I am surrounded by people
Everyone staring, waiting
When will the show start
How will it end
Faces gathered around me
Their eyes sparkling with excitement
While I do nothing
I stare back at their gazes
Waiting for them to do something
When will they throw a lifeline
Am I still worth saving


I watch them watching me drown
I was not worth saving

Mad
Angry
Furious

I want rights
The right to be myself
Right to my body and my mind
The justice of being here
My choice
Children
Partners
Who is my family?
The opposition must fall

Sad
Bleek
Death

December nights are different than the rest
In December I lie awake and listen to Christmas songs
In December I lie awake finding presents for my loved ones
In December I lie awake thinking about what I'll cook over the holidays
Why can't every month be December?

I take a pill every night
It dissolves in my stomach
It makes me hurt
Nausea and headaches
Every night
It makes my head better
But my body worse

At two thirty in the night
A strange thing happens
Strange thoughts jump out of your head
They appear in the shape of a little man
He tips his hat to you
Says "how did you do today"
If you reply good he nods and disappears
If you reply bad he stays with you through the night
He tears your life appart and says tomorrow will never come
He disappears in the morning
And comes back every night
At two thirty

Happy perhaps once more
New beginnings for the Earth
Year of renewal

Life is no longer real
It floods over and around me
But never touches me
Days and nights go by
I don't remember them
I'm just numb
There is no pain
No happy either
Just an existence
I exist
Therefore I must think
But there is nothing
To think about
Only a fog
Fogginess in my brain
And everywhere
There is no life
It was always fake