"ungranted" poems
**zero context shifts
*multitasking is multi~asking your brain
to do what does not come naturally,
the enthused poem starts up, lion roaring,
a muscle car, brain throbs organic pulses
semi~orgasmic of a near-completion in
your neuronic ***** exciting and ****
all you-writ so far is:
your name, some crazed, minimal
two fingers of words with
no context, no preconceived word lotion to
balm-spread over the enflamed areas of
your brain skin
except that it’s
6:47 am, coffee in hand,
your woman slumber rumbles a left over dream,
speechifying, and room, cool conditioned cold,
ignoring notifications of overnight elections,
and a reminder-by-photo where you were this
day seven years ago today, all put asided,
permission ungranted to any distractions,
there will be zero context shifts* til the
spillage of your morn squeaking meager is fully
pillage~d here, it be within my it-takes-no-
village,
@ 6:56 and Whitman is tsk-tsking at the low poetry of my scripting, Hafiz says “hey!
nothing about god or love, what good is that?”
but it’s ok for i’ve emptied the early morning
brain bowels,
defused fusses and asides, tossed asided & there is yet some coffee
remaining but the expiation for having been
reborn this newly birthed day has earned me atonement
for taking up space in this planet
and as of yet, I’ve not stated yet to any, no. all
humans, I hate you ~ but the day is infantile
and opportunity plentiful
@7:03AM
nyc
morning
Wed Nov 8,
in the year of hatred,
a/k/a twenty twenty three.
Nov 8, 2023
Nov 8, 2023 at 7:33 AM UTC
*common chilling sights--
i see humanity
ungranted
ice nucleators--
mutual lives underground
buffered dots of heat
Jupiter winds glow
revivals there and then --
red swirls of lust
twelve conquests past
all creatures skyclad
in that loose zodiac belt
unconditional
dark solstice
deepest love
festive thanks
at dread allayed--
more roasted birds
.
the same sun,
snowflake years
uniquely melt
.
still Fall-ripe,
matunda ya Kwanza
nourish unity
.
only a nick,
the green knight forgives
saint sir Gawain
.
winter thin
Shakyamuni trees
entangle star rays
.
Dōngzhì recurs--
tangyuan and dumpling soup
warm ears and hearts
.
Lucy brightens
Advent's tidal frost
sugar powder blind
.
strong eyelids--
holy corpses
smile again
.
endyear eyelids pull
open --
Summer's chain emails
.
i nightgaze here too--
Yalda Shab brightens birth night
vermillion sweet eve
.
gelt to gifts--
sacred lights remembrance
wonders burning yet
.
obstacles embraced
powdered elephant dance
ancient clouds of lore
.
of country dwellers
gifted greatest gifts--
pentacles outshine
.
hot planets glint
subtle light unseen and far --
night sky snow
transaeonic squint
textured sense illumes vast space
light trails interweave
evergreen bird womb
coos beyond my porch--
fireplace ignites
Februa nears--
thermals gather itch for
one last indulgence
Hubble vision melds
an interspecies lens--
"home" descends anew
integral trust--
grapes freeze by vintner's paths
of future sweetness
moss between toes
Spring ooze effluvia
giddy spine sky high*
Dec 12, 2012
Dec 12, 2012 at 11:59 PM UTC
Someone was wearing your cologne today
So many memories in one breath --
I exhale and find myself gasping for you again,
Breath after shallow breath until I am hollow with you.
It was light enough for the wind to carry it
but it made me feel like Atlas under the Earth.
It was nothing but empty hopes
wishes left ungranted.
As night falls,
and the darkness comes for me,
I find myself gasping for you
Clutching crumpled Tootsie Pop wrappers
And cradling torn Four Leaf Clovers.
Wishing you are far away
The more distance I can place between us,
The safer you are.
Wishing I was in your arms
Craving your lullaby, your steady heart beat,
For selfish reasons.
Take my Tootsie Pop wrappers and Four Leaf Clovers.
