Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2020
We were once better together
When we were madly in love
All we have are broken dreams
Memories of what this once was

At night visit photo reels
Happiness left in the past
I was a citizen of your world
Instead of immigrant trespassed

Toss and turn in twisted torn sheets
Up late because I can
Don't sleep next to eachother
Holding grudges with gentle hands

We used to share same mattress
And blankets as well
Awake to face every morning
No reason to argue or yell

Into memories I retreat
With no success
Sound of your laughter a mocking song
And half-hearted at best

The day we promised to always be
Friends no matter what
Forever lingers on my heart
Perfectly etched with sharp cuts

The way you looked at me stayed different
Tone of your voice when you'd say my name
From touch to your kiss to everything in between
Only blue eyes remained the same

Our soft skin no longer free of marks
Nowhere near as fit
Smiles on rosy cheeks
Naive and unaware of the coming *******

Back then conversation was not forced
Felt comfortable baring our hearts
These days hardly speak to eachother
Were much happier at the start

And darkness fuels nostalgia
Resurfaces in its daily routine
Screaming when exactly and where along the way
Did you start forcing what you mean?

I miss the couple we were
Passion without the pain
When your heart was still golden
I wasn't half-insane

Hours and minutes spent in a hurry
And cigarette packs
Problems that seemed so significant
Give anything to have all of that back
Written 1-23-19
ponny jo May 2014
one drop to stop the shop
two drops to get back
three drops to rest on brick
four drops to move from stress
five drops to feel lucky
six drops for selfies
seven drops for flavor
eight drops to soak the mops
nine drops for massive clouds
ten drops for topping off
ten drops to block out the sun
note the picture
Nameless One Jun 2014
I write now and then,
mostly when i'm drunk.

Mostly I think of you.

I come back to check my grammar.
The dumbest thing ever,
with these feelings taking over...

I know i miss you,
and i think i love u
with this English language keyboard.
To the most perfect man I ever met, cause he luckily had no chance to ruin that image of himself. Love ya, dude
Danial Suhaimi Apr 2018
The cold wind of the night blows soothingly
As I light my ciggarettes
Burning away my life as well
The thoughts of the past came back to me
Like a VHS tape complete with the date and time
Plays back the time when I was able to feel
Back when you were there
The smile, The laugh, The silly jokes
Those were the good times
You left without notice
My heart ran away with you
I don't even feel anything
The world is just numb
I'd like to thank you for it
I've fallen into the dark abyss of numbness
And I like it
As I was finishing my thought
My ciggarette burnt out
Lee Jan 2013
Contrary to popular
and scientifically proven belief
s
      m
   o
k
     i
n
     g

is good for you.
I
inhale
denial
and
  exude

*satisfaction
Could you smell like ciggarettes one more time?
It's cancerous taste brings me back
To a time of youth and rebellion
The feelin of invincibility would take over control
Inhale; time feels as short and thin as the air in my lungs
The taste oh the taste, a bitter remorse, hint of curiosity
The only taste I ever knew, ****** lungs
Could you smell like ciggarettes one more time?
daniel f Nov 2013
on the pier

the fog was always my favourite, sun shine penetrating barely. I'd always wake up as early as I could and walk down the to sea with a camera. You'd be surprised the faces you see making your way down there. The ever present left overs of last nights festivities, walking home shoulders slumped stilettos in hand. The could've should've would've, well at least I got to know her better kinda guys. I'd always pace out ciggarettes, smoking or trying when I could see the ocean swell. This particular morning was the tail end of October, and didn't we all just know it, the schools had broken up and town was filled with holiday makers.

