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I've been sleeping in odd places
next to a ***** blanket
on the floor of this cold apartment.
I get little sleep because my insomnia
keeps saying ridiculous ****
and its starting to scare me.

I find myself frozen when he asks me
Do you think you know yourself
He tells me I care too much about the answers
I tell him he isn't very good company.
He tells me I try too hard for others
that I'm only going to get my heart broken.
I tell him it's still worth it
He crawls closer to the couch
and impersonates my crying.

I've been sleeping in odd places
next to a confused womanizer
on the bed that can't stop squeaking.
They never look at me directly
they can't afford to find attachment
under these eyes of mine
when it's only the cuffing season

I've been sleeping in odd places
next to my anxiety
on the floor of my mind.  
I'm clutching onto these odd moments
like little snippets of my life
I'm trying to piece myself together
with all the bad that I have done
thank goodness for the councilor who listens when i speak.
JustHayy Oct 2018
December 7th

It was the seventh of December. The coldness and bitterness of winter, I could never forget. I sat on the floor of my still apartment, remembering the times we had spent here on the carpet. Speaking only with our eyes; our souls tangled tightly together, as if we were only one existence. I was reminiscing on the way you once fit so seamlessly between my thighs. My brain was racing at the memory of you’re fingers tracing my skin and hair. All the while, we stayed awake for hours watching for the sun to rise. I kept those feelings in a pretty Rx bottle, and on the days they flooded in, they weren’t so hard to swallow. The Notebook whispered quietly on the flatscreen, serving as a poor distraction while I sat and waited. I stared at my blank notebook page. I wanted to write you one last time. I wanted to write something beautiful, Incase you ever needed reminded. The same way I wrote you in the beginning. At the start of this journey, when you were freshly released from prison. When you had hopes of a new life you picked to spend with me. I thought it was story of love that we were writing. My anticipation grew as minutes were passing.My heart had been racing but it started collapsing. You said you were walking over, “See you in a bit.” I was already nervous, anxiously trying, but failing to hide it. Feeling an array of emotion, not one of them I was content with. My heart ache was raining, pouring from my eyes. Before our last encounter, I used to think I was good at goodbyes. I knew it was the end but I never really meant it. I tasted your lips one last time, they were flavored of sadness, regret, and resentment. I guess, I knew things were changing, transitioning with time, but the depth, the gravity I couldn’t fathom in my mind. Those drugs hit your veins instantly holding you a familiar captive. I’m jealous of the substances. I’m jealous of way they dwell  inside you. I envy the way your warm, soft lips invite them. They caress all your darkness and whisper to your demons. They get to trace along the cut outs of your skin and dance along the structure of your bones. They get to be where I should be, where I once called home. They get to be what I only dreamed to be for you. They get to finish the story I had only started writing with you. I hadn’t scribbled out one word, as I heard the twist of the **** on the door. As soon as our eyes met, on the very last one, of our just one mores. I saw what used to be you, the phantom of the man I fell into. I saw what looked like you, but was nothing more than the shadow that drowned me in a dark downpour.

Probably needs proofread and edited but my laptop wasn’t working so I used my phone.. :) deal with it.
Kara Jean Nov 2017
I pretend to love the cold
You have a point, I'm destroying my soul
I'm filled with despair
I pretend like I don't care
I feel every tear
I tell myself don't live in fear
Still I hear your voice telling me I will be "there"  
Sometimes I want to disappear
My pain is near
My fire is inviting
I will grow my weakness each night
Don't underestimate my fight
Matterhorn Dec 2018
He awoke.

His eyes opened slowly with a purposeful slowness; an action that for most people is the beginning of their life was, for him, a procrastination.

He arose.

The floor felt cold, unwelcoming as he stumbled reluctantly to the sink. The bristles rasped against his teeth, gums bleeding out of spite.

He entered.

Breakfast—a lonely egg, boring toast—entered his body; each bite was scooped with the utilitarian vigor of one who is no longer enchanted by food, yet the relationship must continue because of a compulsory marriage without option for divorce. This discomfort washed down with lemon-water.

He contemplated.

Thoughts, those musings that are feared, condemned by most and yet became the greatest of comforts for him, reminded him that one day it all would end and he would be free.

He wasted.

He stretched out his hands, offering up his life force in the daily sacrifice to the eager god that, in return, lit up with the brightness of a thousand stars that blinded him from all that he wished not to see.

He showered.

Cold water ran down his soul, icing the most superficial inflammations while taunting the deepest wounds; no matter how long he remained behind the curtain, there would be no true respite.

He returned.

The blackness beckoned. He entered willingly, surrendering himself to the dark embrace of the demon that he loved above all the others.