I am the very last person who deserves a wish.
Take them and know I never wanted to hurt you.
Wish for a thread and needle
Or a plane ticket to Neverland
Just please,
Don't wish for me.
Mar 13, 2014
Mar 13, 2014 at 12:27 AM UTC
when I was three years old
I wished on a shooting star that
daddy and mommy would stop yelling
that they would stop hurting and love
when I was eight years old
I wished on a broken wishbone that
mommy and daddy would fall in love
that they wouldn't dwell on the past
when I was nine years old
I wished on a swaying dandelion that
mommy would marry this new daddy
and they would never hurt each other
when I was ten years old
I wished on pretty birthday candles
that new daddy would stop drinking
and that mommy would stop loving this man only for his sober side of life
when I was eleven years old
I wished on loose eyelashes that
daddy would give us back to mommy
and wouldn't force us to live with him
when I was twelve years old
I wished on a vintage wishing well
that daddy and his wife would stop
picking at my flaws like futile weeds
when I was thirteen years old
I wished on a weightless feather
that my brother wouldn't leave me
alone with daddy and fake mommy
when I was fourteen years old
I wished on the clock that read 11:11
that I wouldn't have to be here alone
that the judge would favor my mom
and send me back to her love forever
now I'm fifteen years old
I have nothing left to wish on
but I wish I could stop feeling this way
and stop forming scars on my body
when the days and nights are rough
and I wish that I could stop thinking
about life without my existence in it
and learn to love myself and make it
through the night as best as I can
and that maybe one day
I'll make it out alive.
a.c
Sep 19, 2013
Sep 19, 2013 at 10:27 PM UTC
For Sia
wake up unscrubbed,
sleep still in the eyes,
dream crusted,
probably unaware, child,
that you are a poem
sleeping
when a little girl,
reverting, designing
real from dreams,
processing, reforming,
the dreams lusting
to be poems
to go awandering
no wonder you have
more first names
than the rest of the world
combined
who you gonna be
this day?
undecided?
a new name adopted?
why not...
did you think I didn't notice?
the degree of yours ungranted,
I favor most is the one
you
never take
unless given
but always only
offer all:
friend
escapade thy 'they' thru
their assorted flavors,
nose rings, tongue piercings,
take 'em all, on the train ride to
see Sia run
see Sia play
see Sia read
see Sia lead
her troupe known only to me as the
Sherwood Forest Baker Street Irregulars
on adventures all over the U.K.
someday you will get a degree
from Peter Pan in
all grown-up-ness,
settling down,
but I surely hope not,
for I will then be sadder,
way sadder than I am
even now,
a different generation man,
when
forgone, missing,
the little dream crusted girl
Mar 22, 2014
Mar 22, 2014 at 10:15 PM UTC
In the dusk of my sorrow, I stand silent and still,
As shadows creep, whispering secrets to the night,
A heart once aflame, now cold, shattered to fragments,
In the hollow silence, echoes of despair resound.
Her eyes, windows to a heaven I could never reach,
Mirrored a faith that bound her with chains unseen,
A woman of God, swathed in robes of divine duty,
Unreachable, untouchable, as I stand yearning, forlorn.
The stars above weep their silent luminescence,
Falling like shards of glass, piercing the velvet dark,
Each one a testament to dreams left unspoken,
To a love that withers, starved of sunlight’s tender grace.
I watch as the world dims, colors leaching to grey,
The vibrant hues of passion fading, a distant memory,
Her voice, once a melody that stirred my soul’s depths,
Now a lament, a hymn of separation and divine fidelity.
The light within me flickers, a candle in a storm,
Battered by winds of regret, of longing unfulfilled,
Her smile, a distant beacon, a sun eclipsed by duty,
Leaves me in twilight, adrift on seas of melancholy.
In the garden of my heart, flowers wilt and die,
Petals fall like silent tears, each one a wish ungranted,
The scent of jasmine, once intoxicating, now a ghost,
Haunting the corridors of my mind with what might have been.
