I'm finally 21
I'm 21

I think it's weird how 21 is a milestone in everyone's life
Why?
Because you can drink legally?
You can now become a drunken buffoon because you'r of age now

What have I done in my 21 years of fleshy existence?

I've been born
I've been orphaned
I've been adopted

I've been picked on
I've made friends
I've made enemies
I've lost people
To death
And misunderstanding

I've been in love
I've been loved
I have loved
I've hated
I've been hated

Countless tears
Uncountable laughs

Experiences
Opportunities
Adventures
Lessons
That I'll have forever

I don't know how many cups of coffee I've drank
Or cigarettes I've smoked
Copious amounts of marijuana
And endless alcoholic beverages

I've been a lead singer in a band
A lyricist
A bass player
A cook
A dishwasher
A custodian
A student
A son
A boyfriend
A friend with benefits
An ex
A stranger
A memory
A dream

I've written many things
I've haven't written many things
I have many mistakes under my belt
I never find myself being mastered by time
Or under the gun
I see myself in cahoots with infinity

I'm just getting started
But if I was to die right now
I'd be okay, I'm grateful to be here this long
And death would just be a new thing
But to go further into life is still alright with me

I'm 21 today
But the number in my mind is a sideways eight

∞

The flame elevates the basket
And pulls us off the ground
As we catch a few winks in the clouds
Like paper lanterns being let go
We look at the green patches of land below
While the people look up and see us float away

We sing the tune
And top the moon
And we will soon be
Above the sky

Our watch has stopped
The sun has dropped
The stars cannot reach us
Above the sky

We are all
Above the sky

We've passed the beams of Venus
And danced on the rings of Saturn
Felt the gales of Neptune
In a humble, wondering manner
We drift by the heavens for a moment
Then head to eternity

Our rainbow parachute
Will take me and you
Some place bright and new
Above the sky

Somewhere unfathomable
Unthinkable by human mind
Out of the box, outside the lines
Above the sky

Beyond existence
Above the sky

Planes of reality
Relative of planes
Aircraft
Crafted air
We're here

Eurydice's ****** body is covered in moss
I feel her aged finish and weep

We all scattered when it hit
I ran into an abandoned watermill
To hid from the infection they're trying to spread
The knowledge of good and evil

Apartment complexes mowed down
Only the doors remained standing
To be open and allow a sound to come out
The sound of defiant opposition
That will shake the world from this contagion

The Birthgiver's sacrifice, her life taken in vain
Now a mystic, an alchemist, a shaman and a mage come from the other side of the world

Here is the sound
The one the calls us
Here is the picture
Faded to yellow
Tattered away by time

Hahaha
Quincy Valero, once again on crutches
He always manages to do this to himself
This time he was in his required exercise class and dislocated his knee
I just laugh at this

When we were younger he got roaring drunk and began doing an inebriated salsa
"SALSA KING!"
We all chanted
All of a sudden one leg wen one way and one the other way
He screamed in pain
It was a  hairline fracture

Another time he had a lovers quarrel with this girl he was seeing
They fought all the time
Like all the time
And one night in a furious rage
Quincy punched a wall and fractured his hand

A few weeks later I had a pool party
And Quincy had to wrap his damaged hand in a plastic bag and hold it at a 90 degree angle the whole time

He takes all these injuries to heart
He's the kind of guy who has always got to be moving
He's always gyrating, talking, laughing
And when he's even the tiniest bit immobile or disabled
He goes into a short period of depression and self pity

It's just funny to me because just when I think he'll be okay
Some how he manages to just get himself hurt
The clutz haha
Even now, I'm talking to him
He hurt his thumb the other night at a party he threw two days ago

LONG LIVE THE SALSA KING!

A hastened silence
Implicit danger
Bed bug bites

Being submerged speechlessly
In the bay by the dying chrysanthemums

Stocked shelves
To pay for all the pings and dings in the car
Evicted
Couldn't make the rent in time

Shoveled sod and soot
**** and mud
Wearing stained tank tops and horn rimmed glasses  
****** in the gut
And filled the shot glass to the brim
But always got home at a respectable hour

Fastened to the table
Hurry up and wait!

"People are expendable"
"**** the low-lives living the high-life"

       -Tommy Johnson

Can you stand there looking on
As the innocent die?
Will you speak up for your own good
And for the sake of a life?
The guilt may not belong to them
An execution unjustified
The only thing to do
Is pursue the truth
And make sense of what's in front of you

When is it time to pull the plug
On someone who still breathes?
Who can decided when it's time
For them to be at peace?
Is it to act on their behalf
Or to act selfishly?
The only thing to do
Is pursue the truth
And make sense of what's in front of you

When is the exact moment when
A fetus is considered alive?
Is it merciful to abort it when
You know it won't survive?
Was it carelessness or misfortune
That has brought you here to decide?
The only thing to do
Is pursue the truth
And make sense of what's in front of you

Are we not all humans who may want companionship
And might be willing to take that sacred vow?
Then why are those who found it in the same gender
Told their love is not allowed?
Who is to say that it is wrong?
Isn't love what it's all about?
The only thing to do
Is pursue the truth
And make sense of what's in front of you

Where does it say that you can't have ***
Unless you are married?
It is your own choice and we must respect
The beliefs that each of us carries
For we have our own  reasons
And circumstances varies
The only thing to do
Is pursue the truth
And make sense of what's in front of you

When is it right to start a war
And fight with bullets and bombs?
Religious scuffles and political disputes
About who was right and who was wrong
Does the world need more bloodshed
Or has it gone on for too long?
The only thing to do
Is pursue the truth
And make sense of what's in front of you

I ask you these things to make you think
So we can find an answer hopefully
These are issues we as one world must face
And though we may not all agree
We must try to communicate
If we ever want peace universally
The only thing to do
Is pursue the truth
And make sense of what's in front of you

What have I done?
I've unleashed Quincy Valero into The Big Bad City, upon Greenwich Village for the first time
The 177 express, round trip
To Port Authority
To the A train to Canal

We missed our stop
Had to walk from Soho to Washington Square Park
But along the way we saw artists and galleries
Head shops and street performers
Hobos and junkies

"We made it"
"We in this *****!"
Quincy said as we walked through the arches

We saw a multitude of creatures
An artist drawing floral murals with chalk
Meditating Buddhists
A cello player playing for a meal
A drummer drumming for money to get back home
A jazz band
A clarinet player
Writers scribbling down whatever came to mind

We saw beautiful women everywhere
"Look, my ten, your two"
Quincy said nodding to a **** brunette wearing a sundress walking by

We got coffee at The Third Rail coffee shop
We met lovey dovey couples and a girl poet sipping espresso

Treading down Bleaker to Sullivan to Macdougal to Huston
*** shops, leather and studs, ****** and flavored lubes
"This **** reminds me of Saw"
Quincy said with a laugh
"Too much for your threshold aye?"
I said nudging him

We passed a guy selling vinyl on the street
"How much for the Charlie Parker record?" I asked
He took the record out and inspected it
"Five bucks" he said
"How long you gonna be here, like till what time?" I asked
"Oh I don't live by time or numbers" he answered
"Time ain't your mast huh?" I laughed
"Nope, you cant spell T-I-M-E without M-E" he said
Quincy and I looked at eachother with a grin
"I'll be back, if I'm not here before you leave good luck in your ventures" I said as we walked away
"Thanks brother enjoy the day" he said smiling and waving

