Yes, finally, I have broken;
There's nothing I can do.
I've nothing left to live for;
Nor to breathe the air
Like you.
You know how people
Always say,
"Well hey, it could be worse?"
Well hi, my name is "Worse,"
I'll introduce myself
To you.
I gave up all my cigarettes,
I've poured out all the *****;
But things that should get "better,"
I can't see them like you do.
I wrote a story from my mind,
On a gift that I was given,
Nine chapters pulled from
My behind;
That's humor, if you get it.
My cat knocked down a
Half- full can,
Upon my livelihood;
And now I'm left with nothing,
Yes, I've wondered if I "should.."
I've tried so many times,
I gave up trying long ago;
Swallowed seventy- two Xanax
And took a jump down the bayou.
But for every time I've tried,
Somehow, I still wake up alive,
But tonight for the first time in years,
I truly wished I'd die.
Oh, when you live for nothing,
And all you've left behind,
Are spoken words and stories
That can warp and open minds;
When you live without money;
Left society behind,
You survive on only kindness,
Oh, yeah, any kind you find.
I don't know 'bout tomorrow;
Today has been enough.
But even through my sorrow,
I've felt my heart grow tough.
Now, I must sleep without
My dreams; they're locked behind
A door;
A prison made of plastic,
Metal, and lost
Forevermore.
So now I'm sitting here again,
And poetry I write;
I'm glad nobody's here to see me;
God, I'm such a sight!
My face is boils and scars,
And they continue down my arms;
They wind their way into my mind;
They're even on my heart.
For all I've given up to live
A life I could call mine,
I'm left tonight with nothing,
No; a nothing that is mine.
I'll try my best to get some rest;
And face the day anew,
But finally, I have broken;
Some part of me is "through..."
This is how I feel tonight. I literally wrote 9 chapters of a novel on an old laptop that was gifted to me by a friend of the family, and my cat knocks a ****** can of soda all over it; I'm broke, I CAN'T work, my mental illness won't LET me; IT'S NOT A CHOICE,
and I've never felt more depressed and suicidal in many years, than this moment, right now. So I'm using the only thing I have to post on, my phone, and I've written this. Goodnight world. *******, God. And I hope tomorrow gets better...