Her touch, a memory etched in pain’s cruel script,
A caress that burns with the fire of impossible dreams,
I am a marionette, strings cut by fate’s cruel scissors,
Dangling in the void, dancing to a dirge of lost love.
Her faith, a wall impenetrable, a fortress of conviction,
Separates us, a chasm bridged by longing’s fragile span,
I am left here, on the edge of desolation, watching her light fade,
As the darkness consumes me, my heart, a broken relic of devotion.
Jul 7, 2024
Jul 7, 2024 at 7:35 PM UTC
She fell asleep on Christmas Eve:
At length the long-ungranted shade
Of weary eyelids overweigh’d
The pain nought else might yet relieve.
Our mother, who had lean’d all day
Over the bed from chime to chime,
Then rais’d herself for the first time,
And as she sat her down, did pray.
Her little work-table was spread
With work to finish. For the glare
Made by her candle, she had care
To work some distance from the bed.
Without, there was a cold moon up,
Of winter radiance sheer and thin;
The hollow halo it was in
Was like an icy crystal cup.
Through the small room, with subtle sound
Of flame, by vents the fireshine drove
And redden’d. In its dim alcove
The mirror shed a clearness round.
I had been sitting up some nights,
And my tired mind felt weak and blank;
Like a sharp strengthening wine it drank
The stillness and the broken lights.
Twelve struck. That sound, by dwindling years
Heard in each hour, crept off; and then
The ruffled silence spread again,
Like water that a pebble stirs.
Our mother rose from where she sat:
Her needles, as she laid them down,
Met lightly, and her silken gown
Settled: no other noise than that.
“Glory unto the Newly Born!”
So, as said angels, she did say;
Because we were in Christmas Day,
Though it would still be long till morn.
Just then in the room over us
There was a pushing back of chairs,
As some who had sat unawares
So late, now heard the hour, and rose.
With anxious softly-stepping haste
Our mother went where Margaret lay,
Fearing the sounds o’erhead—should they
Have broken her long watch’d-for rest!
She stoop’d an instant, calm, and turn’d;
But suddenly turn’d back again;
And all her features seem’d in pain
With woe, and her eyes gaz’d and yearn’d.
For my part, I but hid my face,
And held my breath, and spoke no word:
There was none spoken; but I heard
The silence for a little space.
Our mother bow’d herself and wept:
And both my arms fell, and I said,
“God knows I knew that she was dead.”
And there, all white, my sister slept.
Then kneeling, upon Christmas morn
A little after twelve o’clock
We said, ere the first quarter struck,
“Christ’s blessing on the newly born!”
1.2k
If I could have a wish come true,
a dream that'd come to pass,
I'd ask to spend the day with you,
and pray that it would last.
I'd run to you and hold you close,
We'd laugh and smile again.
I'd listen so intensely,
As you tell me how you've been.
When time was up I'd hold you close,
Not wanting to let go,
You'd smile and tell me, 'see you soon'
And somehow I would know
That while it's very hard to wait,
One day that time will come,
I'll join you there forevermore,
When I too am called home
My wish may go ungranted,
But it always will be true...
I'd trade many of my tomorrows,
For one yesterday with you.
Oct 9, 2018
Oct 9, 2018 at 9:28 AM UTC
Stay
I begged you
Till the words evaporated from my mouth
and the walls started to bleed
you told me that you wanted space,
and I would have given you the entire universe
but you were already gone
before I could say;
Stay.
May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015 at 5:58 PM UTC
Wishes that are left ungranted
Always will be one,
Past your calloused builder's hands
And whispers from your tongue.
This last wish arrested by
Our Kingdom Come and fade;
Different men have matching paths--
First cradle, then the grave.
Righteous living leads to dying--
Wrongful life, the same.
Men and suns and stars and saints
Are all by sleep contained.
My wish is for deathlessness
With you at home to greet.
