I feel like someone just squeezed me alive!
The rain is now pelting down by my side.
Somehow I was let go from my job.
It's nothing personal I guess I'm a snob.
I feel as though my life is closing to an end.
There's no future here for me, my friend.
As an adult I pay my dues.
With no money in my account I am barren blues.
I kind of like a boy who I don't know very well.
These feelings inside me are making me swell.
Should I go hide or burry my face in the dirt.
Or is this a sign that when life really hurts
and the grey skies pour down
and the heavy clouds unburden
their sorrow there has to be meaning
in these wet tears to swallow.
It's kind of like a bittersweet revelation.
A complete failure or a filigree contemplation.
Somewhere deep inside, I weep.
In silent pity I lay to sleep.
Open your eyes, look around
Try to listen for a sound
Find the one who knows you best
Who'd love you much more than the rest
Know you truly, to your core
What your life on earth is for
Why you're still not lying dead
Upon a stone-cold, rocky bed
Who she is, you'll never know
A love within will never grow
Appreciate her, you can't do
But she tries to dearly still love you
You won't love her back, you deny
She seems to all, around you, shy
She always tries to make you smile
But you still let her flow down the Nile
So there she goes, she ends up far
You start looking for the North Star
You cannot find her, so you start to cry
You question yourself, you're asking "Why?"
You miss her, you yearn
And you start to burn
You need her by your side
You claim that you have died
Without her you are nothing
She is what makes you something
You start to hate yourself for it
You scream aloud, hate every bit
Alone you wonder, cold and lost
Through the desert, through the frost
You need to find her, apologise
You start to hate yourself - despise
Eventually you catch her scent
The time which you had, searching, spent
You claim was surely not a waste
But with poison was that aroma laced
You see her there, your smile is huge
You realise you were a scrooge
You start to race towards this girl
You see in her hair, every curl
Your heart is pounding, you face alight
You cannot believe she's in your sight
But as she starts to laugh, you see
Another guy makes her happy
You see now that you're such a dunce
The chance with her came only once
You screwed it up, and she ain't yours
But still you, in her, see no flaws
Your body freezes up, you're cold
You thought your actions had been bold
You realise you are a fool
That you had, to this girl, been cruel
You cannot move, you're rooted down
You see her look your way and frown
Then smiles a smile of great pity
She had once thought that you were witty
You cannot bear the sight, it hurts
You envy all of how this guy flirts
You loathe. You could have been there
With that girl - a beauty, rare...
I never loved September
It was always an ugly month for me
Somehow it's full of bad luck
And unpleasant things happened
There's no joy in that month
Relationships tore apart
Days full of bore
And silence is everywhere the air is
I hate it
Maybe i was cursed
Maybe the month hates me
So does the weather, the skies
And the leaves that fall from tree
Although, one thing did love me
A man from September
You know who you are
You know its about you
You know i was cursed
And yet you love me too
Dear god, he's so sweet! Too sweet in fact.
I don't even have to be sultry, or bat my lashes with this one.
I knew I had him when I noticed his glance
As we passed each other earlier.
He's quick too! Of course, I get told all time how pretty I am,
But they ALL start to flush when I tell them that's not so.
He may be quick, but he's also too quick to hand out his trust.
I know better than to do that!
He so stiff sitting like that.
He'll relax the longer I lean into him.
So still.. Normally they get courageous by now.
Better be careful, I may start to like him.
I can tell he's enjoying the attention.
Seems like he's starving for it deep down
The way he talks so openly to me.
"I've only had two or three girlfriends."
"Two or three?"
"Well, I guess one month doesn't count as a relationship."
I don't find it hard to believe this kid.
"Better be careful," He says after a pause.
With genuine curiosity I look up at him
"I'm starting to like you."
Don't think I've met a more honest guy in my damn life!
I almost melted in satisfaction, and got ever more cozy in his arms
Right after giving him a hard kiss on the cheek -just in front of his ear.
That gave him the dumbest grin I think he ever had.
Or will ever have.
Feeling his chest breathe as I lay against it almost reminds me of…
He feels so strong too.. Just like..
Stop it! I'm not here to bring back stupid memories.
He may be sweet, but every guy's the same in the end.
They all wind up leaving more than marks
On your heart and on your face..
