"valium" poems
Whispering night fades to sable dull morning
Verda in black whilst her mother is mourning
cabaret clown-show dances in deep
Verda is down in the valleys of sleep
Verda takes pills in a sinister tomb
smiles wicked smiles and her eyes turn to moons
mummy is rocking away by her side
and pulls out her teeth to a sweet lullaby
Girl-child Verda, who loves cuts and bruises
with a stitched-up mind which she frequently loses
and a mother who stops her from having her play
other children are pink but her Verda is grey
Delicate lace is lined in her coffin
Verda in black whilst her body is rotting
chemical residue flows in her veins
Verda's no child and her mother's insane
Dec 22, 2013
Dec 22, 2013 at 8:30 AM UTC
"The Three Kisses
The Kiss Of Hello
The Kiss That Is Never Just A Kiss
The Kiss That Spikes Vein With Precision Orchestra
The Kiss That Heals In Entirety
The Kiss That Hides The Relent Of Vex
The Kiss That Suffocates Rusting Man
The Kiss Without Detail/Ed System)
The Kiss That Pounds Each Pore To State Of ******
The Kiss That Hiroshimates Euphoria
The Kiss That Approximates/Parallels Living
The Kiss Only
The Kiss, The Kiss
The Kiss Of Neither Hello Nor Goodbye
The Kiss For The Sake
The Kiss To Save Face
The Distracted Kiss For/Of Domestic Bliss
The Kiss To Bathe Mania In Generic ****** The Kiss Of The Motions
The Kiss Of Searing Content, Hindering Suffocation And Blasé Defection
The Default Kiss, The Efficient Kiss, The Alteria (Motive) Kiss
The Kiss That Makes Sense
The New Language Of Kiss
Le Kiss, Le Kiss
The Kiss Of Goodbye
The Kiss That Is Never Just A Kiss
The Kiss That Spikes Vein With Precision Orchestra
The Kiss That Deals In Hypocrisy
The Kiss That Begins And Ends Each Second
Job, Health, Kiss, Marriage, Car, Security, Kiss,
Yearn, Enjoyment, Loss, Holiday, Kiss, Loss Holiday Kiss
The Kiss That Hiroshimates Plague
The Kiss That Parallels Living/Approximates Rage
The Memory Of Kiss Acidifies Brain
The Kiss, The Kiss, The End.
Jun 29, 2016
Jun 29, 2016 at 10:48 AM UTC
Thailand ******
Can read my mind
See my desire
Feel my pain
Siam Halloween in nana klong toey
Thai delights even the ladyboys look good tonight they know how to **** over and survive using a cheap disguise
Hey forang you wanna **** me?
1000 baht short time curiosity.
I prefer real ladies with juicy butts
Flavored with beer and sangsom whiskey *****
Take me home beat me with your
**** asian Treats
Make me lick your ***** feets
Asian women are my lust filled desire
They sit on my face until I can't breath no more
Than make me pay for my ***** laundry
Soap me up and knock me down
Bangkok Thailand is my home town
I slither along the Sukhumvit soi 11, devoted to the ***** I'm in 7th heaven...
Her **** smells better than stupid blonde Suzy the airhead girl next door boring rubber doll
Asian toilet scrubbers turn me on the never heard of boring old vain Beverly hills ugly rodeo drive full of stuffy old hags high on ****** pills
Sad drag Beverly hills I lived in that phoney fake berg I love the ancient town Bangkok where my face gets slapped and hurt!
*** is a weapon.
****** are mans desire
Zeus fell in lust with a Greek goddess than expired?
Nasty ****** in Thailand make me hard
I become 18 again nothing else matters but fun with that wanna be ******
Jan 24, 2015
Jan 24, 2015 at 9:36 PM UTC
a bottle of scotch had bad dreams.
bullets twitch, junk sick
in 3 inch thick
mustard ****
toe nails clipped from yeti
lay strewn about the **** stained corpse
of a motel six dixie cup -
root canal trophy,
next to
a black fez
with scab tassel
upended.
down in it. belching apnea
propaganda
and belladonna
waiting for curious george
to find a shotgun
and a yellow
hat
and a brick banana.
blowflies inhale the rank damp
of a fresh ****
the odd dog whines
like a clown in -
a blender.