Carry me to constancy
With talons on your feet.
Jan 2, 2014
Jan 2, 2014 at 7:37 AM UTC
It's that time again
A war being waged
Between heart and mind
Upon the broken stage
Shattered reflections
Know how to dine
If only fate
Hadn't been signed
Then maybe
Just maybe
You could
Have been mine
Mar 11, 2016
Mar 11, 2016 at 4:11 AM UTC
Enter at your own risk.
Into thee unknown abyss.
Seduction of the sun kiss.
UNGRANTED wish & fate with a twist.
Darkness & shadows with echos that fade.
You I will follow a choice that I made.
Music draws me in this time.
Lures me through steals my reflection.
Violating my essence.
Coldness clings.
Never got the message.
Fear it brings. Captivating & haunting.
Intriguing but taunting.
Trapped & hyponotized & paralyzed.
Irresistable & unescapeable to occupy.
I fall & tumble through this bubble.
Without bearing or direction.
I choose a path with further neglection.
Lost without a guide.
My uncertainty never subsides.
No one was ever on my side.
Jan 12, 2015
Jan 12, 2015 at 2:47 PM UTC
Love or hate
Live or die
Black or white
That's how
It used to be
No colors shone
Through the thick
Heavy veil
Of the sorrow
Of the loss
Of the woman
I'd never know
And I wonder if
She'll approve of me
Of whom I've become
And the things I've seen
And the things I've done
I used to always
Think
Wish
Hope
That she'd come back
Now at 16 I still
Think
Wish
Hope
That she'll come back
And impossible dream
An ungranted wish
That one spot left
On that old ***** dish
Now my future
I hold in my hands
Should I throw it away
Let it blow with the sands
No
I think I'll hold on
Cause for now I belong
I'll do great things first
And when my future
Is no more
My old tired body
Achy and sore
I'll lie down in the sun
And absorb the colors
Maybe one day
My wishes will come true
In vibrant color I'll see her
The perfect blue of her eyes
The curl of her ***** blonde hair
For now my future
Is to be left untold
Let it work on its own
Unravel, unfold
Sep 29, 2013
Sep 29, 2013 at 2:26 AM UTC
Enter at your own risk.
Into an unknown abyss.
Seduction of the sun kiss.
An ungranted wish.
Fate with a twist.
Darkness shadows, echos fades.
You I want to follow.
A choice I made.
A occupy my time.
Gather my thoughts.
Be greatful for what's mine.
Reflect on what I bought.
Music draws me in to bind unfought through each chime.
Coldness clings to the voice that sings.
Fear & haunting is not what it brings.
Intriguing & capitvating trapped in a hypnotic trance.
Irresistable & unescapeable ****** in.
In a personal bubble. I fall & tumble.
A uncontrollable cycle.
I trip & stumble. Without bearing or direction.
I chose a path with further neglection.
Without a guide.
My heart openwide.
My uncertainity subsides.
Through the foggy light I glide.
Parallal to default to seek what I sought.
Senseless relent it was there I was sent.
Calling me to it.
Fragmented bit by bit. Reforming a whole to the other side. Teleported through a watery tide. Plasma fluid like sewage.
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 1:08 AM UTC
I **** you not.
The only guy who I liked who I he did not want.
I walk by him as if to flaunt.
Every chance I get, my relentless pursuit haunts.
To make me jealous he revels in taunts.
To reveal my secret desire would wreck the fragile outter shell of my persona.
Guess it is not in our nature to be true.
In the action we do.
He will never know any of my love is true.
Mutual attraction is so rare & few.
It would be miraculous.
A change so fabulous.
My single ungranted wish.
The single life I would never miss.
I want to just be his.
Feb 21, 2015
Feb 21, 2015 at 2:46 AM UTC
My father had two daughters.
A son he had just one.
A wife who divorced him, to move in a pedofile ***
Who she let whip us like a sadistic, not so fun.
