I have enough hope left
For perhaps two dear thoughts of closure;
Life and death
When the words get stuck in my throat,
I taste what I choose to keep to myself
One doubt away from a falling sky
On shout away from a thinner waistline
No patience for explanations
The fact that I can stand is tongue in cheek
Still young and weak
Believe me when I tell you
I'm breathing

Yeah, the fool who accepts blindness
It's tricky wandering through the darkness
With bare feet

That **** will get you hurt
You might bleed

But don't confide in me
I'm done being an outlet for you
And you, and you too

Do things on your own
You need independence
Not help

Oh yeah
Bandages are behind the mirror

You are like
Something along the lines of
Hopeful sips of light
A drink to keep me up
All night, because the dark
Never minded company

Or maybe a line in a song
That goes
"I'll tell you one thing,
It's always better
When we're together"
Because the truths
Are in the music
Of love and life

A bolt of lightning
Across the rainy skies
Of this lonely state
A rebellious ember
Who sits, smoldering
With the heat of held hands
Even when the others have
Gone cold

A free spirit
Who strums out the chords of;
Can this be so?
And the question isn't yours
Because you already played;
Of course
And the smile that crosses my face
Is as genuine as
The words that follow

Just as a prince will battle
For his princess
In far off lands
Dulling his blade on bones
Of lust and envy
I will see you
And know that the most
Difficult valley to traverse
Is worth my time
If when I come to the end
You are there

Once again
I am brought to reality
With another smile
And throughout my head
Run the same words
Over and over and over
A beautiful song on repeat

*I love you

She is slim, fifteen and beautiful.  
Sharp blue eyes that miss nothing, and hold onto everything.
Dark blonde hair resting softly on the shoulders that bear the weight of the world around them.
We sit across from each other and reminisce.
As her eyes meet mine, they whisper some kind of plea, but I cannot hear.
What can I do but continue to smile? Continue to hold her soft hands in mine?
In a moment of strength, I attempt another word, and her fragile glass exterior shatters under the weight of the pain she had harbored all those years.
So falls her veil.
Her body heaves with sobs, and fear lines her incomprehensible sentences.
For one last, brief moment, our eyes meet again, and they are screaming at me, but I cannot hear.
She falls back into her chair, slumps to the left and onto the floor. She dies silently.
She is lying on white linoleum, and those beautiful eyes bleed tears.
The burdens fall from those weakened shoulders, and her penultimate sighs carry softly to my ears.
And she is beautiful.
A beautiful tragedy.
From the ground she arose, where the tranquil winds sought her for the ascension of life into another place, I know not where.
She died beautiful, and part of me died with her.

I am a killing time
Burying it deep
In the ground I stand upon
Hoping that it will not
It will never
Catch up with me
Because time degrades
Destroys
I am killing time
Because time would have killed me first

When it all comes down to anger
You can no longer hide your pain
When your voice is like a stranger
And it's driving you insane
When your happiness is thinning
Getting thinner every day
And your nightmares haunt your vision
Even when you are awake
When you've searched your mind for answers
But only see what you've been through
This depression is a cancer
And there's one thing you can do

(CHORUS)
Just lay down
Unleash those tears
Just lay down
Release those fears
Look back
At all those years
Lay back
The end is near

(VERSE TWO)
Never question if you're worth it
Never ask if you belong
Never wonder if your perfect
Never mattered all along
For every light there is a shadow
There's a crack in every wall
There's a **** in every meadow
There's no need to hold it all
Free your mind of all it's demons
It will help you in the end
We all wrote this for a reason
It's a lesson from a friend

(NEW CHORUS)
Smile now
From ear to ear
Try now
To reappear
It's fine now
The end is here
Just lay down
Your dreams are clear

There was this feeling
That the people once called love
They described it as
Untouchable
Unavoidable
Spiritual
Sensual


Life


A storm basked along the horizon
On one particular day
Supernova came
And she told the world to be still
And

know

And everything was quiet after that

There was the color red
As heat bled
From open sores in the sky
And mercy
Pulled a knife from it's spine

Those unscathed
Would often shake fists in the air
Heads turned upwards
And open voices to a stranger
For whom they blamed
Armageddon

Not a whisper responded
Nor did despair
Cease to charge

Love no longer had a place
Alas, hatred had eaten her heart
All that is left
Is but a husk
Of an echo
Of a memory
It is nothing





*Dust

Do you know what it's like?
To be imprisoned
In the past?

