Lost my voice,
Lost the will to fight.
So uninspired.

Congested with the pain that surrounds me,
Smiling just to hold back the tears.
Those fistful of tears.

I want to scream until my lungs compress,
But I grit my teeth and I swallow that scream.
It's so  hard to physically show emotion.

I am forefronted on the balance
Of loneliness
& hope
It's too bright to know where I am
& too dark
to see where I'm going
So I'm cruising along
Doing my thing
Acting a fool
I didn't seem to have much interest
in anything
And it vaguely marred my visage
Not understanding how
Being in another part of the world
It changes you
I don't remember
the exact moment everything changed
I just know that it did
One moment, I was impenetrable
The next
my heart was beating outside my chest
Exposed to the elements
I am a child trapped in a man's body
And it's so bright outside
But too dark for me to see anything
That matters.

I sit and wait for the moment to come
for the spark to pull me from the bottom
of this slump I often find myself in
where I can't find any inspiration

So desperate to create something better than good
hindered by words like "I wish that I could"
my admiration of others turns into self doubt
and I wonder what my whole life is about

I sit and wait for the moment to come
anxiety builds from the comparisons
of myself to others that excel in their craft
and my mind remains blank and time remains fast.

I have lost my words
Which I turn to for repose and release
They have disappeared and transformed
Into slurred speeches and mismatched colors
My fingers, they search for comfort
Lacing each other in confusion

I cannot find the words I am looking for
My thoughts have remained quiet for too long
What I thought was a spectrum I could rely on
Is as bland and dull as the skin I have worn

My eyes are a perception of lies
Only visualizing in black and white
My mouth a conception of verbal conundrum
Confusing and replacing words
Once so facilely found

I am born into a world
I'm not even sure I can call my own
I do not know where I am from
I cannot find the words I wish for anymore

n.j.



https://perennialink.wordpress.com/2015/11/06/unpoetic/

Have you not noticed
that she changes daily?
That her words and mannerisms
Simply aren't the same?

Can you not see
That from the way she stands
It is not part of her usual
Flirtatious, provocative ways?

She used to stand tall
And walk with a confident stride
But that has been taken
Viciously, so viciously, away

She now slouches
Unable to breathe a breath
as strong as before
Waiting for the night to fall

Each day she wonders
'When will it come?' For she wishes
that her punctuation today
Will not be a full stop.

She lingers on the commas,
On the moments to break.
She wanders nearer the page edge
In hope to not reach the dreaded mark.

But she will stumble upon it
And much to her surprise
It will not be the end
For her story's only just begun.

Words do not impress
Weaved web of heavy thoughts
Intertwined with feelings of moments
Trapped in time.

When poetry, tender love
Shattered the seal of darkness on my heart.
Only falling empty on now deaf ears.

Rotting in the pit of my stomach
The sonnet of souls attempting to reach me
Eroding, like the poison of this forked tongue.
Slaying the beauty of life.
I retreat to blank pages.
Uninspired, how I bore of you.

Look how famous I am!
Extray! Read all about it!