We ate to Papaya Hot dogs
Best in the city
Then to the pool hall

Now folks, it is common knowledge where I'm from the Quincy Valero is the local pool shark
He can break and sink three *****
He can jump over your ball and get his in
He can shoot behind his back with one hand

Playing with him is a guaranteed loss
But I never cared, I just like playing
We talked and laughed about all the stupid nonsense back at home
And planned our next move

We went to The Blue Note, the best jazz club in the city
The Dizzy Gillespie All Star Band was playing that night
But it was too expensive for both of us so we went on to St. Mark's place

More head shops
More *** shops
And book stores, clothing stores
Punk things in Search and Destroy, record stores
All that good stuff

It was getting late
Back to Bleaker to start drinking
First stop, a little pub
The bartender was a gorgeous blonde, sweet as could be
We ordered two beers
She seemed to be having trouble with the tap
"Sorry guys it's a little foamy, next rounds on me"
We were amazed by that because back home all the bartenders couldn't care less if we got a whole mug of foam
We clinked glasses and took that first cool icy sip
So nice on such a hot day

"Ya know dude, this is it this is perfect" Quincy said
"What you mean?" I asked
"Well this is a great time, I'm on vacation right now and were here exploring and relaxing and enjoying the moment, this moment" he said with his beer hovering over his mouth

Quincy always talked about "This"
This moment
This time
This feeling
This thing

"This" is that time when you're in the moment
That moment of complete and total encumbrance
When you're wrapped up in what you'r doing because you love it and you're happy
The moment you live for
The moment you want to last forever
This moment
This right here
Not then, not before or after
But right now, this
We lived our lives trying to to make this happen every second of everyday
Living it up

Quincy took me to Artichoke Pizza
And my God, it was immaculate
A nine in wide, nine inch long and half inch thick slice of heaven
It was a mixture of crunchy, gooey, savory goodness
I highly recommend it

Then back to the bars
Wicked *****'s
Triona's
Off The Wagon
The Bitter End
GMT
The Red Lion
Cafe Wha?
1849

Beer
Wine
***
Whiskey
Scotch on the rocks
Bourbon

Smoking electronic cigarettes down cobble stone roads
Passing hipsters, college students and tweakers
Locals and tourists
"Out of my way you tourist *******" I yelled frantically pushing my way passed them with Quincy trudging behind

You can always spot a tourist because they got their cameras, their ***** packs and their head looking up saying "ooo look at the building and that one!" taking snap shots in awe

We walked to The V-club
As we walked up to the entrance a little old lady in a wheel chair called out to us, "Are you two brothers?"
We laughed and said "no, were best friends and next door neighbors"
"Oh, well you too look very similar, very young" she said
"Yeah we're both twenty one" Quincy said
"You live around here?" I asked
"Right over there" she said pointing to the building across the street
She told us about how the building was falling apart and how all the law students got booted out leaving the little old lady and one other person living in the nine floor heap
"Back in the day there were river rats in their the sized of cats, but now we only have mice" she said
"I'm being moved though, whenever the land lords and the officials decided where" she added
She had some sort old senior citizen perk that allowed her to be taken care of
She then started to spit some of her poetry from thirty years ago, perfectly from memory
It was full of truth, insight and hope
We were floored by this wheelchair bound geriatric
She was a a retired barmaid, a poet, and an ex-lounge singer
Her name was Tracy Warren

The three of us walked into the V-club
I ordered a glass of Pinot Noir
And Quincy got a draft Brooklyn Lager
While pulling out a stool a spilled my wine all over the wooden table
"****" I said as everyone in the bar watched me put my face in my palms
I got paper towels and cleaned up my mess while the bartender leaned over to Quincy and said "If you don't tip me that will be your last drink ever in here"
"Okay" Quincy said as he walked over to me laughing at my expense
"If it was Burgundy I'd be in tears" I said with a half serious frown

I went to the bartender and apologized and asked sheepishly if I could possibly get a refill

"You spilled your wine?" he asked with sarcasm
"Yeah" I said
"And you want me to give you another?" he asked
"Well, I mean I don't know if that's okay or not that's why I'm asking" I said
"We don't, it isn't okay, you have to buy another one" he said with the most insulting tone I've ever heard
"Okay" I said with disdain

"**** this guy" Quincy and I both said
I left the remaining wine dripping off the table
Quincy ****** all over the bathroom
He finished his beer and we left without tipping that bearded-high and mighty- *******
We said goodbye to Tracy and she told us to enjoy every moment and to get home safely

We went to one more bar, had one more drink and headed home
But on the way to the train we got stopped by a ***
"Hey you give me money I know you got it" he yelled at Quincy
"Na man, hes broke trust me" I said to end the oncoming confrontation
"No yous lying i know it" he said
"Na, see those shoes? I got him those shoes, fifty five bucks" I told him
"Stop putting me on" he yelled
Then some white knight hipster wearing thick rimmed glasses and a green flannel stepped in and said "What's going on here? You picking on my friend?" While putting his arm around the *** mocking him and making trouble for us
"This ******* won't give me any money for my troubles" he told the hipster
"Come on man, give 'em something" he said to Quincy
"Dude, he has no money he spent all he had today" I said to the hipster and the ***
"He's a trust fund kid, he gets it from mommy and daddy" I said winking to Quincy
"Trust fund kid?!" the hipster said
"Trust fund kid!" said the ***
"TRUST FUND KID, TRUST FUND KID" screamed the hipster, the *** and myself laughing at Quincy making a scene
Then me and Quincy just walked away throwing our heads back howling at the full moon, drunk and exhausted heading for the subway  

The subway to Port Authority
Our legs, our feet and our ***** were killing us
We just wanted to sit

We could not for the life of us find our gate
We got misdirections from officers, other public transportation patrons
Thank God for this one janitor for pointing us in the right direction out of our wild goose chase
And ***** the guy who I asked "Hey man do you know where I can find the gate for the 177 express?"
And all I got was a blank indifferent stare
"WELL **** ME RIGHT?!" I yelled in his face

Finally we got on the line for our bus
We saw some weaselly looking guy cutting the line until he got booted to the back of the line
As he passed us we both looked at his and said "Weet, get meerkatted scumbag"
He had to wait for the next bus, whenever that was

The bus ride home felt like an eternity
But we made it
We had to walk down the unpaved dirt road to our street

We did it
We took on The Village
Sailed through the bars
Walked the streets
Met cool, hip people
Made memories
And now we have stories to tell

Dance
Round in circles
I see her smile
Wide-eyed in wonder

The piano chiming away
As she glides across the floor

Skin so pale
Brown hair in a bun
Her cheeks rosy
And her teeth white

So graceful
Like the snowfall
Just out the window

But something is askew
Am I the only one who sees?
Do I only notice?
She is bleeding

A horrid ****
On her lower back
It begins to gush
Staining the dress
“Look!”
“Look!”
I shout
They all fix their eyes on her
She falls to the floor still smiling

Her last dance
She’d gotten it
Now she can die
Smiling

All that I own is worthless
Yet, everything reminds me of you
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