[ the ]
house wins
with a marked card; jabbing fat fingers
into acned rosacea
bloated with sleep lack
and mortgage
back stab
chasing twenty ******
with a hollow point
pull from an acid
flask
while hailing a black cab.
tinsel sutures
stitch eyelids as a mercy
shattered bone knit
hand-grenade
cozies
old glory, at half mast
half wasted
fifty stars, no light
dragging on
the grounds of immunity
to do a line
of coke stock
with a basset hounds'
finesse.
your taxes at work
in columbia,
hiding from a lost farm
in Idaho
your american dream
turning tricks in shanghai
for a counterfeit
egga roll
your meme, devoid
like an ice cube
tombstone
your freedom, parking cars
for italian escorts
smoking skin flutes
for ferraris
and white teeth.
your integrity, sold to a hedge fund
for astroglide and a pez dispenser
packed with prozac
pressed by ' Jose the butcher' s abuela
in a narco slum
that ain't seen radio
since cinder blocks
had wings.
Dec 26, 2012
Dec 26, 2012 at 2:40 PM UTC
Pernicious mind, stop eating me!
Incessant head, oh, can’t you sleep?
I’ve moved beyond mental
Have approached the eternal
But god’s still a mystery
at times I’m a husk
Shrinking back at times
from light of open mind
Find a spot to fester
if I’m feeling like a sore
Swaying mendicant head
of sweating adolescence
Jacking off verbosity
Shut me up, Oh Lord!
Now all given way to
spiritual ************
********* a smile if
I’m too tapped out for joy.
****** slips away,
I’m naked in God’s hand—
Surrendered to the will of
some other spirit’s blood.
Aug 17, 2011
Aug 17, 2011 at 8:23 PM UTC
Way up there
In the thin, thin air
There sits a man
Who laughs and grins
And fiddles with his double chins
A lunatic, if you must know
He paces, paces,
To and fro
Not love, nor hate
Does Steve perceive
But TV programs make him seethe
Xanax, ****** amyl poppers
None of these are Steve's show stoppers
Thorazine would do him good
But he won't take it
Like he should
So Mumbling Steve will grimace/grin
Until it's time to cry again
His mother loved him not a whit
Flushed Steve away, like so much ****
He killed his daddy, uncle, too
He killed that man, with Devil's Brew
Mumbling Steve drank up the rest
Of that that killed the old ******
Then laughed and laughed
And flashed a grin
Then burned off his extra chin
JNc 3-16
Mar 26, 2016
Mar 26, 2016 at 11:38 PM UTC
There lived a man in Shady Hills,
sits home all day, popping pills.
Morning, noon and night,
not any real food in sight.
Drinks water from the tap,
too wired to take a nap.
Percocets all **** day,
Vicodin is the only way.
Xanax in the night time,
****** he buys for a dime.
Oxycontin, he keeps hidden,
his hiding spot is forbidden.
Takes Abilify for his mood swings,
taking Amphetamines gives him wings.
More skinny than a rail,
in life he sure did fail.
Ecstasy, he keeps under lock and key,
he doesn't give away any pills for free.
At thirty he ended up with cirrhosis of the liver,
he didn't care about his new founded quiver.
Popped pills til his death,
at least he never smoked ****
Died at the age of thirty two,
in his stomach was pill stew.
Just another sad lost soul,
popping pills will someday take a toll.
