I'm somewhere between heartache and agony,
Where your soul feels it's being crushed mercilessly
Yet, a raging anger
Burning its way through my body and melting my brain
Singing my insides;
Unable to think rationally

Trying to ignore you is like trying not to breathe
I can't help but look at your face,
And to tell myself this isn't real


10/30/19

I feel as though I’m just ‘here’
No reason, no mission.
I feel empty and alone,
I feel robbed and broken.
Like there is nothing left,
As cliche as that sounds it’s most fitting.
I feel as though I have no drive or motivation left in me.
I’ve turned into a dull, boring, lifeless being.

Never would I have imagined I’d be able to crumble so easy.
Never did I think I was so weak.
Never did I think I would allow a single entity to hold so much of my happiness.

That is mine. Not theirs.

Never did I think I’d be so dependable on someone.
Never would I imagine I’d be betrayed like that.

a long time ago,
my friend killed himself
because all of his friends were too far away.
I saw suicide as weak
cowardly
and selfish.
I'm a hypocrite,
and I also understand his reasoning.
because my friends are too far away too.
distance does not always strengthen the heart, does it,
my lost and gone friend?

I drink sweet tea
To cover up all of the
B i t t e r n e s s
In me

I'm trying my best,
I'm working when I just want to rest.

It ***** when you find out the best thing for you,
It's not something you want to do.

I've had to let go of some really important friends,
It made me realize that all good stuff ends.

I stood on the bridge
Head dangling over the side
With dark waters below

I thought hard

So hard that my head started to spin
So hard that I couldn't breathe

And then I did nothing

I could have taken the plunge
All it would have took is a little step
A small push

But I didn't

I don't know if it was fear or willpower
That made me walk away

And somewhere in the back of my head
It felt like cowardice

I thought it was going to end

But tonight, I survived