Look right through me,
See right through,
Every lie,
That left my lips,
Strip off,
Every mask that hid my face,
Ignore,
How I want you to see me,
And see what's left:
My invisible soul,
My invisible thoughts,
My invisible personality,
My invisible words,
My invisible love,
Everything about me worth seeing,
Cannot be seen.

But maybe,
Maybe it doesn't need to be.

Bravery is not,
Easy to find,
In a culture such as mine,
We often define,
An incorrect view of what is good,
What deserves praise or should,
Be acknowledged by those who could,
Hand out honours.

Bravery is not,
In shooting a gun,
At another man's son,
Or in knowing you've won,
So with a buffer going for the glory,
So you can have the best story,
Of how you scored the key,
Winning blow.

Bravery is not,
A foolish choice made,
That through luck somehow paid,
Off but always weighed,
Down your chances of success,
Though you always said: "Yes",
When asked: "Was it for the best?"
After time passed.

Bravery is,
Admitting to yourself that you,
Might have been wrong to,
Assume what you always knew,
About yourself was definitely right,
And that things might,
Not be as black and white,
As you thought.

Bravery is,
Telling people you were wrong,
That you don't belong,
In the category you were in all along,
And in fact there's more to the truth,
When it comes to you,
And getting to know who,
Lives in your skin.

Bravery is,
Disagreeing with normality,
Arguing with the morality,
Put forward by the society,
That thinks its way is above,
All else, And loving who you love,
And being proud of,
**WHO
YOU
ARE

A shallow breath,
A gentle tone,
Sustained,
Ringing out,
Calling the trees,
Whose ears bend to hear,
Subtle harmonies,
Growing,
Calling the hills,
Whose eyes close to hear,
More clearly,
The song,
Calling the earth,
Who stirs the sleeping seeds,
So they too,
Can hear,
The calling chimes,
Asking the world to smile,
As they resonate,
So easily,
And sing their metallic song.

Grey,
A mix of black and white,
When light and dark combine but neither wins.

Grey,
An uncertain compromise,
Not best for either side but close enough.

Grey,
Never beautiful,
Duller than all others.

Grey,
A gloomy sky,
Bringing loving water, yet hated.

Grey,
Dead,
Bringing only misery, always.

Grey,
The colour of my heart,
Until I met you.

The skies grow dark,
Clouds gathering,
Obscuring the sun in an instant.
The last stand,
One final protest,
As defences break,
Screams,
Pain,
Blood,
Death,
Fills my head,
And all becomes clear,
Di Ffrin, Di Sstrek,
Is my reality,
A sweet melody,
Unsettling,
But sweet,
Oh yes!
It consumes me,
The light leaves,
All becomes dark,
And all makes perfect sense,
They could not help me,
There was no way they could,
But now I have it,
What I need,
The realisation,
In the darkness,
The Purity of Lies.

Press,
Hammer,
String,
Vibrate,
Hear,
Press again,
Wait for mistake,
Prepare for complaints,
Apologise,
Apply mute,
Press softer,
Hammer,
String,
Vibrations muffled,
No resonance,
No sustain,
The keys just as solid,
Still heavy,
Less inviting,
Forced away,
Stand,
Close lid,
Turn,
Leave.

To die,
To fall,
To lose,
In an act of,
Life-giving,
Spirit lifting,
Victory,
Is simply,
Nonsensical,
And yet,
Perfect,
Completely,
Irrational,
And yet,
Thought out,
And so,
Incomprehensible,
With human mind,
But absolutely,
And definitely,
The right thing to do,
Because God loved the world so much,
He would let his own creation,
Take his only son from him,
To save his creation,
From the hands of evil.

And the best thing?
The most amazing and inconceivable thing of all,
Is that he did it for all mankind.

