I thought I would never find anyone
Life was meant to be lived alone
No one could possibly come for me
But then you did
A message I sent, waiting
Grasping at a ghost of a hope
She probably won’t even reply
Then you did
I sent an apology
I’ve done something wrong
I’ll never get her to come back
But then you did
A spaceman with a lasso joke
Finals kicking time under a mat
Surely you’d never give me your number
Then you did
Talking for hours
Conversations never ending
I thought no one would go for a dork like me
But then you did
Wasn’t long before the calls weren’t enough
We needed to see faces
I wondered if you would really Skype me
Then you did
The very first thing I noticed were your eyes
They struck me like lightning
I never wanted you to look away
But then you did
You hid your face to smile
You hid your face to laugh
But your happiness sang to my soul
I wanted us to Skype again
Then we did
Every time I saw you
I could never find a flaw
Your perfection was astounding
Surely you had nothing to hide
But you said you did
What you didn’t know in your confession
Is you had given me a life’s mission
To make you see the perfection I saw
So I can say
“Then you did”
Because from the first time I met you
And every moment thereafter
I didn’t think you could get any more perfect
Then you did

Lately, all I want to do is...
talk.
To someone.
Anyone.
Just to have conversation....
about anything
and everything.
To feel a connection...
between another soul.
I've never craved this as much
as I do now
and I think
that's what
is freaking me
out the most...
I'm realizing how
lonely I'm
becoming..

They are treating me like I'm sick.
I know what I am.
And sick is not one of the word I would choose.
Hurt,
Yup.
Lost,
Definitely.
Scared,
Hopeless,
Dark,
Yes, yes, and yes.
But sick?
No.
I thought telling my teacher would be easy.
I reached out to her because I know she can help me
But, I think I..
I...
I need help
I need friends and family to know what I'm doing behind all these closed and locked doors.
Because maybe if they know,
They can help break the doors and melt the locks.
I need love.
Not people telling me I am sick.
I hate hearing people describe self harm and depression
As a sickness
If I was sick I would be throwing up not cutting my arm to see if I still bleed,
If I was sick I wouldn't go to work I would stay in bed and read all day not drag myself out of the warm embrace that is the sheets and pillows I sleep in,
If I was sick it would be shorter than seven months of pain and hurt.
I need a psychiatrist,
I need a therapist,
Not some **** bag telling me "just be happy. you'll get over it."
And worst of them all is "its just a phase"
I know I'm not depressed
I know I'm in a depression
I know I can't look at a blade without thinking of all the blood I have spilled,
I know I need help.
but what I don't know it how to ask for it.

Hello me
it's me again
I get the feeling
I can't come in

it's been months now
on the outside
and I don't have a soul
to confide

Confusing as such
try my world much
the TV talks

yes to me
there are things Im sure
others just don't see

and suicide cheers
outside jeers
it would be sadder had I succeeded
lord if they knew the world that proceeded




Hello me,
its me again
I'd like help getting back outside
see I'm locked in

a place others fail to see
when they smile and look at me
Wait no, covering is getting harder
reality is getting farther

mixed in the madness is truth I know
but how do you tell them what is and ain't so

I think the truth finds me
my job isn't to make others see

Why is beauty hidden in lies
Why does my mind stay jailed while my soul flies

Staying alone means talking with the self
Staying alone means reviewing the past
Staying alone means scanning the identity
Staying alone means recounting the plummet of felony
Staying alone means recovering the stolen glee  
Staying alone means invigorating yesterday
Staying alone means get ready for tomorrow!