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Eyithen 1d
I feel like I'm losing everyone
Or maybe I never really had anyone
Eyithen 1d
C                                                                ­                           R
          L                                                    ­               E
                      U                T
                      ­                                            T
Clutter in my Room
Clutter in my mind
I stare at the piles unsure of where to start
Every item I pick up brings waves of anxiety so I move to another
but one thought plucked brings two more to the surface
Anxious overthinking and worrying about made up familial death
I.
Don't
       Know
                How
                           To
                                  Be
                         ­               Better...
My shovel is hitting stone, convinced I'll find gold
Day by day, stuck in the mundane waring with flesh and spirit
The solution should be easy but its not

And the guys I want don't want me
And I'm writhing in my bed in agony over my disfigured figure
Staring at the fun house mirror with my grey-tinted glasses
Uneven curves and lumps.

And I question the way others see me
I question conversations
I question intentions as actions fail to follow the spoken
And I feel so so alone

Support beams rotting
I'm passing through with the cold
I don't feel like a blessing
I'm nothing special
I just feel so isolated
Surrounded by clusters of people and I don't have the courage to walk up to one without feeling like a foreigner in my second home.
and when I do it is just as easy to abandon the attempt
I'm the last student in a game of team-up glancing around to see who chance has left me with...I never thought this feeling would continue well into my twenties...

And I know its all just the chemicals but no man will ever understand how this feels and no woman either...
So old and still feeling like a kid who never outgrew the growing pains.
It still hurts. All the **** time.
I have spent too much time alone to be fit for companionship.
My words taste dry and chalky like the essence of an elementary memory
I reek of attic and grandmas sexiest perfume, stuffed inside a satin jewelry box
The electric hum of our breathing machinery swells inside my gushing veins
I am painful unfit for this human body, my discomfort palatable and grotesque
Tortured by this strained existence, a circus elephant on a colorful ball
I swish my words inside my mouth, not ready to spit nor to swallow
Stalking eyes in silence pools, I watch peers like a fox watches a coyote.
I am an alien, I am painstakingly unfamiliar in every way that counts.
neth jones Apr 20
.
told frigid outside                                                          ­                    
within   love is stretched thin         this home   puckled tight
sealed  and buckled in      from all the social weathering
from the gatherings    in heated public yurts and gymnasiums
that fail short of ***** ****
from the bothersome geographic features out there          
       demanding expeditions, exploration and organization

within   we can see the fridge light                                      
                     ­                                in the middle of the night
we can receive signals and visions                      
                        but are pressed ******* our hearts
waiting out the winter wound
They say if you really love them,
You have to let them go.
Nothing of the past to condemn,
Done here never to know.
No questions to be asked where to,
True love a sacrifice.
To always regret what we know,
I, ****** tasted from spice.
Yes, the high never worth the fall,
I know risk all too well.
Let my soul weaken not to brawl,
Shamed secret not to tell.
Say not my love to falter, won,
I dare not go back my tomb done…
XV…
A C Mar 22
When I’m in my solitude
Like when I’m in my room
And that’s why I choose
I love to enter my mind like it’s a separate room
Now when I’m forced to enter my brain
Cause what’s on the outside causes me pain
like when your friends do include you with their other friends
and it feels like i’m circling the drain
like when your high school and you the one that’s lame
and you don’t fit cause you dye your hair every color of the rainbow
and each month it’s never the same
or when your boyfriend breaks up with you
so you have to take a break from interacting with the world and every dude
I don’t have to imagine how it feels when shawty did the exact thing she said she wouldn’t do
and you say **** school
so you tell your mom and your mom tells your school counselor she pages you in her office so you can have someone to talk to
but when I choose to be alone
that’s something I own
that’s something that founded
now when you go to a predominantly white institution and get called ****** on the way to dorm on a college game day
you cant help but to feel other
to acknowledge your color
and feel like you cant relate to another who hasn’t had that experience
you just go to your room but not cause you choose
Jeremy Betts Mar 7
It'd be easier to go dumb
Braindead for fun
Explore comfortably numb
In a rarely clear cranium
Wide open space for wild thoughts to run
But now for the unforseen repercussion
Situation recognition
I can ONLY run
No place to hide, not a single one
Wrestlin' fear and confusion
With an empty win column
Lost it all, never won
Disproportionate portion
What's been done,
Can not be undone
Sit with the problem
In complete isolation
The expectation?
Come to some useful revelation
The pressure feeds off the anticipation
The anticipation breeds a host and parasite type immersion
But reality rushes in with it's own complication
Breaking then adding it's own tension
Followed by a surge of logic and reason
As I,
Yet again,
Come to the same conclusion
The sum of all my fears run the asylum
And I've been locked in here with 'em
A casualty of my reality inside a broken system

©2024
Malia Mar 1
She’s on top of the world
But she’s up there all alone.
She’s a goddess disguised
But her feet can’t find the ground
Anymore.

If you
Read her face you’ll see
The seasons never show.
Not new,
It’s a makeup routine for the ages
And no, no nobody knows the way
She’ll change into stone.
This is a part of a song that I’m writing but it hasn’t been finished yet.
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