Copious darkness swallows up the light
that grows within me by the night
why do you draw me in the void?
With my head you have toyed
please allow me just one day
to live free from corruption and decay
for surely sins taxes I will pay.

From this eternal nightmare will I not wake?
Or must a smile upon my lips forever fake?
Free me please Lord and I will be in your debt
a sacred promise between us kept
for your friend Job endured the pain
and lived to see happiness ten-fold again
that he may live in eternal bliss
please grant me this
my only wish.

She asks me to forget about the past,
because all things have passed.
I ask her to not talk about the future,
because I don't want to loose her.
So here we are our imperfect little bubble.

Life is just one big mistake
but its how we deal with the ones we make
what chances we take
and those we forsake.

All I can offer is my advice
from my experience
because I've paid the price.
So be wiser than me
for I didn't listen
this you can see
that life has no guarantees.

Try to always do your best
for life isn't practice
this is the test
there are no second chances
no reboot or delete
so make sure you pass this
instead of suffering defeat.

Don't waste time accumulating your stack
for what you waste now you will never get back.
Love somebody with your whole heart
and don't let anyone tear it apart
or trample upon your dreams
don't settle for the milk
when you can have the cream.
Remember you can't change the past
so live your life now
and make those memories last.

Treat everyone as your equal
because we are imperfect people
all Adam's sinners
we all started as just beginners
allowed to run lifes race
by the beauty of God's grace
we all make our own choices
no one else can force us
so don't be easily led astray
as life eternal awaits
and that's forever and a day.

I am just a sunflower
standing all alone
waiting for the right hour
when the clouds are gone.

I spread my petal like wings
whilst everybody watches me
I stretch, dance and sing
for my life is truly free.

I don't need to follow
I need not pretend
for I am not shallow
the sun my only friend.

I'm not scared to be different
not afraid to stand by myself
even though I may appear distant
love I give for it's my wealth.

A fallen angel with outstretched wings
a thousands voices begin to sing
this is the sound of our undying hymn.
Flowers ripped from the stem
babies torn from mothers hem
a restless desire to escape the myre
a lifeless face in this heartless place
devoid of love or god above
the sense of danger at every turn
the fear of life as chances spurn
questions unanswered no time to learn.

A world without truth
beset upon uncouth
lies surround us remain confounded
freedom to leave but always grounded
left astounded
dumbfounded
beached and floundered.

A compass without direction
a heart with no affection
filled with your infection
tasting the infliction
my mirrorless reflection
hate and rejection
no shot at redemption
or chance of exemption
no dream or conception
no allegiance or faction
lifeless action
no anger or reaction
no thought or distraction
no love or satisfaction
a heart unguarded no protection.

Life left unchallenged
decisions in the balance
which path to choose
either way set to lose
the crossroads of life
no wish to survive.

It all starts with conception
to give your life direction
for what you conceive
and your mind believes
you will achieve.

It will take practice and dedication
not lackless education
but once you make that decision and commitment
you will envision your achievement
as if you were already at your destination
all the way from creation to Revelations.

A runner does not win marathons on the track
but in his mind this is a fact
that you may find
logically impossible
and yet completely plausible
if you think you will fail
you will sink and bail
but if you dream of victory
it will mean you succeed.

Confidence is an illusion
a shield of protection
which brings us back to conception
we are only as strong as our beliefs
and are only motivated by our needs
be it love or greed
or God we heed
all you have to do is believe.

Remember we are all created equal
for we are all God's people
so play your strengths
don't relent
in chasing your dreams
for he who takes part
already wins.

Your fatal illusion fills me with such confusion
Is it more we share or just a passing distraction?
Do you really care or an automated reaction?
Could this be a one-sided affair and this is infatuation?

When this is all over will you still think of me as I of you?
Will you still share a drink with me or is it really through?
Maybe I missed my chance or never really had one
maybe I risked my heart for just a bit of fun.

I may not always be an open book
but please take the time to have a second look
for the last few pages were written about you
and all my words are true.