Mar 5, 2014
Mar 5, 2014 at 1:10 AM UTC
When i first met you you were so bored
i didn't hesitate sitting next to you
you said "your lack of feelings won't be a problem"
and we found each other to share our blues
Disdain, disease, disgrace, disgusted
the first tear was a waterfall
when you realized that i couldn't be trusted
trouble on paradise
the walls started to fall
So i ran away to the east, i climbed mountains, i found a priest
the pain was howling and i was looking for sweet words
I broke a mirror, turn my dark side into fear
cause when you were near i could easily run the world
My given name is Asylum
for a long time you were my ******
you know that i'm a loaded gun
that i used to break hearts for fun
now i'm not so sure
Go ahead and pull the trigger
i'll stand still and you're eager
cuts and bruises, now i'm done
you can hurt me just for fun
you're so sure
that we are better alone
Your heart was a stone, you were a gangster
my skin was cold as an iceberg
now it looks like i was the only amateur
even knowing the right codes to whisper
Give me a cigarette or this poison in your tongue
at least we're still connected by hate
The Smiths on the jukebox, you could sing along
but i guess you no longer believe in fate
So what if i decide to stay, to believe in something, to start to pray
would you look inside my head searching for your eyes?
Can we ask the gods to forgive our misery?
we can fight for victory, and i could die
knowing you have tried to be mine
My given name is Asylum
for a long time you were my ******
you know that i'm a loaded gun
that i used to break hearts for fun
now i'm not so sure
Go ahead and pull the trigger
i'll stand still and you're eager
cuts and bruises, now i'm done
you can hurt me just for fun
you're so sure
that we are better alone
Don't be scared of what i have to offer
i punched you in the face to make you a fighter
When you decide to leave
you can be a better person without me
cause i set fire to your brain
and you didn't let me explain
Nov 1, 2013
Nov 1, 2013 at 8:04 PM UTC
Out there in every tree
Each and every leaf a face
Watching, waiting
Judging my every thought
And there, deeper out back
Watchers clad in camouflage
I gear up knife in hand
I approach them where they stand
With my snow dog companions
As brave as I am they disappear
Not even a footprint in the snow
There under the door
A shadow passes
Yet I am here alone
I search the back room closets
Under each bed
Checking the locks on each window
Where in the hell did that shadow go
What do they want with me
I attempt to lay down to sleep
But the shadows of unrest
Swerve and swirl around me
Images appear in the darkened mirror
Upon the dresser without blinking
I stare waiting for my ******
To slowly close the veil
Between the worlds
Feb 5, 2015
Feb 5, 2015 at 10:43 AM UTC
Pocket full of clacking around benzodiazepines
Xanax, Klonopin, and ******
Am I late for class? Am I late for work?
Am I late for my own life? (truth)
Is this really any normal kind of respite or relaxation?
Chemistry really has come a long way to introduce
us to induced relaxation(?) pills.
My Mr. Dr. says it should help with my anxiety,
but it only seems to cloud me in my depravity:
I steal, I lie, and I wake up naked in unknown
bedrooms in unknown cities with unknown
women. Who…did they steal my wallet?
And where the **** are my car keys?
Better yet, where in Allah’s name is my car?
OH! Lord Jesus Christ OH! God of the Jews I cry out,
Forgive me (lie) for I hath sinned.
I suddenly want to do every drug (truth)
ever made, you name it, I’ll try it,
just this once, of course. I don’t have an
addictive personality (lie)
The Dr. says it is OK if I take 4mg of Xanax a day (truth),
hence it must be safe (lie), right? A Dr. can’t lie, can he?
Wait! Where am I again? And, what are we doing here?
Oh…that’s right, we are kids going nowhere (truth), how
silly of me to forget. If this is Prozac Nation,
then I am the ****** State. My governor is the late
William Burroughs (lie) and my deputy is the late Kurt Cobain (lie).
We are not in this for the fame (lie), a state run by the deceased.
So, how dare you point a finger at me in blame.
This is Drug Nation, America-home of the sedated and land of the overdose.