Guardian angel watch me
As I write a tale of loss
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

Raven-black hair
Dark brown eyes just like mine
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

Now I write the tale of loss
And of it I dream
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

Her voice echoing
Finding me
Across the water

Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia
An other boy a year an a half older
You only left six numbers

Car crash took your husband
Oh, you were so young
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

Crying moon
Angry mind
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

I will write my tale of love
In hopes you will see
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

Find me
Read my tale for you
Adriana Maria Rojas Garcia

Blasting out of the fog and mud
Past the forests in the sunrise
Farms and high ways
Trotting through suburbia
Through the tunnel
Defacing and refusing to allow themselves to be part of an unjust ******
Believe in the intermingling of colors
Waiting for the planets to fall into place
To stop for a moment and inhale the abundant harmony that surrounds them and emote and create a inspiring response in the form of self expressive freedom that matches the beauty that had compelled them

The ingrate is chewing on his ungrateful cud
But he isn't a liberty to say what's in it
He spits fire at social drinkers
And goes slow mo in the fast lane
Just to ******* those he considers wastes of life
He'd curse them out but that be a wasted breath

The milk maid's dunlap is protruding
But she doesn't give 1/16th of a ****
Or 1/4th of a ****
She has gunk in her teeth
But all the *****, ***** old men are all aboard The Desperate Express

The polygamist is off to the races
Then the roller rink to inject misinformation into the grapevine
He gallantly gives his consent to take a lie detector test
As they try to get past his veneer and get a confession compromised of cul-de-sac secrets
With their monocle and chronic swamp-*** they contracted while waiting on line at the concession stand

The spy's identity will not be compromised
He needs to investigate this world's nation wide arms race to the red button that will undoubtedly end us all
That's why hes undercover in the vineyard
His beliefs correspond with mine
He thinks the planet will be fine but its inhabitants are doomed
And I concur

I can't seem to catch a break
My luck is marred by misfortune
I pass the dance squads grooving to tunes coming out of their ghetto blaster
Shaved ice and snow cones
Party foul!
Lamps busted get an adhesive

They went sightseeing
Dabbling in the art of hiking
More or less wandering
It may sound off putting to some

He is a delightful chap
He's good with wingnuts and transistors
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
Cut up the buckwheat
For an incomparable meal
Empty out the ashtrays and spittoons
The epilogues of habits
Solve improper fractions
You got nothing else better to do
Recite the silicone soliloquy

Fritter away the votes for the popularity contest
Because you've spoken your mind
Here comes The Pony Express
Here I come looking disheveled
We're all onions, peel back the layers and look for yourself
Play it by ear

We can hear you panting
The lazy work horse
With a hostile mentality
And portentous attitude
Go alphabetize the tiles in the bathroom

"Crime is common, logic is rare"
But she has defied that statement
When she waltzed in, and looked for the emergency exits
And found a sense of humor amongst her latchkey misery and love life tragedies

As the clueless boys on blue try to fill their quota
And the ones in deep thought assess situations
While putting lipstick on pigs in a blanket
During the inspection of a chalk line ****** scene

Greetings from your Christmas cards
Your perfect lawn and two car garage
Aren't you all such a perfect family?
Thinking no one can see underneath

Father would you like to tell
Us all about the girl you sometimes see
Your juvenile adultery

Go look back the photo albums  
You will see happy time smiles
Of people trying to keep it together
But falling apart all the while

Now am I right or am I right?
So am I right or am I right?
About the daughter who sleeps around
And the one tracked minded boys she goes down on

Go to the house
Don't call it home, with a camera
And take snap shots of behind the scenes
And see sadden home that cannot get sadder

Lets go to the beach on a sunny day
And unwind for a bit
Forget your ***** up son
And all the drugs he's done

Lets go to the park for some fresh air
And relax for a second
Let go of the hate you have for your wife
And her matriarchal grip she has on your life

Lets go for a drive take the top down
And enjoy the moment
Continue to deny and repress
Your parent's deaths and your lack of success

Just drink your whiskey and muddle through
Pray to your God, if he's even listening to you
Broken and divided
They're a happy family

Just pour out a few more "I love you's"
And regret ever saying "I do"
Broken and divided
They're a happy family

Blood is thicker than water but you're thirsty
Blood is thicker than water but you're thirsty
Blood is thicker than water but you're thirsty
Blood is thicker than water but you're thirsty

That was then, this is now
Who was where when what was how?
Hear them take their last breath as they're shot down
I scream
Floating in the gene pool, expecting the man who can walk on water to arrive
Sell outs and everyone who has had a bad week even though it's only Monday

Whippersnappers hang their heads in shame
I am one of twelve
So expendable
We live in gluttony
Lineleaders, math teachers, bottom-feeders have no idea
Watch them fall and be forced to crawl on their bellies
We laugh
Lewandowsky-Lutz dysplasia, getting back to your roots
Progeric clock-makers, lying dead on The Yellow Brick Road
Thin-skinned Transsexuals putting bricks in their purses
We live by eight
We die from our weight
And go unbloomed
       -Tommy Johnson
Standing in a nuclear reactor somewhere in Chernobyl looking for the truth
It might be in my contaminated endoplasmic reticulum
I am a radiant
Doppler radar
Monopoly dollar

Singing in the shower, amateur hour
Projecting sour notes
Pouring out their hearts and souls, hear them
Trying

Moo-juice nectar, spilling off The Round Table
Blondes in red bracelets, Kabbalah saves them
Henry pays no tax, John Berryman's bats tell us
You are the lunatic
We are the two quarters of a half-wit
This whole thing is insane

       -Tommy Johnson

We are all human beings
We all have our own lives
And different ways we live them
But each one of us is a writer
And this poem is for all of you

All of you who have virtues and use them in your writing
Those who use flashbacks and revisit mental photo albums

Beginning the story from the middle for that’s usually where you mind is at
Looking back then looking forward
Studying the past so you can be ready for what is to come

Recording catastrophes with a number two pencil

Tales and blurbs of tragedy
Caused by love or the lack there of

Rewards and punishment
Self-reliance and self-fulfillment

We are mere narrators
Humble, maybe unreliable
Equipped with numerous devices
Ironic Paradoxes
Red herrings
Fortuitous plot twists
Metaphors
Allegoric hyperboles
Analogies
Oxymorons and onomatopoeias

We sling Chekhov’s gun like bandits of literacy

We’re visionary revolutionaries
Revolution of the mind, body and soul

Changing ourselves and examining who and what we are
To become what we are destined to be
The best

Rejecting convention
Building our own paths
That lead to cliffhangers

Romantic lust
Comedic affairs
Dark massacres
Spiritual healing

Religious speculation
And the questioning of the way we, the people are being governed

We use the tools we are giving to sculpt new art that the world can stand in awe of

Personification
Symbolic imagery

Practicing pastiche with respect
Dionysian imitatio

Surreal reality
Defying mortality

Reiteration and retort

Using nature to express emotion and thought

Doubts and fear

Opposites
Morals and ethics

Satisfying curiosity

Parodying what we see
Embellishing just a little

We us word play to dive deep into the topic of conscious, subconscious and unconscious thought

Using satire to poke fun at the human condition,  its senses and perception of the universe to get readers thinking