A milk cart made it's way up the hill past infinite terrace housing, stopping occasionally as the driver scrambled out. I'd seen him a hundred times at least, red faced and over worked delivering orange juice and full fat milk. I'd always make some smart comment when I passed him although today I didn't bother, twenty meters or so away I raised my camera and took a photo. Recently I'd seen a friend, down from London who'd recently completed his masters in photography and well what can  I say? I'm easily influenced. I made my way down through town, past  Georgian architecture and the neon lights of B&Bs;, reaching in deep I pulled out my last ciggarette, ******* hard with shut eyes by the the zebra crossing. Normally I'd have to pay to enter the pier although, at this time there was no one to make me pay. The fog was unrelenting and only allowed vision fifteen meters or so into the distance, I should've been nervous. Common sense dictated with my injury I should've spent the whole time staring over my shoulder although, I found solace in my status as a stranger in town. Two years or two hundred for me at least this could never be home, running to the inevitable end of my tab, I hurled it into the grey salt sea. In the distance a lamp shone at the very end of the pier, it slowly drifted further and further into my field of vision until I was at the old black railings at the end.

Untill my dying day, I'll never be sure precisely what compelled me to stare so sullen into the waves. There's a certain allure to the ever lapping waves of the English Channel, I can't remember precisely which although it's rare I feel compelled as I did that day. My temporary fixation flirted with obsession, seemingly for no reason until it drifted into view. At first I denied it, it couldn't be rational thought dictated it never would be. Not in a nice seaside town such as this, whoever would the body of another be floating and at this time. I must confess I was not particularly shaken as the body floated ever closer, and underneath the pier. My only regret is that I did not take a picture of the deceased, my thinking was that there was no way anyone would chastise me for not reporting it to the proper authorities, and besides it looked so peaceful. Pulled and pushed by unseen forces a suitable representation of the life we all lead I can only suppose. Face down with a  a mane of long black hair, atop stocky shoulders and a well built frame. Like some old roman soldier I suppose, with a puffer jacket and blue jeans the archetypical person essentially. Immediately my imagination compelled me with images of this poor soul thrown overboard somewhere or maybe dumped? probably dumped either way now he was at peace, a drift beyond the shingle in the morning air.
Breathing a deep signs heavy with the realisation that I too would be lucky to inspire someone so much in death as he had, I left the pier and returned home.
jennifer ann Jan 2015
"hey." kyle walked up and sat next to zoey on the front steps of the old house. the wind blowing through her long blonde hair. the sun shining on her face. her brown eyes shining. "hey" she grinned. "hows life as the butler treating you?" she smerked jokingly. "meh you know, it has its ups and downs... mostly downs. but i'm just glad i'm working for cordelia and not fiona. that way i can keep my tongue." kyle stuck his tongue out and licked zoeys face. "ew, you're so gross." zoey laughed, trying to get away from kyle. "pfft, whatever, you liked it." kyle rolled his eyes and nudged zoey. "hey." zoey nudged kyle back and smiled. "you know, i'm really happy i met you zoey. even if i did have to die and be sewn back together with parts that didn't belong to me. i would go through it all again just to be with you." kyle looked zoey in the eyes very seriously. zoey laughed "you're a *******." she blushed.
"no i'm serious, i love you." he smiled, blushing. "i love you too." zoey melted. "what was with all the drama in the dining room this morning?" Kyle asked. "oh just madison being madison." zoey laughed. "oh, i hate it when she does that." kyle smiled and joked. "yeah, me too." zoey agreed and smiled.  