May 18, 2016
May 18, 2016 at 8:13 PM UTC
Captured in the psych ward
With new year approaching Ron
Thinks it will be good to allow the patients to have the tv on so they can watch the fireworks and concert but every time he tried to speak about it, someone comes in yelling at the nurses to get something and ron had to calm him down
He yelled things like, it is new year and he wants to be with his kids because her deep **** of a husband had her locked in the psych ward so he can go to the city and ron not knowing what she is talking about told her to calm down but he didn't want to mention the tv idea because it isn't like being with family but she started to get violent and Ron injected her with ****** to settle her down and she went to her room and one man was admitted into the psych ward for doing nothing simply over the fact that he got violent when his parents said he can't go into the city to watch the fireworks and when Ron said we will probably allow you to watch the fireworks in here but he said the kids will tease him because he can't seem to get what he wants and each time he saw kids on tv he felt they were going to tease him heavily and Ron thought maybe the tv idea could cause a lot of fighting between the patients and Ron went into the kitchen to pick up the meals and the medications and brought them to the psych ward patients and one said the kids are teasing me and the adults are teasing me and if I watch the fireworks concert I will be a victim of a tease but Ron said he understands that people want to tease him because A they are just children and B they don't know what they are doing and then the paranoid patient said yes the kids do know what they are doing because they will be with their parents who don't give a rats *** about the mentally ill and Ron said yes they do but I understand your worries but I think that is no reason to not put the fireworks on the tv tonight, so enjoy your lunch and then Ron went to his office to think about how to break the tv for fireworks to the nurses and after 5 hours he went to give the patients dinner and medication and then after dinner they designed happy new year posters and then at 8-30 Ron went home to have dinner preparing to come back at 11-30 to watch the fireworks
And wish his patients a very happy new year and then Ron slept from 9-30 till 10-45 and he ran down and got in his car and went to the psych ward 1 minutes late and at midnight
They yelled HAPPY NEW YEAR
And Ron without the telling the patients Ron went to the pub seeing he had New Year's Day off and he got wasted and slept in front of YouTube watching the fireworks from all over the world
Jan 1, 2018
Jan 1, 2018 at 5:51 AM UTC
When
cheaters and liars
rise to the top of the polls
When genocidal speech
wanna be torturers
let their goals unfold
advocating killing relatives
Something every drug lord knows
When words don't mean anything
Images are everything
When words and images disconnect
When words don't work
It's what we call psychosis
in the psych biz
We're all thinking
That can't happen here
A cousin they call Germany
Refined
Civilized
Educated
Defined art
Music
Ethics
Found out exactly what every **** head
knows when you go too far
There's gonna be advanced window patrol
Getting out the duct tape
Wrapping up the house
Can't let any light
in or out
You may end up in leather restraints
On a plastic sheet on a metal bed
America better call the crisis hotline
Stand in line for same day services
5150/Legal 2000/72 hour commitment
Being a danger to self and others
Rapidly becoming gravely disabled
Hold on, I'll write that Hold now
Bring out the atypicals
Risperdal Zyprexa Serequil
Take an Ativan
Take a Zanax
**** it take a ******
If you don't come back down now
Find the ground
You'll be okay
In a decade or three
The suffering of course
Will be burns in the third degree
Psychosis can be unkind
All civilizations have their day
Incline
Recline
Decline
It can't happen here?
Chaotic brutality knocking on the door
You gotta know what's in store
We need an intervention
Breathe it back on in
It can still be okay
Reality check
Words sometimes mean something
And people sometimes mean what they say
And though
Images dissolve
Evolve
Fracture and split
Those that are seeing and hearing
What's going on
are holding their breath
Wondering how crazy it's really all gonna get.
Feb 24, 2016
Feb 24, 2016 at 10:30 PM UTC
You were a drug to me, babe.
You weren't the medicinal kind either.
You weren't just a painkiller.
You weren't an antidepressant.
You weren't a Xanax.
You weren't ******
You weren't even the good kind of drug.
You weren't ****** or **** or ecstasy.
You were the kind of drug that
messed around with my heart and left my brain feeling clouded.
