Pain is.....
Pain is knowing that your feelings aren't returned.
Pain is your love blazing with fire until its burnt.
Pain is the emotion that not many will admit to.
Pain is feeling that can your whole being has been broken in two.

Fear is....
Fear is wondering when the end will come.
Fear is knowing there is more to be done
Fear is a nightmare with no way to wake up
Fear is the fantasy and the reality, thereof

Peace is....
Peace is serenity always at hand.
Peace is the harmony that could be throughout the land.
Peace is a slow, rhythmic beat dancing in the rain.
Peace is something we are yet to gain.

The Saints keep pressed lips when speaking words.
Gypsy lovers crawl towards the feet of his might.
Watch the shackles shake the walls for the prisoner sees his face.
Not within the petals of a flower, but within the breaths of fire.
Within the last glance of prey's eye before the predator kills.
Not a power of cruelty but of vigilance.
Embrace the sweet lotus cradled by the parting waves of serenity.
Be he, he or she or it or I.
Blessed be a soul seeking love of the highest.
How indescribable it becomes.
Fear not where the lightening strikes but where it doesn't.
For truth is no more than lies.
The mountains of knowledge sought dull in comparison to a grain of enlightenment.
Be still in all that is sound and rotation.

Out of the darkness
of the shadow of my soul
a light came shining upon me
shining through of all living things
her nature's sweet caress

And as I gazed in the beauty
I could feel Mother's wings
wrap me in her serenity
feeling the touch of her gentle kiss
through winds that blew softly

I felt her soothing over me
like a child lost in time
in a place of long ago
where her love shelters me
like a sky that covers me
the brightness of her sunshine
Spiritwind ©2014

My fear is endless,
No place is safe.
Technology and supreme warfare is safety
But too much safety is dangerous
Everything is threatened at every single second
I feel it
I feel the tension
I feel the rubber band stretching thin
Don't break, please, don't break
I walk down the sidewalk of a campus that should be be safe but I feel endangered and exposed and I know that
Anyone could be watching
Anyone could be waiting
Anything could be looming about to pounce and tear serenity to pieces

I just want to feel safe again, not like even the tiniest move could **** me.

A lingering shower streaks the day,
in running waters' remnants;
As rainbows color cloudy skies,
with magical enchantments.

Then as the coral sun appears,
in luscious illumination;
All elements from God's own hand,
the mystic wonders of creation.

The emerald leaves drip crystal tears,
from every oak and maple tree;
But soon the sun will dry their eyes,
in its warm serenity.

Behold, the delicate, shimmering rain,
that feeds all life below;
And tends to earthly gardens 'fore,
the drifts of melting snow.

Maybe i'm lonely enough
To realise
The empty earth
With only the serenity
Of the sounds of my pencil against my notebook.

I've written this a thousand times
And I'd tell you more about it
There's a kind of serenity here
When the day ends
And darkness starts to set over the coloured sky
There's a kind of peace in darkness
And knowing that in the dark
We all look the same
But we don't feel the same

There are some long night and talks
On rooftops with wine and cold breeze
There are salty neck kisses and beer
Laughter and sand filled shoes
Stargazing in the trunk of your car, on a mountain top blankets and tears filling my eyes
When my heart was just not enough

There's a whole new world for me and you
When the world we know in daylight gets silent


Coffee at midnight and cigarettes
I say I've stopped a hundred times
But death is a reality, closer to me thank you think
My love

Red red wine
for attraction
And whiskey
for lonely tears

And there are sunrises;
Beautiful colors and the cold breath of the wind
Sending shivers through my bones
And let me tell you
Sunrises are beautiful
Because very few get to enjoy them
And when it's over
That's when my body asks me
To silently drift away
To make way for the better and stronger

Silent prayers are being recited all thru my consciousness
Of desperation and a moment of escalating into a rare flare of clarity
My mind screaming to go escape the reality of my current toils of Life and saddened realization that am still stuck in square one...still waging war thru my tumultuous addiction I just want true joy peace and prosperity a want a different Life for myself but I always self-sabotage my sobriety walk with an endless urge to go get high one more time just one last time I get some sober time under my belt and again feel inadequate to deal with Life triggers, problems, clutter and stressors beat me back to using once again. I try to talk to my peers to God to councilors to doctors to my own head and mind to my addiction begging and pleading I want to be free but I love getting high a little more than sobriety but I want to understand why this is...I recall that I use substances to temporarily relieve my schizophrenia and ADHD. To get a frozen piece of time to reconnect with my inner soul but at the same time feeding this demons that keep me trapped inside a mental prism that the only way out is wanting to live a life of no use of any mind altering substances. Am stuck between wanting a better healthier more enjoyable Life without pushing any efforts into changing knowing that ultimately lead me back to using dope to do something am comfortable and feel at a pleasant with utilizing my own body to conduct a forced neurological and psychological change...so I can once again relive and reminiscence on that subtle wave of calmness and comfort I adore so much. Harsh reality sets in I run out of substances to indulge in and slowly but surely my brain synapses go back to normality and re-stabilize. I keep wanting this revolutionary change of mind but am willingly putting no work towards getting better...I am here pondering is it because my own drug use has become hardened enveloped in a complex mechanism that tactically constructs avenues to facilitate it's initial impulse to go and do what makes my mind and body feel at ease with a touch of serenity and well being. Nevertheless, when the drugs are completely expelled from my system I pay the toll for pushing my biological neural and nervous system to it's peak functionality. The biggest obstacle in my path to sobriety is mundane ordinary routines of every day living life without no sense of gratification thru drugs themselves. Am truly trying to reach that place where I feel as if this drugs I involve myself to use leave me disgusted at myself for doing that to myself when its all a grand illusive temporal alleviation of stress problems and feelings and emotions being blocked off and masked to a degree of non-existent competence. Am left in the end with a constant inner symptom of slightly elevated compulsive feeling of wanting to repeat the experience again and again and again. This becomes the battle and little by little becomes a rampaging addiction depending on the person's impulsivity level and puts the person in a state of uncomfortable decision making when in reality the drugs don't solve anything thru them the problems become temporarily "out of sight out of mind" but when sobriety sets back in and every neuronal and hormonal changes due to the use become expelled and fully removed from the user's system the user goes thru a period of acute withdrawals and followed by other minimal symptoms like irritability, depressed mood, dysphoria and neuro-chemical imbalances. All I am going to focus from now on is how to slow down my use to the point ill be easy for me to leave it alone all at once. I want to believe I can find true joy peace contentment and happiness thru being drug free but every time I think of it I give myself a certain doubt that in time it becomes malignant and grows to be another reservation waiting to be subconsciously manifested. Sooner or later my subconscious becomes too hard to ignore and I play the game of "insanity" again and go do what I know... Which is get intoxicated. I will sooner or later learn how to deal with my Life's trials and tribulations in a different way and learn that thru God's grace & power I can be clean and arrest this monster once and for all.

a loaded ship
full of hope
in quest for serenity
what may seem infinity
might not be possible

a heart so noble
yet fragile
your words, so agile
yet impulsive
your false alarm, so corrosive

the ship has broken
hopes sunk
whispers of sorrow awaken
as she wonders in blue funk

this morning smells like poetry
the gushing artificial wind
and the man-made tears
crumpling the image of serenity
minimizing thoughts and allusion
scavenging memories and past
of diluted emotions and fears

The last wind of winter has ceased its power.
It is memory now, and has no message to give.

The rains of spring have replaced the snow.
And spatter insistent tunes upon the roof.

From the ground, the plants have burst out.
Reminders of the cycle of life and renewal.

Early flowers busy in their own serenity.
Splashes of colour that arrive in splendour.

O falling rain, cleanse the dirt of the heart.

I find myself sitting on my balcony.
Surrounded by the discrimination of life.

Sighing gently to the pattern of the rain,
singing softly the songs of emerging spring.

Patterns of raindrops that hit the mind in
mud puddles of dank self imposed denial.

They are a growing source of cleansing
which shall shatter, for now, the winter grey.

O falling rain, cleanse the dirt of the heart.

Standing up, I become once again myself.
Moaning in unison with the rain, captivated

by the thoughts of what the waters bring.
I am entirely open to fountains of rebirth.

Vindictive tugging of thought interferes
with the cherished sunshine of awareness.

Rushing fiercely into the rain,
I pull each flower from the ground.

O falling rain, cleanse the dirt of the heart.

But that's it, right?
People are forces of nature.
We are nature ourselves.
And nature sometimes hurts,
if not often. Or always.
We call them calamities.
But why can you find the word “calm” in it?
But that's just how it really is.
That's nature, literally.
But that's it, right?
We touch and we destroy.
Because people are forces of nature.
We kiss and we wave goodbye.
Because we are nature ourselves.
We're like ripcurls that hurts.
Almost always.
We are calamities.
And that's just how it is, right?
God made us to either kiss or ****.
Why do you think womb rhymes with tomb?
That's just how love is, isn't?
It could save you, yet it could shake you.
It could help you, yet it could hurt you.
It could be the most giving, generous
yet it could be unforgiving, disastrous.
It could be your calm and serenity,
and it could be your storm and calamity.

what I have control over, and what I don't

god grant me the serenity

acceptance, wisdom,

the difference

magna carta and raise me a constitution

letters upon letters suggesting what I should understand

the mind making associations, again, again, again

the limitless factors that go into any context, conversation

auto-pilot?  direct intent?  specific motivation?   impossible to really figure out

the neurons firing, and the impulses flaring

the body, the mind

is it possible for me to forgive myself?

Oh mind of mine
Stop thinking
Accept misunderstandings
Find the serenity
I know it is confusing
Though He is not
And your heart is full of want
Time is unforgiving
Unfair is all your feeling
Try to find comfort
Without understanding

I was never mad.... never sad....til I look back.....and I see my life....now I feel proud that I'm not dead.....but curious of long I'm gonna hold on.... I Live for me, My dead brother, My unappreciated Mother, My desire for heaven....I would say I'm fine but I wonder....if I was the people that make me feel.... Confused..... would I care about Serenity......Maybe I wouldn't.....I know those that care will worry but trust me I'm strong..... because I'm still here.....the counselor's....The constant Therapy Sessions.....The psych ward visits, The friends, The Teachers, The churches, The Prayers, The Bible, The Fake Smiles, The Music, The Grief Camps, The Singing, The Dancing, .., .The Common Coping Tools..... Hasn't helped, Not saying I don't appreciate those Things....But what is the secret to hope and happiness.....Love? No tried that Support? Tried that too.....I Guess I'll never Know....I will continue to fight through the pain....My Tears.... I've been through so much....That I try to hurt over it....but It doesn't hurt anymore....but it stings....but soon I won't feel I won't be able to cry I'll just sigh and laugh because I'm use to the constant quick gunshots....just because you can't see my wounds doesn't mean I'm healed.... I'm just hoping....I think......

Slowly, sneakily
It starts creeping back in
Right around midnight
As the medication fades
As I prep my next dose
I feel my past
Hovering over my shoulders
Threatening to return
And just the thought
Fills me with so much fear
I rush to my little orange bottle
And wait for its serenity
To bring me peace again

As a child innocent, I briefly knew love.
I grew up, quickly tarnished, and in my years lost the companion of myself, my shadow.
I gathered pieces through my life, to fill the void, yet never whole, never complete. I surrendered, satisfied with the best I could do.
You flew into my life, through a window I thought I'd sealed tight in the stable structuring of my world.
As I was looking into the mirror, I caught a glimpse of you behind me, my shadow. I turned intrigued by your familiarity, only to find you curiously staring back at me.
You stepped forward, I stepped back. You stepped back I stepped forward. Left and then right, and we synchronized into natural dance as if it had always been.
We laughed, played and cried, settling with a sigh into sweet embrace.
Reflections mirrored in one another's eyes. Entranced in awe we drew closer, tasting exchanged sweet breaths of serenity.
I gave you a thimble, eternally filled with my passion. You returned to me with an acorn, radiating with your deep rooted love.
I vowed never to trap you, you vowed never to leave me.
We live in a land of the never, savoring the bittersweet reality of our fantasies.
We shall know never what would've been.
We shall know never what will be.
We shall know never apart, never an empty heart.

What evil lays in these woods i see
Luring all innocence to its immortality
Forcing me to possess thoughts of anxiety
Leaving no space for the likes of serenity
Slowly taking over my mentality

When the noise is deafening and just needs to be turned off
She reminds me of a bluer skies and her children
When people are beyond believing and you wish you could edit yourself out of the situation
She is calming and reminds me walking helps
It is the magic and serenity of turning off and tuning into beauty and tranquility
Seek it and finding it are worth the effort
Finding it?
I hope you find it and it finds you

C@rainbowchaser2021

Jesus, requested men to follow him.
Pointing out all the things he could do for them.

I'm requesting you to follow me to love.
I will educate you on, what love was?
And what I hope for it to come?
Or to be.
So follow me.

All these words will be encompassed within love.
Caring, sharing, understanding and yes forgiveness.
So follow me to love.

We say the word.
Except many doesn't live up to it.
The instant something upset us.
Out comes the rudeness of hate.

So follow me to love.

It will be surreal.
But real, it should be.
It should be supreme.
For love will forever reign.

Serenity will be involve to bring tranquility to your heart.

You will control.
And seek multiple ways to express it.
After all, you will control it.

So I'm simply requesting you, my love.
To follow me to love.

Its within me waiting for you.

Take me away
To that special place
From the everyday, crazy city pace

Up to the mountains
The sky is so blue
Blustering clouds
A beautiful hue

Not a sound can be heard
Except maybe a bird
The silence is peaceful, serenity abound
No human beings anywhere to be found
No words need to be spoken
In this place so unbroken

Take me there
To the sweet clean air
I don’t want to go back
To that crazy rat pack

There is a crisp endlessness to the sea.
Shades of life ascend into the ripples
The intoxicating warmth floods over,
Replenishing serenity.

For so long were we happily united.
The divergence began a few years later.
It marked a time of sad and poignant loss.
A death with no cadaver.

What had we lost?
What had been ours to share and was no more?
How to apportion blame?
Why should blame even need to be considered?

There had been so much unity.
Our lives had meshed so thoroughly
and what had fingered one,
had snared the other.

Nothing is ever lost  (a physical law).
Every negative implies a positive.
So where was to be found
the serenity and joy
that had marked so many gleeful years?

The vacuum was vast and needed to be filled.
Her arms were opened wide;
while mine were clenched about myself.

I thought I could discern a pattern:
a repetition of highs and lows.
Perhaps, I thought, this could be the start
of a voyage of self-discovery,
and since, as Proust has said,
such voyages are less concerned
with seeking new landscapes,
than having new eyes,
I will have to microscopically
examine every facet of myself,
in order to find my true identity.

Then, perhaps, we will also learn
how to restore that unity.

And yet, and yet, the question
returns and re-echoes again and again:
After so many years, so many years,
how could we diverge so rapidly?

As i'm nearing the end...I can't recall having done much good during my time here on earth, save for one thing....having loved you sincerely, whole-heartedly...at times selfishly....i could never express my feelings to you....for i was scared of the outcome...but deep in my soul....in that place where darkness and light meet...i have your image secured like a permanent tattoo...like a beautiful scar...like an everlasting thought...an immortal memory...a dangerous desire..an unfulfilled dream...often on those cold lonely nights i visit that forbidden place and just watch you...sometimes sleeping, sometimes smiling, sometimes bathing in the serenity of my troubled soul, sometimes looking at me with those compassionate eyes...sometimes you talk to me...often we tend to have these deep and meaningful conversations...i want to thank you for being a part of me...your words and ideas have constantly inspired me and i hope they continue to do so.

Pacific,like the ocean
motionless,serene,
I have seen the rise and fall of
one more day,when
time and time takes it away and
tomorrow,
will I be the thunderous,crashing stormy sea or
will I once more find in me
serenity?