he introduces himself
saying quiet, but slipping in, firm:

“something he knows for sure,
no is no”

I, (19, f)

replying, smiling
saying louder, firmer:

“something she knows for sure,
yes is yes”

and he says

“yes, ma’am,”

returning her smile, so shyly,
while blushing, so loudly,
thinking he said something dumb,
looking down at his shuffling feet,
covered in worn out cowboy boots

I like this guy
I like this man.

maybe I'm exactly like you
but I'm not you
and I'm not sure

I’m in the pool dancing and then I’m not
My mind is far and my body is static
I stand there but where?
I’m so lost but I haven’t moved

I’m at the bar talking and then I’m not
My mind is travelling and my body is marble
the words stop coming because I’m not here
But where am I?

I’m reading, devouring the chapter and then I’m Not
My eyes glitter over and my body remains

I travelled away but I don’t know where
Any empty true nothing
The world moved and progressed
The people around me walked and talked
But I stood there fixed
Thinking of nothing
Going anti clock wise in a wave of progression

I’m disassociating again. I don’t know why I don’t know where
And all I seem to do is glare
maybe into the nothingness , maybe into the past

I’m writing rhymes in my pad and then I’m not
the pen and the lines evanesce
I’d like to come back.

For awhile I blamed my brain, and I tried all manner of things
to adjust its delicate balance of neuroelectrochemical readiness;
But I learned to recognize
less is more. Nevertheless,
My experiences left me with a strange ache in my soul
and a passion that keeps me asking questions

about existence, and whether I will
return to the compounds
I once cherished.
Whether
I am well enough
or simply brave enough.
Whether I will be content to study
the things I love without
holding them in
my skull.
Why should the psychedelic
renaissance be restricted to the sciences,
Why should it be distanced from the humanities?

We need a fair psychology of hallucinogenesis; we deserve
a better philosophy of psychedelia, and of psychoactivity.

Is it too much to ask; does this dream of mine make you laugh?
What about when I write that the downfall of philosophy is
its disdain of poetry, and that the failures of science stem
from its inability to reconcile with the humanities.
Emotion and reason can only listen to each other when
they are on level. Mind is not in the head, the soul is ecological

and humanity is losing touch.

Bodies sink into the depths,
Disappearing beneath the waves with no light,
The abyss welcomes them, offers them a new home: Despair.
Driven by frustration and the wish to return home, hatred is born.
Strong enough to break through the hellish, screaming cauldron.
This is my story too, the me standing right before you, is the one who sank into the bottom of her heart, disappearing in a hole of sadness.
I won't allow you to cross these waters, not without defeating me,
Sink, again and again, the cycle never ends, war never changes.
Even if your enemy might be your very self from the past long gone,
Give it everything you got and be ruined by the fate that chains you,
With every cycle returning, frustration, hopeless rage, envy and hatred are gaining strengh, losing more and more of themselves here,
Parts of yourself vanish between the iron bottom sound, where so many have fallen before, just to protect those who they held so dear.
But what is a war worth that has no meaning but greed at all ?
The things I held dear started vanishing long ago, rusted, dissolved,
All I am is a shell of my former being.
I am but just an abyssal.

~ Umi

- M i d w a y - H i m e -

Spacing out, allowing my mind to wander far, far off,
Into the distance, into a dream out of reach, my personal heaven,
A distorted world where meaning has no meaning and time stands still, space is instable and the melancholy of lonesomeness prevails,
Clouds, everlasting, ever orbiting floating islands and upside down waterfalls, yet I cannot share this pleasure with anyone, I'm alone,
If I were to believe I could fly, I would be free.
Not bound by physics dragging me down, not bound by gravity,
I keep this place dear to me, for it is a world made for escape,
Only if I could lose myself in the fragnance of this dimension,
My poor body calls my soul back to where it thinks it belongs,
The dream of pleasure, with a carefree attitude is burning away,
Reality is cruel and dark, with no comfort a place with no heart,
But certainly I can hope with all my might even though weak,
That this place I am carried to when my mind is giving away my soul,
Will take me in forever one day, so I won't have to wake up.
After all, I don't have to die in a dream..

~ Umi

Mirror, mirror
the time is on the go
is on the fly it won't stop.

It will whisk over
my dead body for sure.

But can it reach
out to my soul?