Death does not exist as some distant relative
but rather it remains relevant
as a constant reminder
that without death she cannot live
you will never find her
for herself, to death, she did give
do not call out her name
or try to hold on
she left her body through the pain
she's already gone
now she exists as life itself
not as a concept within her mind
or as a body trapped in time
but as the flow of silence
between echoes of distractions
as one slowly slips through tiredness
towards the light refractions
that's where she'll be
as she waits for me
in eternity.

My face is just a mask
if you want to find out the real me just ask
for I am an open book
once you enter you will be hooked
a page turner
as everything I write is to teach
so you can be my learner
and your ears I may reach.

From my mistakes
the truth I do take
and compile into verse
for this is my curse
a conduit of truth
a study in how to loose
everything and everyone
I have ever loved beneath the sun.

My walls of confidence have been breached
but at least too my heart was reached
for I can say I've loved and lived
every thought and feeling I now give
so you can read
but not heed
the life that I now live.

Why do you look at me with that grin?
Why do you smile like you know something?
There is an emptiness inside
a pain I cannot hide
a memory I can't displace
that's shown across my face.

Why does everything turn to ****?
You and me we fit
and yet you still can't see it.
All I ask for is a day
to take us far away
from all this bitterness and decay.

No more lies
no more betrayal
no more alibis
no more denial.
So once more we may prevail
and rise again
like a phoenix
or Jesus.

For I am Mars and you Venus
upon the stars as we lie
so beautiful upon the nights sky.
How can any man a love defy?
Or even define?
For I am yours and you are mine.

I could ask a million questions
and receive a million answers
yet I too would still be questing
for I cannot become the master.

Who is it that knows the mind of God?
that can tell the difference between dirt and mud?
for man's nature is curiosity
to try and explain all he can't see.

But it's only through the eyes of the wise
that there's nothing here to realise
there are no problems when there are no questions
just trust in your intuition
have faith in what he has provided
then you will no longer be divided.

For who am I to question him?
let there be no more questioning
with every solution comes a problem
another reason for you to rob them
of money, life and passion
so just let it be
so once again we can see
the real truth
which was revealed in our youth
there's no need to be asking
seeking and grasping
for we are all just passing  
it's life that's everlasting.

I will mourn for a thousand days
or until I run out of ways
to say
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I loved you
I'm sorry
I still do
I'm sorry
you're gone
I'm sorry
I was wrong
to hold on
can't you see
I was never that strong
not without love
and if I could travel
to the stars above
and beyond
just to tell you
I'm sorry
our bond
got torn in two
then I would
once again
I'm sorry
we're through.

I realise you no longer feel the same
in the things you say and do
and even though I know why
I still feel the pain
because my feelings are true
I just hold onto the hope that yours are too
that they are just buried
yet that doesn't stop me being worried
that I'm chasing an impossible dream
but if I don't hope
if I don't dream
then we become a memory
a faded picture of how we used to be.

I know you think I hold onto things
that I should just let them go
but some things are too special to just throw
some things you have to fight for
the way they were before
to keep open that door
to let you know you will always remain a part
of that thing they call the heart.

It makes me sad that you don't want to speak to me all the time
that you don't feel the need to ask if I'm doing fine
I guess we've always thought of things differently
which is why I now have so much difficulty
to accept the way things are
to let go of the past
that you don't want me as your own
that you're happy to just let me go
when I will do anything to fight for us
until my brain turns into mush
just to figure out a solution
instead I just seem to be a nuisance
a burden on your soul
because all I want is you.....

You will always be the first and last
person I think of every day
that even though I may not always those words say
I still feel it
I still want it
as its worth every iota of pain
just to hear you say my name
once more
like before
again.

I existed within shadows
that lined my temple halls
surrounded by meadows
divided by walls
in darkness was I
for though there were windows
I could not see the sky
as only my sin glowed
that lit my path
yet I kept my sanity
for I could laugh.