Expressing our anger, our boundless joys
Desiring unknown pleasures

Seeing past the fallacies put before us

We write with great candor about war, personal conflicts, and self-abuse

With hinting undertones to give these ideas a second thought

We write of the supernatural, metaphysical mysteries
Outlandish, obscure mind boggling theories

As the clock ticks too fast for us and the characters we’ve created

Demolishing the fourth wall with a sledge hammer of defamiliarization

Epiphanies in a parking lot
Speaking in the 1st, 2nd or 3rd person

Using fun things like anagrams and palindromes
Candy for the lovers of such things

Spontaneity is an understatement
Nonsense is an insulting overstatement
Absurdity seems to fit just right

We are chameleons
We can write in various forms
Streams of gratifying consciousness
Brilliant prose
Beautiful poetry

And chose to use or merely acknowledge the ways to achieve these forms
Rhetoric, rhythm  and rhyme
Meter and mora
Conceit and consonance
Assonance
Intonation
Working with phonaesthetics  

And accenting aesthetics

A poem can or could not be organized as such
If we want to get technical about it

We have a poem
With a number of verses
And in those verses
Are lines
And those lines might rhyme
And have a meter or rhythm
Stressed or unstressed syllables

In contrast to that we may write
Without all of that and use emotion
Feeling and structure our work with what we feel is the best way
Line breaks
Pauses and puns
Silly similes
Ambiguous antonyms  
Intonation, linguistics
Fight against the fascists of grammar and conservative correctness

So, in the end we are writers of a rainbow kaleidoscope forms, devices, ways and ideas

But we alone are the ones who make the world think
Make it move
Revolt
Renew
Learn
Look back
Remember
Cry
Smile
Forget
Ease

Write my friends write until your mind explodes and your fingers bleed

Read, read and become inspired
Even if what you’re reading is bad cheese

Forget getting published it’s the writing that matters
Disregard the off-putting, critical chatter

And if you think no one reads
Than be the seed and sprout a tree of astounding artistry
And let’s begin a new movement composed of ideals that will hold true forever
I might be preaching to the choir but it must be said that poetry; literature isn’t dead

Are you ready for the main course?
Prepare the condiments
Thin oven mitts
Teas cozies
Lace doilies

It's just a decoy
Here lies the kid who was left home alone while is parents visited The North Pole

Try to consolidate the front door
And here's a laxative called LSD to aide your constipated mind
Now go on with the insurrection
And fight Parliament for the sake of the proletariat
Who's names are always written in lower case lettering

The limousine drivers
The skrimpers
The savers
The single mothers with bad habits who have to dance off skimpy clothing to buy formula for their babies because they're milk is tainted with junk

The weary recipients of justice obstructions
And catch 22's
Who have been singled out because they have monetary deficits

Console them
Until Eureka!
Grab some Q-tips and clean out your ears
Stop gritting and grinding your teeth
A new realization  is in bloom

When did be aware turn into beware?
When did alertness become fear?

Forget and get over your
Remanding-accursed-sweet-tooth-fatigue-that you let in
Because it's all in your head along with the idea that hyphens make things look more important and scary

I contest all that *******

You think seeing is believing
You think you're alive just because you're breathing
But the truth that you've been told
Is stale and old
It holds you back, won't let you move
To do some good or think of something new
Dark and relentless, warped and demented
Read on if this has captured your attention

So this is what it's like to be holy?
This was the vision that kept me awake in bed
The revelation manifesting itself in my head
I remember wishing so hard to wake up dead
But then a whispering voice crept up and said
"Why not turn your weakness into strength instead?"
It was like a gust of wind with a goal to embed
Me with some kind wisdom for what was ahead
But who was I? Some kid thought to be brain dead
Filled with guilt, shame and irrational dread
Always quiet, leaving my words left unsaid

So this is what it's like to be holy?
But now after hard work and humbling failures
I'm breaking down doors and busting up barriers
This is so major
After dealing with haters, traitors and jailers
Who gave me the spark, who gave me a reason
To go make my mark and fight for my freedom
To pick up the pieces and make something decent
To freeze all the heathens and either eat or be eaten
Or I could have become numb and go to the bottle
But I'm having too much fun becoming colossal
       -Tommy Johnson
Sunlight warming up face
They're bitter just taking up space
But I'm trying to start something
I'm not trying to be judging
But it's kind of touching
How I started out as nothing

So this is what it's like to be holy?

Above my head, I saw the dead dance
Put under a trance
A Gothic romance
I heard the whisper say "take a chance"
"It's the won't it's never can't"
"You must always advance"
And with that I made took my stance

So this is what it's like to be holy?

I can't even focus
My thoughts are so cluttered
Merged with my emotions
Makes me irrational

Paranoia chokes me
Apathy chains me down
Memory’s dark I can't see
You lying little *****

It's all in my head
Do as the voices say
It's All in my head
Hallucinations and accusations
All in my head
Not sure what to believe

My anger, my love and lust
Triggered by loneliness
On my own and lost
Maybe over-thinking

Nervous twitches won't leave
*****, headaches,depression
Nothing's wrong with me
A soap opera in my mind

Alone with my thoughts
This happens a lot
Don’t know what to do
But I'm blaming it on you

It's all in my head
My doubt and disbelief
It's all in my head
My hands shake as my mentality breaks
All in my head
Not sure what I see

Exile lead to anger
Anger went to sadness
Sadness turned to bordem
Bordem morphed to

WAKE UP

It's all in my head
That means I'm in control
It's all in my head
Clean this mess, burn my empty stress
All in my head
I will succeed

Capture the moment
Joyous and pure
I tell you I love you
Shouting affectionate honesty
Can openers to reveal the unknown

My mothers my sister
My brothers her brother
Our fathers our cousin
His parents are his brother and sister
And I their grandchild  

Kinship connected by blood
Our eleven toed tribe
Live rich lives of hard work
Keeping to ourselves

Peaceful loving
Yet looked down on
Put in the corner
But we digress

Oh, migrant solemnity
Take away this moment of horror
From us who wear wool socks
Who present expansive expositions
Within seven seconds
Who replicate Roman gluttony
VIPs of the vomitorium
And **** room
Remove this curse
From which we suffer
A morning of obligation
Expel our fright
Of the morning
Clear away the white light
Millions of beams
Of metamerism
Us
Them
We and our igneous
Lapardian bed
Our feet, callowness
And our shed
Composed murmurs
Delicate sternness
Will reject them
We were once facetious
Had condescending ways
They'd believe us
And remained stranded on unmapped cays
We have yet to gain
The downpour
The desert desires
But have been cast and thrown
Unforgiven and disowned
Enslavement resides in hungry empty pockets
With politics and corporation cracking the whip
In this oligarchy, capitalist catastrophe
Backed by a national
Dry spell
We're laying face up
On the floor of the ocean
Floating to the top
Of a wine glass
We've done what we could
What have you done to us
Here we go
Cold

Young hearts
Never still
Always wanting more
Be still my hungry heart
Hunting

It speaks
Explodes, sputters and sparks
Hear what it says
When you see the face
Listen to it speaking

My hear is young
It is never sure
It goes on instinct
Hopeful and naïve
Living beat by beat

Deep inside me
Someone has a hold of it
And that someone is mine
Bet we’ve never met
But we will

