Crossed between choices, paths, decisions,
This isn't the life I thought out, not the one I envisioned.
Remember we were five? They asked what we wanted to be, I said an athlete or an astronaut when I should've said free.
The days that remain can be counted on a couple hands,
Time to change my stars, make my art, and discover my Rembrandt.

Is it me ? Am I the problem?
Do I even make you smile?
Do I even give you happiness ?
Am I the one that pops in your head when you sleep or wake up?
Am I the one your waiting for when your day goes by?
do you miss me when you don't hear from me?
Do you think it's me when your phone rings?
Do you love me like I think you do?



All these questions and always worried if I really am the one or just a stepping stone to reach higher places?

I want to know what I can do
It doesnt feel like my time here is blending in me
I want to sleep, but I can shake my feet off the ground
I'm lost
(it becomes my soul)

Drawn into a world of hurt
I build a castle around this mind
It falls like petals
(it becomes my eyes)

Im drawn into wine and pouring
suddenly Im pouring everything
Nothing is left
(it becomes my bones)

Fickle at dawn fleeting at dusk
nothing stays
everything will vanish, but you didnt know
(it becomes my mind)

Believing inst a dream I could want
Loving is to far from this grain
Pushing into laces vases
(it becomes my ideas)

Unbalanced mind is a stretch of hate
(Im becoming my monster)

In the darkness of night, or by the light of day
Waiting for hours with nothing to say
When wonder turns worry and knowledge to doubt
The truth becomes lies and silence to shout
The louder the cry the more muffled the plea
Lost miles away from where we should be
Open and honest and ugly and raw
Without wasting time with the hem and the haw
Memories fight oversights hidden by masks
Begging a thought is a torturous task
Still waiting for a hint or a clue or a sign
That the strength of a heart beats the power of mind

I might be dying.
I don't know yet.
The doctors are still deciding
if I will meet Death.

I can feel
all the weird thumps.
I just don't know...
I'm in a slump.

The doctors have done the tests,
but no one knows yet.
Am I the subject of a pest,
or a huge destructive mess?

You're not responding to anyone,
and the last trace of you
was four days ago.

Everyone's so worried
that you might be dead
but we hope you're not.

Why won't you respond?
Was it something I said?
Or are you just too sick to press send?

We need to know,
my friend.
Please tell us that you're not dead.

Where are you?
What can even be said?
Where have you been for the last week and a half?

i never told you
you make me smile
beneath my blanket
when you're away
and make my phone ring

but after the conversation
i look for the black paint
and pass it over your words
can't tell why you sound so dim
in the court of my insecurities

i needed to understand
a side of me
you helped me explore
made me explode

your hand upon me
midnight hour
was a promise well spelt
a language self taught

i am one of your choices & i fear when you leave this roof...the world may steal your choices and leave me broken..tearing down my understanding of peace...

In your bones, in your muscles
twitching restlessness.
That foul pit in your stomach
(oh God I'm gonna puke)
and your lungs can't keep up
and your mind races
races
races
And the real kicker
is that there's nothing
that you can do.
*nothing.