I try and I try
To prove I'm more than
Numbers and letters on a computer screen
But so far
I'm still a small fry
Still, I'm not a fan
Of those numbers and letters and their sickening sheen
Commanding my life around
My hopes tossed to the ground
Of everything I had dreamed of
I'm no dove
And my love?
Those letters and numbers took that too
Nothing's as easy as two plus two.

- Jay M
March 10th, 2020

what's the point
of trying..
when I know
you're just
gonna be
the same
ya I should be
more understanding
but this time
I can't help
but think
that I'm just wasting
my time..
on you
I'm getting a little sick
sick of this
always worrying about you
when you can't
can't even listen to me
am I whispering..
are my words going mute..
do they even
even mean anything
like you say they do
to you…do they?

what's the point
of caring..

Distance is the key.
The key to happiness.
Distancing yourself from those around you protects you.
Distance allows the mind to rebuild
To replenish,
And gives the soul hope.

Without distance
We allow the brokenness,
the creativity,
The memories,
And major feelings,
To fade away never to be seen again.

Distance opens a broken mind,
a broken heart.
It prepares time for the soul to break down and heal.
Time with distance creates a new soul,
Person,
and even friendships.

Can you see me?
I’m standing in the spotlight,
wide smile glowing,
frozen in place.

And how do you feel?
I must make you uncomfortable
being so realistic
and yet so fake.

I stand day after day with
the fluorescent heat constant.
I’m sweating from the pressure,
But you can’t see from far away.

You can shuffle me around
and change my pose,
but my lack of control
gives an offbeat idea.

I know how you feel.
But you don’t know what to do.
So you speed walk away,
avoid the discomfort.

I’m trying so hard
not to be numb.
Waiting for my chance
to change and grow.

Faded glory
Prayers on slim fit jeans
Foreign to victory
Leading to second story pleas

Can you hear her?
Despairing with whispered screams
But tears don’t answer
The many questions they bring

Faded glory
$20 when on sale
See the story
Of the strongest of the frail

Can you see her?
Wishes to fly, though she barely crawls
There’s a glimmer
Prevailing amidst the falls

Faded glory
Well worn and stretched to fit
Constant weathering
Pushing on till something rips

Can you feel her?
Is there a choir that recognizes her song?
Are you a singer?
Are your jeans ripped but still on?

Remember when we’d stare at the raining skies?
I remember how they would create collages on pebbles,  
And bring colour to your eyes
But they’ve been dull lately
And you reassure me as always
That you’re still warming up to the cold nights
Yet your heart is aching
You feel like you’re always trembling
Have you lost your purpose?
Or are you questioning your worth?
I’ve told you a thousand times to keep running,
But you always land in the dirt
I don’t think any words could lift you
Your wings are fading
You’re tired of fighting
You feel like you’re always lying


But if your soul needs igniting
Then I’ll tell you what,
You have a spark in your eyes
And it’s at your disposal...

I’m still here
Still standing
Still trying
Falling on my face
Over and over
But I stand back up
I keep going
I’ll get where I need to be
Eventually