I carried in 20 pounds of groceries today...

Food I'll never eat.
Crawling back to bed I think
About the 20lbs I'm missing.

Everything is fine.
Going to the grocery store was...
Almost passing out

Weaving in and out of people
Staring. Why are they staring?
The metal under my hand as hot as my face.

It's suffocating.
This metallic taste.
I'm so hungry.

Everything is fine.
Is what I tell
Friends and family.

But nobody knows
I go straight to sleep
When I get home.

I want to die.
But I'm too scared.

So I silently cry under my sheets
With no energy to
Get up or eat.

I never knew I had my walls down until you made me put it back up again

Hear those Friday beats drop
from hard to soft
as seconds elongate,
minim rests to pause
until all too belatedly
you are freed to remember

3 months in
I gave it my all
I thought it was secured
How wrong I was
When you give 100%
When you are at your best
It doesn't guarantee your place in a company
Or guarantee a job
It's just you giving your all
So take my advice
Nothing is guaranteed
So don't waste or ware yourself out
Giving your all or your best
Its just you wearing yourself out
for something you won't be
recognized for
and can be taken away
So give yourself a break
And always have a backup
plan ..
That's my advice to you
© Jennifer L DeLong 🦏
2/1/22

I wish my imagination glistened
as it used to

I long for the rush of enthusiasm
with dreamy violins and brassy horns
of Tchaikovsky and Mahler

Where has the music gone
the tingly feeling in my chest
the excitement
now replaced by numbness
and in the midst of silence
shrill electric strains between my ears