I see a little bit of myself in everyone I know

x

But I see so much of me in you

x

I wonder if you see it, too

When I was young I didn't think I'd spend my nights like this
I don't really know what I imagined
But I know that it wasn't lying in bed at 3am
Trying to fit suicide into my schedule like lunch with an old friend

I believe! I believe!
I will believe as hard as I can until it kills me!
God almighty in heaven above, let me believe!
I will dedicate my life to you,
I am prepared to die for you!

even if I don't really believe,
I will in time!

I can pretend for as long as it takes until my faith is true!

I mean,
there are lies that I can sink into so beautifully,
a falsehood that comes so natural that it may as well be true!

so this,
faith and joy,
should be nothing!

I've told a lot of lies,
I've faked a lot of identifies,
true

but this is is something that I truly want to be,

so I will force faith down my own throat until all that comes out of my mouth anymore are preachings

I will force myself to be the perfect god-fearing boy if it kills me

because gosh,

I just believe

so hard

"How can I stop myself from dying alone?"

"Don't die."

I SCREAMED AND I KICKED AND I PUNCHED AND I DID EVERYTHING I COULD TO KEEP YOU AWAY

I KNEW WITH ALL MY HEART THAT YOU WANTED ME DEAD, RIGHT?

SO I DIDN'T STOP SCREAMING AND KICKING AND PUNCHING

UNTIL YOU WERE ON THE FLOOR IN TEARS

YOU SAID YOU DIDNT KNOW WHY I WAS DOING THIS

I STOPPED FOR A MINUTE AND I LOOKED DOWN ON YOUR ****** FACE

BEFORE STAMPING IT INTO THE GROUND

LOOKING BACK ON IT

YOU WERE TELLING THE TRUTH, WEREN'T YOU?

...

WERE YOU REALLY TRYING TO **** ME?

...

...

I'M NOT THE VICTIM AT ALL, AM I?

I know that you're boiling me alive and if I don't get out soon then I'll die but I can handle the pain because this is the only warmth I've ever really felt and I don't want to lose it

There was a glimmer of an emotion still inside him but it was definitely not a good emotion.

He wondered if he should dig it up until he hit water or bury it with more apathetic personas.

MY BOYFRIEND HIT ME SO I USED THE BLOOD TO PAINT A PICTURE OF BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS

MY DOG GOT HIT BY A CAR
SO I TURNED HER CRACKED BONES INTO THE MOST WONDERFUL MOSAIC  

MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN SO I DUSTED THE ASHES ONTO MY SKIN AND IT MADE MY FACE SPARKLE AND MY EYES POP

BUT ALAS

THE BOY WAS STILL VIOLENT
MY NOSE STILL ******

THE DOG WAS STILL DEAD
MY HEART STILL SHATTERED

THE HOUSE WAS STILL GONE
MY MEMORIES ALL BURNED TO NOTHINGNESS

THE BOY PERCHED UPON A PLASTIC CASTLE AND WEPT UNTIL HIS TEARS CAME NO MORE.
HE WAITED FOR THE BEING THAT WOULD COME AND DESTROY HIM.
DEEP IN HIS HEART HE KNEW HIS ACTIONS WERE EVIL.
HE WOULD NEVER LET HIMSELF BELIEVE THAT, THOUGH.

"Why don't you write about me?"*

I can put any insignificant thing into words, why on earth would I want to do the same thing with you?
I could give you thousands of metaphors of love but it will end with broken hearts on the sidewalk
and I could give you hundreds of synonyms of happiness but it will turn to fear of being alone soon enough

you should now by now that
my writings are not the place for things that I love.


They'll get mangled and die.

I FOUGHT ******* MY MISGUIDED QUEST,
GOOD GOD I FOUGHT SO HARD

WHAT A SHAME THAT A BOY BLINDED BY NAIVETY ENDED UP DESTROYING EVERYTHING HE HAD THOUGHT HE WAS SAVING

I FELT EMPTY AND NUMB WHEN ALL MY FOES HAD FALLEN TO THE GROUND
****** AND DEAD

IS THAT HOW A HERO IS SUPPOSED TO FEEL?

I SAW THE PAINTINGS OF A GREAT BEAST AND I THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT- THEY MUST HAVE BEEN MAKING YOU OUT TO BE A MONSTER THAT YOU SIMPLY AREN'T, RIGHT?