We’re all meant for someone
So they say
The first kiss
Now they marry
Boy and girl
Boy and boy
Girl and girl
Young hearts of the world

Check your pulse to assure yourself that you are indeed alive and be ready
I’m willing to sell addiction
If the price is right
Instead of crawling on my hands and knees
Searching for a miniscule income

Love is an empty word
That allows me to rip your insides
And still have you apologize for getting my hand *****
I’ll keep every apology locked away
And stick you on the bull’s-eye

Running from laughable low level law enforcers
Dressed in blue with loaded guns and meaningless badges
Cackling the whole way through

Smiling at all my adversaries
Knowing the annihilation of us both is soon to come

As the maniacal militia stand trespassing in our yard waiting to open fire
The ravaged highways are under construction
Demolishing the concept of one’s self to rebuild in the image of a complete stranger
Unleashing accusations upon unsuspecting stargazers
Underneath the cold thick skin, holding back scorn, plans of vengeance, violent bouts with sadness and ethical turmoil
Putting on a mask of struggling smiles, lung crushing phony laughter
And the tight gripping of tears, the strenuous task that is always present
Putting this act because society tells us to shut up, get over it, move on and forget about it
With no one taking the time to sit down and help someone who is knocking on their impending doom’s door
By going over everything calmly piece by piece
Until it’s too late and there’s dead bodies on the floor of a movie theater riddles with bullets and people choking on some kind of poison gas
The misleading of corporate heads and politicians overshadowed by the distractions of “disasters”
So we can’t see the real big picture
Their whole careers can be light up in flames faster than the forged paper work they put in

Meanwhile the poverty stricken orphaned children look to the neon sky praying to a god who’s existence is debated denounced right before their eyes as if it was a fairytale fable with out a moral
And the troubled youths, the kids being pumped with prescriptions
Hoping someday something will rescue them for the madness within themselves

Request for atonement
Is eradication of an opponent really a triumph?
To expire in a collision
Young and drunk
Cutting deep like a spiteful stab wound
While wearing a three piece suite
Choosing suffering over nothingness
But to fight for the privilege we had in front of us
Disregarding the cost to get there
Detonate the entire thing
And view this vignette from your fallout shelter crossing your fingers that you’ll still be here when all is unspoken and still undone

My head bashes against the pavement
And anonymous feet plunge into my sides
Surrounded by enemies
In the dark of night

I’ve done something they didn’t like
I’ve crossed the line it’s my warning
And a familiar face pulls out a gun
I won’t live to see morning

One choice I made
Has lead me here
The one that fell
Through the cracks of good judgment
I sewed my own poison
It was just business
And I couldn’t keep up
So I packed it in and shipped out

As far back as I could remember
I’ve always wanted to be a somebody
I got as far as I could
But now I’m busted up and ******
I’m obsolete, stay off the streets
I’ve crossed the lines it’s my final warning
I won’t live to see morning

One choice I made
Has lead me here
The one that fell
Through the cracks of good judgment
I sewed my own poison
It was just business
And I couldn’t keep up
So I packed it in and shipped out

Dead silence
Street light so vibrant
Another punch and I’m numb
So throw me down
Not a threat a promise
Put the gun to my head
And splatter my brains on the curb
Or live
To fight another day

       -Tommy Johnson
One choice I made
Has lead me here
The one that fell
Through the cracks of good judgment
I sewed my own poison
It was just business
And I couldn’t keep up
So I packed it in and shipped out

On a humid mid-summer night
We traveled so far, yet so near
To a place of extravagant revelry
We had no idea what was to come that evening

It was an old-fashion party
Everything and everyone was illuminated
And why not?
It was the night of our celebration of freedom

Everyone was dancing and laughing
The sweat, the dilated pupils of the jubilant guests

I saw everything standing on the top of the wooden foothill

These stairs tested your level of intoxication
You could trip on them sober, they were so spread apart, numerous and inconsistent
And if you were drunk to the highest extent, you’d surely die trying to conquer them

We were swept away with a cold beer in each of our hands

A bearded man with a bottle of whiskey pored us shots
We downed them
And then another
In honor of the moment
And to the chance that our whiskey toting woman chaser would get laid that night

The evening was miraculous
Alcohol flowing like cool crystal rapids
*** being burned like drift wood on an unmapped deserted beach
And a vibe of comrodery between all in attendance

Digital pixilated snapshots to save this moment for nostalgic posterity

Beer pong seemed like an Olympic event

Kings
Flip cup
Thumper
Quarters

I took no part for I was too far gone by that point
I was a mere spectator
I was more interested in the various airborne angels floating in the ozone of ecstasy

I staggered up to each one individually trying to swipe a kiss or maybe even more

“Hi”
Kiss
SMACK

“Hi”
Kiss
SMACK

“Hi”
Kiss
SMACK

“Hi”
Kis­s
Kiss back

Whoa
Who
Was
This?

A familiar face

A gaping hole of pleasant surprise opened on my face
A look of false anger on hers appeared

SMACK!

We laughed and said hello then did a shot
***!

Then another

And talked
Our chuckles were reminiscent of an orchestral arrangement

The mother of our seemingly invisible host stood up and herded the whole party into a unanimous silent yield

“TEQUILA!” she shouted

And the whole backyard of sweaty, out of it, ***** young faces cheered and tapped the thumping music back on and formed a line

The bottles flew open like flimsy shutters during a maelstrom of wind

Limes and salt were being passed around like ten cent ******

After the last drop of tequila was guzzled down the party seemed to be swaying to and fro
And all of us had the same heavy eyed toothy smirk on us that says “yeah…I’m done”

The glorious angel that I had plucked from the heavens and I wandered to the corner of the commotion and perched ourselves in a high tree and kissed

And right below us two of our friends began to make indiscrete inebriated love to each other on a rusty swing set

Nice

But our passionate, fearless kiss blocked that out
It was so pure and shameless
Even though we both knew we were betraying the trust of our then insignificant others

The sound of bachata
The knocking of red solo cups  
Ping pong *****
And the ******* sounding voices of those trying to locate them
Were a loud soundtrack to our lustful voyage into each other’s comfort zone

We talked for what seemed like hours about how we were attracted to each other for so long
And how our relationships at the time left us unhappy and unfulfilled

We had a mindful understanding of one another
Neither of us had that before

But all of a sudden
The beer
The ***
The whiskey
And the tequila
All came back to say hello
Then goodbye as they flushed themselves out of my system and into our host’s garden

No one noticed
So I continued to relieve myself on the tomatoes and basil

The angel rubbed my back and let me go

And when it was done
She kissed me

Then and there I knew she was mine
And I was hers

Nothing mattered

Not my infinite bile projections
Not my unfit partner
Not my scarring past
Just her
Only her
Right there
Right then

We walked back to the epicenter of the soiree to see people leaving to go make their own myths of ****** endeavors
And the good friends sober enough to help their blacked out pals get home safely

So, my friend and I bid our goodbyes and thank yous to our friends and our host and their family and wobbled home
With a flaming heart and an empty stomach
Also a bladder full of bad decisions that I unleashed upon a parked dump truck on my journey home back to my bed

Every coin has two sides
What do I want I can’t decide?
I’ll catch it on the flipside
Or maybe I’ll just take some time

What do I desire?
What is it that I fear?