Every night for 3 years we got *****
Mom got him a loaded hand gun.
We never had a chance to escape.
He killed my hamster & the neighbors german shepherd.
No one ever said a word.
It was vulgur & absurd.
An ex con, on my face & cereal he spit on.
Our toothbrushes he peed on.
We never got justice.
Like his head on a pike. Every ounce of hatred fueled, despite.
Every fiber of it's being is not right.
An ungranted wish.
A criminal no one will miss.
I would never know if "it" hurt any other.
Most are the product of a crazy mother.
I dwell in a sh*t dome.
Where no one is ever home.
A coward's way out.
No one can hear my scream or shout.
To be murdered is what evil entity's deserve.
Satan Lucifer is the devil they serve.
To be consumed in eternal flames.
Dissected & mamed.
That is their place to belong.
To suffer agony from what they did wrong. Crushing children's souls.
To make them broken & unwhole.
Eternal torment they need.
Sin is what they feed. Extinction would'nt be a sacrifice. Their demise would be so nice. I hate child molestors. A walking disease that festers
Jan 10, 2015
Jan 10, 2015 at 10:43 PM UTC
Candlelight dances on the wall of my room, it dances to the endless tune of my doom.
Wind breaks the silence that cuts me so deep, I am doused with sorrow from my head to my feet.
I used to feel comfort and rest the night through, but now I lay wake with dark thoughts of you.
I asked you to save me from the unknown of alone, but now I'm shaking alone on my throne.
My head, heavy, spins full of nonsense and greed, my heart is saturated with jealousy and reasons to bleed.
I begged for your pardon over again, it goes ungranted, I'm left rotting till then.
Jul 11, 2017
Jul 11, 2017 at 12:54 AM UTC
Look at me again
with those guarded eyes,
freckled with bitterness
like glitter, and the forgotten love you can still taste on your tongue.
Do you breath a sigh of relief, now that you're gone?
My want is an ungranted wish
Since my words shot down all of the stars
That you once cast your gaze upon.
Mar 6, 2018
Mar 6, 2018 at 12:02 PM UTC
I bring thee angel a silver chain.
I tell thee also an unbelievable truth.
I shall never have fortune or fame.
I never get what I want only what I need.
My own child minimum wage can't feed.
Poverty, stench, & hatred i breathe.
Tell me what is the solution?
To control & diminish this pollution.
A sacred heart belonging to me.
An unshattered love binds us to be.
Just because I never married someone strong.
To take away my daughter is still wrong.
A sacred kiss of eternal bliss.
A glowing soul that grows.
Holiness bestows ungranted hopes.
Stealing my parental rights.
Lonely abandonment.
Evil feeds & Bites.
Unregretful resentment. Unsettling contentment.
Pages turn words burn.
Jan 11, 2015
Jan 11, 2015 at 11:23 PM UTC
Once upon a long ago
Yet lingering each day
The mind confines what heart defines
Then twists it every way
Forming mountains out of mole hills
Crafting worries from thin air
‘Til the things which should not vex me
Cast my heart into despair
In my surety, I worry
In my bravery, I fear
In my strength, I fashion weakness
‘Til my joy sheds sorrow’s tears
While the victories fought long for
Find defeat within my mind
I convince myself unworthy
Of what I want most to find
If any hope should cease to matter
If any wish should cease to be
If any dream should wake unwoven
It’s because I’ve doubted me
But when years have brought but failure
Every hope shot down in turn
Each broken dream and ungranted wish
Leaves my confidence to burn
If faith can move a mountain
Tell me why I feel so low
And feel a failure though I’m trying
Filled with misery and woe
Even when my smiles are widest
I’m still haunted by despair
Although I hold fierce to hope
My doubts seem always to be there
So if it takes a word to matter
Bringing beauty so to bloom
May I cast the spells of silence
Deep within depression's tomb
May I vanquish all my demons
Which not even love can tame
As you do the rest with but your voice
Your all…even your name
Apr 25, 2017
Apr 25, 2017 at 12:57 AM UTC
All of these things that I write
And every word therein
Are more for my self than anyone else
They are advice to my self
Even when they may seem otherwise
Especially when pain is the only reminder that I'm awake
I am talking my way out of the places my mind takes me
The remedy for what ails me
And sometimes, hopelessness having it's way
I know that there are brighter days ahead
For they call to me
Giving me reason to hope at all
Even on the days I am my own worst enemy
But, sometimes one cannot break free of one's cell
Unless every inch of such is explored
For shadows do not always bring demise
More often than not, they bring answers
Sometimes found within the questioning despair
Strength never comes without experience
And victory never comes without a fight
But, even the losses are victories
For I learn more about my self
And what I can endure
What breaks me, and what makes me stronger
Fear does not mean weakness
Failure does not mean defeat
Just as victory does not mean success
It all depends on the lessons that come thereafter
And the intent of each attempt
Because sometimes what I want is not mine to have
Even when it is something everyone desires in their own way
Though mind and heart cannot agree
Sometimes suffering hand in hand
Sometimes content in the joy of desires unobtained
But, always waiting...