I am
Locked up in a cell
Of unforgiving memories
And mental stains I tried to hide
And blood underneath
My fingernails
And I just can't
Scrub it all away
I just want it all to end

This *******,
Nonexistent road of endless
Turmoil and boiling hatred
And emotional leakage
I am so
******* lately
And I just don't give a ****
About the things
I used to give a **** about

Have you ever just
Not cared
Awakened by hostility
And sedated with
"It'll be alright"
No, *******
It won't be alright, okay
Because it's not worth my time of day
To pretend
Like the little things don't matter
Because they do

They really do

I wanted her to live. I wanted to escape reality with her. To go somewhere peaceful. To find solace outside of the usual myriad of sounds and sights.
I wanted to take those little pills and find freedom like I always did, and so did she. So did she. So did she.
But there is no freedom, only a lack of personal imprisonment. It is ironic that our vision of "freedom" was enough to **** us. Poison. Pills. Little white pills. And a bottle of liquor to wash them down. To drown them.
So together we "escaped" reality's "prison" into the vast expanses of our hallucinations.
One more. Last one. Promise. **** that doubt and replace it with a little white pill.
Take a swig. Take a gulp. Take another. Let's make this crazy.
One more pill. Last one. I swear. Laugh with me. Drink with me.
Laugh with me.
Hey, hey, it will be fine, we're done. We're done. We're done so just relax. Float and fly, feel that high. Lay down and rest.
We should have stopped earlier.
We should have stopped earlier.
You know, we should have stopped earlier.
I am sorry. My bad.

So later comes and goes. She sits on the porch, smoking a cigarette. Smiles, all smiles. She is high, but she operates well.
I light a cigarette of my own.
I breathe in the smoke, let it coat my lungs. Watch it disappear as I exhale. She says something funny, and I laugh. She laughs, I laugh. It's hilarious.
She lives.
She lives.
She lives.
Unfortunately, that is a false reality. I give you the fake version to staunch the bleeding of insecurities and emotional detriment.
You see, I have mislead you. Fake. Fake. So fake, and how I wish it were not.
She never smoked that last cigarette. I guess to her, life was unimportant. Worthless. She was not seeking attention this time. She intentionally overdosed. She convulsed and died in front of me. I watched her swallow white after white and I didn't stop her. Her small framed body of innocence turned into an animal. Neglected, starved of love.
She is dead.
She is dead.
She is dead.
She will never exist beyond my memories. Beyond my dreams. Beyond her phantom visits to my vision. I am being followed. Stalked. Haunted. Chased. Hunted for a guilt trip.
Later, it's blade to flesh. Bottle to lips. Bleeding, regretting, wishing, screaming.
Anger, self pity, despair, depression, descent.
Cornered, frightened, spiraling into madness.
Welcome. It is with great pleasure that I invite you into my life.

I have failed again
Doomed to live out my existence
In a shell of betrayal and self afflicted heartbreak
Knowing that I wasn't enough for you
Knowing that, despite my problems
Somewhere, two souls meet in infinite embrace
And the sword of jealousy pierces my knotted guts

Every time I hear your name my body shakes
This pain is no longer emotional
It strikes my core and shatters all I have built
My knees weaken and my chest tightens
My head hurts and my tears flow without asking
It happens randomly throughout the day
My collapses are uncontrollable

Stupid things remind me of you
Like bikes, and guitars, and cigarettes
And Law and Order and Friends and Eric Clapton
And pipes and aches and organic food
And kisses and touches and holding you
Mostly holding you with the reassurance of your voice
Saying I will never lose you

And I didn't

The warmth of her presence
The taste of her skin
A moment of pleasure
Inspired by sin
A goddess, an angel
From somewhere above
A feeling so pure
Yet we just call it "love"

