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A Feb 9
I seem to loose the essence of what all of this is about.
it before gave me a way to express what I desperately wanted to shout,
or maybe this is just a common case of a poet's drought?
I can never be certain.
I am my own worst critic,
could you say that  I'm harsh or bad at doing my job?
is my self loathing so blinding that I have to look no further for the reason of lost essence?
I don't know what to think anymore
should I quit?
or should I try to live through this tiring phase?
I'm not one for holding on to hope for too long,
and neither am I one to pray.
i dont even know anymore. should i quit poetry?
Devin Lawrence Dec 2015
"You are one in a million."
                                            - Then you realize
                                               that means there must be
                                               THOUSANDS
Just.
                               Like.
                                                           ­          You.

So you worry,
You fret,
You wonder
What it takes to
stand                                                         ­                                                 apart.
Youtrythi­ngsyouwouldnototherwise.
U do thingz you can never 4get;

                                                          ­                           All just to be
                                                              ­                                              original.

You write and profess
about matters you hardly understand.

You torture yourself
to
s            t              r             e              t                c                      h
your limits.

You educate yourself
So to think
Like no one el$e ha$.

You adopt strange habits
In fluctuating,
                                                    ­                                        foreign
                 ­                         accommodations.
Then you
                                  r                  m       ­                                  e
                                               u                             l
                          c                                    ­       b
when it all
                   slips...
                                            
           ­                                                                 ­        You almost feel
                                                            ­                                 Original.


                                                     ­                       ...away...        


You change your name,
Take on a new identity-
One like they've never seen.
Bleach your personality
And sulk behind lifeless, purple hair-
Garishly placed among a black and white world-
While inhaling toxic fantasies
That suffocate-
No, wait, perhaps they liberate-
Those things that make you feel
alive
and unique.

                                                        ­                                 You are the Original.

You are unlike any force ever know. You are the thunder's roar and the wolf's howl.
But you can't shake this ominous feeling:

                                         *You've become unoriginal
This is why I hand-write my works first....
Wyatt Apr 2016
So, I tend to write a lot...at least when some words pop in my head or I get some inspiration. I get some form of enjoyment out of it and I like it even more when people read and comment nice things (like about anyone else does), but sometimes all of this to me seems very artificial, arbitrary and quite pointless. It feels at times like I'm not doing it all for the right reasons. I read some of my poetry and I can't help but feel sometimes that it perfectly fits the poetry stereotype that's generally used to get sympathy, responses, and even some pity. It's usually depressing, overdramatic, it rhymes a lot and it uses fancy words to get across a usually repetitive and predictable point...sometimes having to do with love or a breakup.

I've constantly gotten to the point where I get to thinking...who actually cares about what I'm doing or how I'm feeling? It all feels like some type of online etiquette, like it's not really real. Like it's all done just to be nice or to get people to return the favor because you took the time to comment on their stuff so they feel obligated now. It's a lot like social media in a way. I enjoy social media, but I also see so many flaws in it and much MUCH stupidity with it. We flock to stupidity like this because it's marketed specifically to us and about everything in the world revolves around the internet. Any interest you might have is 99.99% guaranteed to be on the internet, so why pursue those interests if you can watch someone else do it to get a similar kind of cheap satisfaction without putting in any of the effort to achieve it? Mind you the satisfaction never lasts and you end up binge watching videos online of your favorite hobby so that the little rush you get won't go away. You trick yourself into being happy with just watching something, but in reality you're only watching this stuff to cover the fact that you can't do it and that you have nothing better to do in your own life (or choose to give a significant portion of your life watching someone online live theirs for one reason or another). Either your hobby costs a lot of money, you're too lazy to put in the effort to get good at it, or you just don't want to do it yourself. You'd rather watch someone else do it all. You'd rather watch someone else who lives a much more fulfilling life. You might even pretend that you're in their shoes and it's all happening to you. I know I'm guilty of doing that. Watching a live performance of your favorite band and pretending that you're the lead singer and the whole crowd is going crazy about you? I'm sure it's more of a passing thought than most people think. That's the thing, we as a people care way too much about what everyone else thinks. You see all that massive attention and you get your hopes up for something similar, but when you realize that not everybody's going to be the next superstar and have the super talents...well, you get down about it. Then you watch some more videos to cheer you up because you don't know what to do with your own life accept go get a 9-5 job. Not saying that that type of job is a bad thing, but it's far from the glamorous job. It's average...which again is fine, but the world of the internet has shoved in our faces the idea of a life that's so bright, colorful and perfect that the normal everyday life looks inconsistent and non-comparable. You literally feel obsolete.

Way too much power has been put into the internet and rather than have much control on what you view, it's all plastered on your news feeds and in your search engine results. Stupid trends are created all the time on the internet and all your self-worth gets measured by how many likes, retweets, views and overall just attention you get from other people online because most likely you don't get enough of it in real life. Of course I'm not passing any judgement on you or attempting to insult you in any way when I say all of this, because I'm guilty of it too. We as humans are guilty of living lives like this...especially this generation that was born into it. I'm far from being the first person to ever say this, actually I see it being said a lot these days. It's quite ironic because these anti-internet campaigns are posted...on the internet and then it becomes some trend everyone's sharing to feel all high and mighty about themselves like they're in the know. Really though, we know what's being said, but we obliviously ignore everything we were just told because this way of life is much more convenient and it can pass the time in our boring lives. It's a interesting little change of pace, and then it's back to YouTube all day. Not everybody's going to be a superstar, so the "nobodies" glue their eyes to the people they look up to and admire because they achieved everything they couldn't.

Just look at all the corporate companies out there using social media and the internet in general to promote their agendas and provide their products to people who don't know any better. Being the next big thing guarantees that you can control a large flock of people who are solely following you because you're such a big deal online. Getting a catchy hashtag going viral for the masses, dumbing down content so it can be understood by people easier, mass producing...it's all not done for the viewer, it's done to make the viewer happy so they'll consume more of their material. In short, it's done to milk as much money as possible from the largest stage in the world and be set for life. That's why most people do what they do, for the fame and not for the joy of doing it. That's why nothing seems to have much life to it anymore, because a lot of it's become lifeless money-making operations. That's why you see so many famous people end up feeling depressed and suicidal in the end anyways, because soon enough you get used to the large crowds and the high that you get from it all fades out. It has less of an effect and you start to lose your meaning of life because the only thing that gave you any purpose so far all slowly seems to become routine and not special anymore.

Relying on the internet for your satisfaction in life seems to only take up time from your own physical life so you can get cheap satisfaction from other's lives. It leaves you still feeling empty and not accomplished at the end of the day and in general you just feel like another person of the masses. You lose your sense of self because so many people follow the trends in looks, in personality and in tastes so they can be popular and receive positive attention. All you have to give up in return is anything that actually made you feel happy because you enjoyed it, not anyone else. It's become more about other people and not about what you think about it. If you dislike the current trend, you're labeled as the outcast and you automatically don't fit in. Therefore, you're alone in life or pretty close to it. Living life this way in general just seems so awful and destructive to our potential because we as human beings can't put any emphasis on what's actually important in life. Glamorizing big stars because the news tells you to, changing who you are to fit the mold and living a life that doesn't feel like it's yours...it all doesn't sound too great, but it's pretty easy...so why not? That's the mentality out there and I feel those people don't see the big picture.

That's why we do it all...just so we can feel good without doing it ourselves...and that's why we're in a generation that's incredibly confused, immature and does not have any important priorities of their own because all their effort and time is given to the stars. It's real sad to see, but I've noticed that over the years that I feel less and less connected with this strangely connected world, because we abuse the technology and use it for all the wrong reasons. I feel apathetic to living life and the meaning of true happiness, because a lot of those things can be discredited and labeled as subjective even though most people know that there's a general quality of life everyone should go and live by. The internet the way it is now has now become a thing, it will continue being a thing...and as long as humanity is in charge of this planet, it will probably never will change. So is a life controlled by humanity really dull and pointless when you take a step back and look at it all? It really does seem like it.
Captain Trips Apr 2015
...centipedes underneath big rocks in the dirt.
...worms on the pavement in the rain.
...rotting roadkill you drove over today.
...maggots writhing inside of dead brains.
...rainbows in great puddles of oil.
...fakest person you'll ever ******* meet.
...weeds and crabgrass polluting the soil.
...reason I hate humanity.
...nightmares preventing your sleep.
...dreams making your knees weak.
...scab you can't stop picking.
...ulcer you can't stop licking.
...spider in the bathroom sink.
...shakes you get if you don't drink.
...doubt whispering inside your mind.
...lies you've been fed all your life.
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