Longing...
Dreaming...
Lamenting......
Rejoicing
For, even in wishes ungranted
Dreams yet untrue
Nightmares revisited and unresolved
It is the knowledge of beauty
There are still things in this world worth suffering for
There is still wonder and magic in the midst of chaos
There is still strength in my weakness
Pleasure despite my pain
Smiles in calamity
And the only way to defuse the effects of my depression
Is to study every aspect of emotion
Mainly, those most volitile to my mental destruction
Disarming sadness by personal description
Metaphores and precise actualities
Spoken not by the creative mind
But by the afflictions of my soul
Turning the darkness upon itself
Before I completely turn on my self
Mar 9, 2014
Mar 9, 2014 at 12:34 PM UTC
*She noticed me looking dreamily
at the night sky.
You seem fascinated by the stars
she whispered.
I think they are more fascinated by me.
People think the stars are made of wishes
that the stars grant to lovers on earth.
But they are not.
They are made of heartaches and
broken promises of all the wishes
they have not granted.
Which one's your favorite star
She ask me.
I point to the biggest brightest star
in the heavens.
It is that one
It is made of all my ungranted wishes.
They all about you.
Perhaps that makes you a star.*
Oct 4, 2016
Oct 4, 2016 at 2:25 PM UTC
Rain clouds with thunder that's loud.
Snow fall with snowflakes for all.
Sun rays through lazy days.
A chilly breeze across a still horizon.
Sunsets in the evening.
Promise you won't be leaving.
The early morning sunrise.
Through lonely misty dew foggy skies.
The mountain tops with frosty drops.
Sparkles & glitters for all the first critters.
A creepy cave a on hillside.
The shoreline cove open wide.
Seagulls whine & hide on the missed.
Never to forget.
Everything destined not to let.
Threads so transparent & fine.
Through fabrics of time.
His lips I long to kiss.
A silhouette shadow tall & with form.
A faded desire perfect & undeformed.
A sliver of hope he may be back.
Eye contact & a caress that lacks.
My bottle in the seas casts an ungranted wish.
True love my life has untouched & missed.
Jan 22, 2015
Jan 22, 2015 at 3:24 PM UTC
It stings.
Burns my heavy eyes with a warmth far too cold.
Ungranted escape, heart bent out of shape.
You can’t put a number or size on emotions,
But when they bleed at the speed of light,
They do, in a perfect flow
Sep 28, 2017
Sep 28, 2017 at 9:56 AM UTC
*Some starlit night ago
or yesterday, I realised that
unsatisfactory is eating me
I contemplated a lot or
I am second guessing everything
And jelousy to the unknown is the apple of my eyes
Ungranted wish after an unanswered prayer or maybe I am just unlucky
Feb 22, 2019
Feb 22, 2019 at 12:37 PM UTC