Nicholas Foster

Nicholas Foster Jul 2017

Candlelight dances on the wall of my room, it dances to the endless tune of my doom.

Wind breaks the silence that cuts me so deep, I am doused with sorrow from my head to my feet.

I used to feel comfort and rest the night through, but now I lay wake with dark thoughts of you.

I asked you to save me from the unknown of alone, but now I'm shaking alone on my throne.

My head, heavy, spins full of nonsense and greed, my heart is saturated with jealousy and reasons to bleed.

I begged for your pardon over again, it goes ungranted, I'm left rotting till then.

Nicholas Foster Jul 2017

Just Drown

The nature of sentience. The desire for penance. Why does one behave?
From our first breath, were taught to reject, the things we always crave.

Day one: life pours into your senses and fills your consciousness like a cup, the clocks have finished being wound. Release. The game starts then. Beauty still runs rampant.

Dark becomes light, life become sight, you learn from all around. The water is warm, then a terrible storm, pulls you down to drown.

Day two: I learned what to love and who to trust very quick. It was taught to me. Like a formula on a blackboard. How to feel, what to want, what is okay to cherish. It never felt genuine.

In my home, I was always alone, love was a cracking whip.
A bottle full of pills, crushed up on windowsills, turned to a nasal drip.

Day three: I haven't seen my father, last I did, he told me what a disappointing life I'm living. Memories smell like fireball when he's in them. I still can't feel. Guilt extinguished my true passion long ago. Oneness replaced by numbness.

A spoon bottom turned black, burned by sizzling crack, fear took my life from me. I am amongst the dead, bound to my bed, i see no joy to be.

Day 4: I felt jealousy today, it festered in my chest. I longed for the warm and selfish friendships that are so abundant around me; I found something like it in the illicit. I learned to love the way 2 AM smells, and feels, like cleaning products.

Life will let you down, but wear that throned crown, because you are king of the known. What was, is no longer, death will make you stronger, but don't you die all alone.

It's harder that way. Stay to play, then let yourself drown

Nicholas Foster Jun 2017

December

Death rolled in again, rippling waves in my calmed brain.
They said he almost made it to the door, but bled out on the kitchen floor.

I think of you, and him, and him, and the others who kissed the hand of whatever god.
They're not real anymore, but we're they Ever anyway.

The gold Lockett cracked, and the speaker blew out. The casket finally closed, the family guests walked out.

I push everyone away, so I don't see them die. The burdens too great, the risk of goodbye.

Alone for now, and alone forever, because every season ends, and I barley make it through December.

Every year repeats, the variables appear, "y" equals me and "X"isn't there

Don't cry for the song, cheer to remember. I'll see you in the summer, then I'll die in December

Nicholas Foster Mar 2017

You Made Me Live

I made my escape on that glorious day,
Seemed bleak at first but I made my way.
My suitcase was packed,
Riding the bus that would finally take me back.

Asking no one for favors, I embarked on this alone, yes, the ship sailed and the plane was flown.
To be far away from here, and all those near and dear, would grow to know loss like a common fear.

But my planet crashed, my ship sunk

I woke up.

Track marks scattered, floral robes tattered, Narcan kissed my vain, and became the pilot of that plane.

Oh to my dismay, in a room filled with fake smiles and "you're okay."
***** repair, blood pressure flair, on and on like a revolving door.

Ten thousand "sorry's", and a desperate party to see me sing and act.
With my IV leash, attached to a snarling beast, I gave them what they paid for.

So now I'm stuck where I started, wishing I departed, and made it all the way.
But I do how they do, and do what they say. Nothing is my own, not even the day.

My passion is gone, I exist without hope, I'm forced to breathe,and to shadow the pope.

You see, the pilot is to blame, he saved my body, but killed my heart with shame.

But I'll get my revenge, and I will live again, or save up for another ticket. But you will feel sorrow, for all of my gray tomorrow's pouring down from an endless spigot.

For you trapped me here, my exit was near, and freedom would have rang true. All that are dear, ridden with fear, and the one to blame is you.

Blame can run no where else, vindication sleeps in your bed, you played god and raised me from the dead.

You
made
me
live.

Nicholas Foster Sep 2016

Nature Evaded

While the sparrow flies, the angels cry
For the beauty of you and i
Our passion shouts, and envy pouts
Like peasants who cant get dry

Friends at first, turned to love that hurts
For hearts are heavy now
Because nature evaded, a love that never faded
Until our trembling lips allowed

Gods have been shaken, once you became taken, because this passion knows no bounds
The heavens fear, when our hearts are near
Because together our love cannot be drown

Once a lie, became hate denied
Now the fairy tales are true
You are the one, and like the setting sun
Our rise will always ensue

*** there is no limit, to our absent gimmick
This is real as pain
With lovely bones, worthy of thrones
We are as natural as the rain

Nicholas Foster Aug 2016

Manic Feet

The windows to her soul are more like packed out group homes
Where young hope goes bitter as they wait for a frozen tv dinner

Dj's spin trap **** till the sun pours in,
Revealing all the tiring oil drenched skin
But the music will play tomorrow and douse our washed up ******* sorrow

This cycle will repeat and our fainting hearts cannot compete
For all those manic tapping feet
Will grow weak and happy faces will replete

The vital symmetry has died and mother mary still will cry
Till the balance beam is level and the dead become the rebels

Oh when the dead become the rebels

Nicholas Foster Aug 2016

Liquid Jest

Liquid thoughts flow blue and black
The stars shutter at a sight unseen
Infinite jest has run dry again
My teeth crackle down in every memorable dream.

I'm clenching and speechless
Blood trickles out
I'm lost with out reason
I'm left with out doubt

That I'll parish alone
Or rot in a tomb
Rising never again
Like a shadowless moon

My brothers are angry
My sisters are poor
My parents are absent
Birth happens no more.

My senses are dull
The factory's hell
I'm building a casket
Covered in braille.

It reads "here lies the hopeless
The emptiest man
The sounds have been drowned
My skin was left pale."