How can you measure morality?
without a ruler
for god commands gravity
and we are fools heirs
lost with our pride
at judgements table
there's no place to hide
no seat for the wicked
no rest for the able.

On his head was a thicket
a crown which was noble
our sins have been washed
our depravity showered
our pride now quashed
and yet empowered
as he does rise
and live again
with clarity's eyes
this poem I pen.

Recycled body parts
abandoned souls
and broken hearts
cracked skin
chipped teeth
dead within
filled with grief
tired eyes
deaf and dumb
tired of lies
bodies numb
unkempt hair
unwashed face
forgot to care
left to waste
scarred flesh
brittle bones
nothing left
but we moan
and beg
and drag
this sack around
we stretch
and pluck
and inject
till no resemblance is found
recycled organs
and reused hearts
we are more than
the sum of our parts.

Lost again in my head
need something to take off the edge
since I stopped taking my meds
a different distraction
a new way to get satisfaction
smile at me again
pretend you're more than just a friend
be my muse
so another path I can choose
one where I wasn't set to lose.

Be my guide dog
through my minds fog
my blind slog
up a perilous path
an endless graft
with no sight of summit
but if I don't fight I plummet
into a bottomless pit
so dimly lit
I can barely see
or hardly breathe
for I have paid the cost
now I'm completely lost.

You're just a hood cat
living on the street
shacked up with a ***** rat
but always lands on her feet.

You arch your back and extend your claws
when you see him with his filthy ******
somehow he's got you on a tight leash
despite his roaming and quick release.

You still have nine lives
but none involve me
you visited all the dives
as far as the eye can see.

Under your constant spell and bewitched
as you purr content and whiskers twitched
always bringing you saucers of cream
days spent cat napping, watching you dream.

Don't answer when called
never listen or schooled
no time for interaction
or love and satisfaction.

Easily led but not easy to follow
the words you said now seem so hollow
and yet my door is always open
to take you in when you are broken.

one hundred children out at play
one hundred names or so they say
one hundred church bells that rang
one hundred voices never sang
one hundred reasons as to why
one hundred planes soared in the sky
one hundred bombs dropped from above
one hundred bodies burst with love
one hundred more upon the ground
one hundred hearts were never found
one hundred people hid instead
one hundred living are still dead
one hundred souls quaked with fear
one hundred ears will not hear
i love you.

Where are my keys?
have you checked your pockets

Where are my glasses?
have you checked your head

Where is the love?*
have you checked your heart

Why did you set your standards so high?
I was born with wings but couldn't fly
You said to me "why didn't you try?"
I replied, "I did, but there's no sky"

And yet still I survived the fall
to respond to your mighty call
through the eyes of that child I see
release me father, set me free.

Why was I created in this world?
To be corrupted like a child?
When I was taught how its meant to be
come release me, set me free.

I tried to live my life by your crown
but the rain came and I started to drown
if this pain now is my fee
come release me, set me free.

I was washed away in this dark world
into the pit I was hurled
but I'm not like them can't you see
come release me, set me free.

My heart is pure but my flesh is weak
it is your pity that I seek
recall father when I sat at your knee
come release me, set me free.

So forgive me God if I was bad
I did not mean to make you sad
if you see this heartfelt plea
come release me, set me free.

Please take me now I've served my time
I suffered the pain without a crime
remember me father in memory
I am released, I am set free.

I've seen it you know
the real you
I've witnessed the glow
that shines through
like sunlight
past cracked curtains
so bright
but not so certain
like a wounded bird
held tightly by God's word
I've seen your heart beat
so fast beneath the sheets
the emotions that you hide
tears like oceans, blue inside.

I told you before
that it's what you don't say
when I learn more
how you really are
not another distant star
in the nights sky
but someone real
that makes me cry
I don't mind still climbing
or waiting
for my destination
your affection
because I've seen the light
at the end of the tunnel
and its pure white perfection
As long as I see that light within
things will be all-right and I can grin
for I no longer have to give in.