You were the kind of drug that left me confused and
feeling worse than before I took you.
But I did.
Again and
again.
I told myself I would
break this vicious cycle of unscrewing your cap and
hating myself for it afterwards.
That I wouldn't draw back the plunger and
force you into my veins anymore.
But I didn't.
Again and
again.
I told myself you
would be the death of me.
Every high you gave me left me feeling
lost in the clouds.
I might as well have been
six feet deep.
Feb 23, 2021
Feb 23, 2021 at 11:14 PM UTC
Truly, we are wonderful creatures,
drawn to light's undulating swells,
Sailors enthralled by the pushing sea's great shuddering
We honor these bright particles by our presence
Yet we burrow away, mole men and women for
Our most primal act, instinctual to the muscle
But still insulted by vanities.
(The consequence of consciousness,
I suppose) you instructed, "Turn off the last light"
Do you not wish to admire me?
The tender swell of brain and breast sloping to meet
Crags of hipbone jutting promiscuously below
the natural waist, natural beauty
Wasted by electricity's end
I want to take delight in your body, your ****** tongue
Quell the minor indiscretions of the day and
Give willingly to honesty
My ******* two moon over campus, your hand the sky.
If the peering leaves won't judge,
The least you can do is look me in the eye.
Dec 1, 2012
Dec 1, 2012 at 2:53 PM UTC
I want to lay on your shoulder
swing lazy arms like rope
and bound me with warm breath
do not kiss me; I am uneasy
but rather coo me
and monitor the rate
of in and out oxygen
you are my ******
pink and white
elongated pill
I am no victim to anxiety
with you
and your fox jacket
Oct 31, 2012
Oct 31, 2012 at 12:09 PM UTC
Wake up and use me, with your rapier wit,
that cynical whirlpool of jobbies,
your ****** heid of *****
the way you address an audience is so funny
and the way you dress, comedy, loose and snooky,
you make me puke, puke, pukey.
**** off my fragile mannequin,
oh you have bad breath.
Dec 7, 2012
Dec 7, 2012 at 9:29 PM UTC
****** it's pure rock and roll
it can burn any bridge and dig any hole
always remember to forget your name
follow the rules of the ****** game
rattle off some ****** wit
you don't need to speak
just think about it
take a spin .. ride the ****** power
reduce your speed to zero an hour
pass out face first in ya dinner
not a good look .... but it keeps ya thinner
overdose into an ashtray
do it in style .... the ****** way
(to be fair to ****** , i generally mixed it with other drugs)
(c) mandy rigby 23.7.2014
Jul 23, 2014
Jul 23, 2014 at 8:54 AM UTC
Wipe that powder off your nose
And keep killing those boys
With your poisonous emerald eyes
And those venomous blood red lips
Don’t let your nose bleed again
It might give you away
Rich girls don’t cry, remember?
Here doll take some of my Xanax
Drape yourself in luxury
Go buy yourself some diamonds dear,
Go get mama’s ****** refilled will ya?
Stop that frowning, you’ll get wrinkles!
You better marry that man
He's perfect for you, just look at that ring!
Aw my girl's growing up, her first botox appointment!
Don't worry honey, pretty girls are happy girls.
Apr 19, 2013
Apr 19, 2013 at 1:14 AM UTC
So.
What kind of sleep
Do you want?
The lacy white kind
Where you remember
All of your dreams,
Like glimpsing gardens
Behind cobwebs?
The kind of sleep that
slips on air,
running out of oxygen
like a drowner,
a sleep where
you recall
the hour you
closed your eyes?
Or do you want a
Sledgehammer?
A total blackout,
A sudden death,
Oblivious to fires
And burglaries
And nightmares?
Asleep so fast you
Can barely make out
Legs,
A marathon of hours
Done.
****** or Ambien?
C’mon,
Choose and hush up,
Morning’s waiting.
Sep 22, 2013
Sep 22, 2013 at 6:46 PM UTC
Kissing, supporting—
then sniffing, then snorting:
Xanax, ****** Tylenol.
