i forget how to feel
i used to feel so much
it was beautiful

i trembled with pure anxiety when i dreamt of the future,
now i am empty

whether it was about my future career, love, or just the vast universe itself, i always felt present and in the moment,
now i am empty

i cannot connect
i can't feel that spark in everything that i once had
this was my rock that kept me grounded, stopping me from flying away into orbit

i thought i finally put to rest my own creation that haunts me
but yet, it still lives through me, every day now

this creature is a parasite
it has been with me for as long as i can remember,
stealing my emotions,
still, i am empty

i used to be a rainbow in a world of gray and now i feel like the gray in the world of color
teach me how to mend myself together again to be able to feel anything at all
even if its pain,
sadness,
jealousy,
i just want to feel something

It's a funny thing
because of you
I have learned to love
not only myself but
also all the others
day by day I look at you
with a sincere smile
on my face because of;
your sense of humor
the way your eyes look
like stars expanding
in the night time sky
the dozens of flowers
sporadically sprouting up
on your chest
dancing like
the little children
that we will one day have
the way your skin
reminds me daily
of the sparkling sun
the way your teeth
resemble shiny diamonds.
because of you I learned
the purpose of life;
looking at the world
with a positive outlook
towards everything
that used to frighten me
                   -jrc.-
                     9:20pm                    
                    2/23/16

I feel suffocated
Not by a substance in the air
But as if there are people everywhere
Telling me how to act
What to do
How to feel
It's like a nightmare
One of the types that consist
Of your fear running after you
And no matter how hard you try
You just can't get away
When you keep moving your legs
As fast as you can
But you get no where
When you wake up your legs
Are tangled in the sheets
And your sweat is dripping
Everywhere your eyes can see
It's beyond control
but you just have to close your eyes
And hope to some god
That it won't happen again
But when that's how you feel
You can't just close your eyes
Because it's your reality
And you can't run
from the future
that one day awaits
•6/25/16• jrc
4:24AM