Athiest
Agnostic
Christian
Jew
Muslim
Sikh
Hindu
Buddhi­st
Black
White
Straight
Gay
Lesbian
Bisexual
Asexual
Boy
Girl
Big­ender
Transgender
Agender
Young
Old
Kind
Cruel
Happy
Sad
Rich
Poo­r
Healthy
Ill
Free
Enslaved
Safe
Afraid
Intelligent
Stupid
Deaf
B­lind
Disabled
Handicapped
Single
Taken
Married
Divorced
Remarried­
Widowed
Lost
Found
Persecuted
Persecutor
Murderer
Self-harmer
Su­icidal
Unloved
Adored
Popular
Ignored
Beautiful
Ugly
Guilty
Innoc­ent
Outcast
Desperate
Autistic
Bulimic
Alcoholic
Bipolar
Addict
D­yslexic
Anorexic
Schizophrenic
SAVED

Every single human being ever born is saved.

Once you learn misery,
That's it.

You can get worse,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

Even the purest smile,
Never regains its shine,
You can get worse,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

After even a drop,
Of those ebony tears,
Even the purest smile,
Never regains its shine,
You can get worse,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

Nothing can return,
To its former shade,
After even a drop,
Of those ebony tears,
Even the purest smile,
Never regains its shine,
You can add more,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

After the cold, brutal hands,
Of pain and death strike,
Nothing can return,
To its former shade,
After even a drop,
Of those ebony tears,
Even the purest smile,
Never regains its shine,
You can get worse,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

There is no recovery,
Not for any soul,
After the cold, brutal hands,
Of pain and death strike,
Nothing can return,
To its former shade,
After even a drop,
Of those ebony tears,
Even the purest smile,
Never regains its shine,
You can get worse,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

Once you learn misery,
There is but one escape,
There is no recovery,
Not for any soul,
After the cold, brutal hands,
Of pain and death strike,
Nothing can return,
To its former shade,
After even a drop,
Of those ebony tears,
Even the purest smile,
Never regains its shine,
You can get worse,
But no one will notice,
Once you learn misery,
That's it.

One escape: Love

Clouds rolling,
Rumbling forwards,
Thickly laden,
Soaked with black rain,
Unstoppable,
Even by the sun,
Growling softly,
Then stronger, building,
Until at last,
Unleashing its blades,
That cut the air,
And spear the weak ground,
Creatures below,
Insignificant,
Against the might,
Of a vengeful sky.

Slow progress,
No revolution,
But steady success,
Eventually,
Got us to where we are,
Things getting better,
Easier,
Fairer,
Acceptance gaining,
Ignorance failing.

But.

In one signature,
A thousand steps taken,
The wrong way,
Back to before,
When no one,
Understood,
And blindly,
Blamed,
Accused,
Hated,
Divided.

But.

The world screams,
It cries out:
*"They are human too!"

In a moment,
All things may balance,
All words and purpose,
Align,
To keep stress,
Below the threshold.

Or

They may reach,
Breaking point,
And all the pressure,
Cracks,
Along the fault lines,
And reveal the turmoil beneath.

Throat,
Please open,
I need to let it out,
I can't keep holding back,
I need to express myself,
But you won't let me,
You tighten,
Constraining,
Closing,
Around my feeble words,
That cry from their prison,
To be allowed to show themselves,
But you won't let them,
I choke,
My whole body begins to shake,
And those lyrics that seemed so perfect,
Stop.
.
.
.
I stare,
Into nothing,
Wishing I could speak,
But hoping more that I,
Can begin to sing in key,
But no,
You decide for me,
That my sentiment is not worth sound,
You refuse to permit my right to free speech,
By closing my vocal chords down.
.
.
.
Their eyes stare,
No sympathy,
Critical confusion,
In the end their glares usher me away,
I shuffle back from the microphone,
With an apologetic smile to my pianist,
I turn and leave the stage,
My hands hit the floor,
My head down,
Eyes down,
Tears fall,
Anger builds,
But only at my sorry self.
.
.
.
Failure.
.
.
.
The rest of me was so strong.
.
.
.
But my throat gave away my pain.

It closes
The surrounding darkness is somehow contracting
Though it was always equally lacking in light, the walls approach on the edges of your vision.
The jagged edges that hold a promise of riches never yielded their prize.
They fall and crush, snapping your vertebrae without thought.
Pinned to the damp floor, your skeletal remains give up their fight.
It has won.
Not daggers, no, far less civilised, far more brutal shards pierce roughly through your chest.
The sound of your screams is replaced with silence
The battle is over.
Yet still the blows crash against your skull, the pounding on the inside of your head starts to break out.
Perspectives reverse
Not dark, sunrise, not rocks, a quilt, not screams, but beeps.
A day begins
It
Was
All
In
Your
Head
Does that make it alright?
Do you feel better for that truth?
Your mind tricked you, is that what you want?
Which restricts more, a prison of rock or thoughts?

