~
Ever had that point in your life where
you wished you could just press
a button and restart your whole
life?

Never losing any of the knowledge
that you have now?
It seems like I'm having more and
more of those days...

I try my best to walk on the path
of light, but I can't help but turn
and feel the shadows crawling
behind me

How they yearn to sharpen their
blades with their poisoned whispers
and seek my neck to slit my throat
The memories of my 'childhood'
coming back to bite and drag me
down to my death
I only wish to build for my future,
to move on,
begin anew,
to rise about the turmoil that burns
in me

For the man I hate most in this world...
Even now, I'm not sure that I fully
understand the past
I have so many questions, still
But I guess I will never truly understand
it, not as I am now anyway...
But it's better to understand than me
seeking to solve it

I can't change my past
I can't delete my mistakes
I'm still at war, fighting off my insecurities
my self-loathing
my depression
my anxieties
my shame
my anger

As scared as I am, my hand
is on the handle that leads
to my Hall of Hope
Small, it may be, but hope
is something that is hard to ****
once it has taken root

The key, stability, is there beyond
my gaze
My future is the only thing I have
There's nothing left for me in the past,
nothing but pain and a black-hole
of emotion
So I humbly ask you...

Help me to overcome and experience
my best life that hides behind my fears
I won't let anyone jeopardise what could
be for me, for the sake of jealousy or even
impulse

I can't be a tree that never bears fruit...
For risks are apart of life
So I will follow you,
with my heart praying for salvation
From the smoke from the past,
you present me my mirror
even if it's something I do not wish
to see

My past, I will make peace with
but I will create my bright future
~

-
The quill...
My weapon of choice,
my inner seed that gives
life to my inner fire,
all of my turmoils
is also, at times,
the root of my
misery.
-

Just another lonely bright Dazzled night in the diamond city of the land of gold.
The seasons change feels like a lamentation the autumn wind has never been so cold.

Sigh

Thought these metro lights blinding but I still see your name next to the moon in the stars.
The city's fluxed and curved silhouette,
Spectacular. happy to look, haven't seen you on these streets without occasion like a vintage car.

Sigh

I wonder, Were we moving too fast was it the pressure?
our chemistry had me at my triple point; fluid at times, solid for a minute but heated when we're livid. Aroma like therapy that's why I'm with Mary more, now that you're not near me.

Inhale

Used to be nothing but a product of jozi. a chubby hot boy plus everybody knows me. Well only my role, never my name Ilie man all ways had dat more fiha that's  what I was told. Not innocent but I have a bright soul.

Sigh

It was easier when I was apathetic, I could fake smile, greet enemies like "sho, Fede". the me of yesteryear would snark at my weakness now, but my sight has changed lately.

Inhale

Realize the higher I go the more balance I need, yes, these changes involve you but they are all on me.