Alcohol will never expire
dealer, buyer—
you're getting higher and—and—and
Louder, louder—
you're drowning in prescription powder.
You're given *** speed, salvation
It's not love, it's medication.
Jan 8, 2014
Jan 8, 2014 at 1:15 PM UTC
**When I was in an abusive relationship, I told myself I deserved it. I told myself I should be more obedient, as if I was a dog. My leash was held so tight that I couldn’t muster any words out even if I wanted to.
When I was in an abusive relationship, I soaked in every insult and only ever released apologies.
When I was in an abusive relationship, some days I flinched when he raised his hand or began to speak and other days I just sat there waiting for it. When my mom would ask about the bruises I would be surprised because I didn’t know my body was still reacting to it when my mind wasn’t.
When I was in an abusive relationship, tying nooses was a nightly thing and nothing to even be alarmed about, blood stained sheets were the norm, and suicide notes were just normal letters.
When I was in an abusive relationship, I took many different kinds of drugs throughout the day and didn’t really know which combination would **** me. Would the coke, Xanax, and alcohol **** me? Or would it be the alcohol, ****** and oxy?
When I was in an abusive relationship, all concern for myself vanished. As my addictions to many different pills such as Xanax, ****** Hydro, Oxy and many more grew, I started to smile again.
When I was in an abusive relationship, being asked how many drugs I was on was not rude or unexpected.
When I was in an abusive relationship, leaving permanently just didn’t seem like an option.
When I was in an abusive relationship, I had unconditional love for my attacker and always made sure he was okay even after he hit me.
When I was in an abusive relationship, one day, I had a revelation and found my voice.
Now, I am no longer in an abusive relationship.**
May 24, 2015
May 24, 2015 at 1:32 AM UTC
Breathe! The quiet ambient sombers of an extraordinary life element that never misses a beat. Relax and void registry of thought. Bask in the glow of cherry, like a warm bath after years of war. Relieve the soul of entrapment, let the feet lead to peaceful endeavor. Places of concrete will never tear down life in a ****** breeze
Jul 14, 2015
Jul 14, 2015 at 9:56 AM UTC
DONT DO DRUGS KIDS
O a sis, John cooper clarke.
Pink floyd, getting ****** in the park.
****** crack co caine.
****** messed up again.
Council estate, tmazipan,
****** taliban.
A paper cup and a ball of string,
Ive lost me phone I'll use anythin.
Trying to get hold of my man,
Thames Valley police catch me if u can.
Tried to get the monkey off my back,
fallen down and landed in the crack ..
between the pavements,
easy street,
walking round no shoes on ma feet.
Touch this and you'll get burnt.
Been 20 years and I still havent learnt.
Loosing teeth, bad legs, getting older.
Are the winters getting colder?
Global warming ... What the ****
****** ..coming in on a salad truck.
Chav pants, naff fkin trainers,
little going on ... no brainers.
Mental health, welfare state,
think your spot on, think your great.
Urban people telling how it is.
Fk me, took to much whizz.
Walking round, feeling fantastic,
look at me dancing,
pretty tragic really ...
Stupidly asked some bloke to dance,
now im in the back of an amb ulance.
A saturday casualty.
Its an average weekend for me.
Going mad, on a ******
**** you world,
No surrender.
(c) mandy rigby and p skez 2012)
(now 4 yrs clean .. can i get an Amen?)
May 9, 2014
May 9, 2014 at 8:24 AM UTC
She was once a true love of mine
She treated me so kind
She came to me
when I was stuck
when my heart was dark
and shed
her loving light on me
She held me close
and
kissed my lips
brought
warmed wash clothes
and
******
to bathe away my pain.
When she was done with me
she moved me along
to
the crummy little apartment
by
the river
the perfect spot for me.
Life is lived
in chapters
one after the other
She once was a true love of mine.
Apr 12, 2014
Apr 12, 2014 at 10:22 AM UTC