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Isa Jun 15
"Unfortunately, honey, the sunflowers still face the sun
and the rivers run toward the oceans.
Our neighbors do grow old,
and the clouds still make rain.
City lights pollute our sky's natural beauty
while we pollute our hearts in the same darkness.
So, you know, we stay pessimistic in a world that is quickly dying,
and we don't recognize things until they've disappeared.
We don't love enough for what little life we're given,
and we leave a scar once we're gone.

So, we must remember that the optimistic sun is made for the flowers,
and the rivers and ocean are but the same water.
Our neighbors see us grow too,
and the same clouds make rain for those sunflowers
just as we are made for each other.
To see each other and touch their hearts, too.
The hearts that fill up the dark.
The city will light our way home,
and the sky has stars in the dark.

It can go two ways, you see.
Do not forget the other side,
what we cannot see,
what we forget.
We are victims of this,
but the world is your oyster.
And your mind it is what you make it."
things i wish i didn't end up having to tell myself instead
Isa May 13
will my day change if the moon is out at 11:37 in the morning
and the sun at 1:02 at night?

will my feelings change with the wind or the waves?
the comparison is the same, and my feelings do not change
Isa May 13
I reek of abhorrence
and I taste like the comets in hell I've sent for you.

my skin is like sandpaper
as you scratch it to climb up from the ladder at the bottom.

I see your face filled with terror
and I hear the flames lick your feet as you slip
and farther down.
I smile like god
Isa May 13
anger is felt in the stomach
the core of our bodies.

it eats your heart
and feeds your body fire.

our rose colored world becomes red hot
and we see flames atop our enemies heads.

our words bite off heads
and cut through spears,
we seethe with danger.

we feel ultimate control
and power.
power to tear down the others.
power to eat them alive.
power to destroy the sun,
and become it with our burning heart
that turned to ash when we forgot our human innocence,
that we gave up to let out anger drive us.

forget not that the control and power
is an illusion.
a lie to keep yourself in check
when you're the most insecure person in the room.
let your anger humble you.

anger is felt in the core,
but is driven by the soul
and stems from betrayal.
anger is the emotion I struggle with most
Isa Jun 2020
what's it like to have a gun to your head?
the feeling of the cold barrel pushed up against your hair,
knowing that inside that barrel is a future that rides the line you didn't always think you'd walk.
the wideness of that barrel, you can feel it's exact measurements on your skull.
the gaping hole in the center of the tube, that weightless piece against you,
but only physically weightless.
the heaviness of the weapon becomes
as heavy as your heart.

is it the part of the power in the trigger against your hand?
or is it the knowledge of the chemistry inside that gun,
that's pushing against your hand,
like your palm and finger with that gun have a newfound power?
is it a horrifying power?
is it peaceful?
is it aggressive?
is it as quick as your instincts?
the flip of the coin,
as quick as your mind changes?
is it as exhilarating as you wanted?
or as deadly as you thought?
is the weight of the bullets as much as the potential you have,
that you so easily dispose of?
so easily reject?

which is it, Isa?
it's not worth it.
Isa May 2020
a long time ago,
my friend killed himself
because all of his friends were too far away.
I saw suicide as weak
and selfish.
I'm a hypocrite,
and I also understand his reasoning.
because my friends are too far away too.
distance does not always strengthen the heart, does it,
my lost and gone friend?
venting is good for the soul
Isa Apr 2020
i can't say i'm going to be sad for you to get another girl
since i'm the one who pushed you away.
i can't be frustrated when i'm rooting for you
but i also want you to want me
when we both know you can't have me.
i just want to be wanted,
and you want me the most
right now.
I honestly hate myself and you
so ******* much
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