ALAS, WITH A CLEAR HEAD I SEE THAT THE PAINTINGS WERE THE ONLY TRUE REFLECTION OF YOU THAT YOU EVER SHOWED ME BEFORE THIS MOMENT

I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE OF YOU NOW AND MY ONCE BLIND EYES SEE YOU FOR WHAT YOU TRULY WERE ALL ALONG

A MONSTEROUS BEAST THAT I ONCE CALLED 'FRIEND' STANDS BEFORE ME

HE WAS THE MOON AND I WAS THE STARS
I WAS MANY PEOPLE AND HE WAS ONE

you got down on your knees and swore to me that you would always live for yourself,
you got told me that you knew how to be happy and that you were never going to forget how,
you said to me that the past is the past and that you have learned how to move on

so now

I'm looking into the reflection of ****** bathwater

and I'm asking you

not what happened

not why has this happened

but rather

how?

FROM YOUR MOUTH FROM MINE

DOES IT MATTER?

IN THE END
WE ARE BOTH THE SAME

BRUISED LIKE PEACHES
AND BROKEN LIKE UNKEPT PROMISES

She dressed in floral sundresses as if every day was summer
She enjoyed ripping the wings off of butterflies
and burned daisies for fun

and the girl in the sundresses set fire to anthills to see them scramble out like criminals on the run

The girl in the sundresses drowned her pet mouse,
dried out her gold fish,
cut the wings off her parrot
and choked her snake with them

and I don't believe in evil

The girl is not evil, despite all people say
Why did she do it? I don't know
Did the victims deserve it? I don't know

The girl died a long time ago
Mauled by a dog  
Maybe that is irony
Maybe it is karma

She stayed up every night helping her little brother with homework
she said hello to the postman every morning
she baked cookies and offered them to classmates for no reason other than to give

She- despite all of the hurt -is not evil
She- despite all that they say -is not evil

and the girl in the sundresses doesn't deserve to be known
as a destroyer
as a killer
as a maniac

she deserves to be known
as more than just one word

'evil'

QUIETLY
THEY CREPT
INTO HIS ROOM
AND THEY CLIMBED
ONTO HIS BED AND THEY
STUCK WOODEN PINS INTO
HIS SKIN AND THEN DOUSED HIM
IN GASOLINE AND THEY TOOK A LIGHTER
AND LIT HIM UP LIKE CANDLES ON A BIRTHDAY
CAKE WHILE HE SLEPT WITH NO IDEA HE WAS BURNING ALIVE

Letting go
Of things
That never should have been

Strike a match
Light up
Old photographs

Happy faces
Stuck forever in
Better times

And those times
Are gone
Now

And she
Is gone
Now

But without
Her
I breathe

And without
Her
I live

She is not
Here
Anymore

And when
I lit up
The photos

The feeling
Was not
Gone

The feeling
Simply made way
For new things to feel

And I
Will move on
Away from her

And she
Away from me
Will move on

And in
The burning memories in front of me
I found peace

BEHIND ME
IT BREATHES

UNDER MY BED
IT BREATHES

BEHIND EVERY DOOR CREAKING OPEN
IT BREATHES

WHEN I TURN UP DEAD

HUNG BY A ROPE

CUT OPEN LIKE A TURKEY

DROWNED LIKE A BAG OF KITTENS


THE ONE WHO KILLED ME

**WAS

NOT

ME

I WAKE UP IN A COFFIN
SIX FEET UNDERGROUND
WITH A BOX OF MATCHES I LIGHT UP MY TOMB
AND IN THE FLICKERING LIGHT
I SEE WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO TELL ME
PINNED UP TO THE ROOF OF THE CASKET WITH STICKY TAPE

A PIECE OF PAPER
AND IT READS

"FOREVER HAS ENDED.
PACK YOUR THINGS,
AND GET OUT OF MY LIFE"

I'm just a different person sometimes.

Figuratively, right?

You tell me.

**** as many as you can
but most importantly-
have fun and be yourself!

LEAVE RIGHT NOW

THIS IS NOT YOUR PLACE

THIS IS NOT YOUR RIGHT TO BE HERE-

ITS NOT EVEN YOUR RIGHT TO BE

NOT YOUR EYES, NOT YOUR BODY

JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE

GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT