Why do I strive to impress you when I do not know you?
What is it about you?
What is it about me?
My mind is plagued only with thoughts of you - not of you, but your acceptance
Hours I waste, gazing upon your past.
What is it I see now that I was unable to see in the darkness?
What I once mocked and ridiculed I now yearn for
feverishly.
You are not the first and you will not be the last.
Eros why do you visit me unwelcome?
Why do you stay?
I long for your eyes upon my body
Your pathetic praise awakens me,
disgusts me;
you draw out in me what I do not want to see.
The ugly truth.

Because
With me, I walk blindly forward as my mess is overturned behind me as I sulken dream. To turn round eventually I find all that’s been done, with me left to tidy - to replenish and erase the mess that has already *******, spread rapidly into every corner of my insides. The lights go off when it burns off and the ashes tend to tell of time wasted of thirst and sense of waiting for his return.
I’m then diving into the spiral of aftermath that leaves itself to solve without answers. Heart stretches further and further away from its halves to avoid being engulfed by incoming wave which floods of knowing I would never have you.

And now
the pen I resist from daggering into my wrist so it’s ink can bleed into my insides with mellow wordly turmoil.

- See though, alone I thought I was safe. But those words that dropped out her mouth so unimpeachably illustrated you breaking into me. At that very moment. And unleashing the demons from their cage. I think I feel them gnawing now.

you ***** it in so easily,
it's always been there - holding on by its last edge.
but you twist it in further and further.
until its impaled,
because now it seems you've broke through already
as its slowly piercing, infecting;
invading my every layer of sense.

so you're chirping away at me,
so ghostly
because your presence lacks.
but see, you're ruthless
with that cradled hammer
that you clutch in your left
as your right mangles in empty air.
you're pounding it,
down into my skull.

tell me, because I don't know
when your hand will stop its manic.
and I don't know how much,
you desire to poison me.

see, I don't even know
if you watch the way in which you
compose your hands to ravage
deeper and deeper
into this head of mine.

Yo sentí el calor del cuerpo
Sentí en mis brazos mi sufrimiento
No me quise seguir mintiendo
Sabiendo la verdad.

La lluvia se cae como gotas de lagrimas
Queriendo lavarme me de mi desesperación.
Yo busco un recipiente para guardar
Todo el rocío y neblina que aun me falta.

La lluvia se cae queriendo hacerme ahogar
De emociones rebosante,
Arrastrándome por el fondo del mar
Sufocando me con mi depression

Quitándome la vista del coral.
El arroyo me abrazan estrechamente
Llevándome al abismo del mar
Y como la luz pronto te olvidare.

La lluvia me llevara de este cruel mundo
Pero escapa de mi entre mis dedos.
Besos en forma de gotas diciendo me despedidas
Recordando me que pedazos de mi hay en el corriente.

En la oscuridad vi que un color brillaba
Lejos de mi, por la superficie del mar.
Pero cuando lo quise alcanzar
Destrozo en fragmentos de cristal.

Miles de piedras preciosas estrellados en el mar
Desarrollándose sin dueño y yo su cruel mujer.
Yo hundiendo contrar la presión
Pecados y virtudes de vidas pasadas.

Memories que quiebran y cambian de forma
Son las únicas cosas que me conectan a esta lugar.



© Sofia Villagrana 2018

The thirsty throat of my thought never lets me think
It swallows up each idea into the dead mass of depression
Selecting what joys to **** dry each day
Headaches and hangovers help me forget my forgetfulness
The remiss panic attacks assist my fugue state
Then my own failure and impending irrelevance does me the honor
Of piercing the center of my skull like a rhino's horn
Grateful I feed it my fears and futilely fake freedom for my family
They can’t know, they have problems I know, I wont let it show,
Friends, whether fake or “for real” worry for me,
Disgraceful
Im not some sappy sonofabitch looking for sorrow
Just wake me when I’m already late and disappointing you tomorrow

I can no longer hide
My soul ignited

once disparaged
I long to share it

The chills in my spine put into words

Lips on skin
Eyes filled with sin

What is this sensation

I drip colors you cannot see

Heightening my passion
Enhancing my touch

Raw emotion channeled as such

My desire aches
The color of flush
My cage breaks
Expressions of lust

I do not fear it
I can hear you blush

My favorite sound

Our souls combust