"alright, lets do this." cassie walked into madisons room with a skie mask and gloves on. the ski mask had a creepy mouth on it, that resembled an evil clowns mouth. "really you're wearing a ski mask? this isn't mission impossible." Madison shook her head. "yeah, but i liked the creepy clown mouth. and, i havent gotten to wear this yet." cassie explained. "well i can't be seen with you wearing that weird ugly thing." Madison pulled the ski mask off, making her hair stand on the top of her head. "sorry madison, you're right." cassie quickly patted her hair down. "this is so ugly and weird, i don't know what i was thinking." cassie threw the ski mask down on madisons bed. "can i have a ciggarette?" cassie questioned. "you smoke ciggarettes?" madison asked. "pfft, ya. all the time. i'm a big smoker." Cassie replied as madison handed her a ciggarette and a lighter. cassie lit the ciggarette and as soon as she inhaled she began to cough. "there is nothing like." cassie coughed "a good cigarette." she coughed again. "alright, bleach ready.. pepper spray ready, itching powder ready, and nair ready." Madison smiled as she held up a bottle of nair. "you know she deserves much more than this, we're really doing her a favor. she should be thanking us for this" cassie replied with a ciggarette in one hand, and her hand on her hip, trying to mock madisons posture once again. "this is true, now go downstairs and see if the coast is clear." madison replied. "no problem." cassie put her thumb up and coughed once again, looking back sadly at the clown ski mask as she exited the room with a cigarette in hand.
The trans-former Apr 2015
The warm ache of *****
Touches my stomach with soft
Hands and all i can think
Is why
and the tickle in my throat
From nicotine's playful kiss
Makes me sicker than before
Woozy and exhausted
I cry to myself
And wonder why you're far
Gone from me
Loneliness caresses my face
With hot tears
While I panic
And want to die
In the place that doesn't feel like home
mEb Jun 2010
In a quasimodo feat of not only myself but my inner sanctums. I’m in a shelter. A secluded shelter far from mankind. The bells rich **** spreads across a cold Philidelphia. I hide from the tourniquets of our kingdom. Hordes of documented secrets filibustering the excutivies of a blood famished nation. Where could a turning point conspire? Not here. Not there. No where vast of what only we know. How many times have you performed German heischen styles upon what has happened? Dialect informative, all lauguages and ethinicities could tell you. Corruption. Progestational hormones of all man and woman get the gist of secrecy, but why inquire it onworth still. Atomic bombs whiping out ten times the population of our fragile pathetic planet.

An ice rendered telescope at zero gravity with the script filled micro chips of new findings amongst our universe. This was an immediate spawn of hope towards who we are. At least for the sake of another life form, they would configure an easier derogatory and denigrating outlook of a human lifestyle. Maybe they could relate, maybe they would have emmerged in trade as our ancestors of the past 1,000 years and before had. With us, it would have been magnificent for the future to come. This era though, the only significance we know collides with a destruction of a super-catastrophic function that has been reformed thus grouwan. Grouwan, the origin of grow, growing or to increase in size, building up just as the magmata composes its liquid matter within the Earth’s crust into lava. Igneous rocks now form. Reaching the Alps. Frozen, a complete opposite of what they were once spawned from.

Still intact, an ice rendered telescope photographing galaxies not seen by a naked eye. They called it, “The Orbiting Gaurdian”, while we remained demonic and caught in ignorant reality conflicts. In small groups spread across the lands, combined as one, we are still undeniably small. I built this shelter with my own two hands knowing what would come, I wanted to overcome. Philidelpia was still so cold, very odd, quite eerie for a patriot New England city. Rot, Weib, und Blau. Rodt, Hvitt, og blatt. Shiro aka to ao. From Germany, to Norway, to the super advanced technologic Japan, they all recognize red, white, and blue. Maybe we are a leading nation, but who honestly gives a ****. All nation’s combined, worlds away, a lone planet of democracy. Darkness. The abcense of light above me, directly. No two-dimensional representation of an outline of any body form. No cutout or configurational drawing with a sun glimmering backrounded setting. We are inkligs with no hint of suggestion in the sea of blackness above. If you could have gone so far back in time though, you would have found a blackned quality on the most transparent and pellucid of days.

I race through my brain waves wondering if this concealment was completely ignorant. Was it full of extreme folly? Asininity? Ineptitude? I pondered the synonyms of stupidity. I was ravished to wonder if my last thoughts would be a mind race of the lacking self-esteem I hold. Sudden deaf struck. I no longer heard shrills of humanity above. I was deprived of my sense of hearing. Intimidated to look upward, I could not manage being deprived of sight as well.