Age eighteen, living life as a low-middle class suburban jobless fool with a confusing relationship and a five year old boy. I have nerve damage to my left arm, smokers cough and lesser (haha) alcoholism.     I guess it's macaroni (not Kraft, way too expensive) and cheese (nothing fancy) tonight. I should apply for a new job tomorrow, but I'll probably have something else to do. Besides that, I have no clothes suitable for an interview anyway. My hair is a wild mess. From behind you might think, "****, she doesn't have an ***..."
...but from straight on, you might think, "****, he looks like Slash."
I do not look like Slash, by the way. At least I think not. Maybe with the right hat, but then, I am way too short. I can sing like Slash, though.
I learned to use my voice like, five years ago. How old was I...?
I can read like Joseph Ogle. I love reading. I must have been younger when I started reading good material. Must have been a good few years ago...
I can draw like Dali. I think I found him out in Middle School...
I can play piano like ******* Mozart. I picked up piano earlier...
I can write like...
...well, writing is so unique that comparing myslef to anyone is insulting to both.  
Anyway, it's my raw talent, skills that I have owned and honed that drives me to be more.
They say you have to deal with the hand life gave you, but life decided to give me dice, and a couple chance rolls. I may still have a few left. For as long as I live, I will deny and refute the notion that once you lose everything, you should just give up. I have lost. You can talk to me all day about how sad your life is, and how depressed you are, but unless you do something to change your quality of existence, then you're going to roll snake eyes. Snakes bite, friend.
I got a lucky thirteen on my plate. I am content to keep, but I could keep going.
What do you have?

Lust to the brink of insanity
Paying no heed to your vanity
A drink to the lips
A swing of the hips
Waiting is just a calamity

Fingertips warming your skin
Exciting those feelings within
Lay back on the bed
Let desires be fed
Is your head yet beginning to spin?

Maybe I let her know
Maybe she cares
Maybe I let her go
Maybe I dare
Maybe she falls behind
Maybe I wait
Maybe she can't unwind
Maybe there's hate
Maybe underneath her intimidating exterior there is a silent nervousness
Maybe there is longing just beyond our reach
Maybe she is bound by pride, unwilling to believe that there is more, or...
...maybe I am wrong.

The Void
Devoid
Of all we can avoid
Leaving us
Destroyed

A Storm
The form
Of all that's not of the norm
Leaving
Uninformed

This strife
A knife
Depriving us of our life
Anger
Is so
Rife

Reflecting the voice
Of indecision
A hostile embrace
The eyes of remission

The fleeing tears
The candid frown
Open ears
Nary a sound

More and more
The skin it cracks
Blisters, sores
A defensive act

Look ahead
There's nothing there
A faceless map
Of silent stares

Look ahead
Pretend to care
The mirror's dead
Was never there

Sitting here on the rough rooftop
Shingles overgrown with moss
Knees pulled to my chest
Inhaling the sweet toxins
Of a cigarette
Pressed between withered fingers
That feel the need
To hold onto something
As if it were everything

Wind runs through my hair
And my eyes stare longingly at the stars
And they stare back

My ears pull in the sounds around me
The whispering winds
The silent moonlight playing
A simple tune
In stark contrast
With the dark symphony in my head

So I try to synchronize with the
Beautiful orb
As it's song
Progresses to a module tone
Of a more complex melody

Results have come back, in good news they lack
Paper held in trembling hands
She hasn't a clue, as to what she should do
Tears forming watery bands

The child wonders on, where her moms hair has gone
She accepts 'cause she isn't the wiser
The mom dries her tears, and puts aside fears
The results? Well they didn't surprise her

Her form ever frail, her soft skin is pale
Her sanity nearing derailment
Her child is fair, with wind in her hair
But the mother's the one with the ailment

She pushes the swing, her daughter she brings
Gentle movements like a dancer
Soon to be dead, hood over her head
Mother has terminal cancer

It had been eleven years .
Eleven years since I last saw her.
Her constant incarcerations had me living with my grandmother for the first seven years of my existence.
I remember the nights, years ago, when she would wake me up late and talk with her favorite son.
I remember when she would steal money from us and disappear for months.
The yelling, the violence.
I remember it all.
I remember never having a father.
I know no names, no face, and I don't worry about it anyway.
My grandmother died, and my mother was not there.
Foster care pulled me into it's corrupt embrace, and for eleven years my life knew no stability.
Growing up with no parents, authority figures being those I lived with for a few days at a time.
I grew bitter, resentful, vindictive...
But a mother is a mother...
I saw her recently. I requested it. I put aside all hatred that had grown for her, and I wished to once more see the woman who had given to me the stain of life.
I looked back at the good times, however few there were.
I met with her, and she cried.
All she could say was "I love you"
Then she disappeared the next day.
She died later that month.
Her last words to me were "Oh, honey..."
Goodbye mother. I never got the chance to say that to you.
I hope that one day, I can love you too.

