i forget how to feel
i used to feel so much
it was beautiful

i trembled with pure anxiety when i dreamt of the future,
now i am empty

whether it was about my future career, love, or just the vast universe itself, i always felt present and in the moment,
now i am empty

i cannot connect
i can't feel that spark in everything that i once had
this was my rock that kept me grounded, stopping me from flying away into orbit

i thought i finally put to rest my own creation that haunts me
but yet, it still lives through me, every day now

this creature is a parasite
it has been with me for as long as i can remember,
stealing my emotions,
still, i am empty

i used to be a rainbow in a world of gray and now i feel like the gray in the world of color
teach me how to mend myself together again to be able to feel anything at all
even if its pain,
sadness,
jealousy,
i just want to feel something

Each time I clean the bathroom
A little bit more
Of his DNA
Is scrubbed away
How many dead skin cells
And strands of hair
Sprinkled from my bedroom to the front door
A veil of history
You and me
Decay in matrimony
There is a guitar case sleeping
Under my bed
Hidden from view
It is a dream catcher
It gives me you
And waking up
Is a nightmare

A lizard's tail,
dew in the night.
Ambrosia from the gods.
A drop of a
mermaid's tear.

This is Floccus Magni.

Shadows of the dead,
harrows of the living.
Joys of the darkness,
terrors of the light.

Let's entangle ourselves in lace.
While you leave trails of swelling bliss.
When all seems lost, it can be found.
I'm crazy because of the dead silence.

We all have little magics.
Maybe you can lick your elbow
Maybe you’ve never broken a bone
Maybe you can tie a perfect bow
Maybe you’ve never cracked your phone
We all have little magics.
Maybe you have thousands of rocks
Or you manage to collect buttons instead
Maybe you take care of 7 or more dogs
Or look good with no hair on your head

Because we all have little magics
Our own unique bag of tricks
Used to secure our own humanity
Our own unique way of defying gravity.

One day
I was asked by someone
How I was so unique
And perfect
And "me".
Well I thought
You curse yourself in your sleep
For every little mistake you make
And trace the imperfections on your skin
To make soothe the perfectness of my flaws
Then you copy my moves
From the way I swing my hands when I walk
To the little noises I make
And the way I laugh falsely
After that
Mirror my hair
My dark clothes
The mask that hides my face
From people who can slither their way in
To the cracks and splits in my disguise
So they can find out my insecurities
Mimic my abilities
My hobbies
The people I trust
But you never know
Being a copycat doesn't get you anything
So one day
I was asked
How I was so unique
And perfect
And "me".
Well I said
You can't, you don't, and you won't
Because you were born to be an original
You were born to love what you love
You were born to do what you do
You were born to look how you look
Even if you don't like it
Just like I still can't like my flaws and perfections
You should love yourself
You must love yourself
You can love yourself
No matter where
Who
What
When
You are
Because that is the story
Of how to be you.

you're not pretty
like all of these other girls that you see
on the tv and in magazines
but who you are
is so unique
more than those other girls
could ever hope to be

I'm not one to dwell and I'm not one to build while I'm still trying to repair
I'm not here to try anything funny
Just simple
If that's hard to understand well sorry
Small talks are no longer an interest
I rather get to know you then weasel my way around
have an actual conversation an exchange of noise isn't much to go off of
tell me something
let me see the real you
because I'd like more than just a lovely view.
Call me odd if you will
one thing is for certain
My words can paint a lovely picture
a self portrait
one which people might say my looks could
****..

Darker
Surrounded by light
You are darker
Follow the peace
But you are darker
Standing out
Knowing own grounds
You are special
Different and new