What were those dangling seconds that I could not hear?

Were they little fragments of time that I could not notice near?

They stabbed at the back of my skull to leave this sheltered hole.

I find humor in how my poetry is merely past time entries that mean nothing. They once had been published, but now at the least, they did not mean a thing. I wish them to burn long and hard, fighting. Hardback covers and dusty library shelves vanishing in this dark mess of a world.

Pain, sharp municiple pain casted into my skin. Into my lungs, my contaminated, sickened lungs that had ciggarettes by the thousands over the years. I had started as a child. A stubborn twelve year old child wanting to experience any drug my hands could get a hold of. I did too, I don’t regret it, and I dont feel remorse from my actions and those many high nights when I could not walk or stand. I felt weary, weak, helpless and finished. My eyes, my mind, my pulse, my body, my so called soul, asleep or dead?
Erika Sins Jan 2015
4:27 am
Outside on my balcony
Four stale ciggarettes
Smudged red lipstick
Hint of whiskey breathe
It's cold!
Silk robe
On a vintage bar stool
Feeling inspired
By no other than you
Incredible
Hours of flirting
Minutes of kissing
Endless of touching
240 seconds of a *****
"Thanks doll call me sometime again"
Gone.
Here i am incomplete
Felt like nothing
Why?
Oh why?
We had such a good evening
Then dinner for two
Imagined
What damage a thought can do
Thought it was worthy
Almost too good
Girl afraid
Simply used
He got his
What do I get?
Sloppy kiss goodbye
Four stale ciggarettes
****** tonk breathe
Good hair for nothing
Simple regret
Freewrite
JL Jun 2013
Please one more time tonight
I gotta get right before Sunday service
Pinhole pupils gouged by beauty
I am in love with the store clerks
Ringing up ciggarettes and vidalia onions on their cash registers
I just want to come over that conveyor belt
And kiss them

Dilated impulse control
Has me reaching out into the darkness
Looking for your hand
I'm not alone
In my head at least
You lie next to me

It feels a little bit like life in here
Away from the noise and the din
Have a shotgun barrel beneath my chin
Thinking of rebirth and a god with eyes

I load up .6
Just for the hell of it

I just want to see
If I'll wake up tommorow
And find you still sleeping on my ribs
Quinn Sep 2013
Smoke in the air
Ciggarettes on my tongue
The sweet taste of nothingness
The water is warm
But my heart is ice cold
Unsaid words like acid in my throat
JL Dec 2011
I watch your house from fade into the horizion
From the back of a pick up truck
Back to texas in the summer
I smell you on my t-shirt
I'm just a ghost
Your just a dream
The stars are bright out on the Highway
Once you climb down from the light
You start to see the dark is someonelse
Someone other than the son
My breath is steam outside a bar now
Breath you once felt on your neck
Cherry stems Jack Daniel twilight
All of these girls have eyes so bright
But not as bright as your sleeping form
A window full of pale moonlight
I hear you whisper in my drunken hour
How your never gonna leave
A kiss I think has no distance
The phone gives me your kiss on the cheek
So I go home back to a lonley motel
With dying lights and floating moths
Empty packs of ciggarettes
I watch the ashes fall and blown in the wind
I can't hear your voice
I sleep alone here every night

But you sleep soundly on his bed now
you took off
that little ring
that I worked day and night for
While you sleep away from me

I hear your yell o'r the reciever
Hollering a name I know
How he loves you and he treats you
Better than you've ever known
Does he work his fingers to the bone
Barbed Wire DUST

Sleeping doesn't come so easy
Sleeping won't do any good
Beer and STAR-FILLED Nights in texas
A lone star state of mind
Old country on the radio
That my grandad listened to
Mahdiya Patel Jul 2015
I always had a connection to ciggarettes because they quite frankly reminded me of myself.

Like : how people desired them so desperately when they were miserable , how people valued them so intensly when they burned away all their troubles and treated them with such caution.