Even though you try to keep it hidden
you can't stop the light
to which I am smitten
as its in plain sight
and I have been stricken.
A moment in your company
is worth a million elsewhere
if only you were next to me
then I wouldn't have a care.
In some ways you already are
that even though you're so far away
your forever here to stay
in my heart.

You thought you reached the final stage
but I know there's at least another page
which is yet unwritten
call it a dream or vision
but I know
because I've seen the real you
the one that glows.

Just another fool
trying to act cool
another street punk
out to steal your junk
he flashes his blade
your fate has been made
plunges in the knife
and there goes your life
another widowed wife.

Hands soaked in blood
just misunderstood
no time to plead insanity
hoping for some humanity.

..and what does he get?
A life for a life?
A knife for a knife?
No!, thirty to life
but still out in five
on the streets to rule
back being the fool
to claim another life.

Celebrities are the new deities
we have more than the Hindus
that we watch through the windows
of our TVs
is this what we aspire to be?
- plastic dolls
that someone else controls?
for they have their own gods
- money rules
there will be no more floods
to wash away these fools.

Instead look through the other window
and watch the rainbow
that everlasting promise
from the real King
for if we are distracted by fake things
we forget it's his praises we should sing
his song doesn't reside in pop charts
but should remain number one in our hearts
so stop being swayed by reality stars
fake fame and fast cars
and look to the sky for the one that lasts.

I need not be loved
only to give it
it cannot be rushed
you have to live it
it is not jealous
or filled with pride
its not what you tell us
or what we confide
its not a concept of our mind
this could be the hardest lesson
for true love is blind.

It asks no questions
and needs no answers
Its not about feeling
its just about being
for every moment that we are existing
its only love that we're resisting
so let go of preconceived notions
you don't need any love potions
just allow your heart to radiate
for any time you hesitate
or live in hate
you deny your true calling
as its about faith
and not about falling.

True love is giving it all
as its unconditional
love isn't about holding on
it's about letting go
it's not about right or wrong
or what you know
it's not about what you receive
its about what you show
which is why I now must leave
so we can grow.

My twisted fantasies
wrapped in cotton candy
so sickly sweet
eyes closed
beneath the sheets
just you and me
tracing lines
inside your thighs
spirals out of control
edging closer
each playing our roles.

Him and her
her and him
lost in limbs
where mine end yours begin
skin on skin
sweat on sweat
our own special cocktail
something wet
love on the rocks
already cocked
as I start to dock
bed rocks.

Creating waves
waving away past misfortune
our bodies slaves
under the moon
May it never end
June would be too soon
watching your body bend
like a reed in the wind
how you roar like a lion
screams mistaken for those dying.

I'm not even trying
this is just the beginning
the sweat soaked linen
******* beneath us
caught in our lust
an innocent bystander
of him and her
her and him
of their sin.

I am just a voice,
a name you can't remember,
an easy choice,
to dismember,
my vital *****,
for I am nothing more than,
a crazed fan,
this unnamed man,
that sits and waits,
for some recognition,
filled with fear and hate,
at his position,
caught in lust,
what love was before,
has turned to rust,
nothing more,
a tainted chalice,
which I still drink from,
our empty palace,
that we built upon,
the ruins of a relationship,
the hands that loosen grip,
that held so tightly,
the soft words spoken nightly,
from my heart outpours,
for this lost cause,
not in action,
more like fiction,
a romantic novel,
buried with a shovel,
in my hearts coffin,
so all thats left is,
fear, failure and nothing.

I have collected up all your things
and filed away all our dreams
for seeing and thinking would be far too painful
yet to have known you I am eternally grateful.

We never really said goodbye
so the shoe box will remain
the same till the day I die
with an unbroken seal
and wounds that will never heal.

Pushed to the back of my closet
is where I leave the boxed deposit
just a collection of things gathering dust
a reflection of us and a love long lost.

If I can only do the same
with the memories in my brain
yet some things cannot be forgotten
so they too remain just rotting.

Just because we don't talk
doesn't mean I think of you less
now outlined in chalk
yet I still feel the need to impress
still wait for your reply
yes I want it to work
that's why I still try
even if I feel the hurt
and the pain
I endure it all
because I still feel the same
you can call me a fool
or any other name
just as long as you call
just as long as you remain.

I was told when you meet her you will know
it's true now I've felt your glow
I never want to let you go
and yet the more I draw you close
the more you pull away
that's what hurts the most
why won't you stay?

Like hourglass sand
trickling through the fingers of my hand
Wasted time that's past
for nothing in this life lasts
So lets hold onto what's special
as tomorrow could be celestial
let me be your lasting breath
or forever live in regret
as I watch your sunset.

Life is wasted on the youth
as only experience reveals the truth
that time only marches forward
so forget the moments that were awkward
forget all the stupid arguments
the silly little accidents
the thoughtless carelessness
because love is permanent.

Some call them the one
because they are comparable to no one
and yet one is singular
but love is all encompassing
from the moment it's begun
till there's no more sun.
Love transcends time and space
it forgets blame and disgrace
disregards gender or race.

Love is long suffering
for it endures all things
not just the good days
but also the bad
not only the praise
but also the sad
and so I still pray
no longer for me
but so you can see
that you can experience
loves warm glow
then you will be fearless
then you will know.

If you keep completely still
you may never connect
experience something real
or have some effect.

I try and keep my distance
from each and every one
but they still show persistence
still need me to have their fun.

I would rather sit alone
without companion by my side
still trying to atone
and still trying to hide.

Lost in my own world
my shattered dream
lying in a ball curled
only caring for my needs.

No grasp of reality
no universe of my own
still looking for some clarity
so I can say I've grown.

Search for me in the morning
search for me at night
search for me without warning
for I am out of sight.

Hidden in plain view
hidden from your eyes
look for me all anew
so I no longer have to hide.

I am a ghost writer
for my troubled past
I still try to hide her
though you still ask.

To pen a full confessional
to reveal every flaw
let me pretend to be the fool
stop asking me for more.

For I am the secret keeper
the holder of the key
even though you still seek her
she remains within me.

Fear is just a fabricated reality
an elaborate mentality
a construct of my insecurities
a way to make me ill at ease
fear is an oppression
an unwanted obsession
for most fear disappears
and their lives resume
but for me it adheres
and all but consumes.

Fear is an habitual disease
with no sign of quick release
a negative mindset
a constant blindness
no escape from darkness
which leads to panic
a strong urge to leave this planet
maybe only death holds the answers
I guess I will never know
unless I accept fears advances.

Fear is just a thought
which is learned
not taught
so I dare not think
or else turn to drink
to numb my brain
to ease the pain.
Now memories are erased
pictures have become hazed
yet my fear it still remains.

If I wrote you a letter
if I sang you a song
would you start to remember
where you belong.

The place you never left
not in memory
but within my chest
you're always with me.

So come back and listen
you can hear it beat
for you it's missing
it's song sheet.

For what use is beating
if your ears don't hear
anything else is cheating
everything else is fear.

Let me be your hummingbird
and you my butterfly
just listen to my words
before you die.

Remember all the miss you's
the smiles and the laughs
and not the misuse
of words that've been cast.

It's easy to say I love you
when someone says it first
or I love you too
as if somewhat rehearsed.

But I never heard you say
those three special words
yet even to this day
you will always be my first.

My first, my last, my everything
this is my love letter
the verses that I sing
how could I forget her...
Why would I?
die would i

My love flickers like a flame
as it dances in the breeze
it stands out in the rain
and refuses to leave.

My love is stubborn as a rock
it cannot be moved
it cannot be stopped
even though it's been used
just a single drop
can change the world
from being filled with hate
for it's my fuel
that does dictate
my every move
as my hearts been cast
it's lit the fuse
it burns so fast.

My love is a raging fire
that cannot be quenched
an angelic choir
it does not relent
destroying everything in it's path
for it's heaven sent
I know not of it's power
yet I feel it burn
I watch it devour
and try to learn
how to control the beast
that burns within
whilst it feasts
upon my sin.