Let the rain wash my mind
So it’ll be easy to find
The answers that lay inside
Yeah I think it’ll take some time

What do I desire?
What is it that I fear?
What do I aspire
Solutions drawing near

Fear to take a chance
The fear to be happy
I’ll let the coin land
And then I will see

What do I desire?
What is it that I fear?
What do I aspire
Solutions drawing near

Hexes, rejuvenation
Strange carbon based life forms
The history of their cries
Scrawny weak-minded kings
Weaseling nocturnal betrayers of fortune
Over the shoulder paranoia
Puzzled tourists
With fragmented egos
Yet they produce
Painful generosity
To those who have relived them of their joy

I abandon me dagger eyed campaign
Let them live
I wish to see how they progress and prosper

You have twenty one seconds
Until the cab is here
You’re on the list
Friends are here again

Going up
Going out
Underdressed
Yet again

Thank you, thank you all
It isn’t fair
He’s with us
He is missed

Map it out
Retrace it all
Back to the forest
Back to the hill

Barbed wire
Sealed from sanctuary
Popping out at you in 3D

This headache won’t leave
Slack jawed and hunched over
Mad men on speed
Drenched in sweat

Paint the crowd
A crowd of a different color
Rampaging forward
Effervescent

Cavemen in the control room
Knobs and buttons
***** in his court
Scoff at it

It’s a safety ramp
Coming down from school
He’s not going back
Too much to lose

The drifter and the comely young women who gleamed with charisma walk passed the rabble-rousers on their way to tie the knot

The rabble-rousers cheer, tossing out superlatives, praising their oncoming matrimony
The young woman is chomping at the bit to finally settle down
The drifter is on the same boat, he can't keep living the life of a rolling stone
He's gonna give the married life a whirl

She has her dress in a brown paper bag and he has on the shiniest cuff links this side of the Pacific

Some say they just portrayed a happy couple
But behind closed doors they had hidden intentions
But I'd wager that they truly loved each other  
But my my opinion is superfluous, they know in their hearts what they're doing is right
So they got that going for them

They make their way to the ****** who is set to marry the two
Until they are ambushed by pinheads with the gift of gab and know it all's who know nothing  but still try to talk out of their ***** even though their heads are already wedged tightly up them already

Egregious questions and tauntings of habitual bullshitters
What was God thinking during their creation?
Good thing the worst of them all has been tarred and feather and ran out of town on a rail, or so I've been told

They finally reach their destination and say their vows right off their cuffs
Say I do, kiss with just me in attendance
And leave all these sheep all these irritants behind
And embark on their new life together

Don’t fall victim to our dimension’s perilous plight
Can you feel it?
Feels like earth quake machine guns
Listen
Sounds like incriminating yarn being spun

According to the zodiac I’m a crab

According to the eastern wheel I’m an aquatic rooster

Yet I know myself as a coyote

And I say on to you

Tomorrow is never guaranteed
So live life today as if the next day brings the expiration date
Before our world curdles into a smelling spoiled carton of waste

*** stain on the wall

A feeling of disgust stemming from the tip of my ****

The sound of someone taking a ****
Drip
Drip
Drip
They didn’t flush
Or put the toilet seat up

Next to a stranger I lay
Not exactly what I planned to do today
Today was brought to you by the word SHAME
And in this instance I wonder if I’m insane

***** laundry covers the floor
Double locked the bedroom door

Parents should be home soon
I must leave
Out the third story window
Goodbye, don’t call me

We have a treat for you all!
It's Captain Obvious and The No-duhs
With their newest hit single, "A picture of a picture"
How existential are they?!

They use a clavichord, a harpsichord
A mellotron along with an autoharp
And of course a theramin to express this song to the universe

I will say no more
Here they are, Captain Obvious and The No-duhs

"Hey, are you free today?"
"Hey are we still on for tonight?"
"Do you live in eternal
Or temporal time?"
"Lets look back on our
illegible live's highlights"

"I got a paper cut from a bookmark"
"But I haven't got a *******'s clue"
"If I should round to nearest tenth"
"Or pop all of the animals made from balloons"

"Now, I'm looking at a picture of a picture"
"And I'm truly the worst for wear "
"You missed the cut off date"
"You're camera shy so there"

"Hey, you wanna chill today?"
"Hey what you wanna do tonight?"
"Want to watch the changing of the tides?"
"Or take in a movie then go and grab a bite?"

"I disregard the label makers"
"And mark all the typos"
"Shorten all the long winded speeches"
"And smelt all the silver idols"

"Now, I'm looking at a picture of a picture"
"And I'm truly the worst for wear "
"You missed the cut off date"
"You're camera shy so there"

"Knit me a sweater of vanity and greed"
"Sew me a lust and sloth tapestry"
"Croshay me a hat of envy and wrath"
"Macramé me a bracelet of gluttony"

"Now, I'm looking at a picture of a picture"
"And I'm truly the worst for wear "
"You missed the cut off date"
"You're camera shy so there"

       -Tommy Johnson

Earth quakes
Cyclones
Forrest fires
Tidal waves

Friends
Adversaries
Acquaintances
In the misty morning
At the grievous mourning  

Oh spirit true
We need you

       -Tommy Johnson

It’s really hard for me to show
And truly express my love
But I promise that it will grow
Baby I know you’re the one

Sweetie there’s no one else above
You shine brighter than the sun

Without you I will die
My whole world will be undone
If I can’t call you mine
The cool hand of death now comes

Honey don’t ever run
You’re the only one I love

Our lives are intertwined
You’re not just anyone
The missing piece I had to find
Can you see where I’’m coming from

Honey don’t ever run
There's no one else above
Sweetie you’re brighter than the sun
You’re the only one I love

In an attempt to reclaim my sanity
I sit and listen attentively to the whispers of the cold wind
It's rather stormy for the month of may
But beggars can't be choosers
I would have chosen a bright clear skied day
Instead of wet and windy sky of gray

Severed puppet strings
And the frantic nature of people
Caused by the unsteady shift of things
Escaping manipulation through this unlikely loophole
With which we evade being categorized and classified
But ultimately labeled

Fish heads for dessert
Confetti-saltwater taffy for lunch
Canned laughter for snack
And peptide bonds for a well balanced breakfast
"But whats for dinner?" says The Windbag
"But whats for dinner?!" screeches The Mimick
Hmm, well we have a choice between the sociocultural criteria and a toxic relationship
"Can't we have popsicles with answer-less riddles on the sticks?" asked the Windbag
"Can't we have popsicles with answer-less riddles on the sticks?!" copied The Mimick
"Leeme alone!" cried the Windbag
"Leeme alone!!" yelled The Mimick
In the end the decided to eat the pockmarks of bird feeding cohorts
They picked their teeth with proven points
Then watched The Windbag play the glockenspiel
Followed by The Mimick on the xylophone
As I put the leftover scraps in Tupperware, making sure to burp it before I put it away
       -Tommy Johnson

You always take away my confidence
You sometimes leave your condescension
No genuine communication, just leave
I sometimes leave my insecurity
I'll always take things to heart
No such thing as compromise, just stay

Ain't got no job, money's drank
All dropped out, face is blank
All ya got are the clothes on your back and a pocket full of hope
Took the job, then ya quit
Not worth your time, repetitive
You'll never have a future, a life, a love or a home
There's something telling you it's time
Time for you to go
A little voice saying that it's time
But you still don't know

Inspiration
Gotta move leave my life's station
Get to the other side of the coast
Home is where you make the most of it
The tough get going, so I better get
So I better get
I'm out

ABC
123
IRS
911
FBI
411
UFO
0...operator?

