~
It feels like the anesthetic is wearing off

This circus of machines

From coin-operated hostility

To wholesale apathy refineries

They tell us it's winter down in the subdermal

They tell us the foundation has grown weak

Dislocation is a incoming storm

Mirrors are distorted screens

Placeholders really

In a city without children

Even the statues weep

Snow upon the ground that was once blood

Now an empire without heirs

Even the trees hate us
~

i don't want to be part of this world
i would rather just observe it
how clouds move through the sky like hallucinations
how they appear then disappear at whim,
turning into milky nothing
i want to be nothing, too

I said I didn’t
but I did
I wasn’t supposed to
give a ****
Never seem to
get ahead
imagining scenarios
in my head
They’re always too good
to be true
I die alone if
I die with you
I die alone if
I die with you

End it when I can’t
seem to think
of anything that
means anything
Add a break then
start again
Treat it all as one
in the same
Treat it all as one
in the same

Repeat it to make
it seem important
It only takes more
energy
The reward is
fleeting
But you’re still
here reading
But you’re still
here reading

And that’s comforting

The end

You can hear the alarm bells,
See the red flags.
You know this will ruin you,
And you walk in with eyes wide open
Nonetheless.

You try to justify it to the world,
To yourself.
It's the end of the road;
a sense of belonging, finally,
of having a purpose,
and you're tired.
So tired of wandering, searching,
Hoping.
Choking on the salt in the air, the sea an endless barren desert with no land in sight.
So when you hear the siren's call,
And you know it spells doom,
You answer it anyway.
At least it will be over.

Except it's not death you're heading towards, but not a life either,
You'd be called crazy
If there were anyone around.

You're tired, and this feels safe,
To fall sleep in a dungeon,
To drop your heavy defenses.
It's hard work keeping them up,
And you're tired.

There's no room for mistakes in chains.
Your hands can't move to sin.
You're clean, and good;
Your mind is light, free from worry
And planning.

Your eyes fall shut.
You don't dream.

When did my mouth become so quiet
When did my mind start racing
When did my eyes stop wandering?

When did my legs become so stiff
When did my soul start dimming
When did my heart stop skipping a beat?

When did I become so mindless
When did I start not to care
When did I stop believing?

To my old love
I know it’s hard
Do you get tired of carrying
The weight of my poetry
On your shoulders
Until I have something better
To worry about?

It’s the weight of the world
And nothing at all
Really matters

To my friends
I really feel like
I’m starting to disappoint you
And then
It starts to feel like
You are too

It’s the weight of the world
And nothing at all
Really matters

To my parents
I know you’re afraid;
I am too
But I’m really
Much more tired
Of running

It’s the weight of the world
And nothing at all
Really matters

To self-help
To patience
To glasses of water
To deep breaths
And better drugs

I promise,

It’s the weight of the world
And nothing at all
Really matters

forgive him for he knows not
why?
he keeps dipping his pen in company ink.

his fallacy is confusing luck with skill,
wealth for good taste and the inherent belief
that money buys everything!

her love which you spurned
your indifference at every turn,
that nonchalance
that lack of concern,
is now, the reputation you’ve earned

hey silver tongued Romeo!
this ain’t no game of poker,
get your feet right back on the ground,
and get to the place
where you once belonged.


© 2021