I never thought I'd lay my hands
Upon you in such violence
Across your face five bright red bands
Eyes locked in chilling silence
A tear betrays your angry face
You're scared to death, I know it
I guess this is my fall from grace
As now my shame would show it
Now as I apologize
You only hear me barely
I hope that you can recognize
I mean it so sincerely
I'll hate myself for years to come
My inner light shines dimly
I never thought that I'd succumb
To darkness deep within me
These demons claw from inside out
I can't face them alone
And darling if you leave me now
I fear their strength may grow
My seams they burst and to my knees
I fall and now I'm pleading
Help me fight fight these enemies
Don't leave me here just bleeding

No longer
No further
No wonder

I have lit the candle
Hoping for the warmth
Of trusting you
But I ****** around
And the flame died
So I got stranded

My blood is green with envy
My teeth chatter with anger
Foolish lies that tear me apart

Passionate harmony
Turned to
Emotional dissonance

But is the battle
Truly within me
Because all I see
Is your mistake

I waded in the river of hope
Waiting for you
Got my feet wet
But the cold touch of hindsight
Slithered across my toes
And I jumped out
Afraid of something new

Naomi, with eyes like an angry ocean.
Naomi of dark brown hair and paper white teeth.
Naomi, whose name her father says in vain,
is a girl who has many friends, runs along
with a broken sense of direction and a fake smile.
Lives in a rich padlocked, inherited excuse for a home, with less life than a cemetery, alone.
Wearing fancy shoes, combs her hair with a jeweled brush, and eats a tasteless breakfast, surrounded by the silence of the void,
and alcohol fueled ignorance.

I'm a genuine poet
Some flaws here and there
To my parents I owe it
How I wish they could care

There is pain and I show it
Hide it I wouldn't dare
It will **** me I know it
It is lurking somewhere

Inner light I must grow it
I will embrace the glare
I am no longer stoic
I am no longer scared

Always she shivered
Against induced winds
Always so bitter
Always so thin

Her hobby; a sliver
It stuck in her skin
But once it delivered
She let her head spin

She poisoned her grace
With the oceans of shame
Unwilling to face
The girl she became

She filled empty space
Was no longer sane
The road that she paced
Became her own bane

Her name was October
She had hazel eyes
Her expression was sober
But was it disguise?

Over and over
She took to the skies
Her habits controlled her
Led her to demise

She drew the blade across
And witnessed the blood fall
She tipped the bottle back
And tried to end it all

She swallowed pride with pills
To drown out all the pain
She knew that she could die
She knew she was insane

With poison in her head
She thought of only this
The world is better off
If I do not exist

And with her final breath
She bade the world farewell
She closed her bloodshot eyes
And into death she fell

Her small and fragile form
Her pale and saddened face
She welcomed deaths one gift
It's dark and cold embrace

When you think of sleep
Are you still on your feet
Are you thinking of me?
When you close your eyes and begin to dream
Or am I just a memory
Or am I just a memory

Do you find it hard to remember me,
And my barefoot reveries?

You are the spoon in my coffee
I'll spin you around and the world couldn't stop me
Its they who have lost me
I'm often
Caught in a river if coffins
Your presence it buries them all and
The voices they stop
They finally stop

When the whispers have me to my knees
When the shivers penetrate the trees
You carry softness like the breeze
You carry blushes in your cheeks
You carry hearts upon your sleeve
And all is perfect when you speak

You make me weak

And together something else
And for forever on the shelf
We carry on our broken selves

And never ask me
If this feeling's everlasting
Because the beat sounds sad
But the sentiment is happy

All I really wanna do is run away
All I really wanna do is run away
All we really are are books with blank pages
Lets scribble in the lines and find the plot
We are the authors of our fate
And you're my date tonight
And for the ages

This mascato never sweeter did it taste
Then with your face in front of mine

And through the space and
Through the time
I'll hold your hand and
Stand in line

And ride this roller coaster ride
As long as you remain beside

And for the first time
In a long time
I am patient
And I am open
To interpretation
My lady

Wake up, because your dreams are only temporary
Sleep, because in your mind is a sanctuary
Lay down, because in your passiveness burns a fire
Stand up, because there will be a spark of confidence
Quiet, because in your silence plays a symphony
Sing, because music is life
Whisper, because someone is listening
Shout, because some cannot hear
Reach, because something lies just beyond
Retreat, because patience rewards you
Climb, because you never know what is at the top
Fall, because someone will catch you
Embrace, because there is always something to hold on to
Let go, because there is always more
Understand, because knowledge is power
Ask, because it is better to know
Listen, because you crave enlightenment
Speak, because wisdom is meant to be shared
Trust, because many accomplishments come with help
Never trust, because even your shadow leaves you in the darkness