Finally pulled his arm over my shoulder- hand nearly on my breast
Just take the bait for god's sake!
This nice guy shit can only take you so far
Gonna need some action sooner than later.
Must have been two weeks since my last romp.
Fuck, I'm so hungry..
I wish he would just take me back to his place already..
I'm starting to get bored now.
What balls! Actually leaned in
And kissed me on my cheek
Maybe this isn't a bust after all.
"Sorry." Soon escaped his lips. - Bust.
He's too innocent. Shame.
What a fucking shame!
He could've absolutely taken me
Bent me over... anything! But.. (sigh)
He's still warm though.
I can sit here for a little longer.
But sadly, I'll be sleeping in a cold bed tonight.
Tomorrow may bring someone with more promise.
You're sorry you say?
Now have pity for me?
I laugh in your face
I know what I see
You've heard of my past
And now you feel bad
But you still used to judge
Used to make me feel sad
Don't come to me acting
Like your sympathies are true
You want to feel better... right?
I hope guilt consumes you
That I have
Hated the guts
Of another human being
For the guts
Taken by their host
Nor are they at fault
For the decisions
Made by the mind
Of a madman
The humble guts
Are only but
Organs with purpose:
of some people!”
For the nerves
are merely devices
the sense of
But some people
Emotion of any kind
I pity them
And I ponder
I envy them
I am fascinated
Pity crosses with
And I ponder again
I wish to know
How to be
A licentious prick
A mean son of a bitch
But feel nothing at all
I want to know what it’s like to be cold and callous and without regret or remorse
Without a single fucking care in the whole entire world
But all I can do is speculate
That it is
Just like nothing at all:
Emptiness without knowing what fulfillment is
The coldness of not knowing the definition of temperature
The hardness of living life as compressed carbon atoms also known as diamond but without knowing I am or feeling like a jewel
I may not quite myself be a gem
But I can feel
I can hear loud and clear
I love to be whole
I love to be warm
I love to love
Because I am not a wretch
I am not a tramp
I am not a bastard
I am not a criminal
Or an asshole
Or a licentious prick
Or a nuisance
Or a mean, cold son of a bitch –
At least for the most part
And I will never try
To be anything but.
It was always,
And forever will be
Folks with their heads up their butts
And brains in the drains
Our precious air
One can certainly say
They feel it there
That is not
The choice is made
Nor is that feeling
the action is taken.
One should not hate
Another one’s guts and nerves –
It should be
The mind within the brain
Who takes all the blame;
Everyone else is just doing their jobs.
Savages murder love.
As my eyes swell from the once dry wells began to fill.
Spilling pain down my cheeks.
I feel like an ass for loving someone who have little concerns about my well being.
I contemplate about words to say,but my brain is null.
I try to be strong and act as if nothing wrong.
That's the lie i tell my self. I'm fighting tooth and nail within my thoughts weighing the situation. I evaluate every avenue, side street or road that lead me here. Searching for any signs or familiar landmarks that would give me my bearings to give direction.
Yet I'm still lost not knowing where to turn everything seems foreign.
I guess eye should have paid more attention to the signs while looking for love.
They say love is blind. I guess that was the veil being pulled over my eyes. That lead to my Demise. The mistakes I made allowing me to be lead into the ambush that savagely slaughtered my heart.
Paraplegic coma mentally emotionally i'm dead.
A boy I'd like to call my friend
Learned I write poems on the internet
He grinned and said he did the same
And then he asked for my username
I told him I don't want him to read
Any of my poetry
Because then he'd know what's on my mind
and the things I keep inside
To my amazement, he simply said,
"It seems that you just don't get it
None of your pain should be unheard
I want to comfort you when you hurt."
So, I guess I want to dedicate this to a guy I met online. Thanks.
I clasped my hands together
but not to pray.
I did it for the perfume she left on me
when she accidently doused me with her perfume.
That careless act took her from me-
she now distantly waves in the back of my mind,
as dormant as an alleyway long forgotten
deep within the streets.
Tears don't do a thing but make the pity
the ancient ruins of her past flooding a
gate as a memory reappears
If there was a God he would have saved her
and for all the good in the world.
I wouldn't believe that deity
for a damned second.