to stay
Now your some weir new  you tuck for granted all that you had
you walked away now your hanging your head
what was the point of leaving your still miserable
all that's changed are the new faces you have to lurn to fool!      
            Those people knew who you were all the cuts and bruises to they all knew the same pain even thou you never knew
but now go look weir you are not a signal one can see
if you say one word much more pain they'll be
So the scars they must weight over top of unseen skin your not allowed to talk about what their has been
       so if she ends up taking her life don't look so surprised
in her heart she knew that it was ok...that you could live without her

Sometimes I want to care
but then I see you
and finally get that caring got me hear

you know ill put back the peace's together
just to get a glimpse  of what went wrong
Yeah I can see that now your with her
but cant you hear their playing our song
it goes like this
a melody
a good night kiss
you've got a part of me
and no matter weir you go
no matter how far your life takes you
Ill remember this just this moment
nothing more
I know ill see you off and on just running about
And to think that she brought back your smile
Is all that I really care about
so don't you worry
don't give this a second thought
its all rite
I can lurn to move on
just remember me as long as you can
I hope your happy
as you hold her hand

How many people have to die,
for you to understand.
That you don't hold someone's life,
in the palm of your hand.

Pleas understand that this is not a good bye
I only wish that we had a little more time
Like star crossed lover only you loved another
I am lft bleeding on the floor
Dear pleas remember me
Don't forget the poesy seeds
My hear burns like ashes yes we al fall down
I don't want to waste any of your time
I'm rowing the bout and were doing just fine
Going gently down the stream
if you loved me life seemed but a dream
You eyes did twinkle like a little star
How I wonder weir you are now
Now I am goon above the clouds so high
Sitting beside the moon like a diamond in the sky
I still wonder what you are as my memory fades so far

How i die is not the question you should ask'
It is why i choose to end my life '
Broken barred six feat under '
You finally here my cry
it a wonder you never wonder why '
Im dead and now you care
But when im not hear '
Thats when you choose to hear me '
How could you look into my mothers eyes
Saying you never meant for me to die
Im the only one who knows thats a lie'

Your lucky the dead keep their secrets
I wrote those notes not for a single soul
I wish you could have read them

You would finally find out why i called out in words you could never understand
broken suicide has left me the ******
A corps made up of a broken soul

how could you look into my dead eyes and say you did not know why
your the reason you tuck away my worth
And when its your time you'll finally know how bad it hurts.

And in time i will get my wish i will watch as i let you burn.

Being good at Abstract art dose not mean you are bad at art...
It means that you don't follow,
you lead
your art is an extension of yourself.
Don't let anyone take that away

I feel fragile at best
and at my worst I don't know why
god knows I have tried
But now I just don't want to feel anymore
I feel like am nothing to anyone
Im not saying that this is your fault
I don't want you to feel like it was
Once I was broken
but this is so much worse
I thought it would get better '
but damb it just hurts
Now  am broken and  don't know why
they ask me the questions
all I say is im fine
but that's not the truth I don't feel like I can tell them
I don't know why
why i feel broken..
God knows I've tried to forget
move on and forget all of it
but know I am alone
and my minds left to wander
I feel broken...I don't want to move on
so keep my words in this song
god knows I have tried to hard
but  don't want to feel what's in my heart

I should have said that I loved you
I should just speak but I am afraid of you
your lips are silent and your scars are bold but
I will love till we both become old
Are you still their are you al rite I hear you say that you are fine
but I can see th lie in your eyes
Broken and scared I loved when you cared
you asked me if I was all rite
and you could hear me coming to the end of my fight
im still afraid I don't want to say it
those words I cant speak
I love you more each week
" can you come over?"
I here your words yes will always be your answer
I step up to the first step and their you are
I don't know why you take me into your arms
I can here your tearless cry I know your not all rite
"what's wrong"
Nothing  this  is all you say then goodbye
That morning I here the sirens as they call out
I see them carry you out.
You wrote me a note one in witch you spoke
you wish me well and to never face your hell
You cut your final words into you skin
'I wish you had never bean afraid of me.'
and then you slipped away from me
How can I say this what do I do
im still in love with you