There goes The Moonchild
We're all waiting
We're all staring
Here's The Moonchild

Where is my loving heart?
The world flashes at my yearning hidden under her umbrella
My life flashes right in front of my eyes, up to the moment I die as I live it
Thank you so much, what is the cost for me to eat my heart out?

Neurotic Nina thinks shes possessed
Makes a mess trying to sort out her life
A substitute trigonometry teacher
Looking for a spiritual healer
Bought Ayahuasca from a dope dealer
Silly girl

Two towns over is Elliot
Lives for the hell of it, but sees no point
They both go out for some coffee
Pumpkin spice lattes so frothy
Nina was upset that it was so costly
Out came her spastic demeanor
That Neurotic Nina

Look at Elliot though and the funk he's in
Looks a little like Bob Dylan
And **** man, he can sure play guitar
He's gonna go far in his new red chariot
You go Elliot
Noise, noise, noise

Wearing stylish clothes
Getting high but feeling low, as they hang off his bones
But he's one of my favorite friends
The chill vibes he sends
Where ever he wanders and roams

Oh, who could that be
Aw no, it's back!
It's sliding under the front door
Wiped its feet on the welcome mat
We never thought we'd see it anymore
Never thought we'd hear from it again, but now it's back
We never saw it coming
It never crossed our minds
And now sevens eating nine then asks if I'm hungry
But I already eight

It wants to be boarder
It will pay rent when it is due
Take in this disparaged disorder
We must thoroughly think this through
Against our better judgement but not our will
We let it in, our joint decision
To tolerate it we take these pills
Won't rid us of the cause but combat the symptoms
And now sevens eating nine then asks if I'm hungry
But I'm afraid I already eight

This is how you love
To find yourself
You must love yourself first
Smile, this suffering won't last long
I'll play you a song

Man, just let it go
It ain't worth the stress
Girl, just hold on
You ain't seen nothing yet

You'll let me have your body
But never let me have a good look at you
I wanna know what you look like
On the inside

Oh yes
That's it
That's the way
How you feeling today?

Breathe in
Love hard
Look up
Run long

And so it is
As you live, you also die
Before your eyes, lays your life



That janitor is soft spoken
I wonder what's on his mind
That reserved kindly custodian
I wonder what's in his mind
I wanna have a beer with him
Wanna crack some jokes and see him grin
The maintenance man behind the broom
I wonder what goes through his mind
That quiet caretaker
I wanna get inside his mind

Hush now
In this pain
There’s a broken bone
Felt on me
Where we’ve been
Fascinations
In the faithless age
Guess again
At your fingertips
As the lake
Flows on away my friend
Men grow old
Every child knows the end
Drive fast
While we stand here
Someone help
Get me out of here
Our spirits name it
And it’s so huge and wide
I’ll make it great
Go back
Dot the I’s
Darling
In the sea air
Liar
Kiss her
Shine against her
It’s hard to tell
Get off
Tired games
Goodbye

As we sat side by side
Belting out a terrible
Scream for relief

Straight is striped
Soft is solid

There are many a things
That are used to see the truth

Standing there nabbing
For the truth for the truth

Eyes torn open
For thirty some odd hours

Left soulless
To face the dawn

Clubs smash against their skulls
War drums pulsate on and on

Crawling on my leg
From the floor

The morning sun rising
Cross fading darkness diminished
In its radiant beams of shimmering brilliance

Dust clouds
Rock formations
Out in the desert
Outskirts

Cupping your hands
Sipping from the water hole

Dance, jump, flail
Friction
Of my thoughts
Spark a flame of action

You want to know what the difference between loving a woman and loving a man is?

Nothing

Being a bisexual man I find that a few people I talk to have many questions and queries as to what it means and what it's like being attracted to both genders

Well, what I usually tell them is everyone is attractive in one way or another
And that I cannot chose only one *** to be attracted to
I do not believe there was ever a time in my life where I didn't fancy men or women

I remember thinking it was normal to like both
Until I was about six years old and kids in my class were calling each other
gay

And when I asked what that meant some kid told me it was what you call a boy who wanted to kiss other boys to make fun of them

I immediately became confused
Why would you make fun of that?
Doesn't everyone like boys?

After that I began noticing relationships within the TV shows I would watch
Girls were perused by men
And men were pined for by women

Husbands and wives

Boyfriends and girlfriends

But why?

I started to repress my attraction toward men and focused on only women

I became a womanizer by the age of eleven
A horn dog

I suppose by taking my pent up lust for men made my lust for women double

I was obsessed with ***
I just wanted to bang bang bang

Jerking off like five times a day everyday

Looking at ****

Staying up late just to watch a censored ******* commercial

******* my bed

One handed delight

I restricted myself from even looking at another boy, no matter how bad I wanted to

It wasn't until I was about sixteen when I began to allow myself to feel anything towards the same ***

I felt like I wasn't being honest to myself because I was scared how everyone in my life would see me

I had enough, I let myself become whole again
I didn't feel the need to stand up on a soap box and say "I LOVE ****!"
But I refused to restrain myself from denying the fact that I was bisexual

I finally came out to a close friend when I was seventeen
Then another
And another
They were all accepting and nothing between us ever changed

My family on the other hand
Well,  was nineteen when I told my dad
He threw me out of the house

When I told my mom she told me i was going to go to hell

But, the fact remained, I played for both teams
Still to this day when it's brought up they just call me an idiot
I can deal with that, they still love me

Now, I've only had a connection with a few people
Some men
Some women
The men in my life have usually lead to disappointment

They only wanted ***
Don't get me wrong I'm totally down for that
But I was looking for something a little bit more
Because that's what they seemed to want too, at least when we first started talking

The women in my life have lead me to discovery
I found out that I can be sensitive, annoying, mean, careless, forgetful and just all around disrespectful

But they also taught me how to better myself, how to understand someone, and most importantly how to love

I'm not saying all men are pigs
And I'm not saying all women are angels

The point I'm trying to make is that, regardless of genitals,  ****** preference or identity
People are people, with different stories, ideas and issues
And each one of them has their own desires

Some hurt you
Some help you
Some teach you
And some don't even care

But that doesn't mean just because someone tells you that being interested in some one of the same *** is wrong and that you should listen and lie to yourself

If you love some one, tell them
If you're attracted to some one, talk to them
If you want to ****, send out an invitation and see what happens

I wasted a part of my life ignoring a natural desire because I was scared of it, don't make my mistake

Listen to your heart and run with it

My name is Tommy Johnson and I'm a bisexual human being

One last thing,where did the nomenclature of the words "bi" "gay" or "straight" come from? Why do we feel the need to classify and label things?

