Paranoia.
Explain it to me.
Help me understand the fear that lies within me.
Why I suddenly feel that my candle of life,
Is quickly burning away at both ends of the stick.

The fear, the fear.
It continues to grow.
From the seeds of paranoia that I personally sow.
Is it all in my head, or is the danger really there?
None the less, the uncertainty is what I cannot bear.

Every cigarette I've had.
Every time my throat aches.
There is no medication for regrets and mistakes.
Ignoring the warnings does not make them untrue.
Being ignorant can only lead to the downfall of you.

Diabetes or Cancer?
Malignant or Benign?
Everyone tells me that I'm, *probably fine.
But they don't understand that the battle inside,
Is convincing myself that it's all in my head.

It's nothing. It's nothing.
Miguel, you're okay.
These are the mantras that I repeat every day.
To myself in my head, or out loud when alone.
Hoping that one day my health will atone.

Please write with your hearts,

And your complicated minds.

Our words bring wonder.

As I sigh, I pat my pockets
And search for an old friend.
Seeking comfort and consolation
In someone I know all too well.

A pure white cigarette with a cotton filter.
I place it in my mouth and light the end.
A familiar greeting. A firm handshake.
Then we begin our conversation.

I take a long drag from my dear old friend.
He pats me on the back.
He tells me that I will be okay.
He gives me the strength that I lack.

Another long puff with a cough at the end.
Five minutes of my life that I'll never get back.
Five minutes of life taken from me,
In exchange for a glimmer of solace.

Holding my friend, I take a deep breath.
Inhaling the oxygen I need.
Then I fill my lungs with smoke.
As I feel the comfort slipping away.

My friend is gone; my friend is done.
I flick his remains away.
Although he is gone, he will soon return.
Helping my body decay.

My solace has disappeared.
I'm back to the way that I felt before.
My former feelings, now magnified.
Leaving me unsatisfied.

Desire* is the tinder.
The oxygen.
The fuel.

Inspiration is the spark.
Igniting the flame.
Starting a fire.

Determination is the burn.
The intensity of the heat.
Giving you purpose.

Success is the light that shines from the flame.
Shining bright in the darkness
Of a world that is cold.

The fire burns in the hearts of those who long to drink
From the spring of knowledge; From the fountain of joy.

But no matter how much you try to quench your thirst...

**This fire will continue to burn all the days of your life.