How can we trust?
When there are so many ways to be betrayed,
And so many reasons to fear,
Why do we believe anyone?
Is it some irrational instinct,
To keep us together,
Despite our fickle minds?
Or a fading dream,
Of how we used to see,
And how we used to feel?
Can we accept the truth,
In words on a screen,
When the face behind them is hidden?
Should we be afraid,
Of what we can't prove,
And what will never be known?
Is blind faith lost,
To this race of skeptics?
Does it have a place any more?

Is there an answer to these questions?
Yes.

But we all answer differently.

There's something about water that fascinates the mind,
Hypnotic in its passive dancing,
Wheeling in panicked turns to the tune of an inaudible waltz.

The way it ripples with each drop of rain in the cold,
Resonates with me,
As though the water itself is speaking to me,
Desperately wanting to be heard,
It's voice crying in every motion.
Stop!
What is it saying?
Stop! Stop!
I don't know
Please! Stop!
It's too quiet
You're not listening!
All I know is how I feel when I see the way it glistens in the moonlight,
The way it reflects the beauty of a cityscape as dusk falls,
When the day is done water's true beauty is found,
It sparkles below me,
Pinpricks of street lights streak across its surface,
They seem to spread ferociously as my eyes are filled with tears,
Pinpricks becoming blazing stars.

The air whispers to me,
telling me what I need to hear.
Exactly what I need.

Water is pure beauty,
Eternally entrancing my closed-off mind,
Drawing me in,
Because sometimes
Water is more than beauty,
It becomes a perfect friend,
With no capacity to judge,
No way to hate,
Only to fill.
An empty
Heart
Drop
by
Drop
It becomes
Escape



*My legs fold beneath me,
my body goes limp,
I fall.

Fingers, tremble
In your craze-driven dance.
Tendons, tighten
In your maddening trance.
Bones, quake,
With your brittle fear.
Muscles, pulse,
Let your breaking points draw near.
Vessels, burst,
Pressure too great.
Joints, seize,
Disconnect from fate.
Lungs, collapse,
Breaths shallow and stale.
Skin, strain,
And stretch until pale.

I once talked of endings,
Like beginnings I couldn't see,
Like new adventures to be taken,
Like half a chance to flee.

I once talked of endings,
Like the story I can't tell,
Like the future out or reach,
Like a legend I know well.

I once talked of endings,
Like the drink in my glass,
Like waiting for a refill,
Like a glorified restart.

I once talked of endings,
But I won't anymore,
Too many times I've missed out,
Because I slammed and locked the door.

I was always afraid of endings,
So I painted my own sequels,
To hide the fact that all I wanted,
Was to turn the page.

Desperate hands,
Trembled,
Typing on a dying phone,
Fearful breaths,
Trembled,
As I tried to go one step further than before,
My kindness,
Trembled,
As friend after friend wouldn't tell me,
How to use the blade that,
Trembled,
And glistened with shattered tears,
My heart,
Trembled,
As even the one who loves me refused to let me bleed,
Saying that if I,
Trembled,
And hurt myself so would she,
My anger,
Trembled,
And faded as I realised what I was doing,
I felt only:
Regret, fear, love and thankfulness,
For a lump of plastic and gold in my hands that gave me the chance to find hope.

Not long now,
So close, so close,
We get ready,
So soon, so soon,
Just a few hours,
No time, no time,
And it's already gone,
So fast, so fast.

We wait such a long time,
For it to shine for so little,
The light comes and goes,
So quickly,
Before we know it,
It's time to wait again,
But was it really all worth so much?
All this build up,
Hype and anticipation?
Maybe, maybe not,
But we're so close, so close,
There's no time to think.
So soon, so soon,
Are we ready?
No time, no time,
It all happens in a flash,
So fast, so fast.

I worry about everything,
I've never been able to just sit,
Just relax,
Unless there's someone there to lie with,
Someone else to stare at the ceiling or sky with,
To talk about songs and dreams.