But, then I connected with them because as soon as I burned out ( became fragile and fell into a temperate pit of darkness ) my ashes fell to the ground. I was stepped upon and left all alone on the numbing winter soil alongside the damp mist and minute insects.

This is where I found my family. Other humankind just like me, mortals who have been stepped upon and wounded emotionally and demanded when needed and then suddenly despised and judged ; judged for solely declaring their beliefs. Beings that have been disregarded from communities for merely attempting to combat the injustices of our corrupt society.

My family and I thought we would resurrect and magically become unbroken and desirable again.

But darling not all stories have happy endings .
JL Nov 2011
You told me how you sailed the seas in nineteen hundred
53
You joined the navy as a boy
Just so you could see.

You told me of ports in far away lands
Where Beautiful Women laugh
Who with  red lips kiss you late at night
Drinking from a flask

Your words were true
Of oceans blue
Green seas
Clearest water
The salty taste and ciggarettes
Friends coming home in boxes

You always say those were the days
The days that always haunt you
You learn to live, and love and drink
And drink straight from the bottle
Mosaic Mar 2015
Mom
My memories run stale
Just like your ciggarettes
Noah H Jun 2016
Sorry for saying ****.
I had no idea how bad it would hurt when I tore your name from my vocal chords. I had no idea that I would fall in love with the idea of falling in love. Maybe I'm just meant to be lonely. It's funny because my standards rise and fall but you seem to be a perfect match no matter where they are.

In not sure what that says about you

Ow, ****
There I go again. Sinking a ciggarettes fingers deep into my lungs to pull out the words "I love you". I think I over shot though. Instead of not saying it when I look at you, I can't say it when I see my reflection. I spend every waking moment trying not to think about it, so I guess I spend every moment thinking about it.

Well, ****
I'm tired.
I sleep.
I wake.
I sleep.
I haven't eaten a full meal in almost 2 weeks and my stomach shrinks at the thought of having ever contained the bile that pours from your mouth and into mine. Just the other I told myself I hated you, I didn't believe it but it was worth a try. I can't say when I'll ever stop associating your name with nicotine, but until then, here's to you tobacco industry for making me feel a little less alone.

The truth is I _ my friends.
.
.
.
I think something is wrong here let me try again

I love my friends.
There we go.
It just took a minute for me to realize I have those. I'm still not used to it.

I hope they understand that I love them regardless of their flaws, and they always have me. Even if they forget about me I'll still be here.

And here you are. You can't even answer my texts but I still find myself entranced by your call whenever you crying pierces the night.

I guess I _
you.
Wait.
I
you.
.
.
.
Finally.
jennifer ann Jul 2014
they say that theres no place like home,
but i have never felt more terrified or alone.

if i could find a deserted island,
and bring my lover with me,
bathe in the ocean, and live off of
the fishes in the sea,
i would, leave this place for good,
if only i could.

i dont believe i would even
need the ciggarettes and coffee then.
but oh,where do i begin?
the madness never ends.

if only i could escape
the drugs,
the hate,
and all of the chaos that you create.

