If I just let my mind wander
It brings a sense of peace in a time full of chaos
It is the end of the semester and big projects are becoming eminent
But here I am
Have not begun to start on them
Need rough drafts due next week but
Don’t know where to even start
If i ask for help will I be looked down on?
Probably not
But why is it so hard to ask for help
Is it because I’ve always had to be self-reliant?
At one point does someone learn to ask for help
The problem being I don’t even know what I need help with
Thoughts of ending life are at the back of my mind
But I have so much I can learn still
How do you quiet down the voices in your head
Maybe there is a reason that
I need to ask for help
How did I get here?
So far behind in everything feeling inadequate
Wondering if there is a place to rebuild myself
Would talking to a counselor help?
Honestly what can they do besides tell me to stop
Stop working so much
Focus on school
It’s not that easy
I need a living to survive
I need income to maintain
Maintain my bills
My accounts are all at zero
Zero how I feel about myself

We've our grievances
right
here in hand

Blood soaked envelopes
stamped
sweat and seal

They use empty truths
to pitch hate
as a promised land

They sell their answers
used, as is
to the fearing masses

And they do so
dirt cheap
dirt cheap

From a throne
of our skulls
and ancient
bones

.our ******* bones.

There is an old concept
A Wives' Tale some say
That in minds has been kept
And passed on to this day:

*The world has zero net
Each life has the same
Some luck in beginning
Some good in the end
Whether spread out thin
Or gathered at once
Each person holds within
A set amount of luck
For those who face hardships
Early on in their life
By the time that they're old
They'll be free from strife
And for those who live joyful
When they are still small
Will find that the end
Isn't pleasant at all
And for those with a tad
Bit more luck than the rest
Their life will be even
Awakening to rest
With small hardships spread out
From day one to the end
But ultimately we all
Have set amounts of good fortune
From birth until death
We each get our portion

You need no hardware
across the zero’s span.
Only software will do
to land you a full
360-degree run.

A little null punch
but gives you
a colossal rise.
Run around the null
the way to go is digital!

My chances became
equal to your frigid heart:
absolute zero.

Stuck.
Nothing.
Nada.
Zilch.
Zero.

(i'll tell you a truth if you come real close)

I've run out of ideas.
my mind does not work

From the Order. Logic. Brains.
The. Sanctuary. Of. Day. To. Day. Life.

to something that is all
asdfghjlmtrvscex;nszgxkla
and
idon'tevenknowhowi'mformingthis­sentencerightnow
itdoesn'tevenmakesense

In truth, this isn't really a poem.
Just the ramblings of a crazy girl

whosjustadmittedthetruth