there i was
worried
about coming home
to an empty space
filled with two cats
and memories i can’t erase.

i made it home
i was benzo’d out.

i did the dishes
catching myself
from the ***** soap water
repeating the things
distract and relax
that's what the crazies said

here i am, in my head
saying it too
am i crazy
or am i just living dead

so i vacuum
and say it again
i can cope,
panic doesn’t ****

does this make me crazy
that i say these things
to keep me calm
to distract and relax
my mind knowing that
**i’m all alone

How am I going to save you?

See it's number one on my to-do list,
And that little box is begging to be checked.
And i'm crying and worrying and losing sleep just wondering,

How am I supposed to do this?

But every single effort I make is falling through
And I see those scratches and cuts and...
I know that I would die if I lost you.

You think your friend
Is in danger
One of the happiest
Cutest people ever
This person we know is on their Facebook
Dragging all this ******* out
Making it seem like something was wrong
When in the end it was just our mate
And said she was asleep
Why'd you drag that out so long
Making us worry
To find it's really nothing
**** sakes

Close your eyes, slam the door
Lay yourself down on the floor .
You Put your hands, right over your face,
Hoping, you'll get out of this place
Love to be sought, words to be spoken,
But it's kinda hard when your heart is broken.

I had long forgotten,
This nervous bumping,
Within my stomach of,
Butterfly wings brushing against,
Hearts, lungs, stomachs.
But he has brought it back,
With the fury of a hurricane,
Sudden, only slightly expected,
But never truly prepared.
Each message is now carefully typed,
Carefully prepared, time decided upon,
Each phone call spent nervously,
Picking at my cuticles until the bleed,
My heart is beating out of my chest,
Every time my phone buzzes.
I forgot for so long,
This giddy revelation,
Of fresh emotions and nervous,
Banter across states.
But, God, oh God,
Am I glad he's brought it back.

My shadows unite
As he remains out of sight
The night he walked home alone

My heart tosses and turns
For his safety I yearn
The night he walked home alone

For reasons unknown
His strength he has shown
The night he walked home alone

He is stronger than I
As I await his reply
The night he walked home alone

I wait for the phone
To signal he's arrived home
The night he walked home alone