i never wanted this war that you started,
i just wanted to feel safe,
but that seems impossible in this god forsaken place,
ran by drugs, wannabe thugs, & toxic wastes of space.
f Jul 2017
I used to have a diary that I named 'Tina' because somebody told me that it made writing easier. As a way to get me to journal.. ?
Dear Tina,
I feel so incapable and small. I feel like **** for all of my short comings. But more than that, I feel like **** for the **** I've had to go through. I hate how as I feel every feeling and especially when it gets bad, my mind instantly goes to the logical side of things. "You're feeling this way as a result of not taking your medication. You're feeling this way because of experiences you had as a child, and that's completely normal." And I list all of the reasons why I feel the way I feel. Why the **** do I have to make logical sense out of how I feel and not just simply let myself feel?
And none of this matters at all. Because at the end of the day it's still going to hurt, and I'm never going to forget my childhood. And I don't know HOW to move on.
And then there are the good days and feelings of euphoria where I feel the pain and I am able to address it without letting it consume me. I know it's there, but there's so much more than pain. Thank god for the times where I'm actually really happy.
But tonight I feel like ****. And I miss my mom. And I even miss the house with ciggarettes in the flower pots. I just really wish I could hug my mom again one last time. And feel her heart beat against mine again. I wish I could have said goodbye. I'll never have that closure. And I'll never have a do-over.
I only hope to be a better person than I am today, and keep on growing. I hope to be kind and compassionate even when I've grown to be so cynical. I hope to never stop finding the sky beautiful and majestic, or the wind soothing.
And I hope to always be worthy of the love those closest to me give me. Because that really is what keeps me going when it comes down to it.
Those that love me make it all worth it.
7 - 22 - 17
Jay earnest May 2017
i ate
an apple


while the hamster

began swinginf from thte branch


and licking

juices
from the cat
droppings which
formed
an impressive pile in the corner of the room.


the door
swings open

and man
yells
for the broom
so as to bash someone on the head---

usually
a random child who would spit gum on the lawn.


laughter is evident
and the breeze is cool
and the sun
is healing

and the clouds

are soaring
over equador.


i eat 6 chicken fingers

and 4 burgers
with a glass of juice.

ciggarettes are $10 now
so **** that.


and the fat lady outside with her little dog alwyas on the phone and always
glaring at me
will one day be vaporized by an incoming meteor shower which
specifically targets
her hut on the culdesac.


worms
are eating my ulcers

and the sweat
quenches my thirst

when sometimes
i'd rather be out talking to myself in peace

because

no one bothers a crazy person
especially when they're just mere centimeters
away

and ready to ****
Paul Donnell Sep 2017
Im terrified of COPD
But still smoke ciggarettes like a well used chimney
Soot building up the ashes unswept
Making it to 60, probably not a safe bet.
Drinking at altitude to catch me a better buzz
Fly fish for escape from grey matter fuzz.
If everything i built came tumbling down id stand on the rubble, three feet taller and proud.
Im better at descruction self disgused as help
A parking garage where a coffee shop stood, this is progress I yell.
This is self induced stolkhome im over exposed. The apture is broken light is burning my bones.
So Paint a picture with my ashes gradients of grey
Reimagine what i am instead seeing the self hate,
And ill thank you. For all the help and the memories
But nothings really changed and ill burn the photographs and ask

Remember these?
It's mwe Aug 2018
Am i your pepperoni?
Saucy, cheesy, tasty
and you still need other pizzas for your starving belly?
You hate the crust you think it's doughy
But you kept me for today's dinner watching your favorite football team player
and a glass of coke to make you feel better and ciggarettes as your life saver

You left the last bite
for tomorrow night

And there you go
No more pepperoni slopping your polo
Ha Ha Ha now you eat mayo.
Paul Donnell Oct 2017
Upon a distant mountain,
My head was swept away
By the river of light, floating in the constant cosmic ocean.
My head was swept away,
Back to that magnanimous moment.

A star plucked from the sky and placed in my palm.
Gifted by bright eyes; an earnest lover of life.

The magnitude of it brighter than any moon,
Its fire sank into my skin, spun new fate and sparked the beginning of new friends.

Little caravan birdies, bright songs and struggles. A spectrum of what the best we folk here have to offer and often they surprise me still.

Laughter that could shake the darkest of nights with a vibrancy that could only be described in mushroom trips.
Magic casters with bags of tricks to flick phosphor fire into the eyes of brutal grey matter spooks,
The ones that hide in pillows and in lonely ciggarettes.

Family made from bottles of wine, borrowed feathers; boundless flight.

Lovey wonders, starlight disguised as us,
Ribbions of stellar dust.