If I needed you one more moment
could you take it, could you own it
would you stay rite hear beside me
promise me that you love me
Take me as I come
take me like I'll go
Know that once your hear
it'll will be hard to let you go
I don't need no one night stand
I don't need no alibi
I need someone who is real
to keep me sain  
So dear don't leave me when im down hold me up, when I don't know how  if I said I loved you would make a difference would you know just what to do or would you run like the ones before you
I don't need no one night stand
No I need someone who will hold my hand
And  if you not
and you cant stay
leave before my heart starts to break
Because if you don't I'll come back
but my dad doesn't really want to bail me out of jail again so do me a favor if you pleas if you don't plan on staying then just leave

Hey little girl
What's going on
You cant fool me
I can see how you cry when they close their eyes
you dream about dyeing almost every night
You can clam that your fine all that you want
but you cant say your prayers are for hope because their not
They cant take it back, don't pull out a flask
Because their is no alcohol
Look in the mirror and tell me what you see
I can see your dreams are dyeing
down another pill, just for the thrill
of a promised ending
it might not be happy but who really cares
you just want to get away from hear.
so little girl have you made up your mind
about how this story ends douse it end tonight
you pull out your notebook and write a little more
'it should have ended before'
you don't say so long because they wont  see you again
this is the fun of it

Little one I can see how much you cry.
Dry your eye you don't have to die.
Who has made you forget the sun.
Who has made you love no one.

Dear child are you all rite
why do you cry almost every night
Who had taken the light from behind your eyes
Dear little child are you all rite?

Yes. I can see you standing in the shower
your tears shed in vain mixing with your bleeding hips
You tuck your anger out on yourself
now I can hear you begging for death

Small little broken thing pleas don't cry.
I couldn't stop you but, I'll hold you tonight.
I will carry you as far as I can go.
Dear little broken girl why did you jump out of your window.

I cant tell whir your going,
But ill follow you down as far as I can
I hate the tears that your crying.
Why did you have to leave like this

So when the moon goes down tonight
and the sun comes up in the sky.
When they find you dyeing,
out in the street,
they'll try to stich you up
Ill be out in the hall weighting
till you've had enough
So little broken thing, your not alone.
Ill be out in the hall weighting to take you home

Go silently yes go silent
make no sound or scream
plaster on a smile
and let the pain go on unseen
walk on yes move forward
and behold what you fear
the people who you thought loved you
they don't even know that your hear
you would walk a thousand miles to have someone who you can love
but your wrists are the ones bleeding when your hearts had enough
you think of all the bad things that have happened
the path to hells paved with good intentions
that is all you get from the world that surrounds you
you left because you thought you did
but you never really knew
how the world is cruel in its own way
but it can get so much worse for you
so hold on to the ones you have
the ones who know how bad it really hurts
I want to say that it got better for the one I talk about
but go too the grave that is bare as she felt
and their you'll see how it ended for a girl like her
who saw the world as it was
and gave in to the hurt

Do you know what I see when I look at you
You can ignore me all that you like
Brake my heart I wont put up a fight
but I see beneath your cover
Go on you think your sly?
You don't think I know why
I can see that your afraid
you don't want to give up your heart
But look at what you've done
just don't forget the sun
You can push me away think I don't care about what you say
But I walk away because that is what you want
I don't talk to you because it would be easer for you and her
and all I want is you happy
you don't think I see but oh, yes I do
I see rite threw you

Good threw the crakes
no this thought never lasts
Happy on the outside
do you even know what's inside
No she wont let you in
She is not fragile like she once had bean
Maybe good will shine agene
Threw the crakes I do see
what this girl wants to be

some days will be darker than others
said the angel to his fallen brothers
don't be sad because your Abigail's black sheep
your hearts did follow the sound of a different drum beet
you see kids these days are filled with broken dreams and hearts of hate
they cut up their wrists as they try to cry away the pain
some people don't see that their words could ****
they don't see the ones who cry standing on the window sill
kids barley fifteen years old some younger writing their last note
screaming out how much they hate the world
tears falling because of a stupid ****** girl
your kids their afraid to walk down the hall
because they know no one cares about them at all
you see you need to open your eyes
think about your words before more kids die

Love is irrational, but it douse not hurt
being dishonest with yourself that's what burns
and wen you cry over them and you feel all alone
the blame is no ones but your own
now I cant say that I know how bad it gets
im only fifteen
I haven been their yet
But I know what love is and the high that you get
because I am young but yet I have loved
So with all that I am ad all that I have
I say love doesn't hurt, its the one that you love
that will be  your end