He the boy
A ******* slave
He the boy
No one can save
Title this: "Experience"
And place it in his grave

He the boy
The hand denied
He the boy
The terrified
Leave him to his shattered mind
His sanity has died

He the boy
Who lived and fought
He the boy
Who always thought
Words would mend his broken heart
For only love he sought

You have stolen my eyes
And my tongue is twisted in awe
I am a servant, you my master
You have me imprisoned in your misleading embrace
Enraptured by your presence

Silently, subtly, sipping your poison

And I cannot turn from the goblet

A fall into obscurity...
From so whole to ethereal...
From flesh to forgotten...
Tossed away as though existence was meaningless...
As if achievements were noted, only to be subsequently ignored...
From vibrancy to a dull, pale gray...
From an assertive stance to surrendering, submissive...
From so full of energy, to being bereaved of all motion...
From braced to vulnerable...
From down to earth, to celestial...
Please, remember me.
I wish never to be forgotten.
I wish to remain as notable in death as I am now.
May I leave my mark...

Sight has been stolen
We're robbed of our sounds
your pride has been swollen
We're lobbed out of bounds

Minds are abysmal
Burned in the flame
Of all that is dismal
Weakened or lame

Expecting a truth
But receiving a lie
Feeling so used
In dark ropes we're tied

Bound by a pact
Long ago we had made
Drowned in an act
That our families forbade

But once it was done
There was no turning back
A bright shining "sun"
Was the strength in my back

Feeling betrayed
Our life so delayed
Working unpaid
Happiness fades

Always we gave
Something away
Grace was not saved
Robbed of our grave

Distance

























Given to birth loneliness


                                                    ­                                                    Space


Lie­s fill gaping mistrusts
Between

Barriers pierced
Walls of flesh sing
R  h  y  t  h  m  i  c

Beating

B
  l
   e
    e
     d
       i
        n
         g

Soul to soul
Alas, not heartfelt
Sinister lurks behind
Veils of deceit

One bond
          Two chances
Three minds
          For what?

The end
Unanimous
Defeat

Love is
                                 Wither
Love is
                                 Perish
Beautiful poison

Lust is
   Three

Lust is

Lust
    
        *is

She tried not to move
As they found their pleasure
Her being so mute
Was a cautious measure

They took their sweet time
As they pressed their advance
They soured her mind
With their bitter "romance"

The violent utensils
A finger, a knife
Her mind was the stencil
That drew out her strife

The notion of fears
Like an oncoming tide
She tried to stop tears
But they wouldn't subside

Her "sisters" so sordid
Left her ****** and bruised
She lay feeling morbid,
Scared and abused

So dark I've become
And so dismal are they
Now the place that they're from
Only barely remains

Only pockets survive
Yet they still dwell on greed
The only ones who will thrive
Satisfy their own needs

They forget to remember
What their unity did
And instead turn to embers
Of the fires within

In the dark there is light
But they've left it behind
Or they've lost all their sight
Because their hate left them blind

As my existence fades
And comes to a halt
My core will degrade
Light locked in a vault

I remember the times
As I hovered above
And remember the shine
Of a thing they called love

Memories crumble to dust
Bricks of remembrance
Thrown angrily from the windows of my eyes
Shattering the glass seven floors up

At the bottom
The feet of those on the first floor
Had to walk on shards of regret
A treacherous, ****** movement
And in the end got no where
But back to the stained carpets
Screaming inside the walls
Of a house
Not a home

The second floor
Tenants fell to their knees
Begging for the first floor
To relax
The commotion was just
Too much too handle
Rattling the weakened, buckled walls

The third floor
They were frightened from the up rise of chaos
Got sick to the stomach
And doubled over in pained retrospect
Because they left their windows open
And swallowed air
Instead of pride

The fourth floor
Was broken beyond repair
Cracked right down the middle
Blood seeped from it's fissured walls
Like an arrow wound to the heart
Those inside sprawled in puddles of conflict

The fifth floor
Was out of bandages
For the fourth floor
They used them for mouth covers
So the sixth floor above couldn't smell
The lies on their breath

The sixth floor
Always did hold a nose in the air
But that couldn't hide them from trouble
They were stuffy, and often full
As though the tears that often ran down the bridges
Were more than the emotional pressures
They could carry at once

The seventh floor
Was tired of everything
Constantly red and with teary eyes
They stared down upon the whole scene
Disgusted with the image presented
So they threw the newest memories out
And watched them crumble to dust
Seven floors down