Sometimes I think it would be nice,
To be able to stop for a second,
And ignore all the confusion,
That swims around my head,
And colours the wind with a false promise,
Of eternal freedom.

But I think of all the things,
That fill my mind,
You outweigh it all,
In every moment of joy and laughter I see you,
And when I'm down,
I know you would make me smile.

The fact is,
I can't escape that fact,
And more importantly,
I don't want to.

Shadows reach, claws outstretched
Scratching and grasping a trembling wreck
Crawling, scrabbling, breathing rough
Footsteps can't carry you far enough
Moonlight casts flickers that turn into eyes
Grinning and watching a squirming demise
Feel the space close, the breath on your skin
Fingers in your hair, the twisting within
Screaming, screeching, scavengers ravage, draw blood
Keep your eyes open, my pretty, my love.

Keep dodging the shots,
With your nimble comebacks,
Keep ducking and weaving,
Around the truth.
Keep staring ahead,
Never looking at the carnage,
You left behind.

Keep avoiding my eyes,
With your simple disguise,
Keep hiding yourself,
In your smile,
Keep falling back,
On that which you know,
Never changing.

Keep forcing my hand,
To deal a new hand,
Keep fixing the deck,
That I own,
Keep dodging the shots,
I keep firing at you,
Because I want you to win this war.

Though she pounces,
Her touch is soft,
And her snarl holds no malice.

In her eyes the purest innocence,
That could never ****,
Or know pain or sadness.

Her tiny frame will not grow,
Into a predator,
But a companion who's subtle fur,
Will be a comfort and soak up,
Any tears her master may cry.

Your username and password,
To learn of the world,
Your e-mail address,
To access your friends,
A 4-digit PIN,
To start out your life,
A captcha test,
To be yourself,
The world behind a lock screen.

Six purple tulips,
Stand proud and tall,
They are the lucky ones,
Who survived despite it all,
They are cared for and noticed,
Treated with respect,
They always get more water,
Than the others can get,
So no surprise then,
With treatment like this,
They bloom far more early,
And can afford to take a risk,
And is it really all that shocking,
That out of all these flowers,
The ones that are most beautiful,
Are the ones doted on for hours.

Five white tulips,
And one more with a hunch,
Sit lower in the vase,
The feeblest of the bunch,
They all knew from the start,
That they would never live,
As they were born in plainer robes,
And have nothing more to give,
One of their number,
Has already succumbed,
Looking down at the ground,
Determination numbed,
This flower was unlucky,
Turned away by those above,
When all it really needed,
Was help and love.

Broken context,
Separation of thoughts,
Lost meaning,
Cut-off,
Always at the most important moment,
When a sharp response is vital,
Or when urgency is needed,
Or when you are desperate,
In the darkest moments of untold fear,
Never in the time of peace,
Or when you want to be alone,
Only when friends need to lean on each other,
When support is required,
From the other side,
Of a tear-streaked touch screen,
That is the time,
When the signal decides,
It has had enough,
And gives up.

The Actress steps out
To an audience of eyes
Making slow assessment
Staring at her, through her
Each subtlety of her motion
A tell-sign of her mind

So The Actress fills her mind
With foreign thoughts
Buries herself in research
And imagined feelings
That seep into her own
Until she is her part

And The Actress is no more
And actress but a puppet
Ambling through a cut-out of a life
Letting their eyes burrow deeper
But not deep enough to see
Her lying to them

But The Actress pays her price
For to lie that deeply
Requires honest belief in her own
Fictitious existence
And who she is ceases to be
In favour of a character

And as The Actress steps off stage
She is blind to her reality
And emptied of truth
For she carries the eyes with her
In her mind, in her reflection
Until she is no longer sure
She is an actress at all

Chip away,
Piece by piece,
At the unrefined granite,
Erode each layer,
Define it further,
Find the perfect contours,
The creature within,
That lives and breathes,
But beneath a prison of rock,
And you hold the key,
A chisel,
Take it away,
Chunk by chunk,
Reveal the true form,
Let its eye see again,
Let its fingers reach for the sky,
Perfected,
Not created,
Reduced,
From rough stone,
To beauty.

A second chance,
To change your focus,
To repair the fragments of your mind,
To find a new solution to life,
To redesign your soul,
And restart your heart,
To forget the past,
And erase the scars,
To believe in love,
And trust in friends,
To restrain your hate,
Restrict your pain,
And fill the emptiness behind your eyes,
This is the chance not of one lifetime,
But of two,
Don't waste it.

A glint of silver,
In thick fog and smoke.
A random spring,
In the driest desert when you need it most.
A fallen tree,
That stops you just before the edge.
A gentle smile,
In your darkest hour.
The hands on your shoulders,
That tell you to get a grip.
The harsh words,
You needed to hear.
The break in the clouds,
As the hurricane hits.
The gust of wind,
Revealing your face to a stranger,
Ripping off your mask,
So that they can see you for who you are.
A gentle nudge,
That leads you to your fate.
A slammed door,
To show you the other way.
The exploding star,
Who in their dying moments brought you light.

Friends are precious,
People who care are priceless.

The marks on my window,
The scars of past journeys,
The imperfect reminders,
Of a thousand other stories,
Of other tiring souls,
Other busy souls,
Restless souls,
Who, watching the same dismal landscape,
Found thoughts wandering,
The same way,
To somewhere darker now gone,
To somewhere brighter, still to come,
To the time if only they could change,
To a time they long to know again,
To a time far away,
From those marks on the window,
And the stifled, silent tears,
As they cried a journey,
From.city centre on a train.

As I scrolled through my feed,
I saw commitments,
I saw pledges of,
Support,
And love,
I saw,
Excitement,
I felt the sense of success,
Relief,
And utter joy.

To those who came out,
Well done for having the,
Confidence,
Courage,
And trust,
To be honest.

To those who are still hiding,
Take you're time,
When you're ready,
I hope you too,
Will be able to say,
"This is who I am",
And know you'll be safe,
Despite your fears.

A void,
Empty of all,
A divide,
Between our souls,
I stand,
Afraid of falling,
I listen,
And hear you calling,
I look,
I see despair below,
A ravine,
Filled with dark sorrow,
I step,
And trip and fall,
Air rushing,
The end of the long haul,
I land,
My body crushed,
Life leaves me,
My song is hushed.

At least, that's what would have happened
If your hand there to grab me hadn't
Pulled me up so much higher,
Where things got so much brighter.

A faded passport,
Of who I used to be,
It says that Dark and Hatred,
Are my nationalities,
It says my forename's Fear,
My surname: Everything,
My date of birth is long since gone,
But it's clear enough to see,
From my picture: a face covered in scars,
My life's been long enough for me.
But the expiry date says today,
And I'm sure I've been set free,
I'll send off the details for my new life,
And rewrite my history.

Here, in these ninety minutes,
This means something,
This one shot,
The single chance to prove
That those thirteen days (and a year before)
Were not wasted
Not simply an excuse nor chains
That shackled me to the desk,
To the chair, inside...
This is it,
Do. Not. Mess. It. Up.
Breathe, focus.
Okay.
*"The time is now exactly ten-to-nine,
You may start - good luck."

The cloak is three minutes fast,
Counting the age of these pages,
Ahead of time.

The dust settles three minutes late,
Fingerprints and broken spines delayed,
In broken time.

These words live three minute lives,
Conceived and captured with only a short pause,
To take the time.

The clock is three minutes fast,
Looking back at the new becoming classic,
So little time.

Hearts are not constant,
In the light they radiate beauty,
In shade they lose focus,
In the night they are lost.

But Hearts are not black or red,
They span a spectrum,
Each unique,
But not so different from each other.

Hearts are pastels,
When touched they merge,
Bridging the gap between each other,
And becoming one.

Although they cannot always fuse completely,
There will always be enough different colours,
For hearts to find companionship,
And trust, if not love.

The gentle whir of a dehumidifier,
In a darkened room,
The muffled beats of a playlist,
In a darkened room,
The light glares from a laptop,
In a darkened room,
One curtain drawn, the other caught on the corner of a chest of drawers,
In a darkened room,
A triangle of light on the door,
In a darkened room,
A limp hand dangles from the bed,
In a darkened room,
And a broken soul sleeps as one,
In a darkened room.