cait-cait

cait-cait Aug 2018

six feet deep
you have buried me ,
and i bang on the coffin door—

the
little bees outside make honey
while i just try to breathe .
.
.

one day, this grass will grow quite tall,
and i will soak my
aching feet ,

who was it,
who told you to hurt me?

who is it, that wants me to
die?

these roses are so beautiful, yet
all of them have
thorns.

—

#coffin #dead #bees #roses #breathe #ache #hurt #die #beautiful #thorns

cait-cait Aug 2018

to you, whom i love very much

you have so much love inside yourself
one day ,
you will only ache

you turn
your brown glass eyeballs in fountain blue,
as you have no more tears
left
to cry.
.

i think, one day,
a hole will open up inside you
but physically —
you will bleed .

who tore you open?
i want to ask—
and who will sew you closed?

you pour all of your blood into someone else,
.
and i touch each wound.

the title was meant to be the title of a poem I never wrote after my cat died, but it fits here too. I wrote this quickly for my friend Emily who has so much love inside their heart. I don’t want anyone to break it.

#wound #love #blood #eyes #cry #tears #ache #bleed #blue #hole

cait-cait Aug 2018

mercy is for the deserving and the recognizable

you have cheated me—
and now i am going to skin you alive .
.

forgotten ,
i am desperate to be swallowed whole
as you look right through me
like a window,

in greens and grays...
i could be rotting,
d y i n g .
.

and i know you would still not see
me whole .
.
.

so ,
am i just a walking corpse
to you ?

my face
merely
unrecognizable flesh?

eyes like little pearls ,
the sky is pink and i can’t even cry ...
and still you are standing
t a l l .
.
.

but even invisible,
i know i can still hold a knife and
i can still know
rage.

and you can still pretend that i don’t exist ,
praying
that i never try to **** you.
.

someone didn’t acknowledge me and it broke something deep in my heart and soul. i am out for blood and it’s literally not funny anymore.

#**** #anger #pretend #exist #rage #knife #cry #forget #death

cait-cait Aug 2018

can angels still do *** work

god must’ve made me , strictly
to be broken open —

and
you look at me with such innocent eyes ,
but
i know you see
right through
me ,,

so
tell me , do you want me to
strip ?

please you?

there’s a hunger in your voice
and i know i’ve heard it
before —

you
are like everyone and
everyone likes
me

but i do not falter ,
and i will never, ever break,

because
every time i touch myself,
god gets on his
knees .
.

Ive been really interested in ****** poetry lately and have been trying to write more of it, but every time I try I get really embarrassed. The title of this poem and ending lines I wrote a long time ago, and I’d been meaning to write the rest of it because I loved the concept so much but just never wrote something that fit. Yesterday I met a way too friendly man at my restaurant and it scared me, so this is about him. I wrote a raunchier version too but I don’t think it’s as good.

#*** #angels #strip #hunger #everyone #broken #touch #god #eyes #innocent

cait-cait Aug 2018

i hope you know how loved you are when i let go of your hands

love has buried me ,
and i am like an
                           ache.

but
you were fire
and
i was ice —

and there were mountains
in between us,
                         gods
.

so when you buried me ,
i
let myself die ,

and you did not ache.
did not
             even
                      cry.
.

for renny, my sweet angel. rest well.

#cry #love #fire #ice #die #god #ache #bury #pain #mountains

cait-cait Jul 2018

revenge is a dish best served cold and i thought you were warm

i hate you,
i think, as you try to shoot me to death.

standing above me with a gun in my face

you feel
rage like undissolved sugar in
warm milk -
and
there’s blood on the floor and
then there’s me
,

                          dying and almost dead,
but
you left my eyes open ,
and i know
you forgot the ****** weapon:

so i’m going to take it with me.

one day ,

i’m going to heal ,
and i’m going to remember —

you took my gun ,
took all my bullets
                                too .

and i still won’t ever shoot back.

im actually in japan right now! Having the time of my life *****!! Staying in a suburb of Tokyo with my previous host family doing mundane stuff... it’s great! This poem is inspired by what my friend said to me after I sent her a happy pic of me... basically told me I looked out of place and was wrong for enjoying myself. It made me feel terrible and like ****. Anyways long story but something happened and she left our group chat and I didn’t notice!! But now she joined again and won’t tell me why she left and I think it’s because she knows she ****** up. Some people’s punishments are just being themselves. Sorry for the long description. Happy summer everyone!!

#revenge #rage #gun #bullets #hurt #pain #blood #****** #dead #death

cait-cait Jul 2018

why didn’t you do right

death is a tiny girl in pink —
with yellow hair
                          and stick legs -

coming out at twilight , she
knocks
on your door with her claws in a fist
                                and
smiles wide at you
from the
dark.
          .
            .

a wolf in sheeps hide ,
but
she is only
a
sheep
          (not even)

and
she wants to hold your hand .
.

I’ve been playing a lot of love Nikki recently which helped develop this but it was really inspired by another poem I read where they described death as a little girl who listens to the world from underneath the ground

#death #girl #hold #claws #twilight #wolf #sheep #hand #hide #pink