Sometimes I just want to be loved
I don't think that im enough
Broken, scared I don't want to be hurt
why is it  always you and I
I just want to laydown and watch the world go by
I feel like you never had enough of my love
I just want to fall away
like this was all just one big mistake
But broken now
I have lost all faith
Sometimes I just want to be loved'
told I am enough
I feel like im braking
I don't know if my life's worth the effort of taking '
All I wanted was to be loved
But your words were never enough
I feel broken but even that's not enough

I hear the little girl inside
as she calls out and asks me why
but I cant answer her
because im braking
I just don't feel like fighting
like I would prefer dying'
but as I here her voice
and I see her cry
I don't need to die
I need to stand I need to walk I need to fight

Sometimes I don't think I should
be
like I was never really meant
Because I'm a sinner in the eyes of my saint
and a saint in the eyes of a sinner

I SEE
YES I SEE
I SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK
I SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME
TO MUCH
YES IT IS TO MUCH
YOUR TUCH
YOUR TUCH IS MY SIN
I TAKE IT AS I HAVE BEAN
BROKEN
NO I AM ALIVE
SADEND
BUT I WILL NOT FALL AGENE
BROKEN.....
            
                     IN PAIN........
                        
                                      NEVER THE SAME........

Ok, so I have been on this site for about a month or so. I have written these poems, not for others (I know how bad that sounds) But I write them for myself, so when I have the chance to look back I can say 'wow I wrote all this, and I pulled threw.....That's the message I try to convey with all of those dark or depressing poems. Its not because I only always depressed I want to get that clear im not....But for those people who cant speech for themselves I.....ok so I guess what I said before wasn't true...I write for people who cant speak for themselves to....I want people to know their not alone that their will always be somebody to hold you up and I will continue to advocate for those people can you like and add this to whatever group or collection I want this to be conveyed to all that your not alone

Too late to go back
Afraid I cant pretend
Just look  how it has bean
To late to go back
I am lost who will find me
forgot all that's behind me
Who Will come save me
To late to go back

with my back agents the wall
i sing to them i call
my ravens in the night
you try to **** me and you throw me to the ground
i wont go down without a fight
with my back agents the wall
i know i will fight for them i call
your death will rain blood one  day
i will sing out to the other side
i will bring you death day tonight  
so clam you breathing and close your eyes
its easer when you die
i call to them my ravens of night
they see the fear and feed from the night
so close your eyes say our priers and say good by and good night it is your time

I just sat by you
as you walked o threw
its like I no longer 'mean anything to you
what was I supposed to do
tell you that I love you
after you gn and kissed her
and left me al alone
I just want a moment to forget it
if I could
would  I go back?
No it feel's like the last
time I want to feel
this house is not my home
you levee me inside it all alone
You went and kissed her
now your angry that I'm leveeing
I just want to get away
it to late to say your sorry
because I feel like you never loved me
Now I'm a little sad but like always I'll hang on

I have held a thousand fears
and cried a thousand tears
just when you don't think
that your heart can brake anymore
you go and open p another door
ill never be fire proof
yeah I know im not good enough for you
you seem to like to remind me of that
cut me some slack and give me my heart back

If you knew~ Joel Faviere
Scars~ Allison Iraheta
To Write Scars On Her Arm~ Helio
Another Empty Bottle~ Katy McAlister
Care~ Joel Faviere

I look out at the night
don't want to stay and fight
not wanting to go on tonight
I don't think I can win this fight
Who will save me when I cry
I don't even know why
I feel the pain inside
and I think I know why
I cut the skin
because I know how its bean
Who will save me when I cry
and who would ever wonder why
I have lost as I hanged
burnt up
full of rage
I don't want t go on
I don't think I could have won

Through this fire I will make you burn
On and on, you people never learn

With these hands broken scared
I will turn you into a work of art

I'll mend your bones
I'll melt your skin
I'll drag you to the dark


Don't fight
as I tear you apart
Never once always twice
don't even try to get away
you're here to stay

holding back the fire
slipping to desire
waiting for the crash
everything turns to ash

**how could we face this
How did we turn into this
Broken I am changed
I know ill never be the same