Thank you for your undivided attention

I've recently come across my old poems and songs from 2009-2012

And I'm going to be posting them, so read, comment and share

But be advised, my writing was not as developed back then but I want to show you another part of my soul

Thank you :) , much love to all of you

I’m busting out of this oppressive penitentiary of negativity
I’ve got the determination to transform my laughable dream into an applaudable reality
I refuse to be held here for another second
No locks, no cameras, no rubber rooms or electric chairs will hold me
I’m free

No blockade of words can cause me to halt
Opportunity is knocking heavily at my door
I open the mahogany entryway and welcome it inside
I make it tea and have a deep conversation about things to come

“You’ve been in the dog house for too long”
“Yeah, but every dog has its day”

It’s calling to me
Time to initiate my aspirations

Cheers to the future
So long to the past
Now I am here
On a paramount path

The path is made or salty tears, perspiration and sacrificed blood
The satisfying end justifies the brutal means
Not a soul had a single ounce of faith in me
Naysayers only bring you down
Now I’ve made it
Their mouths drop in disbelief and can’t seem to make a sound

Escape the prison of “won’t”, “cant” and “never”
And all those who doubt you are prison guards, liars
Breakout from the discouragement
Then set the jaundice jail on fire

Never needed them
Self-proficient

Shut up
And open your eyes
And observe closely
As your callus skepticism dies

Thank you for keeping me in the dark
I’d have no reason to reach for the light other wise
I look at you fall as my dreams rise

The spinning torrent has brought me here
She struggled to get my attention
Bent on disclosing her abashed query of if she exists or not
By asking for my point of view

I could not answer, there was salt water filling my lungs and my body was so thrashed from the choppy sea

Eyes widened and steady, a look of anticipation covered her face
Floundering to piece together and answer with a flower in her hair
I tenderly reply with a hesitant assurance that she did indeed exist

Knowing somehow that I have been in an awful typhoon and was tossed in the enormity of the spontaneous waves

She told me to dance in the unbridled ecstasy of my survival
She knew why I crossed the sea
My lover of yesterday’s past abandoned me on a sandy shore
And left a note stabbing at my manhood, prompting me to fight for her if my love was true

So I built a boat and vigorously shipped out  
Darkeyed, mad and my heart tinted so no one could see my pain, only my determination

Roaming the ocean in an attempt to preserve my notions of love and faith

The guilt in my tender flaming heart gushed out
I’d done wrong and now I had to come face to face with me unavoidable comeuppance
Embodied in the sea
Devouring my consciousness and pumping my mind with bleak unclarified riddles, insufferable seminal propositions  

Revisiting vignettes so vivid as if they were in high definition Technicolor right before my eyes

The attraction, the pursuit that followed
Then the incomprehensible weaving of the souls

Suddenly the details of it all flooded into my brain
The fights
The lies
The unmitigated greed and narcissism caused by a chemical imbalance and a troubled past

So many reasons pointing me in the direction of which I came but I refused to yield and trudged on
As I rode the waves I became delirious, on a spree of self-induced affliction
Relocating my focused mind to a realm of contradicting confusion, being strangled by spontaneous bursts of uncertainty and rejection  
Until my boat started to sink
And all my fears and demons escaped
I didn't care if I died
I had no reason to live anymore, I wasn't afraid to meet the angel of death for an untimely yet causal powwow
The waves, monstrous and substantial
Hurling me back and forth
My hopes
My determination
My wall crumbled
The mythology of love had no merit to me any longer
The water was taking a toll on my organs until I ultimately blacked out

I remember being scraped against the bedrock of a lagoon
Coughing up blood, but realizing I was alive
Yet I felt dead ion the inside

And a figure came to me overhead
It was the girl with a flower in her hair who asked me if she existed
Her black hair shined in the sun as she pushed it back behind her ears
Her brown eyes full of wonder and honesty
Red lips teaming with sweet sounds behind them
I felt calm
I felt anxious
Anxious for I wasn’t expecting to see or come in contact with anyone

I didn’t need to do anything
But admit she was real

She knew who I was, what I had done and what happened to me

She ****** the girl who strung me along to cross the world
She told me to forget and move on and to learn from it and cultivate myself

This oracle, so benevolent
So graceful, I could not believe she was real
She wasn't a mild hallucination
She was as tangible as I

She taught me that

To look inside myself
To live for myself
“Come let’s cut ourselves open to see what we look like on the inside”

I’ve come to know a soldier; he marches across the gritty sand
I’ve made bonds with a trooper who fights for the rights of man

He said “I can’t go no further I miss my girl, her lovin’ trumps everything I’ve seen in this wide godforsaken world!”

My friend was tense and had a determined stare
A crew cut, fifty pounds of gear and the burden of loneliness to bear
His feet began to move, and now he leaves for home
For this dune sea has been dissected and over combed

Picture of her in his pocket
Her name, tattooed sleeve
Back pack of letters received

Welcome mat greeting
Unlocked, opened screen door
She can’t believe
Her soul mate has returned from an endless war

He was in a cold sweat during a heatwave
She had hot flashes during a cold snap
Fever blisters, heat blisters
Frost bite and heat stroke
Take a cold shower together
Then put on your street clothes
Feast your eyes
Set your sights
Impeccably punctual

The rag tag constituents
*** rush the 'ol drawing board for bragging rights
A jail break in the making
Drinking rat tails at last call
Scarfing down pickled pigs feet
It'***** or miss
It's a leap year

Locking horns with one another
Ornery
Putting forth an esteemed ultimatum
Swing and a miss
Hock your watch
And mind the store
Don't ask don't tell
It's a work in progress

    -Tommy Johnson

Shove it in the box
So I can catch a glimpse
Of the soldiers walking home
Going single file
All the way home

Scribble it out
It’s not good enough yet
Hold tight

From the earth and the sea
Pour it on me
So versatile
Your smile

The smallest shell
The toughest to crack
It draws near
The last one born
Coming home
Coming home
What a good story, now close the lid

Three years ago I was just writing simple lyrics
I was a angst ridden teenage cynic
Now I write of things with meaning
I try to create poems that are teeming
With thing that will live on for centuries
Something more than sensitive journal entries

Death to convention
Watch the empty words waste away from an unwashed window
And meaningful proclamations grow

I aim to disappoint those looking for the "ABAB"rhyme scheme
And to excite the ones who question their reality and give them wet dreams
My dry nightmare is to see the world cease to progress
And become a giant ball of ignorant **** more or less
Words can be visible but unseen or forgotten
But nothing is mightier than someone with a pencil and an opinion

Give life to new ideas
Feel the words, put yourself in all you create
Life's a wasted ticket if you're not insane

We are all here

The values and morals we’ve all held dear are now gone

Now look!

Can you think of your next move?

Has the migration begun without you?

I can only do this for so long
I have a feeling were almost done
If she leave I wont be shaken
I wont be sad, I wont be bummed
You never really had my heart
I was just playing a role
I'm an actor not a liar

Because my care for you wasn't a lie
I never meant to cause any harm
Now can't you see?
That in all our kisses
I always hoped there be
A new start for me

But I was playing a part
I was playing a role
I'm an actor not a liar
Our love cant die if it was never alive

I hate this
More than any other
I cringe at the thought
Our somber warmth disrupted
By a slash of winter
Blackberry winter
Closing my eyes
And preparing
For discontent
Here it comes
Insufferable splinter
Blackberry winter