”You need to learn how to love yourself
You keep stomping on yourself like you were a bug that freaked you out
You point your fingers at yourself
Seriously why would you do that to yourself, do you know how stupid it is?
Why do something others easily can do to you, why would you waste your time on that
You're never going to become of anything if you never let yourself grow
If you keep saying that you can't, you're again wrong
Because even flower seeds are strong enough to break the paved roads and bloom
Do you think they give up because it is difficult?
Yes, it is unfair that you happened to be planted under a thick pavement like those flowers were
but if you don't keep on trying you will never bloom”

confirmation,
is what i need,
just a hint,
**someones listening.

I can’t see the things you say.
You say that you care and that you love me,
but when I’m around you I feel useless ... worthless.
I have few things in this world that make my life worth living
and those are the things that you threaten to take away
that you threaten to get rid of.
I have cuts on my hips that you have never seen.
That you have never known about.
And when i look at them I see your name.
Oh, but don’t worry I see my father’s name as well.
They appear because it’s the only way I can feel
something other than worthless after speaking with you.
You don’t understand that when you yell
when you tell me I’m not even trying
that you ‘ll take away the only things that keep me alive
I feel horrible.
I feel worthless.
I feel like I don’t matter and that I never have.
You want me to be my sister…
you want me to be you,
but I can’t change who I am.
I am my own person and I guess that isn’t a good thing
at least not in this family.
You carried me for nine months
you gave birth to me.
you raised me.
But you shove me down and take my life away
because it doesn’t suit the way you want things.
The way you want me to be.
I’m sorry I have an opinion that’s not yours
and that I fight for what I believe and think
rather than submitting to your will.
I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you.
I’m sorry that you ever had a second daughter.
I’m sorry I’m here.
I’m sorry...

A water drop fallen down
to vast dark pools to drown

A dead brown leaf staying put
crumpled smashed underfoot

No wind to carry you away
stagnant broken here you'll stay

Blending in your world surrounds
passing by in leaps and bounds

Quivering shaking trembling not
overlooking your trivial lot

Blues so vibrant reds so pure
crying bleeding heart so sore

soul refusing brittle tempering
broken omitted needs remembering

tiny teardrop fallen down
vast dark oceans made to drown

Am I the only one who cares
about keeping in touch?
Am I the only one who dares
to wait without rush?

Why am I the only one who's hurt?
Is it because of the effort I exert?
Is it because I care deeply
when they were having fun freely?

I wait, I wait, and I wait.
I sacrifice time because it's worth it.
But you can't even stay for me
Am I not worth it?

With you, I want to be.
With them, you want to be.
So I ask again,
Am I not worth it?

Happiness with you, I desired
but now, I am sick, I am tired
I must find happiness on my own
I can only be happy alone.

Leave me by an impasive shore so that I may be tooken by the waves
Let my body drift on sorrowful waters as the sun meets my gaze
Burn my iris to where I no longer see no evil nor no good light
Cramp my bones so that they no longer have the urge to fight
Barge your sorrows into the tender house of my lungs
Replete me with depression and smite me with your tongues
Opening scars that bleed out in vain
Stress blocking my mind to thoughts inhumane
and beliefs I might actually give in to spreading myself thin        
But I don't and I float to the shore once again

i feel like pulling my hair out
saying that i wasn't what you expected...
you told me i caught your eye sitting alone in the lunch room
seeing my smile when my friends finally arrive
telling me that i'm gorgeous
acting like i was the only girl in the world for you
you made me believe you

why did i believe you?

a month later..
two days after giving me my first kiss
we hug
then as i'm about to walk away you tell me
"you weren't what i expected"

i should have seen it coming
i'm worthless...
lonely
desperate
you gave me a chance and i took it without thinking

i still have those sweet texts
"i can't believe such a beautiful girl is mine"
"you're the best girl in the world..."
so many sweet texts
i trusted you
you made me feel beautiful
you told me that was your goal
it worked...but you crushed it

you never thought of me as beautiful
i was just another girl
in the crowded hallways

what did you expect?

I wish to stop feeling like I am nothing
Because feeling like I am nothing
Only leads to doing nothing
Even where there is not nothing
To do
And feeling like I am nothing
Only causes everyone else
To view me as nothing
So maybe the only way to stop feeling like nothing
Is to become nothing