Ok love hear me out, I know it doesn't matter anymore but I am writing this message when I have no hope left or whatsoever. You have your reasons to be I had mine. For a time I thought by forgetting the past we can move on, these past days felt exactly how I wanted our relationship to be. I never said you or made you realise how much hurt was I at times and I was okay with it because I had you and I will always put you first over anything even if it means work, yes work and at times you knew how much you meant to me over anything. I find myself in the scariest places I have put myself through the hell of trying to win this losing relationship but i feel it's been going nowhere at all as you have made up your mind cause that's what you asked me, in mind it was okay if I lose. there's no purpose in living i feel when I can't even feel anything I have been dead inside before and I know how worse does that feel, lately my emotions are detached and i feel tangled up like wires, chaos within. Our call that night, thank you you were there with me but that's how I feel exactly every moment, dead.
On that video call where we didn't talk I was looking at you and I don't know what your eyes usually tell others but right then you gave away a secret I learnt to say "I know". I will be always be with a tagline 'Let me feel again, Anything. Everything. Please. I will take it all.' and you understood me. 2020 has been a struggle as you can say, but for me, particularly, it's been a struggle everyday. I believed in you with my everything and I don't blame you for anything. Last time I needed time I sat in a place of peace and sweetness, and my thoughts about you and us became poetry but, the moment I came back it was too late and you were gone. Love, I write this to say that I love you and always will, and to prove it, I could end myself but  it's not that I'm scared, but i would end myself, not knowing, if you smiled, when you knew, i loved you more than myself. Love, I have to thank you for everything everyday no need to go into detail and you know now without explaining I am what I feel. Currently empty, like a plant left over. Love, you are my sunflower, warm, yellow blooming joy infectious as sunshine which puts a smile over my face, golden in the light and my perfection. No matter what you will be growing through my heart, warm with happiness and love. You were my sigh of relief and now you're gone and I’m sitting here gasping for air. My eyes have dried with the tears I've cried and now I am empty, I've got nothing to give and now I am done, I've got nothing to look upto. I'm fine, if not completely at the moment, I will be, sometime later. I love you and take care, Yours soon to be unknown.

It wasn't that sunny out
Just overcast enough to have a picnic in the garden
You never liked when it was too sunny
It made you uncomfortable
It gave you the feeling of being thrown on a stage without a script
Spotlight shining into your eyes
Followed by the anxiety before a performance

You didn't know if a bad performance is better than none at all
Yet here you were, on a stage set with hibiscus and orchids
With the sun shining in your eye
Wait no, not the sun
Her name was Soleil
She just had eyes like the sun
And she wanted an unrehearsed dance
Before you could realize, her spotlight had already engulfed you
You never liked when it was too sunny
Yet you're here smiling and not feeling too uneasy

So you danced, leaping from shadow to shadow
She came closer, shining even brighter
You covered your eyes
While the shadows under your feet disappeared
You wanted to retreat with them but it was too late

You, who never liked when it was too sunny
Now found yourself engulfed in her heat
Evaporating with no cloud cover to save you

Mercilessly, she, who wanted an unrehearsed dance
Started dancing with you
The hibiscus and orchids caught fire by her feet
She took no pity of them
You didn't either, knowing you were joining them soon

You watched as she reached to touch you
She held you like paper
As if she was ready to forge the sun's signature on you
You held her like a dancer who forgot what move came next

Without warning, she removed the cover from your eyes
And set fire to your lips
And set fire to your body
And set fire to your garden
Yet you smiled with the taste of the sun lingering on your tongue

This was the first time you've tasted fire
And you didn't want it to be your last
You thought, maybe it wasn't that bad to be ignited in her spotlight like this
She whispered into something your ear but you couldn't speak Goddess
But you knew that all you wanted to tell her was "encore".

The colors of life
Hide the deepest knife
Within the heart of the brightest youth
They bring them flowers
So they hide the last hours
And cower from the truth

The life will be lost
But not be tossed
They shall live in prosperity till their last words are spoken
Though their lives have just begun
They will face the sun
And follow the birds that have just awoken

Watching the world from the sky
It is their time to fly
They watch over us and remind us what is important in this life we hold so true
Even when their name is said for the last time
The sunflowers look to the sky and remember the climb
Each child’s life will be made anew

you're my sunflower,
more so than her,
you bloom with beaming pride,
your petals reflect the tide,
your heart bright yellow,
dancing in the meadow.

-lilac

A sunflower from me to you
It is not much, but
I am sure it will do.

This is a bit corny
And a little cliche, but
This is what I do when I express my feelings.

When a certain person feels a different way.
They get a single flower not a whole bouquet.
This is to tell the other person that:
‘To the world they may be one, but
To them they are one big world.’

Cupid is blind, yes we know.
And he surprises people when he plays around with his bow and arrow.
You may never know whom you might fall for.
All you know is that you got struck by an abstract called love.

So you get a single sunflower,
And without expecting anything at all
You say to that person…

“Anodiwa shamwari, iri ruva kubva kwandiri kwauri, nekuti ... ini ndaida kuti iwe uzive kuti ndinokuda iwe kupfuura zvaunoziva.”

So this shouldn't change anything,
Especially how you see me.
I am still the same person as I was yesterday.

I do not wish to be with you.
We are not right for each other.

I just wanted to give you what grew in my garden.
This sunflower is to not be watered, but
Left to die.
Discard it if you must.
It is just a sunflower… nothing special.

- My-Girl

So many check out the young, blushing days
Nobody saw this sunflower set
nobody yet all—

and how swift must the ends be
One jolly night and the moon passed out
an impure crescent—gnawed away

the sunflower stumbled and fell
bees swaying by the carcuss; wordlessly buzzed
an obsolete king robbed of jewels
—by his very own lovers

Nobody saw the petals leave
nobody yet all—
Abandoned for the crown could hold no more
pushed away by the wind, sold to dirt,
decolonized

—you'd pick them up; bring home
stir in a bubbling stew
—I'll take a shot, and you will

How lovely do words feel—how gruesome
running down my throat; sneak up my lungs
an old door creaks open—right inside this heart

and nobody saw the sunflower set
Fell and he bled then cried—
and the buzzing lingered but a blink

a few heard the sunflower set
heard but little—
heard still.

You'll look for more petals and I will.
—silently sliding them into strangers' bags.

A tall, proud 
sunflower
reigns as an empress 
over 
a trickle of a
river

She stands, thirsty
daring 
to live in
barrenness

She is not 
proud
because she is 
exceptional

She is proud
because
she was determined,
audacious

She overcame concrete,
thirst
relying on sunlit 
days 

She overcame man's
concrete
rules for her
blooming

She is blooming
defiantly
regally, in season

She is a 
tall
proud sunflower

My relationship
with you is like that
of the sunflowers
and moon-
always distant
and dying in the absence
of your light.

I wonder if the lavender
yearn for her scent
whenever she's not present.

I wonder if the sunflowers
crave her little light
like the sun every night.

I wonder if the roses
envy her beauty
that captivated me.