How do you destroy passion?
how can you control the fire?
for my love is everlasting
my love does not tire.

I was told when you meet her you will know
it's true now I've felt your glow
I never want to let you go
and yet the more I draw you close
the more you pull away
that's what hurts the most
why won't you stay?

Like hourglass sand
trickling through the fingers of my hand
wasted time that's past
for nothing in this life lasts
so lets hold onto what's special
as tomorrow could be celestial
let me be your lasting breath
or forever live in regret
as I watch your sunset.

Life is wasted on the youth
as only experience reveals the truth
that time only marches forward
so forget the moments that were awkward
forget all the stupid arguments
the silly little accidents
the thoughtless carelessness
because love is permanent.

Some call them the one
because they are comparable to no one
and yet one is singular
but love is all encompassing
from the moment it's begun
till there's no more sun
Love transcends time and space
it forgets blame and disgrace
disregards gender or race.

Love is long suffering
for it endures all things
not just the good days
but also the bad
not only the praise
but also the sad
and so I still pray
no longer for me
but so you can see
that you can experience
loves warm glow
then you will be fearless
then you will know.

We are all grains of sand on a beach
but if we all stand hand in hand we can reach
perfection like glass.
For our affection is all anyone can ask
and if we freely give as well as receive
we all can live in love before we leave.

If you want my advice
follow your heart
and never think twice.
Never give away your love freely
nor hand over your heart so easily
remember it is fragile
so please take time and wait a while
as patience is a virtue
so hold out for the one
and let no one hurt you.

Never let anyone talk you into bed
wait for them to show it's real love
and not just sweet words being said
never let them beneath the sheets
nor waste precious tears on liars and cheats
Even though your heart may seem broken
it's a muscle and over time gets stronger
with every healing word that’s spoken.
Real friends are worth their weight in gold
as they will remain till the end
when you're grey and old.

Never let anyone make you feel inferior
nor cause you to question what's in the mirror
don't listen to their jealousy
for real beauty is more than you can see
it's what's found deep within
and not what's painted on the skin
as that deception fades with age
and all that's left will be an empty cage
where your heart used to rest
a hollow feeling in your chest
if you don't want to pay that price
then please follow my advice.

I keep pushing
I keep wishing
I keep praying
I keep staying strong
as this road called life is long.
Even though I may hit a few potholes
even though I've had a few shot goals
I must endure
I must keep my heart pure
I must settle the score
for this thing called life
it's war!

I see ghosts everywhere
but only when my eyes are closed
too long at them I do stare
for it's them I fear the most.

A lingering foreboding
a heightened sixth sense
my confidence eroding
these feelings so intense.

It's time to bury my ghosts
for them to haunt elsewhere
no longer will I be the host
no longer will they scare.

I will exorcise my demons
I will exorcise my fears
now I can start dreaming
no more nightmares.

If yesterday was once more
I would not be broke or so poor
but its through life's lessons that I've learned
money spent can always be earned
yet time that passes cannot be returned.

I told you once that I loved you
but now you're with someone else
even though my words are still true
I've put my heart back on the shelf.

I still think you're beautiful
but can't tell you that anymore
even though my world you still rule
I replay your response from before.

Never had the chance to hold you tight
yet I still said all will be ok
and now that you're out of sight
those words I still want to say.

For out of sight isn't out of mind
and out of love isn't out of heart
in the deepest place your name is signed
till the day that I depart.

Because I can no longer say it
I will write the truth
and one day you may read it
that I still love you.

What have we become?
The same thing that we despised
What happened to when we were young?
How can I now look you in the eyes?

What was right is now wrong
and what was white is now black
yet we still march on
because what we lost we can't get back.

For we exist within the grey area
lost somewhere in between
we've hit the invisible barrier
the place that's never seen.

I now embrace my imperfections
no longer chase the wind
no comfort or protection
for I know that I am sin.