He died, once again.
© Ethan M. Pfahning 2018
s Willow Dec 2018
To some it’s holly
and a joyous time
full of family and friends.
To me
it’s cold
and lonely.
Happy holidays to the ones that celebrate.
Enjoy your family and fun.
I’ll be crying in the corner.
**** brown grass
covers my yard,
by dead gray skies
that **** rain
on my holiday.

Where is Christmas?
Will it come this year?

I fervently remember
swirls of snow
everywhere, a silent,
peaceful, white world
in which I could think.
There’s less now, each year.

My mother no longer bakes
those delicious peanut butter
cookies with the Hershey kiss
in the middle.

I can’t even remember
their smell,
nor the heat of the oven
to be my blanket
after I walk inside.

Is Christmas coming this year?

I don’t see the smiles
of holiday cheer,
just the grimace
of old men,
tired of buying presents
and putting up decorations.

Maybe it’s my eyes,
but I'm not sure Christmas
will come this year.
Marina Kay Dec 2018
I left my heart in December,
in a strife that I surrendered.

I lost the wind from my sails.
Without your touch, my plight prevailed.

I lived in despair,
whenever you weren't there.

Against broken promises and disarray,
I remained loving you anyway.
I can't believe you're gone, Jordan. I still love you. I always will.
We met in December

Locked eyes and fell instantly.

I never liked the cold.

But I liked the late nights.


Whispering secrets in the in-between

Or sharing looks of longing.


I never liked the cold.

You say winter makes it worse.

That it reminds you of growing up.

A turning point.

Trading blows instead of cards,

Where baseball bats

Aren't used

For baseball


I never liked the cold.

And my heart tore

When you showed me the pills lining your pockets.

"Just in case,"

You would say

"I need a quick escape,"

And I never knew

I could feel so numb

As when they called

And said what you had done.

That you were gone.

I never liked the cold.

But I really liked you.
Deborah Birch Dec 2011
In these dark days the bleak December sun,
rises tired, the more to lie down drear.
By rain, or snow, or chill we are undone
and plod towards the ending of the year.
We hope in the returning of the light;
that soon again there'll be another spring.
Another year is coming into sight;
with dreams and plans and fears that it may bring.
I wish, in every way my joys to share.
I hope for comfort in the times of pain.
In fear, let consolation be found here;
and let love live in all the world again.
To ponder all this, I am yearly cursed;
whenever it's December 31st.
Deborah Birch Mar 2011
In the bleak December cold,

when the lights of Christmas have gone out,

a frozen emptiness gathers - poised above the lost and alone.

It seeps into the hearts of those who have taken vows

To the Holy Order of the Forsaken.

Witness the new "Holy Innocents" whose spirits walk the night.

Blithe spirits, who gave till their essence became too transparent.

Their proffered cups - now too airy to fill,

they cry into the wind for substantiality.

They walk towards the verge of the world and the old year turning.

Shall they plod on - or silently, simply, step off the edge?

My friends, - there is no life, where there is no love.
Wrap me up
You always do
Soap and smoke and I'm always happy and sorry 
I'm I’ll sleep in because he's in your dreams
And I'll wake early and he's there 
Dog with no sick in his fur
He listens and listens 
It's all raindrops and a baby in your arms and July when it's warm 
Shocked by your biology and your fear and your jealousy 
Americana boy
Wrap me up forever
No one
Looks here at my direction often.
Like the plant which seems only to have direct
Then, I prefer to find myself reaching

My own eyes flicker

And then they will close,
As if it's their task.
This day was my birthday
One year ago
That day is rare
Trying like everyone else is -

Trying only to
How old that they can get
While you
Turned 80
Oliver Philip Dec 2018
Capricorn  ♑️
Capricornian don’t mind me. I can’t live as you.
As you have the highest of standards always.
Peridot,Garnets, Agate or Turquoise to wear
Ruby’s grace a  beautiful young maidens hair.
I can see the jewels in your eyes as you smile.
Carnelian stones or Malachite for soul healing
Or Jet ,Smokey Quartz or shiny Black Onyx.
Red Garnets,Blue Aragonite,Green Tourmaline
Nonsuch is the birth symbol ,graceful as thee
Written by Philip.
December 19th 2018.
Capricorn as a zodiacal sign.
cierra fielding Sep 2018
its all very interesting.
as the days continue
the trees get more golden
we look more and more alike.

i have fallen in love with life and all its colors.
all over again
like ive been living in black and white until recent

i tremble at the sight of towering trees
all of their beauty makes me weak at the knees
how i appreciate and praise
nature and nurture
nurture, nature
all she ever does is give and give.

the world is especially golden this hour
it really moves me.
i am moved
magic is upon us
raining down
glowing glory
bless you.
Piyush Gahlot Jul 2018
That pure innocent smile,
Your childish face and that side profile,
Your silky hair and that perfect hairstyle,
Would never forget you.
**** I miss you!