When I gaze into the creases of my palm,
I still feel its warmth, still see their light,
Forever grateful for the star plucked,
From that magnanimous night.

I just ****** love my friends.
The Jolteon Jan 2015
Put the ciggarettes down
Pick the **** up
Let your lungs heal
The mind filled with poisons
No more
Cleanse and reflect
The addiction
Addiction
Addiction
Is manufactured
3x as addictive
Guaranteed
For you to lose money health
Put them down
The singing box
Opens like a juke box
But you always know the song
It's one of skull and bones
Let's pick up the green music
Play loud
Smoke on
Without the death of those around you
The love will surround you
Let it in
The herb is good
The smoke is good
Blow like trees
Maniacal Escape Nov 2020
Brutality crashes down upon insignificance. Salt, seasoning it's voracious appetite for more as it gorges ever near. Ceaseless in its endeavour to destroy.
The Man marvels at the tide as he basks in its glorious spray, he'll move when he finishes his cigarette.
Paul Donnell Dec 2016
I feel so mac and cheesy
Smokin ciggarettes and wheezy
I forget that im a werido
I **** the flow.
Well
Oh come on
yes i know
that i disurpt everybodies flow
walk in a room talk a bit
and try to find a place to sit
Awkward and shaking all my leaves stirring up the honey bees i feel my tounge is being stung
That was an awkward hug..
****
But give me a skateboard and a hill ill bounce to music and just chill
Wave my arms i ride the waves
Gravity pullin my way
the wind it flows in funny ways
I feel at peace.
Hit the bottom silde and stop
Awkward stuff it catches up.
River Jan 2018
We used to make memories during summer
We were careless and free and aimless and wild
I miss those days
Of teenage wonder
Of endless summers
Of stealing dresses from fashion boutiques
Smoking **** from receipts
Collecting smashed ciggarettes
We coughed until we laughed
We loved until we cried
And we drank so much
We felt like we could fly
Through all the tears and confusion we made it through
Into adulthood..
Jay earnest Sep 2019
Go away i don't want to work I don't want to wake up
I dont want to brush my teeth, shower, comb my head, climb into a car and drive for an hour.
I dont want to talk, I don't want to smile, I dont care that you broke up with your girl, I don't care that you're dying, we're all dying.
I don't want coffee, I don't want ciggarettes, I dont want alcohol, I dont want acid, I don't want head in a bathroom stall, I don't want a sandwich nor a massage,
I dont want sunlight, or sound, or
Love, or hate,
Or compromise or
Sorrow, or ridicule or saturation of my soul.

I want you to stop changing me
123
went to my parents, got some money got gas, cleaned your car car wash and ciggarettes i dont have any left, love you sorry about all this mess
Mykie Apr 2018
Flowers bloom in the empty parts of me
Soil lined stomach and water blood
A tiny succulent sprouts
An abandoned graveyard of bones and pills
Lungs clouded with smoke from meal replacement ciggarettes
Green tea helps them grow
Silly girl, flowers don’t need food
One day you will be beautiful
Jay earnest Oct 2022
when things get too heavy or your problems seem insurmountable to overcome, make a list.

  I love making lists.
Start easy.

1. Go ride a bike tomorrow

good, you're getting some cardio

2. spend at least 30 minutes in the sun everyday

now you're getting vitamin D

3. give up alcohol and ciggarettes

Now you're giving you body a chance to heal and detoxify.

4. Get a better job.

You can do this. This is the ******* one usually, but having an income gives a sense of intrinsic usefulness. You're contributing something, even if it's a sandwich to someone's mouth.

5. save up money.

Good, getting some money in the bank for some financial stability and to provide a safeguard in case of disaster

6. find a loving girlfriend.

need companionship for longterm mental health, we can't stay alone forever.

7. now keep this up, maintained.

This is usually where I start my list again.  
I'm tired of the fallbacks, and the hindsight anguish.
Someday
happiness will
last, but for now the list is my comfort

— The End —