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 Apr 2018 Ridhu Faran
-df
do you still believe?
that if you close your eyes
you’ll dream once more.
of a world we built
under the glow of stars.

each night as i pull the covers tight around me,
i wonder if you still dream
with me. of me. of us.

i must be insane to still stay up,
waiting for you to crawl back under,
to these once vibrant dreams now turned grey.

but you know what they say about dreams,
‘don’t give up on them.’
and that is the reason why after all this time,
still i keep sticking glow in the dark stars up on my ceiling.
may they light the way back to dreamland.

{d.f. | 04/04/18}
this was kinda inspired by, you guessed it, the greatest showman's "a million dreams," i love that song. so. freaking. much. (so many tears.)
 Apr 2018 Ridhu Faran
Lily
Our Story
 Apr 2018 Ridhu Faran
Lily
Everyone has a story, a reasoning behind
Their actions, their words, their thoughts.  
They have a prologue, which sets the scene,
That reveals important things if you bother to read it.  
Their first chapters are important,
Telling you the basic things about
Their personality and sense of self.  
Most people read these chapters,
But the further you get in someone else’s story,
More people lose interest, willing to keep the story,
To put the book on the shelf, but then
They forget about it. Or they just don’t care.  
The last chapters, which bring us to
The point that the person is in their life right now,
Are the ones that are the least read,
Except by those who are closest to them.  
If you truly care about someone, you will
Read their story from beginning to end,
Word for word, line for line.  
Yet there is danger in knowing a person’s story.  
Whilst reading someone’s story, you could
Fall in love, like a soft breeze on a warm day that
You hardly notice, but when you stop and
Think about it, was there all along,
And you should never have taken it for granted.  
When that happens, embark on a new adventure,
Creating a new story with them,
Starting with the prologue and not ending until you
Type the final letter.  
Because no one likes an unfinished story.
 Apr 2018 Ridhu Faran
Lily
Normal
 Apr 2018 Ridhu Faran
Lily
I’ve become so good at
Pretending to be okay,
I don’t even remember what
It feels like to let it all go.  
I don’t remember letting my friends see my anxiety,
Breaking down in front of somebody,
Smiling a genuine smile.  
I don’t remember showing any emotion besides okay,
Fine, normal.  
I remain the definition of average,
Blending in so well I don’t even think about it.  
Sometimes I want to just stop.  
Just stop all of the pretending and let myself feel.  
But I can do it.  
I can do whatever I need to do
In order to keep things normal.  
And that’s the scariest thing of all.
i let your hand go, softly,

and

we parted our
separate ways.

the tracing in the sand
was washed away by
the foamy edges
of the gentle waves.

the driftwood
was swept out by
the misty tide
and off the shore

away from the
salty coast,
into the eternal,
pristine sea.

the violin solo was
carried by the breeze
and the tubas dove
deeper into their octave

the final breath of your name
touched my tongue,
and it was our
final goodbye.
The difference between intimacy and lust
Love and tenderness
Lines so fine that they are difficult to proceed over
I don't lie to myself about why i break to tears
When you press your lips to my scars
And say that i am more than my mistakes
I don't pretend that i don't miss the heat of your embrace
When i am alone in a dark abyss of loneliness
The look in your eye when you see my fresh ****** mistakes
Embarked in my skin , gruesomely
And you look at them , like you have healing in your eyes
Thinking that the harder you look
The less pain i feel
I still want to die as i tangle my limbs with you
Still want to cry when you brush your tongue over my teeth
Still want to drift off to hell when you tell me to rest
I loved you
Way before my demons decided to make an appearance on my body
It doesn't matter who i am
Who i was
But who i am with you
Is what matters the most to me
Because when you turn away from me
Forgetting all we went through together
All the endless sticky nights entwined on the sofa
All the brisk winter days snuggled in the car
Your absence will be more noticeable
Than ANY of my wounds
I believe that lust is a blind version of love . You want the person so badly that your acting on your desires , but what about the other feelings you choose to ignore . I also believe that depressed people love the best
 Apr 2018 Ridhu Faran
xy
Her.
 Apr 2018 Ridhu Faran
xy
Her eyes were like the ocean,
So blue, yet far from the emotion.
Her hair was a straw like gold,
A beautiful girl but her feet were always cold.

She brings herself down,
Like every guy that comes around.
So scared of being of being broken,
She leave all her thoughts unspoken.

If only they can see how beautiful she is,
If only they knew how clever she really is.
If only someone would show her how beautiful she is,
If only someone would tell her how clever she really is.
 Apr 2018 Ridhu Faran
Gabriel
Your touch is a soothing lullaby,
A sweet song dancing in my ears
With words of honey.

Your words frolic in my head
Whispering your secrets and
Haunting my dreams with their beauty.

The echoes of our nights spent together
Race down the corridor of my mind
Imparting a delicious kiss
Reminiscent of your delicate lips.

Waves crash all around.
A relentless sea intent on drowning me
In the depths of their ecstasy.

In your presence a golden light
Emanates; dispelling the darkness
I carry within me.

You feel the weight of my burden
Yet you hold it in your hands.
Your fingers run over my scars
As I show you the contours of my heart.

The pain I carry is deep,
Yet you hold it like a newborn
With unflinching courage.

I cherish these moments we share
Together, not knowing how long
They will last.
 Apr 2018 Ridhu Faran
Lily
I Do
 Apr 2018 Ridhu Faran
Lily
Do I love you too much?
Am I supposed to feel this much?
Because every time I think your happiness might be
In the slightest way impeded or stopped,
My heart lies smitten, its beats off and tormented,
The muscle itself not knowing whether
It has enough strength to continue with
The next beat.  What is there to live for
If you are not happy?  
If tears fall down your face, who am I to smile?
If your mind is tormented by nightmares,
Who am I to lose myself in daydreams?
If you’re anxious about the world,
Who am I to enter it with confidence?
Because I truly love you, I have no choice
But to put your happiness over my own.
It feels as natural as that favorite shirt,
The perfect opening to a novel,
Sunlight streaming through the window on an unmade bed.  It feels so perfect, so right, that I can’t help
But shed tears when you do,
Experience terror during your nightmares,
To wallow in your uncertainty.  
Do I love you too much?  
Am I supposed to feel this much?  
Because I do.
 Apr 2018 Ridhu Faran
fluorescent
I woke up this morning
maybe this will be the day
I thought
you'll say the words
that finally **** me

they'll swallow me whole
rip out my insides
tear my body to pieces
burn any remanence of my existence

but nothing happened
and I got busy

so maybe ill just await death until tomorrow
 Apr 2018 Ridhu Faran
Lily
In the light, I see the faces of people,
And most are happy.
The smiling mouths, the twinkling eyes,
The joyful expressions.
People in the light can breathe freely,
Carelessly, and easily say that
Everything’s fine.
In the light, I see the normal, everyday
Procedures that comprise the world around us,
The world that we always see in the light.
I see the 9-5 workdays, smell the coffee brewing,
Hear the sweet goodnights and feel the fulfilling sleep.
In the light, no one thinks.  
No one is concerned in the light,
Everything is expected, natural, normal, the usual.
Everything’s fine.
But in the dark, I see the faces of people,
And they are tragically beautiful in their chaos,
Because in the dark they can let it go.
In the dark, no one is watching, and no one is pretending.
People in the dark think, people in the dark
Can easily say that everything is tainted,
Stained by human corruption.
In the dark, breathing is difficult,
And trying to calm your trembling takes
Superhuman strength.
The ache seeps through your bones, muscles, and nerves,
But you know the light is coming, where you
Don’t have to think and you can breathe.
But are you real in the light?

— The End —