The touch of your smooth skin,
That beautiful little chin,
Your blushy cheeks and that grin,
Still I adore you.
**** I miss you!

Those big dope eyes,
That ****** nose ,
Those size 7 feet and pinky toes.
Your medications and Ayurvedic dose.
Wish again to feel you.
**** I miss you!

Baby I still remember,
that freezy December,
The day we fell off the scooter,
Your ****** buggy computer.
Our first date and the perfect kiss,
That raining night we spent in balcony
When you burnt the toast and macrony,
That birthday card you made me,
Helping in projects and assignments,
You taking care when I got sick,
I recall all those perfect memories of you,
still there's a place for you,
**** I miss you!

I wish you would have waited,
I would have come back,
But I can't blame you,
It was me who needed the space,
The fault is my OWN!
So I am the one left ALONE! :'(
I miss every cell of your body,
every second spent with you,
every moment in your arms,
Every bite I had with you.
I ******* miss the whole of YOU.
Ellie Nov 2018
curtains of rain
soaking wet
non-existent tears
an overwhelming storm
will it end ?
head down
drop by drop
loosing her sanity
LearnfromBOBD Dec 2018
December is usually cold,
But yet this year is hot.
I can’t lie cos the truth must be told,
A month I almost forgot.
December’ bye for now, see you next year,
Expecting a brand new set of twelve to appear,
which granted us full year of time to spend.
as its last midnight brings us to year end.
Why is everyone sickly?
For January, Why such a bore,
December come I need you More.
Izzy Aghahowa Dec 2018
this Christmas
couldn’t stop the hurricanes
or the thrashing waves of guilt
or the sadness that lives by the windowsill
from crawling back in

I hide in my cellar
I hide in my closet
till I find I am safe
from the echoes of bells

the sun will rise
and I’ll come to find
the world didn’t explode
from Christmas cheer

i can now safety return
to the dry December cold
Nylee Oct 2018
When it was midnight and
   we had nowhere to go.

When it was sunshine and
  we had nothing to show.

When it was raining
  we were down in pool.

When it was winter
  we were too cool to be cool.

When in May
  we finally found the shelter.

When in December
  we lost another member.

When finally things went well
  we saw another loss.

When things went south
  we took another toss.

When sun rose again
  we didn't trust its light.

When the night spread
  we lived in its moonlight.
Girard Tournesol Dec 2018
Sun and Moon posture a battle stance  
Charge of darkness parry of light          
Pagans celebrate the Sun's advance      
Four days from the longest night
O, it is December,
A brumal, solemn,
Algid December;
I do fall
And I do quiver, in
For it is December.

A throne
Worn, earthen-millefleur recliner
And I
Vestured in dereliction,
Crowned in
The Diadem of Loveless Blight:

Your utterances resound in
The dense sense of the past tense;
Ineffable magistry,
Where our
Scintillations and propagations might emblazon
The Luminous Seeds of the Stars.

Your soul
Waxeth Messianic,
In those
Pithy moments
Of our ethereal communion.

        Your porcelain epidermis
                                                And azure irides
                                    Quaked mine senses
                                                          ­ Until every sight was

O, Where
                        Have you gone
            Glaceaen Arcadia?

     O, Is the
            Fulgurant Vista
     You sparked in
Mine Mind’s Sky
              Now twilit, a starless Aether?

Breathe me
            Anew, that the Auric Chalice of Amour might pour
Me into thee, set me free, let me be
                              Yours and yours
                                        Alone (∞).

O, it is December,
A brumal, solemn,
Algid December;
I shall transcend
And I shall remember
Your infinite arms,
For it is December.
Mary Gay Kearns Dec 2018
The man and boy meet the mists
Between hawthorn hedges thorn
Fellow travellers on the wet road
Grandfather and grandson hold
Hands and feel the excitement of
This December gaily trudge along.

Love Mary ***
Timur Shamatov Nov 2018
It’s been said that I couldn’t do it,
Go without a nut till the end of December.
The whispers growing louder as
The bets are growing higher,
Cause no one trust the line that
Timur has given up the nut,
Ah, let me check... yes
From the mid of November.
Am I crazy to play this game?
Cause I’m as weak as any other man.
And what can be better then a nut on
A cold morning in mid of December?
And oh my god there’s so many nuts,
Of every shape, size and color
But ****** I’m a man and I can
Give up a nut till the end of December.
But you better believe it
That the day after The Cold Sad December,
Your boy is going crazy to celebrate
The End Of No Nut December.
Oh you know, just messing around trying to win this bets.
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