Masuda K
Masuda K
5 days ago

My first e
ver art teacher w
as born on Valen
tine's day.

Can a person die
of a heartbreak? I'
m not sure. Well i
f people did, and if
my beloved teacher
- who was born
on the day and na
med after the sain
t of love - died of a
heartbreak, would
n't it be a paradox?

Dear Lovely HP Poets,

Oh my goodness, my life has been turned a bit upside down of late--my little brother who has stage 4 terminal lung cancer had a massive heart attack yesterday and he nearly died...the doctors in the ER rushed him into surgery and put 3 stents in his arteries to unblock 2 arteries that were 99% blocked and one that was over 50% blocked.

My brother has been having excruciating pain and these horrific attacks for the past several weeks and it turns out that what we thought was his tumor hurting him were probably heart attacks due to the blockages...he's still in the hospital and will be released in a day or two. I'll be taking care of him for awhile and may not get to read your amazing poems as often as I would like, but I'll be back when I know that he is out of the woods.

I have such admiration for my little bro. He refuses to let this cancer or his failing heart take him just yet...he said he's just not ready to go and I'm going to do everything I can to help him stay around as long as his body and mind will allow him to. He is and always has been such a part of my heart... ♥

Please send good vibes and prayers and send me strength. I am beyond exhausted.

and this is my most important message of all:  Please value your health and take good care of *YOU.* Life is too darn short, you know?

With much love,
Pamela ♥♥♥

ps please know how very much I appreciate all of you!!!
#love   #life   #heart   #illness   #cancer   #strength   #attack   #prayers  

In a mind which apparently is my own,
Racing at an unimaginable speed,
Of myself and my own surroundings,
A non-existent part of the day,
Trembling like the finest strings on a guitar,
Like a fish washed upon the shore gasping for some air,
A far-fetched feeling currently not in reach

something small and quick written during my last anxiety attack
#poetry   #short   #anxiety   #mind   #soul   #body   #attack   #simple   #recovery   #mentalhealth  

The blood is drying underneath my nails
And it's dripping off your cheek
While you stare at me in shock
That I would do such a thing

#i   #this   #attack   #angry   #know   #dont   #from   #violent   #where   #came  

I just had my panic attack.
If we are still together,
And I pray that we are,
Thank you for everything.

I just found this in my notebook and I had a panic attack of my own. Memories of you flood in and just destroy me. I hate thinking of you and I hate the fear I feel when you're brought up. That was the worst time of my life. I hate that every day something reminds me of you and I'm brought back into that depression and self hatred I felt. I hate it all.
#ex   #panic   #attack   #abusive  

when the words are hard to express out loud
or other people just can't seem to understand
I write to release all my anger or frustration
grabbing a pen or a sharpened pencil in my hand
leaving smudged lead or wet ink on my finger tips
scribbling jotting down all the thoughts that attack
conquering my mind trying hard to escape my lips
releasing emotions that pull me down or hold me back
the knotted tongue of confusion is loosen now untied
I'm able to climb out from the depths of the dark pit
grabbing Life's sturdy rope that depression tried to hide

V Anne
Dec 24, 2016

I want to forgive you
to have an open heart
and a spirit of generosity.

But that feels nearly impossible.

How can I forgive you
for Facebook Messages
that left me shaking?

How can I forgive you
for denying the assault
and hanging up the phone?

I’ve never felt more grief.
I’m grieving.
I’m in pain.

And it’s hard to forgive
when I still cannot

#love   #pain   #hurt   #forget   #grief   #panic   #attack   #phone   #forgive   #assault  
Dec 23, 2016

the difference between you and i is when you have a nightmare you wake up and it ends
i wake up to get to school to relive my nightmare
the nightmare of seeing him
of feeling his presence
the honest to God fear he has me under is driving into insanity
i could use millions of words and not one could describe my hatred and fear
who i am?
where did this feeling come from
did it arrive after i understood the effect this will have
not understand leaves me wondering
clueless to the way this will follow me to my death bed
as i lay my head down to die
the flashes of images and emotions will fill my soul once more
nightmares are real
just different from what i thought about as a kid
i used to think monsters lived under my bed
now i know they live within people
they bring you into washes
they rob you
they lie
they rape
they hurt
i am done letting him control me
i say that often
i say those words every time i see him
or when i need strength
i just need to repeat it enough times so i will start believing it
lord help me
live a life full of dreams not nightmares
i want more
i desire
desire is a fire that depends on power
power at which i don’t contain
powerthirst on control from others because of a lack oneself
the emotional security one can not give feeds into anger
mistakes are failed risks that seem to have this hold on our souls as if that has the power we have been searching for
so mistakes are our minds negative power
then successes are our positive power
nothing makes sense
we are flawed humans stitched up with cravings
these cravings can be used for glory or for the evil that we conform to
we should use the craving to move us out of the darkness instead of pain
we should push to the happiness that is reachable
we refuse to do what we were called to do
the nightmare i can not wake up from
a life i did not choose but can not awake from

#suicide   #broken   #sad   #depression   #pain   #hurt   #heartbroken   #attack   #rape   #blame  
Dec 23, 2016

hold me tight please
the memories are coming on strong
more intense
the sounds he made
the words he spoke
they way it felt
the images
it’s all coming back
so clearly
oh his voice
i used to not care about the once strangers voice
now it replays itself until i want to scream
i would rather never hear again if that means not hearing his voice in my head
hours i have cried
days have gone by without a single positive thought
i sit and stare out my window replaying the event
i am still not sure what got into me
why did i have to lose my fucking mind
ruined my whole life
i went down to that wash
i shouldn’t of
i shouldn’t of even left my house
i shouldn’t of texted him
i shouldn’t of talk to him
i shouldn’t of met him
let’s take it back to the start when strangers remain strange
where that scenario would never happen to me
where lust was willing
where no meant no
and stop mean’t stop
not “i am almost done”
i can not explain the emotions i am feeling
watching him watch me
he sends fear up my spine
he brings a new meaning to fear
i need him to leave me alone
not alone with my thoughts
never being able to tell him what i think
the lack of control he has in his life is disgusting
i need to ignore him, right?
that’s what everyone is telling me
it’s kinda hard when he is my trigger
he has my power
i will never break free
i am a slave to the chains he has put me in
he is the meaning of hatred
the reason i scream and cry
the reason i can’t trust or love people the same

#love   #broken   #sad   #addiction   #hate   #sadness   #drugs   #heartbroken   #attack   #rape  
Dec 23, 2016

Opia- the intense feeling of staring into someone's eyes
I can still see his eyes watching me on that bus
I can see him following behind me into that easy
holding my hand
how foolish
I can see these events that lead up to my own rape
I can picture his eyes
As I struggled to get away
He held me down
looking into my eyes
He saw my hurt
He saw the damage he was doing
to my body
That intense look
The images of him
Near me before this
it is dragging me down
I can't blame myself forever
I can't keeping thinking I could of stopped this
I got into something I couldn't get out of
I played with fire and felt the burn
that's my fault
I could of stopped him
I should've done something
that look
I wish someone else saw that look
His face
my face
He saw me as nothing less than a rusted gate
How shameful I should be
I should hate myself
For trusting
I wish I was more like kaitlynn
She doesn't trust like I do
I hate myself for this
I am to blame
the feeling of losing all power
of being helpless
it drowns out all sound
in this crowded earth
full of sound
i become silenced in my own shame
with in my own being
i am silenced
opia is that feeling i’ve been searching for to describe him

#sad   #depression   #pain   #gay   #sadness   #hurt   #attack   #lgbt   #lgbtq   #rape  
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