Fluttering at shutter speed.
Is it my heart inside my chest,
or my lungs palpitating.
It is my veins.
Rushing with blood, or collapsing for lack of.
It is my stomach. Eating away its own lining;
Acidic paint splattered across its walls. Whitewashing them
With every sporadic convulsion I feel.
When I do sleep, I do not sleep.
I am depressed. Unhappy. Not entertained.
Questioning every decision I’ve ever made about life,
I inflate with anger.
I think about opportunities passed.
I revolt with envy when I see artists prevail.
I am a miserable fuck brimming with unseen talent.
I miss cigarettes.
I miss cocaine.
Cheap whiskey and grinding my teeth
until 2 in the afternoon when my bloodshot eyes’ll tell you more
than you could ever learn reading my palms.
Fake prophesies of people who never really cared,
and rooms lit up with cheap disco lights and moist carpets.
Perfectly ripened with mildew and sweat and DNA.
The saved lives of unborn infants.
The lucky few.
A smile hides the searing pain,
pushed up close an cheek to cheek,
her love for him she gives in vain,
a knotted throat she mustn't speak,
People see just what they want,
a beauty with a smiling face,
she hides the bitter truth behind,
her well lit eyes of tempered grace,
It's not she doesn't love him,
she adores his every wrinkle,
it's just she doesn't see the same,
her eyes no longer twinkle,
Hopes they daily deeper go,
to places that she'd rather hide,
she dare not even mention them,
too many minutes to abide,
wanting her to go again,
an not be at his beckon side,
to stay is wrong you say,
does she not have any pride?
She's in the same place over,
an over again-
it's Groundhog day,
so she reaches out a tired hand -
again and dreams,
as the alarm again will play,
Her dreams are but a distant place,
a summit she can't reach,
a shore to call her heart back home,
a hauntingly familiar beach
with some shells around her ankle,
an scarring from blood-sucking leach,
painful is the bite you know,
her freedom brought by what it teach,
With her toes beneath-
the wave of coming fortune,
the one he says that cleanses all,
as it dies before it gets to her,
well she thinks that thing has got some gall,
She takes a calming moment,
and the deepest poet's sigh,
as she is ever grateful,
this is not her sad goodbye,
Thankful she was watching,
with the other useful eye,
Safe from certain disaster,
watching the angry wave,
dissipate unto it's own oblivion,
an blessed she can still see -
with her eyes completely shut.
Ma Cherie © 2017
Oh, the darkness overwhelms
Every minute I'm sinking deeper
It's hard to see the light
When your thoughts are black as night
But then I see your face
An' the shadows dissipate
An' I'm not so alone
You're the one I've been waiting for
Now you've opened up the door
To my sad and scarred soul
An' I'm so thankful
You're the one I've been waiting for
Thinking about turning this into a song. What do you think?
(To Veronica, his rescuer)
This very eve
A cat retrieved
From execution -
(Known as ‘putting it to sleep’
In worlds polite.)
I am relieved.
Others too -
Others who were grieved
At contemplating Mickey’s plight.
(We’ve named him Mickey.
It seems right.)
Every living thing loves life.
Who’d take the life of such a creature?
Harmless, causing not one other creature
Strife? Well, mice of course:
A course he takes out in the wood,
Hunting out there as he should.
Saved by the bell.
Saved from the hell of being killed
By skilled hands, skilled injections:
“Put to sleep” a healthy, pretty cat rejected.
Time to cheer.
A darling, eager friend
And friends of friends
Until she reached the blessèd end
Of finding little Mick a home.
Cat Rescued 2.15.2017
Cat Book II;
I can remember from childhood
Was the night of that terrible fever
My bed was a plank
Wooden under my spongey bones
My sharp breaths hit my body
From an invisible assailant
Spiked blows to my mattress
That pierced my flesh clean
And punched wind right through my blankets
Then came the hoods
Surrounded my bed in inky blackness
They blotted out the stars
And smothered my night light
Even a young child would
Expect death after such a vision
Only one last shaky breath left
I was almost certain
Then it appeared
Almost angry and fearsome
My fair golden haired champion
A brilliant figure dazzling light
It punctured that dark shroud
Shred it to absolute pieces
And restored me
Back to this life
Tomorrow's another day, another ful of
Hope. Another day to share love, show kindness
In this world there's too much hate--we need to
Spread love and kindness and
Show our children that we're in this together!
Our world needs us; we
Need our world!
Gather everyone you love and
And listen to music!! All different
Varieties of music---
Every kind-- MUSIC is LIFE!
Doing good, showing kindness, and
Much more is what we need in this world.
Yesterday is just a day
Longing to bring peace to this world.
In life, it's to short to worry and
Forever is so for a way, just breathe
Everyday and show love!
Written from my heart as it came to me.
Music is the best!!
Peace and Love
my sophomore year of high school
i found God
i found Him in achy bones and ink-stained fingertips
i found Him in late night sobs
and screaming into my pillow
i found Him in grieving
and trying to love again
i found Him in trust issues
and fragile emotional states
i found Him in brokenness beyond repair
God uses the broken, the hurt, the weary
God uses me.